Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Revocation of Independence |
|---|
| haaris |
| 11/15/00 at 08:30:07 |
| Just got this through and thought it was gently amusing. Clearly our American brothers and sisters are part of the 2.15% aware of extra-territorial existence. _________________________________________________ NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America. In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your pronunciation to acceptable levels. 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. 5. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. Likewise, baseball will be abolished and cricket will be introduced. You may notice that you become at a slight disadvantage in competitions, what with other countries being allowed to enter in our "World Series". 6. The Muslims have never been the bad guys. 7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". 8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are rubbish and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 9. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. 10. Any comments on this declaration must be received in manuscript amendments delivered to the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in London by no later than 1700 GMT on Friday. Unless of course, there is some tedious legal action or counter action or ... |
| Re: Revocation of Independence |
|---|
| Kashif |
| 11/15/00 at 09:10:17 |
| hehe - this was excellent! |
| NS |
| Re: Revocation of Independence |
|---|
| SA |
| 11/15/00 at 11:51:14 |
| Hahaaaa, that's hysterical, I guess it would be better than anarchy, eh? And considering the 2 candidates, I don't think too many Americans would be crying over the revocation...except maybe Gore & Bush. Btw, was the author Muslim? Not sure I get #6... |
| Re: Revocation of Independence |
|---|
| proudtobemuslim |
| 11/16/00 at 11:19:15 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, You know i access this board now through a lab. i.e. there are other people around me and i don't think that I had more difficult of a time controlling myself than while reading this post. MY EYES ARE WATERING! That was great... i knew i did the right thing by voting for a separate forum for brits. You know how americans are always bombing muslims and calling them terrorists etc. so thats what the guy's saying and i wouldnt be surprised if the author isnt muslim. Wassalam-u-Alaikum Uzer |
| Re: Revocation of Independence |
|---|
| haaris |
| 11/17/00 at 05:02:42 |
| Salaam, I'm sorry to spoil the image but (so far as I know - but Allah knows best )the author was not Muslim. However, the editor (yours truly) is, Alhamdulillah. I got it through e-mail from a work colleague but some of the original text was inappropriate for this forum. Well, inappropriate for any forum I guess: a few swear words (in French) and lots of jokes about Americans needing to look up various words in the dictionary (hey, clearly wrong, no?). So, I just messed around with it a bit. I changed the reference to "Russians" to "Muslims". Call it playing to the galleries if you like but, well, it makes more sense to me that way. Salaam. |
Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.The rest © Jannah.Org |