Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 11/15/00 at 21:07:58 |
| Thunderstorm A small boy was getting his mother to tuck him into bed one summer evening during a violent thunderstorm that shook the house and rattled windows. "Mommy, can't you sleep with me tonight?" he begged. His mother smiled and gave him a quick hug."I can't dear, I have to sleep in your daddy's room." After a long silence, his shaken little voice said,"The big sissy!" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 11/16/00 at 18:46:00 |
| No Radio A man who was tired of having his vehicles broken into specifically asked for no radio when he bought his new car. He put a sign in the windshield that said in large letters: "NO RADIO". One day he returned to it to find the windshield broken anyway. Beside his sign, he found a note that read "JUST CHECKING" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 11/25/00 at 15:01:05 |
| The New Guy The manager of a large office noticed a new employee one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" he asked the new guy. "John," the man replied. The manager scowled. "Look here, this is a respectable company, and I don't call anyone by their first name. I refer to my employees by their last name only-Smith, Jones, Baker-that's all. And I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now, give me your name." The new guy said, "My name is John Darling." The manager quickly replied,"Welcome aboard, John!" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 11/26/00 at 18:57:26 |
| Sharing is Caring An old man and his old wife were at a restaurant. After the old man recieved his food, he carefully cut his portion in half, and poured exactly half the drink into another cup, then gave these to his wife. Their waitress noticed that the old lady was not eating her half and said,"That's so sweet that you share a meal, but why aren't you eating?" The old lady said,"Because I'm waiting for the teeth!" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 11/27/00 at 22:26:57 |
| Alligator Pool Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful single daughter. So one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to make to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his las word there was the sound of a large SPLASH! One guy was in the pool, swimming as fast as he could, and the crowd was cheering him on. Finally he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said,"My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain, so which do you want: my daughter or the one million dollars? The guy says "Listen I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I just want the jerk who pushed me into that pool!" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| hermit |
| 12/02/00 at 07:59:35 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, Let me do my part.... Florida Lottery I won the Florida lottery! I'm now a multi-millionaire! Can you believe it?! I'm bouncing off the walls here! You see, my ticket doesn't have the exact winning numbers on it, but I meant to pick those winning numbers. The ticket was very confusing when I was filling it out and so I ended up with the wrong numbers on my card. But since I really meant to pick those other numbers, they're going to give me the money anyway! They really shouldn't make those darn cards so hard to fill out! Even though I was confused, I didn't ask for help because no one would have helped me anyway. I know the FL State Lottery will give me the money. If the don't I'll just sue them! |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/02/00 at 13:40:22 |
| *LOL* OH, that was funny:) |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| hermit |
| 12/03/00 at 08:41:40 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, I've got some terribly corny jokes...... Customer:Waiter,waiter,there's a fly in my soup! Waiter:Not so loud sir, everyone will want one! --------------- Customer:Waiter,waiter,there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Ofcourse there is sir...today is Flyday! --------------- Customer:Waiter,waiter,there's a spider in my soup! Waiter:Yes,sir-it's the fly's day off. --------------- Knock,knock! Who's there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a jolly good fellow! --------------- Knock,knock! Who's there? Boo. Boo who? No need to cry, it's just a knock knock joke! --------------- Why do golfers always keep an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one! --------------- Mummy,mummy,can I go skateboarding? Fine,but if you break both your legs,don't come running to me. --------------- What did one fire say to the other? Let's go out together. --------------- Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if it tried to cross the motorway,it would have been flattened. --------------- Why did the chicken cross the road? It was looking for some egg-citement. --------------- Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was glued to the chicken. --------------- Why did the chicken cross the road? For its own hentertainment --------------- Where can you buy elephants cheap? At a jumbo sale. Phew, that's it! Hope you enjoyed them! :) |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/03/00 at 14:21:37 |
| :):):):):):):):):):):) |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/03/00 at 14:31:24 |
| The Explorer An explorer was making his way through the jungle when suddenly he came face to face with a lion. The explorer was so scared that he fainted. When he woke up, the lion was kneeling beside him, "Thank you for not eating me," the man said to the lion. The lion replied, "Shhhh! I'm saying grace." |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/03/00 at 14:36:52 |
| Hope this isn't offensive What's Your Degree? The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Zahra |
| 12/04/00 at 18:40:46 |
| hermit-yes, those were terribly corny jokes... :) |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Kashif |
| 12/04/00 at 18:59:43 |
| How to train a parrot The parrot was a present from a friend. Fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive, and those that weren't were... rude. The new owner tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. Frightened that he might have hurt the bird, he quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavour at once to correct my behaviour. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." Astonished at the bird's change in attitude, the owner was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?" [btw. the funniest joke i've ever heard is a true story entitled "Goodluck Mr Gorsky, has anyone heard it?] |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/04/00 at 20:40:36 |
| Assalam, No, but this joke is funny! |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/04/00 at 20:45:47 |
| slm [quote][btw. the funniest joke i've ever heard is a true story entitled "Goodluck Mr Gorsky, has anyone heard it?] [/quote] Yep, the man on the moon one. ;) It wasn't that funny though. |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 12/05/00 at 06:59:01 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum Please post it up rather than leaving us in suspense like that... Wassalam-u-Alaikum |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/10/00 at 13:50:05 |
| Write It Down! An 80-year-old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they carry a notebook and write things down so they wouldn't forget. Several days later the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said,"Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." "Okay." he said. "...and put some chocolate syrup on it and a few cherries on it,too." She added. "You'd better write all this down." "I won't forget." He said. Twenty minutes later he came back into the room and handed her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She glared at him."Now, I told you to write it down! I knew you'd forget." "What did I forget?" He asked. She replied, "My toast!" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/10/00 at 13:54:27 |
| The Very Nervous Man A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, the doctor nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, "How often do I take these?" "Let's start off with one every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor. "They're for your wife." |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/12/00 at 20:22:39 |
| Company Memo Notice: Our company requires no further physical fitness programs. Everyone gets enough exercise: jumping to conclusions, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, wading through paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, and pushing their luck! |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/16/00 at 19:02:51 |
| The Joking Boss The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everyone but one girl laughed uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she said. "I'm leaving Friday." |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/16/00 at 19:06:38 |
| *I hope this is okay to post* Where Am I? A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. "Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded,"They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed." |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/16/00 at 19:23:12 |
| Laugh Lines A five-year-old was showing his classmate the new scale in the bathroom. "What's it for?" his kinder- garten friend asked. "I don't know," replied the child. "All I know is, when you stand on it, it makes you very, very mad." |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/18/00 at 23:42:13 |
| A Penny Swallowed After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father,in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!" |
| Re: Corney Joke of the Day |
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| Sara |
| 12/19/00 at 22:59:46 |
| Posh Hotel A guest at a posh hotel called over the headwaiter one morning in the breakfast room. The waiter gave him a cheerful smile and said, "Good morning,Sir! How can I help you?" The guest replied, "What a wonderful morning it is! I'd like two boiled eggs,one of them so undercooked that it's runny and the other so overcooked that it's tough and hard to eat. Also, I want some grilled bacon that's been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away when you touch it with a knife; some butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of weak lukewarm coffee,please. "Why,I'm sorry,Sir," the waiter replied, "but we cannot do that for you!" "Oh really?" The guest replied. "But that's exactly what I got yesterday!" |
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