Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| [MADRASA] Beating wives!?, Why can't the wife "beat" her husband? , Polygyny |
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| maryam |
| 07/13/01 at 00:15:32 |
| Assalam Alaikum, At the beginning of this semester, this freshman who is planning to revert to Islam, introduced himself to me. He mentioned that he had done much research on the religion, and although there were some things he did not understand, he was leaning towards Islam. He asked me a few questions, but there were a few I did not answer properly (partly because I'm not very good at explaining things). In my own words, his questions were: Why does the Qur'an allow for husbands to "beat" their wives? Why can't the wife "beat" her husband? What is the wisdom behind Polygyny other than it being a way of taking care of the Ummah? (His logic here is that there is no need for Polygyny any more due to the absence of wars (availability of men), and the ability of women to fend for themselves). Okay, I think I'm missing one more. I'll post it when I remember Insha Allah. Any help will be appreciated. Thanx. Wassalam, Maryam |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| jannah |
| 11/19/00 at 23:22:02 |
| Muslim men are NOT allowed to beat their wives. Please direct the person to Jamal Badawi's book Gender Equity in Islam. Tell them to READ IT. [url]http://www.jannah.org/genderequity[/url] |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| Saleema |
| 11/20/00 at 16:03:35 |
| His logic here is that there is no need for Polygyny any more due to the absence of wars (availability of men), and the ability of women to fend for themselves). Assalamoalykum, Where has he been? Absence of wars? Tell him to watch the news or read the newspaper once in a while. :) There are more women in the world today than men. What happens if one man gets only one wife, what about the rest of the women? And then considering that a lot of those men are gay, even more women are will go without husbands. Thats when we have problems in a society. People cheat on the spouses, etc, etc. Sure, women fend for themselves these days but they still need the protection of a male. How many women feel safer when walking across the parking lot from work or shoping if their husbands, brothers, fathers or a male friend is with them? Just one example like this should be sufficient. If he still thinks that there is a better way to solve this problem in a society, then let him come forward with that solution. wassalam |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| Jenna |
| 12/06/00 at 19:08:12 |
| “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah order them to guard (e.g., their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you fear ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34] Asalamu Alaikum..... This is from the Quran....But Allah says beat them lightly but only as a last resort to a women that is doing wrong.......(But if it is useful)..... Jenna |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| jannah |
| 12/06/00 at 22:51:38 |
| Salam jenna, thank you for posting the ayah and welcome to the Madina. i think this is one of the most misinterpreted verses in the Quran. here is a link to dr jamal badawi's detailed coverage of this subject. i will post some of this here inshallah: [url]http://jannah.org/genderequity/equitynotes.html[/url] 14. In the event of a family dispute, the Qur'an exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her positive aspects (see Qur'an 4:19). If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, her husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem continues, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in deliberate mistreatment and expresses contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic measure then a punitive one. Following is the related Qur'anic text: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women. because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds, (and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (Quran 4:34) Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following: a. It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of mutual respect, kindness and good treatment, discussed earlier. Based on the Qur'an and hadith this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband's reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). Even then, other measures, such as exhortation, should be tried first. b. As defined by hadith, it is not permissible to strike anyone's face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh . What the hadith qualified as dharban ghayra mubarrih, or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of miswak (a small natural toothbrush)! They further qualified permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body. It is interesting that this latter fourteen-centuries-old qualifier is the criterion used in contemporary American law to separate a light and harmless tap or strike from "abuse" in the legal sense. This makes it clear that even this extreme, last resort, and "lesser of the two evils" measure that may save a marriage does not meet the definitions of "physical abuse," "family violence, " or "wife battering" in the 20th century law in liberal democracies, where such extremes are so commonplace that they are seen as national concerns. c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability In several ahadith, Prophet Muhammad (P) discouraged this measure. Among his sayings are the following: " Do not beat the female servants of Allah;" "Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you;" and"[It is not a shame that] one of you beats his wife like [an unscrupulous person] beats a slave and maybe he sleeps with her at the end of the day." (See Riyadh Al-Saliheen, op.cit,p.p. 137-140). In another hadith the Prophet(P) said, ...How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?... (Sahih Al-Bukhari,op.cit., vol.8.hadith 68,pp.42-43). d. True following of the sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad (P), who never resorted to that measure , regardless of the circumstances. e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. by definition, a "permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In fact it may be better to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted and unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to excesses and real abuse. f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any "Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur'an or hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person(s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (P). |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| Nazia |
| 12/07/00 at 01:29:54 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, [quote]Why does the Qur'an allow for husbands to "beat" their wives?[/quote] As Sr.Jannah pointed out, and the excerpt from the book clearly explained, Islam does not allow the husband to beat his wife. Because it has been discussed in depth already in this thread,I will not expand on that aspect any further. However, I implore you to think about the issue like this. Basically, this Quran ayah is LIMITING what a husband can do in even the most severe cases of marital upset. Its not saying, "beat your wife once nothing else seems to work." Its implying, that no matter WHAT, you can do no MORE than simply SYMBOLICALLY "tap" her with something no larger/stronger than a miswak! WHAT is stopping the citizens of our wonderful country from beating the absolute CRAP out of their wives/girlfriends/kids etc??? nothing. What is stopping a Muslim man from doing the same to his wife? The Quran. WHY do critics of this ayah not look to their own religion and their own national constitutions to see that they have no limitations,no boundaries, no guidelines? A Muslim man CANNOT beat his wife. HE is bounded by the words of Allah to do NO more than symbolically punish her with the tap of a miswak/twig. Before the advent of Islam, Jahil men were burying their daughters and killing their wives for various reasons. Islam put an end to that with ayahs such as the one in question. Don't let these slick talking non-Muslims intimidate you. They are coming at you with the best of western mentality. We are not westerners, we are Muslims. The American Constitution is not a way of life. Christianity is not a way of life. Islam is. We are often on a different wavelength from those we debate with. They are stuck in a time frame. They are arguing using premises that are "popular", "trendy" for the year 2000. We are arguing using premises that are timeless. Today they insist polygamy is "disgusting", 700 years ago they may have embraced it, and practiced it themselves. Today we say, polygamy is allowed for a reason. 700 years ago, we would have said, polygamy is allowed for a reason. Allah (SWT), warned us about people who would be blind to the truth. "Even if We did send unto them angels, and the dead did speak unto them, and We gathered together all things before their very eyes, they are not the ones to believe, unless it is in God's plan. But most of them ignore (the truth)." 6:111 Nothing will please these people, they will disagree with ANY answer we give them, they worship this culture, blind to its flaws,and thus blind to the truth. Ok. I just re-read the first post, and sr.Maryam, you seem to be talking about a person wanting to convert to Islam. Well, this last part of my post was not directed at him then :) Rather it was directed at the thousands of other non-Muslims with locks upon their hearts, debating the word of Allah and having the audacity to hold today's immoral society as a better example of a way of life. grrr.. May Allah remove this sickness from their hearts and show them the siratul mustaqeem. And may Allah help this young brother see the beauty of this deen. Ameen. ********************************************* Two finals friday, three next week. eep! :( Take Care, wlm Nazia |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| Jenna |
| 12/08/00 at 02:30:41 |
| Asalmau Alaikum Yes I do know that there is more Tafseer on that ayah.....The women has to be doing something Haraam and even then he needs ot take other steps before going that far....And yes it is only LIGHTLY (Tapping)........But people do try and take this ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> FAR! Subhan'Allah!! May Alalh Ta'aala help us!! Ameen Jenna |
| Re: Some Questions.... |
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| chachi |
| 12/15/00 at 20:02:52 |
salaam frankly questions like this pretty much disgust me... if you look up any of the statistics for child abuse and spouse abuse, western societies really head the list. the biggest issue in muslim societies is arranged marriages and thats not even a islamic issue because virtually every newspaper in the uk and everybody from the house of commons to the house of lords have already stated that they know islam is against forced marriages |
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