Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
[MADRASA] My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Saleema |
07/13/01 at 00:42:01 |
Assalamu alykum, Yesterday was a very sad day for me. I don't know what I will say or do if I see my friend. I was talking to a girl and she asked me if I was Muslim and I said yes. My friend was standing with me and I said, "So is she." The girl said that no she's not she's a Christian that she goes to the church over at the greenspoint road. My friend got real nervous and the look on her face was GUILTY. She let out a nervous laugh and said no I am Muslim. The Christian girl said what are you talking about? You told me you are a Christian and that you go to the church by greenspoint road. Then my friend said that 'I had said I live near by the greenspoint church.' The girl then said 'no you didn't.' I was shocked and just stared at them back and forth. I know that my friend is embarrassed about many things like our culture and many of the things about Islam but I didn't know that she would go so far as to say she's a Christian. When I came up to say hi to the Christian girl, my friend had asked in a strange tone that if I knew her. So now I know that she was afraid that I would somehow find out. I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again. How could she? I am wondering if she said that because she has a Christian boyfriend? A month back she was telling me that she didn't want to marry a Pakistani guy. I knew that that meant she didn't want to marry a Muslim and that it didn?t have anything to do with being a Pakistani. I am so angry and frustrated. I care about her a lot. But anyone who isn't proud of being a Muslim, I don't want to be friends with them. She's a traitor and I don't know if I will ever talk to her again. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I blame her family!!!!!!! Now all of her family is very religious except for her. When they came here from Pakistan, they totally wanted to merge into the western culture. I don't know what changed their mind. But they lost their daughter along the way. ):( Should I talk to her, tell her that what she did was kufar? Does that mean that she is no longer a Muslim? That she is a Kafir (one who denies the truth) or a Munafiq (hypocrite)? Will she have to say her shahada again? I am so confused. And the stupid thing is that she is fasting in Ramadan and comes home and makes up the missed salat since she doesn't want to pray at work. And how am I going to face the Christian girl? What kind of an impression will she have about Muslims? A very good friend of hers is a good friend of mine and I was giving Dawah to her. Now she's going to tell her about it and she will have a negative image about Islam. :( |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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bhaloo |
11/29/00 at 16:24:44 |
Walaikum asalaam sister Saleema, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I'm sure you must be extremely angry at what happened and don't want anything to do with this girl. She is/was your friend and she would at least listen to you if you talked to her. Talk to her without getting angry and giving her a lecture (yes I know its hard not to). It will just drive her away. We all know its haraam to have boyfriends and girlfriends and there are consequences that happen because of these situations (as have been discussed many times on this board). As you pointed out this whole situation must have really confused the christians there. |
NS |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Saleema |
11/29/00 at 16:45:50 |
Assalamoalykum, I am not worried about her having a boyfriend at this time. I am more worried about her possible APOSTASY! |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Zahra |
11/29/00 at 22:06:09 |
slm I think you should talk to your friend but I'm sure that everything you tell her, she'll already know. She knows and that's why she was embaressed in front of you. For her to identify herself as a Christian some might say is pure hypocrisy. Maybe her iman is there but it is just (obviously) very weak. Someone who would do such a horrific act needs dawaa and needs to be treated as one with a disease (disease of the heart). Maybe you can help put her on a straight path (by Allah' will) through gentleness and education. May Allah guide her. |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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proudtobemuslim |
11/30/00 at 10:33:57 |
Assalam-u-Alaikum, That really was sad. It really hurts when you find something like that about a friend. I really can't say about the apostasy bit, but I was of the impression that anyone who skips a Salah on purpose is a Kafir and needs to say his/her sahahaadah again, Wallahu 'Alam. Try explaining to her that all Allah (AWJ) wants from you is that you say that the Sahahaadah and follow the five pillars of Islam... when you do that you are a Muslim, Insha-Allah Wallahu 'Alam. Why is it that she is so ashamed of Islam... what do you think about giving her some books about the impression Islam made on Non-Muslims? I know that didn't help much, so right now I think we really must be making dua' for this siter. Wassalam-u-Alaikum Uzer |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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salamrae |
12/01/00 at 02:06:16 |
If she is really and truely a friend and you care about her you have no choice but to confront her and share your feelings with her. You dont have to hate her but you can express to her how you dislike what she did and encourage her to think about it and her Islam. If you have a close relationship she should be able to tell you if she has doubts or is weak in her belief. And bleieve me your strength can influence her, and help her . Salam Rae |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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h_m_r00 |
12/01/00 at 08:59:59 |
salaam Saleema I do understand how you feel When I was in high school I had a muslim best friende and there was a muslim family that moved to the neighborhood. They were not the best muslims as i saw it, and their daughter really needed friends. I befriended her and we got close. I felt that I had a good effect on her.I guess my best friend started getting jealous and told me that I should not hang around with her that much because she has a 'boyfriend'. I believed her without confronting the girl. We drifted apart, and then we stopped talking, except saying hi when we see each other... Then she started hanging out with American friends and she took her scarf off.I still blame my self for believing something without finding out if it's true or not. And guess what else? she died last year in a car crash. She was going to the mosque to pray Jumuah. Hiyam |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Saleema |
12/01/00 at 17:10:34 |
Assalam ualykum, i have been thinking. Why should I care about what she does? She can think can't she? She knows she isn't supposed to do things like that. She knows that she should read the Qur'an. I am not her mother and I am not going to get punished for her sins nor will she be punished by mine. I don't care about her anymore. Why should I? I don't have to care about her and look after and pray for her. I am sick and tired of worrying about her all the time. *She* should be worrying over herself and her future in the next world. I have had it with her. Good luck to her! I don't need her! |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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bhaloo |
12/01/00 at 18:03:01 |
slm Saleema, I'm a little suprised to hear you say that? ??? All of us go through some difficulties in life, and encounter problems. We need people to remind us and to encourage us to do good deeds and put us back on the right track don't we? Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4923 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The Compassionate One has mercy on those who are merciful. If you show mercy to those who are on the earth, He Who is in the heaven will show mercy to you. How can we expect the mercy of Allah (SWT) if we don't show mercy to others? Its true I don't know the whole situation there, but it sounds like that sister needs help, needs a friend to talk to, to help her. Insha'Allah you can help this girl. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all mankind …” (al-Maa’idah 5:32) Saleema I have seen so many situations where people are doing completely haraam things and then someone comes along and explains things to them, nicely, and shows them mercy, and they change their lives completely for the better. This may not happen here, but at least try, you might be able to reach this sister, insha'Allah. |
NS |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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abc |
12/01/00 at 22:08:50 |
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah I'm surprised too to hear u say that. Remember that no persons iman can be completely perfect all the time. We all have our ups and downs. It is only by Allah's mercy on us that most of our imans are not so down as to resort to kufr-like actions (Alhumdulillah, wallahu alam) Allah swt in the Quran says "kuntum khaira ummatin ukhrijat lin nas, ta'miroon bil ma'roofi wa tanhauna anil munkar " roughly translated the last part meaning :that u enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil or bad. Think about it, Allah ta'ala has given u an opputunity to do that. Of course hedaya and true faith can only come from Allah swt but there is almost always a tool or human medium in between. How fortunate would it be if you could be that for this girl. Yes, noone will be punished for another's sins, but Saleema we need all the hasanat we possibly can gather in this world for the akhira, and showing and gently explaining to a person islam and iman carries a big reward indeed. Not only will u be rewarded for ur own deed but also any good deeds that the other person might do on listening to you! Please don't be so pessimistic about her situation. You never know who, when or where Allah ta'ala may choose to guide. May Allah keep us steadfast in our faiths and keep us on the siratal mutaqeem always..Ameen wassalam |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Asim |
12/01/00 at 23:40:35 |
Assalaamu alaikum, I posted a aricle in the Ramadan folder that reiterates what Arshad and abc said. Mercy to fellow Muslims should be a characteristic of every mumin. Wasalaam. |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Al-Basha |
12/02/00 at 10:52:19 |
Salamu Aliakom sister Saleema, I can see that you are very frustrated and in a lot of anguish over your friend and I can relate to that because I have had a similar situation with a person that I grew up with. I think the best thing for you to do is to make duah for her, and if possible try and talk it out with her. If you feel too angry to discuss it then continue making duah for her. People go through different stages in life and perhaps she is at a weak point in her life wa Allahu A3laam. Also I would suggest getting the facts directly from the person. I mean hearing things from a non muslim creates the element of fitna in your relationship with the sister so definatly get the truth one way or another. |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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jawadio |
12/02/00 at 15:57:09 |
saleema... i happen to agree with you. people are not children anymore. they have minds, Allah ta`ala gave them an intellect and they know how to use it. the fact that she is making a choice here (identifying herself as a christian, etc) indicates that she is indeed aware of her decisions and is choosing to do so (as opposed to being coerced or tricked into it). but, that does not lift the obligation on you (and me and the rest of this here ummah) to be making du`a that Allah assist and help all those that are going through trials - whether the trial they are going through is clear (as in Palestine) or it is a trial that is taking place in their own minds. Allahu `alim, but this girl seems to have a major identity crisis going on here and that can be one of the most disorienting trials to go through in life. I am pretty confident that she is not identifying herself as a christian because that "Jesus Christ died on the cross for her sins" and is her "Lord and Saviour." Allahu `alim, but most people tend to convert to Christianity for dunyawi reasons. In China, Korea, etc and here in the US Christianity is on the rise amongst Asian Americans because they have this mentality, "We need to get ahead in the world and to do so we must look at those who are leading the world now and take everything they do and believe, lock stock and barrel." That is why some Asian Americans are more American then Americans! Anyhow, I think your friends situation is essentially like that (judging from the little you mentioned thus far) and I don't think it's a matter of accepting the main doctrines of christian belief. back to my point: i personally wouldn't let the status of her faith affect the state of yours. i can understand your frustration and I happen to agree with you 100%, but that doesn't lift the obligation that you have of (at minimum) making du`a for her, and (at best) helping her though this. however, if, you see that associating with her and having to "help her through this" is diminishing your iman and just ruining things for you, I personally think that you are best just leaving her be and taking care of yourself - because in the end, we will stand before Allah ALONE. Allahu `alim... Wa salam, Jawad. |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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chachi |
12/02/00 at 22:45:48 |
saleema maybe it's just a phase she's going through hey contact your local scientologists, then the jehovah's witnesses, then the mormons as many of these christian groups as possible and tell them she wants to know more about x-tianity... *lol* |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Sara |
12/03/00 at 12:09:15 |
Assalam, Hmmm...if my friend ever did that, I wouldn't really be mad. I'll ask her why she said that. Then I'll ask her if she's ashamed of being Muslim. Then we'll just have a long talk. Now about that Christian girl, I understand you being embarresed. If you could-avoid her for awhile until things cool down. Maybe she'll forget?????? |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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chachi |
12/07/00 at 18:42:20 |
salaam Print a copy of one one of sheikh ahmed deedats works off the net and ask her to read it. or take her to a imam hamza yusuf talk. i think i'll be willing to contribute some cash to that. or if you want give me the address of a mosque near you and i'll post some islamic books you can collect and pass on to her ok? |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Rashid |
12/10/00 at 23:54:47 |
Salaam: [quote]I know that my friend is embarrassed about many things like our culture and many of the things about Islam[/quote] Maybe it could be that she is trying to fit in, peer pressure is a big thing and maybe she doesn't wanna be seen as "odd" or "weird" so maybe she said that so they wouldn't question her about Islam because she is embarrased (inevitably someone will ask: why do the women get beat up, why are muslims sexist, etc etc) and she would just clam up and not know how to handle those types of questions (because she wants to fit in, be "normal"). I suggest that you do not abandon her. You could be the one to strenghthen her and give her support, read Qur'an together and talk about the ayahs...discuss with her why she would say that. May Allah make it easy for the both of you. |
Re: My friend (Muslim) told someone she's Christian... |
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Saleema |
12/16/00 at 16:41:06 |
Assalam ualykum, I have calmed down considerably since this happened to the point that when I see her I don't feel like punching her nor do I run the other way when I see her. Thank you Chachi, that is very sweet. :) However, I could never get her to read any books. Nor will she go to an Islamic event. I have trouble convincing her to come to the masjid. :( But inshallah, I won't abandon her. I love her too much to do that. :) Thank you everyone for all the advice. Wassalam |
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