Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| kiwi25 |
| 12/09/00 at 15:28:22 |
| salam, well seeing how there's a thread about what to ask your future husband, how about going a step further? what would you sisters ask for your mahr to be? im not married yet but ive sometimes wondered what i would ask? any suggestions? are there hadith about what to ask for, etc? wasalam nouha:) |
| NS |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| Saleema |
| 12/09/00 at 22:53:50 |
| Assalam ualykum, I have wondered the same thing, what would I ask for when I get married? (The ring doesn't count. :) ) I think I will ask for a castle? Hey, can you aks for kitchen utensils or something? Or does it have to be money and gold? I don't much care for gold or jewlry for that matter. This is really hard. wassalam |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| Al-Basha |
| 12/10/00 at 00:44:08 |
| Salamu Aliakom, In Egypt they ask for: 25-45 kilos of Gold Fully furnished apartment on Nile Wedding in a 7 star hotel 1 month vacation in some European country Heh, not that I am saying you should ask for this wa Allahu A3laam .. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| jannah |
| 12/10/00 at 01:19:31 |
| walaikum salam wrt sister kiwi :) from what i have "heard" i approximate that the going rate is a reasonably substantial amount of money for people with means, less depending on income and along with the usual gifts of wedding jewlery, wedding dress and engagement and wedding rings, but w'Allahu alam. maybe we can think of it as if something happenned how much would i need to take care of myself for a little while and use that for a guideline. but al basha sounds like egyptian women have a good deal going.. guess i'll be moving to the Nile soon :-) |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| jannah |
| 12/10/00 at 01:49:49 |
| nazia, free basboosa for life u know. j/k anyway i think that you have an option to pay everything up front or do something like some up front and the rest after you're married. as long as that's in the contract. hmmm if i can find those marriage seminar notes i could type more... inshallah one day.. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| Kathy |
| 12/10/00 at 09:23:04 |
| slm I guess I am a simple woman. My friend asked for a sewing machine. Me- well, I just asked for knowledge- I asked that my husband teach me Quran. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/10/00 at 10:31:42 |
| slm [quote] Wedding in a 7 star hotel [/quote] What's a 7 star hotel? ??? We only have upto 5 stars here in the US. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| se7en |
| 12/10/00 at 11:55:16 |
wasalaam, when br. mokhtar does the nikaah, he says "..and the amount of mahr we have agreed upon..." he doesn't mention what the amount is. What's wrong with cash and gold ??? The purpose of the mahr is to protect you, grant you security. There is no limit to the mahr, but it shouldn't be an amount that is so extravegant it causes a strain on a person and his family. Br. mokhtar talked about this in the marriage seminar, it's not a price on the wife, it shouldn't be seen as that, that cheapens things. It's a type of security for the woman. I remember one story of the sahaba where a man had nothing else to give as a mahr so he gave her an iron ring :) that's awesome I think. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| Arsalan |
| 12/10/00 at 13:05:52 |
| $20,000? 7 Star hotel?? Trip to Europe? ? ? Man, I'm getting worried!!! Darn! I knew I should have contined on my original pre-Med idea! :( |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/10/00 at 14:11:01 |
| slm 50 kilos of gold is equal to $500,000 (gold is about $320 an oz * 50 * 32 oz in a kg). That's crazy. Check out this narration in Sahih Bukhari where a man couldn't even afford to give a woman an iron ring. Sahih Al-Bukhari HadithHadith 6.547 Narrated by Sahl bin Sad A lady came to the Prophet and declared that she had decided to offer herself to Allah and His Apostle. The Prophet said, "I am not in need of women." A man said (to the Prophet) "Please marry her to me." The Prophet said (to him), "Give her a garment." The man said, "I cannot afford it." The Prophet said, "Give her anything, even if it were an iron ring." The man apologized again. The Prophet then asked him, "What do you know by heart of the Qur'an?" He replied, "I know such-and-such portion of the Qur'an (by heart)." The Prophet said, "Then I marry her to you for that much of the Qur'an which you know by heart." |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| se7en |
| 12/10/00 at 14:19:18 |
salaam, Woah, my story was way off. Jazak Allahu khayran bhaloo. Not every sister needs/wants all that stuff.. there are some sisters out there who are just looking for a brother with iman, taqwaa and a pure heart.. Again let me say that mahr is supposed to be a type of security for the woman, not a price based on what she's worth or her value.. it's been distorted into that unfortunately. And I'm serious brothers, if a sister is looking for all that she's probably not worth your time anyway! wasalaam. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| Al-Basha |
| 12/10/00 at 14:49:33 |
| Salamu Aliakom, Ok maybe i was exaggerating the amount of gold that is requested, but what I meant was heaps of gold, in the form of rings, earings, bracelets etc. The bit about the apartment is TRUE, though I do not know if you can even buy apartments on the nile these days. An apartment even 2 or 3 miles from the Nile, even overlooking it we're talking $500K - $1 million. As for the wedding in the 7 star hotel, this includes everything including the food, the dancers and music (astaghfurAllah) and all the other types of munkar you can think of. I have attended many weddings in Egypt and not one were up to Islamic standards. Actually my mom went to her friends wedding and, she and her husband had it in their dad's apartment and they brought guys to sing nasheeds (no belly dancers alhamdulilah) and masha Allah according to my mom it was great. I hope I'm not passing off the idea that everyone in egypt is wack, it's just that there is the mentality that since you only get one wedding, you should go all out. I've heard instances where even the hijabi sister removes her hijab just for the wedding. Crazy stuff subhana Allah. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| mahsou411 |
| 12/10/00 at 23:59:54 |
| slm That is messed up about extragavant weddings. I never really wanted a huge wedding with all the music and dancers anyway. But I do want it to be nice. I am spending more on it that I originally anticipated since I am making my dress and my mom wantes to send formal invitaiotns to family and stuff. That gets expensive especially for us poor folks. So anyway, we are having a simple nikkah in the masjid with immedeate family and about 10-15 friends and then the next day insha'Allah we will have a nice walimah at a local Islamic center. I think there will be about 70-80 people there(including all the kids) which is more than I had originally wanted but when you start thinkng of who you want there the list just keeps growing. And I have a lot of non-muslim family that want to come. But as for the mahr,I just asked for something that I need and some money just in case something happens.( I don't want to say exactly what it is becuase I think it is personal) But my intended husband was planning on setting aside cash for me anyway for that purpose and he is being very generous about other stuff as well so I did not ask for like thousands and thousands of dollars like other people. Plus we are not rich people, very modest so I would be crazy to ask for 20,000. But I have heard that you can pay it out over time if it is too much for at first. slm |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| kiwi25 |
| 12/11/00 at 12:44:25 |
| salam everybody, thanks to all ur posts, and all, after reading i kinda have a goodidea about what i want my mahr to be, no im not planning on getting married soon, but ur posts helped a bit, and dont ask what im going to ask for my mahr:) wasalam nouha |
| NS |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| M.F. |
| 12/12/00 at 05:26:44 |
| Assalamu alaikum, I believe there is a hadeeth the meaning of which is: The ones of you with more 'Barakah' (blessing) are the ones [who demand] less in their Mahr. I believe the best thing to do Islamically is to ask for the smallest possible amount, like just something symbolic, and not put hardship on your husband before you even marry him!! :) Save it for after you get married :) I'm joking of course! Insha Allah I hope you'll never be in need of your mahr. As for leasing/ down-payments, etc, you can do it many ways. As long as you've agreed on the amount in your contract, it can either be paid then and there, or the whole amount later, or a little now and a little later. As long as you actually get it eventually. If it's not all paid up and, Allah forbid, you divorce, he needs to give you the rest of it. hope that helped. Salam Mariam |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| destined |
| 12/12/00 at 12:28:13 |
| In Madinah, Fatimah lived with her father in the simple dwelling he had built adjoining the mosque. In the second year after the Hijrah, she received proposals of marriage through her father, two of which were turned down. Then Ali, the son of Abu Talib, plucked up courage and went to the Prophet to ask for her hand in marriage. In the presence of the Prophet, however, Ali became over-awed and tongue-tied. He stared at the ground and could not say anything. The Prophet then asked: "Why have you come? Do you need something?" Ali still could not speak and then the Prophet suggested: "Perhaps you have come to propose marriage to Fatimah." "Yes," replied Ali. At this, according to one report, the Prophet said simply: "Marhaban wa ahlan - Welcome into the family," and this was taken by Ali and a group of Ansar who were waiting outside for him as indicating the Prophet's approval. Another report indicated that the Prophet approved and went on to ask Ali if he had anything to give as mahr. Ali replied that he didn't. The Prophet reminded him that he had a shield which could be sold. Ali sold the shield to Uthman for four hundred dirhams and as he was hurrying back to the Prophet to hand over the sum as mahr, Uthman stopped him and said: "I am returning your shield to you as a present from me on your marriage to Fatimah." Fatimah and Ali were thus married most probably at the beginning of the second year after the Hijrah. She was about nineteen years old at the time and Ali was about twenty one. The Prophet himself performed the marriage ceremony. At the walimah, the guests were served with dates, figs and hais ( a mixture of dates and butter fat). A leading member of the Ansar donated a ram and others made offerings of grain. All Madinah rejoiced. |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| Arsalan |
| 12/12/00 at 12:56:06 |
| Where is this from? |
| Re: what would you sisters ask for a mahr? |
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| destined |
| 12/12/00 at 16:23:15 |
| umm... here: http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/history/biographies/sahaabah/bio.FATIMAH_BINT_MUHAMMAD.html |
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