Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Becoming a Muslim |
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| Anonymous |
| 12/10/00 at 11:24:36 |
| I am a 50 year old business women, Born in the USA, of Italian decent. My husband and I have been married for 29 years and do not have children. Recently we made a commitment to the Muslim faith for the simple reason that we want to be closer to God. We were both Catholic. We are taking this slow and trying to learn. We read books and my husband visits the mosque once a week. We are beginning to practice some of the muslim ways - but not all of them. Here are my questions: 1) While I will dress appropriately for the mosque I am not comfortable changing my appearence for work and shopping, errands, etc. While part of me may be shy in making this major change in appearance, the main reason is Why! Why do I have to change my clothing? I love God and always have. Why can men love God in the regular clothes and women cannot. 2) The only time we can visit the Mosque is after work at about 7:30pm. Men are there but no women! The first time I went a man told me where the women's are was. I went in alone and sat there alone for 30 minutes. I had no idea I was supposed to turn the TV on to see the Imon. I thought the TV was someone's property so I didnot touch it. I also saw another door inside the women's room. I didnt open it because I didnt know what its was. Now that I think about it, it must have been an area for me to wash, as my husband had a beautiful tiled area. My question is: why dont women go to the mosque at night? I did not go back after this experience, and I was told that women do not have to go. Why? My husband went back again for Ramadon - but he only saw three young girls at that time of night. Why? I want to go, but not alone... and I cant leave work to go earlier. 3)Am I too old and set in my ways to do a good job of being a muslim women? I believe men and women are equal - and I have to or want to survive in a business world. |
| NS |
| Re: Becoming a Muslim |
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| Zahra |
| 12/11/00 at 12:31:38 |
| slm Dear Anonymous, Both men and women are obligated to dress in a modest manner as modesty is a huge component of Islam. What are "regular clothes"? According to western standards, for women it's clothes which allow a woman to be judged for her looks and appearances and NOT her mind and brain. In Islam, "normal clothes" are clothes (for women) which symbolize a woman's human right to be seen for her brain and not her figure. It is undeniable that women in this society are exploited and oppressed. Sex and women's bodies are used to sell EVERYTHING! Did you know that MODELING is the only "profession" in this country (USA) where women are paid more than men??? doesn't that say something about this society and it's treatment and attitude towards it's women??? Through hijab (muslim dress, Islam takes women away from that oppressive dimension of human society and raises her to a level of honor and respect that most other women could only dream of. God does not love oppression so if you love God, you should strive to please Him by doing what He loves. Of course, you should take it gradually. You are not expected to make drastic changes in your life overnight. Continue learning about the religion and when you feel you are ready, wear the hijab to please God and no one else. About your other questions-try going to the mosque on the weekends or Friday night. In our community, women don't tend to go to the mosques during weekdays because of their children-usually they have to go to school the next day, etc. Women do not have to go to the masjid because women are the designated primary teachers and educators of their children. This religion is not meant to be difficult, thus women are not obligated to attend the masjid since they may have many other duties they may have to tend to. However, this is not to imply that women are discouraged or forbidden to attend. The masjid is the House of Allah and any worship which is conducted in it, whether by a man or a woman, will be greatly rewarded, insha'Allah. Your third question-You are NOT to set in your ways to become a good Muslim woman. Islam takes the gradual approach towards inner development. Take it easy. Focus on a couple things at a time. As far as your business career-I think you are the best person to analyze that situation. If you feel that you can continue in the business world as a Muslim woman and adhering to Islamic principles, then many people will tell you that it's o.k. I really don't want to tell you one way or the other because I don't know the situation. I suggest you talk to your local Imam or a scholar about that. Take Care & May Allah bless you. |
| Re: Becoming a Muslim |
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| Malika |
| 12/11/00 at 13:53:23 |
| slm [quote] 1) While I will dress appropriately for the mosque I am not comfortable changing my appearence for work and shopping, errands, etc. While part of me may be shy in making this major change in appearance, the main reason is Why! Why do I have to change my clothing? I love God and always have.[/quote] If Allah tells you to cover yourself and you love God, would you do it? When you talk of changing your appearance do you mean that you were tight clothing that shows your body? If you are used to shirts that come to your waist how difficult would it be to wear shirts that cover you bottom? 2) The only time we can visit the Mosque is after work at about 7:30pm. [quote] Men are there but no women![/quote] Women usually prefer to pray at home this is better for us. [quote] why dont women go to the mosque at night?[/quote] I have heard women should normally be in the house after Magrib I don't have any proof for this other than hearsay [quote] I want to go, but not alone... [/quote] InshaAllah you will meet some sisters and maybe you can plan to go together but as Sister Amel said alot of women have little ones and they cannot attend that time of day. [quote] I cant leave work to go earlier. [/quote] InshaAllah in time you will find ways to do just that. [quote] 3)Am I too old and set in my ways to do a good job of being a muslim women?[/quote] If you were too set in your ways you would not have embraced Islam. What everything boils down to is this: How much do you want to please Allah (swt)? How far are you willing to go to please Allah (swt)? InshaAllah everything will come in time. As you learn more about Islam you will slowly want to do more. Alhumdulliah that you both recogonize the closest relationship to God you can come to is Islam. May your quest for knowledge and the desire to please Allah (swt) make you heart open. Ameen |
| Re: Becoming a Muslim |
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| M.F. |
| 12/12/00 at 06:10:39 |
Assalamu alaikum, Al hamdu lillah! What a wonderful thing it is to see that people of all ages and all descents are coming to Islam! Congratulations and Welcome! :) If you like I'll try to respond to some of your questions: 1, for the clothing, it does take a little time to go through all the changes and of course it's not easy to change one's appearance from one day to the next. Insha Allah after you do a little research on the way Muslims dress it will make a little more sense to you. Perhaps you can make the change gradually, and start by wearing longer and looser clothes, and then go on to the next level when you're ready. 2, You didn't see any women in your mosque after dark, but it's not a general rule. Perhaps it's just the mosque you go to or the city you live in, but in many mosques you'll see that there are women there especially in Ramadan during the night prayers. I hope you can meet some women, perhaps if you go on weekends during the day. Or maybe some of the men that your husband meets will introduce you to their wife. 3)Insha Allah as long as your intention is correct you're not too set in your ways to be a good Muslim, and like I said before, the change will probably come gradually, and maybe you'll want less and less to succeed in your business life and more and more in the next life :) I'm sure you can do both very well, but your focus might change. I hope you can meet some Muslim women who will help you with the questions you're having. Salam Mariam |
| Re: Becoming a Muslim |
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| UmmZaid |
| 12/12/00 at 12:30:14 |
| Salaam 'Alaikum >>While I will dress appropriately for the mosque I am not comfortable changing my appearence for work and shopping, errands, etc.<< I noticed your age. While I myself do not know if you are past the age of childbearing, there is an aya (verse) in the Qur'an that says: "Such women that are past the age of marriage, there is no blame on them if they lay aside their outer garments, provided that they do not make a willfull display of their beauty. But it is best for them to be modest, and Allah is the one who sees and knows all things." (24:60) What I have been taught about this verse is that women who are past the age of childbearing do not have to wear the scarf or a jilbab, or other outer garment, PROVIDED that they retain their modesty and do not go about wearing make-up, etc. You may want to ask your Imam (leader of the community in your masjid) about this. >>Why! Why do I have to change my clothing? I love God and always have. Why can men love God in the regular clothes and women cannot.<< You do not have to dress like an Arab woman, or a Pakistani woman to be a Muslim women in hijab (modest dress). Please do not get that mistaken impression. But realize that for Arab and Pakistani women, the clothes they wear *are* regular clothes. You are a Muslima now, and there are things which are different for us than they are for the Christians, Jews, athiests, etc. Being Muslim isn't just about loving God, it is about *obeying* Him too. In the 24th Sura (chapter) of Qur'an, the 31st verse (aya), God tells the women to draw their khimars (head covers) over their chests, and to not display their beauty. In the 33rd Sura, verse 59, Allah tells the believing women (Muslim) to cast their over garments about them, so that they are recognized as Muslim women, and not bothered or harrassed. Men, too, have standards of modest dress, but the fact is that non Muslim male's dress in our society has retained some modicum of modesty (for the most part), while the women's dress has not. Both genders must wear clothes which are opaque and loose fitting. This means that the conscientious Muslim male can not wear the same clothes as Ricki Martin. The 'awra, or private area, for a man is the area between his navel and his knees. For a woman, it is all but the face and hands in front of strangers (see 24:31), BUT in front of her family, etc. her awra is between the navel and the knee. This means for you that business suits which stop above the knee, or which are tight, are no longer permissible (the conditions of awra are not loosened for the older woman). I would think that as long as you wore long skirts or pants, and long sleeved shirts, you would be fine. I myself wear "Western" or 'regular" clothes: dresses, long tops, pants,a nd skirts, and I also wear clothes from different ethnic groups. Again, I would consult your local community leader for more information. >>Men are there but no women!<< I don't know if you are visiting during Ramadan or not, but it is the norm for women not to come to the masjid on a regular weekday. This is because then all the kids would have to come, and since women are *not* required to go, many of them stay home, since it's just easier on everyone that way. However, during this month of Ramadan, there are usually women at the night prayers, which start from 7:30 to 8:00 depending on where you are. You would see more women in the masjid on Friday afernoons or during the weekends. Why not call the Imam and ask him when the women usually come to the masjid? You may discover that there are classes for women, etc. >>I had no idea I was supposed to turn the TV on to see the Imon.<< A lot of us, even long time or life long Muslims, have had this experience when visiting a new masjid. It doesn't mean that you are stupid or something, it's something that happens to all of us when we come into a new community, and we don't know how things are done there. Don't be too hard on yourself over it. >>3)Am I too old and set in my ways to do a good job of being a muslim women?<< You should read the stories of the Companions, Sahaba, of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. There was a woman, Hind, who fought against him in battles, who slandered him, and who (this is not a lie), cut open the body of his uncle Hamza on a battlefield and bit into his organs. She later accepted Islam, and sat with the Prophet, peace be upon him, asking him questions. Her son went on to be one of the Caliphs, leaders, of the Muslim community. The Companions were, before Islam, some of the most barbaric people. They buried alive their newborn daughters. They considered women as less valuable than a camel. All they cared about was money, drinking, dancing, etc. When people like Hind and 'Umar came to Islam, they became some of the best people that ever lived. So, don't think that you are too set in your ways to become a Muslim. >>I believe men and women are equal<< Do you think that we don't? A woman's life isn't less valuable than a man's... The Qur'an addresses the believing men and the believing women. Before Allah we are all equally responsible for our deeds, and we will be rewarded equally based upon how good we were, not upon what gender we are. |
| Re: Becoming a Muslim |
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| widad |
| 12/13/00 at 14:32:19 |
| slm Welcome and mabrouk,you are lucky to have been lead to the Truth,before it is too late. I was born a muslim,I have been around .I have lived in may countries(USA also),I am the same age as you,I recentlt got a job,and I will soon leave it to try to do some more meaning things in life. Dear new muslim, you are still galmoured by the picture that the media have put for women,but as you are new,take it step by step. My sister inIslam said that if you are past childbearing,then you do not have to wear the jilbab...etc. I am sorry but she as a lot of many muslims is misinformed or understood the aya wrong: The aya is referring to the very old ladies,who have no want for men and to whom men are not attracted,and even those the aya says clearly and if you cover it is cleaner for your hearts. The aya is: "Such elderly women that are past the prospect of marriage:- There is no blame on them ,if they lay aside their outer garments,provided They make not a wanton display Of their beauty:But it is best for them To be modest:and Allah Is the one who sees and knows all things." (quran,sura24,aya60). **You asked a question: Why do you have to change your clothing yet you admit that you love Allah,and of course by submitting to islam you have said the shahada: "ash-hadu anna la ilaha illa Allah wa anna muhammadan abduhu warasouluh". What does this shahada mean?? It means by witnessing that Allah is the only god,that you will obey Him in anything that He says,also when you witness that MUhammad is His Messenger,you will obey all his orders and keep away from all that he tell you to keep away from. **May Allah help you and your husband and all the muslims to follow the truth and may we alla meet injannat al-firdaws,ameen. ------------------ Please email me and visit my webpage,inshallah you will get a lot of info. |
| NS |
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