Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| [MADRASA] Inappropriate advances from Brother in law |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/14/01 at 01:25:29 |
| My brother in law said something very bad to me that he wanted to be alone with me, but he apologized right away. I could not help but tell it to my husband, now our families do not talk to each other. I am very close to my sister in law, now I feel that I should not have told my husband and forgiven him for the first and last time so that we would have remained a family. My sister in law doesn't know anything about this. Was I right in telling my husband or should I have forgiven him for the first and last time? |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| se7en |
| 12/26/00 at 02:42:04 |
Hmm... If I understand you correctly, your brother-in-law made an inappropriate suggestion.. This reminds me of something a speaker said once, that brother-in-law's are poison, poison because they are someone you have a close relationship with and that often times can lead into fitna.. When you say "should I have forgiven him" you're really asking "should I have ignored him and pretended it never happened"? And no, I don't think so, I think you most definitely had a right to tell your husband. Your brother-in-law has no right to approach you like that, and going to your husband and telling him what happened shows to him that you will in no way tolerate that sort of behavior. It must be rough to have your family seperated like this, but perhaps this is something good, at least for a little while. This puts distance between him and yourself, and perhaps gives him some time to think about what he's done and rectify his condition. My point is this: You should in no way feel guilty for telling your husband what happened. You are NOT responsible for the consequences because they would not have happened if your brother in law had proper conduct in the first place. He is the guilty one, and he will have to deal with the problems he caused on the Day of Judgement. You reacted in the right way, and inshaAllah you will be rewarded for the trouble you went through and reacting in the right way to his suggestion. Allah is the most Merciful, He knows what people reveal and what they conceal, and He knows best. Hope that helped, inshaAllah :) take care, wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah. |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| Kashif |
| 12/26/00 at 10:58:48 |
| assalaamu alaikum Sister, ABSOLUTELY you did the right thing. There is no excuse for what your brother-in-law did, and informing your husband will ensure that he won't do something as stupid as that again even by mistake! The Prophet [saw] once told men: "Beware of entering upon women." So a man asked "what about the brother-in-law?" as in, is there even to be segregation between a woman and her brother-in-law? Do you know what the Prophet [saw] replied with? He said "The brother-in-law is death." [Bukhari] However, why don't you speak to your husband and ask him if he will allow your sister-in-law to visit you? Allah is the most Merciful, He knows what people reveal and what they conceal, and He knows best. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| Saleema |
| 12/26/00 at 19:23:51 |
| Assalam ualykum, Couldn't agree with se7en and brother Kashif more! wassalam |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| Sara |
| 12/27/00 at 21:46:58 |
| Assalam, Anonymous,you were RIGHT to tell. For one thing,if you do something like what your brother-in-law did,then you need to pay the consequences. He shouldn't get off so easy. It's just too bad that your families don't talk. |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| Al-Basha |
| 12/29/00 at 03:16:44 |
| Salamu Aliakom, Subhana Allah the brother in law is poison/death? I didn't know about that hadeeth. How about the sister in laws? Or does the hadeeth refer to both? I agree with Se7en and Kashif. Sis you did the right thing, being honest/open with your husband is very very very very very important. As far as the families not talking anymore well perhaps this will make your brother in law a little more cautious with what he says to you in the future. Wa Allahu A3laam |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| Sara |
| 12/29/00 at 23:45:42 |
[quote] Sis you did the right thing, being honest/open with your husband is very very very very very important. [/quote] True.How many couples do you know who do this. |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| bhaloo |
| 12/30/00 at 00:56:30 |
| slm This is an interesting situation, and even though I am not the anonymous person that posted the question, what would happen if the brother in law denied doing this? It would be the brother in law's word agains the wife's word, and there would be family tension. Then how would this be resolved and what could be done? What if the wife in this situation was the liar in this situation spreading false rumours, but the husband didn't know who to believe? |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| Al-Basha |
| 12/30/00 at 02:31:01 |
| Salamu Aliakom, Bhaloo you make an interesting point because it is always possible that a party deny something that they say. I know there is an intricate process as far as obtaining witness information etc for an Islamic trial, i mean im not saying that this should be put up into an islamic shariah court but that the whole issue of denial and such would be dealt in a special manner. The shairah court process is very interesting. I have read a little bit about it. Probably the best thing to do would be to ask a mufti. Though I know a lot of families who wouldn't feel comfortable taking their problems to a shariah court because they wouldn't want ppl knowing about their problems. Which sometimes is bad because then justice and haq isn't upheld. Wa Allahu A3laam |
| Re: Brother in law |
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| BrKhalid |
| 01/02/01 at 10:25:46 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum As has been said I don't think there can be any blame on you for telling your husband. The fact that the ties of kinship between the families has temporarily been broken is not an action that was initiated by you so you shouldn't hold yourself responsible for that either. I do wonder, however, what you meant by "but he apologized right away" Does this mean that he truly repented for what he said/insinuated and expressed remorse/regret for what he did? Was his repentance sincere? Would it have met the three main conditions commonly associated with repentance? Is there an argument that if he was sincere and it was a moment of weakness that you should have forgiven him and covered his fault as in the Hadith : Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle [saw] as saying: The servant (who conceals) the faults of others in this world, Allah would conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection. [Muslim] Would you have been sinful if you had not told your husband in this case and used your own discretion and intellect in the matter? Especially if you had known the potential conflict it may have caused between the families? The above is of course all quite hypothetical and up for discussion and in case there is any confusion I reiterate that I don't think you did anything wrong in informing your husband. |
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