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The good wives' guide
Kashif
08/25/00 at 11:21:36
assalaamu alaikum While there is some disagreeable content in this article, and also exaggeration of men's importance and intelligence (i.e. if applied to today's men) - alot of it still does sound good to me. Kashif Wa Salaam PS No one is allowed to make jokes about this except me or Arshad. And PLEASE don't let this turn into a men v women discussion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Good Wives' Guide This is an actual extract from a Home Economics text book, printed in the early 60's. Absolutely unbelievable. Men LOVE it. Women can't believe it actually existed. Be warned... The Good Wives' Guide Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return home from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up school books, toys, papers, etc. and the run a dust cloth over the tables. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

Re: The good wives' guide
Saleema
08/25/00 at 11:54:36
Assalamoalykum, Well, too bad you and arshad weren't born in the 60s.  :) tough luck! It isn't like this anymore. hahahahah    :D Wassalam Saleema

Re: The good wives' guide
Saleema
08/25/00 at 11:55:29
PS I guess its pretty much tough luck for all men now

Re: The good wives' guide
SA
08/25/00 at 12:43:24
Hahahahhahahahhahahha Oh my, that was more than a lol, that was a I-fell-off-my-chair-laughing. I'm still laughing...especially at that last paragraph.   Seriously though, I agree with the gist of it, summed up by: "Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity..." Although I think it takes 2 to reach this ultimate goal in a household...the details here are just hilarious. Alhamdulillah, Islam sees women as more than just a "pretty-face."  A woman's role is more than this list!  And a  man's role is more than just coming home to be spoiled from a stressful day at work!  Today, sorry to say, women can just as easily come home with the same complaints, but as Muslims, complaints do not become us...we're supposed to be ppl of action, right?   JAK for the comedy, though.

Re: The good wives' guide
se7en
08/25/00 at 21:12:07
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, I'm just... I'm gonna... try my hardest.. to refrain from commenting.. ahhhhh!!!! Hahahhaha :D How about "the good husband's guide"?

Re: The good wives' guide
bhaloo
08/25/00 at 13:55:01
Asalaam alaikum wrt wb, I saw this before Kashif. :)  But when I received it, it said it was from the 50s.  Amazing that such books existed in the US, heheheh.

Re: The good wives' guide
Kathy
08/25/00 at 19:16:23
As salaamu alaykum. This is the old lady speaking... I do not see much wrong with this article. My husband comes home to a warm meal, a prettied up wife, a clutterless, warm home. My child's friends are sent home. I do appreciate that he works every day. I am not June Cleaver, and do not agree with all he says- but I will be the first to back down. However if he stays out all night, his home surely will not be peaceful! I just figure that this is my job- and do all the above. I want to be a grateful wife, and I want to get all the blessings I can from Allah swt by pleasing my husband. I think that if I please my husband that pleases Allah swt....

Re: The good wives' guide
Arsalan
08/25/00 at 19:31:11
ALLAHU AKBAR!!! At least *someone* spake the Truth!! Y'all need to listen to what Kathy is saying ... and LEARN! Wassalam ;) :D

Re: The good wives' guide
HS786
08/26/00 at 09:06:59
Assalam alaikum wrwb, Kashif, you are right the "good husbands guide" should be produced but not by brothers. Only sisters can tell what a good husband is like.Right Sisters? HS

Re: The good wives' guide
Saleema
08/26/00 at 11:20:55
Assalamoalykum, >>>Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. >>> Ok sure, its not a good idea to bombard him with complaints as soon as the poor guy comes from work. I have no problem there and no sensible girl would. "his topic of conversation are more important than yours."  Says who? >>>Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.>>> Hold up. Maybe once in a while making the eveing his would be all right. How about making the evening for both the husband and wife so they can both enjoy it. Never complain if he comes home late? Why not? If its habitual, he need to change his priorites, habits or needs to work out a good schedule or whatever. Same think with the going out for entertainment thing alone all the time. How about they both do it together pretty often. I bet a husband would complain if the wife went out for entertainment alone all the time without him. >>>Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. >>> No problem. However just because you are a woman who stays home doesn't mean that you don't have any stress or will never get any. >>>Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit >>> Definately. It will help the wife renew in body and spirit too. >>>Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. >>> Ok. Ok. Working can be stressful. But let him stay out all night? Doing what? If he's going on a camping trip or something with the brothers is understandable or for a legitamet reason such as for the sake of Allah, yeah sure that's fine. But most men who stay out all night other than ocassionaly other than what I said about are probably at a nude bar somehwere. (And so called Muslim men do it too. It happened to a sister over here and she got divorced.) >>>Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.>>> You don't need to learn this from a homec class. Trust me. That's just funny. Hmmm. this reminds me of something. A girl was talking about the signs of  qiyamat and she said that one of the signs was that a man will touch his wife's feet. (?!?) Meaning that it is haram for a man to touch his wife's feet. I wonder if this talking off the shoes part for him comes from the idea that its not manly for a man to take off his wife's shoes or touch her feet? Hey, I see no problem with a woman talking off the husband's shoes, provided he doesn't have the above idea lodged in his head. >>>Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. >>> Please! Says who? In Islam, the husband is the head of the household but his position isn't that of a tyrant. The Prophet Muhmmad (S) used to ask his family's advise on matters. "Will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness---" No wonder feminism started in the west. What, he can't make mistakes? What, men are Angels and don't have weaknesses of the nafs that women do? Whatever. Other than that I think the other stuff mentioned is ok and makes sense. I think these are the things that some of us sisters found funny. Wassalam

Re: The good wives' guide
Safiya
08/28/00 at 00:08:32
Salaam Alaykum a complete analysis of the good wives guide: i think sis saleema has said it all... :) totally agree too... Salaam

Re: The good wives' guide
bhaloo
08/28/00 at 09:47:51
Asalaam alaikum wrt wb, Good analysis Saleema.  I wonder if they still have home economics in school these days or maybe feminists have put an end to that?

Re: The good wives' guide
Saleema
08/28/00 at 19:33:22
Salam, They have homec but nothing like this! No husband no wife stuff. Just cooking and the mention of a family maybe once or twice! And yes, there are guys too in there. Wassalam

Re: The good wives' guide
se7en
08/29/00 at 23:30:16
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, Hey brothers!  Either write a "good husband's guide", or we sisters are just gonna have to get together and write one for ya... heh heh heh... The deadline is dawn. Hehe, just kidding, the deadline is... I dunno, a couple days? :)

Re: The good wives' guide
tree
08/31/00 at 08:12:41
Asalaamu alaikum I think the sisters getting together and writing a good husbands guide would be good (and pretty funny no doubt!).  Who's gonna start? tree

Se7en and Tree-
Kathy
09/07/00 at 08:05:54
slm Maybe this will give you a head start: All I Ever Really Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten Most of what I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be,I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school. These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things  back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold  hands and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.    Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup - they all die. So do we.    And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the firstword you learned, the biggest word of all: Look. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.    Think of what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and    milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nations to always put thingsback where found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is better to hold hands and stick together.    By Robert Fulghum

Re: The good wives' guide
widad
09/21/00 at 16:09:39
slm I ventured into the ikhwan health club because some ekhwan have been participating in the akhawat's,I was ammazed to see the number of akhawat. Anyway I, like Kathy agree to a lot of what is said in the goodwives' guide,Islam has asked us to do a lot to our husbands.I  think if more young wives to what they should we would have a bigger number of happy marriages!!
NS

the good husbands' guide
se7en
09/21/00 at 16:24:39
How to be a Good Husband 1.  Be a good, upright, sincere, striving, strong Muslim.  Strive to attain the kindness, humility, gentleness, respect, love and honor that Rasulullah, peace be upon him, showed his wives. 2.  If you follow #1, you need no other rules.

Re: The good wives' guide
Kathy
09/22/00 at 08:41:27
slm Masha Allah- good answer...

Re: The good wives' guide
Harisa
11/09/00 at 01:43:15
YES YES .... I AGREE THIS IS A THING OF THE PAST WHEN WOMEN WERE HOUSEWIVES....NOW=A=DAYZ WHEN WOMEN GO OUT AND WORK AS WELL AS MEN I THINK BOTH SHOULD COOK AND SHARE THE WORK AROUND THE HOUSE BECAUSE BOTH HAVE JOBS AND THEY SHOULD BOTH EQUALLY WORK AT IT TO PLEASE EACHOTHER TO MAKE EACHOTHER HAPPY SOO THAT ARTICLE.....THROW IT IN THE TRASH PLEASE LOLLLL NOWW I SAID NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WOOOF WOOOF....MY HUSBAND WILL COOK WITH ME AND SHARE CHORES WITH ME.....AND STUFF LOL IM ALL ABOUT EQUALITY BABYYYYYYYY CAN I GET A WITNESS UP IN HERE??? DC R U WIT ME?? LOL WOAHH HARISA SHOULD GO TO BED NOWWW...LOL TOO LATE MUST SLEEP GO TO BED HARISA....THE VOICES ARE TELLING ME YES I AM GOING ... I REPLY LOL WASSALLAAAMMM TOODLEZZZ

Re: The good wives' guide
saifullah
11/09/00 at 09:34:52
As-salaamu alaikum I like se7en's second rule.... You know she probably began writing it, and coudlnt think of anything, so she put "2. refer to 1" there instead haha.... ok wa salaamu alaikum

Re: The good wives' guide
Harisa
11/09/00 at 23:33:35
This whole idea === that the man is the head of the household===that will never sit right with me ... and my husband will never be the head of our household....We will be Heads of our household..the enddd..like i said already im all about equality baby....50/50....my opinion counts as much as his an no decision affecting us both should be made without consulting eachother...am i right or am i right???? and sure i want to be a Muslim and if it means im sinning by demanding that i be counted as equal and my husband is not the head of the house but we are HEADS of the Household...then let me sin...and if i get punished in the hearafter for that...then let me get punished...i feel that this is right therefore to me it is right...I WILL DO WHAT I FEEL IS RIGHT AND JUST...AND IF IM WRONG FOR THAT THEN LET ME BE WRONG...BUT THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I WILL HAVE IT... IF ONLY EVERY HOUSEHOLD WAS 50/50---EQUALITY---THE WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!! ALRIGHTY I'LL STOP RIGHT THERE WASSAAALAAAAAAAAAAM TOODLEZZZZZ

Re: The good wives' guide
Saleema
11/10/00 at 14:19:23
Assalamoalykum, Harisa, hon, you got it all mixed up. People usually do, so did I when I was in my early days of high school years. Being the head of a household doesn't mean that he is the dictator. And the Prophet, (may Allah's peace and blessings be on him), always consulted his wives before making a decision. One time, the Prophet (may Allah's blessings be on him), was traveling with his companions and one of his wives to do pilgrimage. But the non-believers of Makkah didn't want them to do Hajj and there was a fear of a battle between them. The non-believers and the Muslims eventually came to an agreement and a treaty was drawn. The Muslims agreed that they wouldn't perform Hajj this time but next time they could come and do it. The sahabis didn't want to take part in a treaty, the Prophet Muhammad consulted with his wife and she said to him to shave his hair and sacrifice the animals and the companions will follow and do the same as him. He took his wife's advise over the advise of the companions. Anyway, I will talk to you later inshallah. wassalam

Re: The good wives' guide
Harisa
11/16/00 at 17:33:53
so what just cuzz he asked her for advice oh my goodnesss Head of House...in charge of decision making..no??

Re: The good wives' guide
se7en
11/16/00 at 22:56:43
What is up with this attitude??? I don't know about you but I can't even count how many times I was so sure I was right and it turned out I was completely flipped up. You need to like open up your mind ---> <--- this much and actually consider that maybe the way you're perceiving things might be a lil narrow. And what are you talking about "if I'm punished for this let me be punished" ??? You still don't even have the full picture of what Islam says about marriage or heads of household in Islam but you already made the *assumption* that Islam says certain things and because you don't agree with it therefore it must be wack?! How are you even sure you reject what Islam says if you don't even *know* what Islam says?

Re: The good wives' guide
Sara
11/16/00 at 22:51:29
Assalam, Why does everyone think that in Islam-the men control their women and all their women are just their prisoners?? A Muslims household is always 50/50!!! Sure not all Muslims follow that. Not everyone treats their wife equal--but that's just on them. Not all Muslim men are like that!!!

Re: The good wives' guide
kiwi25
11/17/00 at 17:32:14
assalamu alaikum everybody, well ive heard before that in islam, in the family, the wife is considered as a QUEEN!! and the husband as a guest or somethign like that, please correct me if im wrong, i agree with se7en, please dont judge islam if u dont noe what its all about.....wasalam nouha:)

Re: The good wives' guide
Arsalan
11/17/00 at 19:20:21
Assalamu alaikum, [quote]well ive heard before that in islam, in the family, the wife is considered as a QUEEN!! and the husband as a guest [/quote]Sounds like a nice pick up line for guys to use! ;) j/k

Re: The good wives' guide
h_m_r00
11/21/00 at 13:45:51
Salaam the good husband's guide should be written soon...I have tons of ideas...;) Arsalan...you should not try using it,because you might get beaten up for it..:) Harisa...why are you always angry even if over a joke...we are all females too..:)                                     Hiyam

Re: The good wives' guide
hermit
11/23/00 at 09:58:55
Assalam-u-Alaikum,  Bah, another mixup by Harisa. Look, what the man being the head of the household means is that he REPRESENTS the household. For example, he pays the bill, messes with stupid people:), etc.  Undeerstand? Insha'Allah.
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