Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami

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Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami
jannah
09/12/00 at 00:34:29
Bism Allah wal-hamdulilah was salatu was salamu 3la Rasool Allah

Assalmau 3laikum wa rahmat Allah wa barakartu i pray this reaches
all of you and your families in the best of iman and health and
highest spirits of taqwa.

for those who are married, may Allah subhnahu wa ta3ala make you
the best wives who truly make your husband happy if he simply looks
at you.

as for those who are not married, may Allah subhnahu wa ta3ala grant
us the most righteous husbands and make us the most righteous wives,
joining for no other cause than His sake.

ameen.  thumma ameen.  thumma ameen.


==Lecture given by Shaikh Abdallah Adhami:

Advice to Husbands (and Wives) By getting married you are not
just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now
until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your
companion, and your best friend.  She will share your moments,
your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows,
your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.  When you
are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help,
she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will
keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She
will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first
thing your eyes will see will be her; during the day, she will be
with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body,
she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart,
mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your
eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still
see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and
you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the
closeness of the spouses to each other is the Quranic verse which
says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" Indeed,
spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one
another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support,
and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine
a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses
provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and
support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would
do in the Alaska journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness,
mercy and compassion, peace and tranquility that fills the hearts of
the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation
for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act
of God. Only God Almighty in His infinite power, boundless mercy,
and great wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing feelings
in the hearts of the spouses. In fact God is reminding those who
search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the
hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans
to His existence as He says in the Quran," And among His signs is
this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you
may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy
between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect"

But the human heart is not a static entity, it is very
dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither
and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared
for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous
happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree
of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to
be sustained, maintained, and nurtured. Remember that our Prophet
Muhammad peace be upon him had found the time to go out to the desert
and race with his wife Aisha. She outstripped him but later after
she had gained some weight, he outstripped her. Remember that the
Prophet took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and
dancing their folk dances.

The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from
rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded
by God for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet
said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the
pleasure of God even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as
putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her,
etc. Remember that the Prophet used to extend his knee to his wife
to help her ride her camel...

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together.
Strengthening the bond between you and God is the best guarantee
that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace
with God will always result in having more peace at home. Remember
that the Prophet gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up
at night to pray together. The Prophet even urged the spouse who
rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold
water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be be good to your wife by words and by
deeds.  Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her
opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the
Prophet said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their
spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is
good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love
your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family,
her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my
colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit
for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents"
Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said
" I don't like yours either"...  Also, it is not enough that you
love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do
believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness
in this world will be joined by their spouses and offspring. The
best example in this regard is the Prophet whose love to Khadija
his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and
continued even after her death. It was many years after her death
and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his
house he would send parts of it to Khadija's friends and whenever
he felt that the visitor on the door might be Khadija's sister Hala,
he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala"
Re: Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami
Asim
09/12/00 at 08:49:40
Bism Allah wal-hamdulilah was salatu was salamu 3la Rasool Allah

Assalmau 3laikum wa rahmat Allah wa barakartu i pray this reaches
all of you and your families in the best of iman and health and
highest spirits of taqwa.

for those who are married, may Allah subhnahu wa ta3ala make you
the best husbands who truly make your wife happy if she simply looks
at you.

as for those who are not married, may Allah subhnahu wa ta3ala grant
us the most righteous wives and make us the most righteous husbands,
joining for no other cause than His sake.

ameen.  thumma ameen.  thumma ameen.


Re: Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami
abc
09/12/00 at 10:02:26
Assalamalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakutuh
Ameen thumma ameen to your duas. I really wish I get a guy with these attributes ..sigh!!!!! :)
Re: Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami
jannah
09/12/00 at 13:20:08
hehe ditto ameen

sometimes when i listen to bro. abdullah i just have to shake my head...that type of guy..the type of person muhammad saw was and how he acted towards women..i mean sometimes i just think that it is an impossible expectation today..does it exist or is it just in theory??
Re: Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami
Kathy
09/13/00 at 08:05:36
slm
The above "talk" had a great effect on me today.
I get irritated over the three million khutbas, books and lectures about how a woman should please her man, and about 2 for men...
Humdil Allah, After reading this I found my behavior toword my husband change and found myself praying for his safety yesterday.
And the article was directed to the men!
You are right Jannah he is eloquent! ( what about that spell check?)
Anyone know if he wrote a book?
Re: Advice on Marriage from Abdullah Adhami
Arsalan
09/13/00 at 09:13:56
Assalamu alaikum,
[quote]
I get irritated over the three million khutbas, books and lectures about how a woman should please her man, and about 2 for men...[/quote]
Hmm...that's weird!  It's been the other way around for me!  I've yet to see a book or lecture titled "Men's Rights in Islam"!  In all the conferences or seminars that I have attended, if there is ever a marriage talk, the emphasis is always on the rights of the wife and the duties of a husband.

Not that I mind, of course!  Afterall, what good is it gonna do me to know what are the duties of a female!?!  I only need to know what is expected from ME.

Wassalamu alaikum.


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