Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Abusive Husbands |
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| widad |
| 09/23/00 at 23:53:03 |
slm What are the origins of this abuse,I mean could it be bad up-bringing or selfishness or having a bad abusive father in the first place??? |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/24/00 at 01:16:34 |
| slm That's an interesting question, I would say it would have to be with a bad up-bringing and selfishness, definitely. But when I brought this topic up with a friend the friend told me that it was cultural sometimes. Is there some truth to what my friend says? |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| Saleema |
| 09/24/00 at 01:45:03 |
| Assalamoalykum, Yes, its very very true, that it can be cultural sometimes, and they think that they have this right to beat their wives and support it from the Quran, you know that aya which gets misinterpreted so many times. I know of someone very close to me whose husband abuses her. He even burned her legs once. And you know why he did that? because some guy that had liked her from before her marriage wrote a letter to him saying that the child that his wife was carrying was his. He knew that the child was his but he beat her up anyway, (While pregnant!) that why does he like you? As if it is her fault that he does. Anyway, she was told that she should listen to him and not complain or say anthing back to him (even in her defense) because she is not allowed disobey Allah's orders and should respect her husband. That is why I get so upset when I hear people talking about the rights of the husband when they are not the only one who have them, the wives have some rights too and they get ignored. No one really addresses their rights. I'm not a feminist,I just want my sisters in Islam to realize that they have rights too. I hate it when writers write articles on the rights of the husband and make it sound so dictatorial. Wassalam |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| Asim |
| 09/24/00 at 03:41:16 |
| Assalaamu alaikum, Culture sometimes does promote abusiveness. But abusive husbands/boyfriends exist in all societies. Female battering is very common in the west also. A lot has to do with low self-esteem and respect of others, which is a result of growing up in broken families or families that exhibited similar problems. This is a vicious circle that can only be broken by knowledge, true understanding and implementation of respectful behavior between husband and wife as practiced by the Prophet pbuh. Wasalaam. |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 09/24/00 at 06:43:25 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, Saleema please do mention the ayah that is misinterpreted with the correct meaning as well as the meaning that abusive men go by. Wassalam-u-Alaikum |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| Kathy |
| 09/24/00 at 08:54:26 |
| slm This was posted today in Islam Q-A. What do you think? 7722 His father is a very angry person who swears a lot, and there are a lot of arguments in the house I am a God fearing Muslim and I need some advise. My father is a very angry person. He yells and swears almost non-stop. When he really losses it he breaks things around the house. He's tried to hit my mother once but we stopped him. He calls us prostitutes and homosexuals when he's mad. When he's not he claims he's a good Muslim. I printed out the article I found on your site about controlling one's anger, but he took it lightly. I am not in need of him nor is any of my siblings. I find it hard to believe that even under these circumstances we must honor him when he stoops to the lowest levels to insult us. He can also be dangerous, he threatens to hurt us and I am afraid that one day he will deliver. What is the ruling on honoring this type of father? Can we move out? Praise be to Allaah. If you are not causing his anger then there is no blame on you. But at the same time you are obliged to treat him kindly and honour him. Allaah has enjoined honouring one’s parents even if they believe in shirk (associating others in worship with Allaah), so how about those whose sin is less than that? With regard to your moving out, if he agrees to that and it will be better for him, then there is nothing wrong with it. Otherwise, strive to be patient in putting up with what he does to you, for that will not be lost, and you will meet it before Allaah (i.e., it will count in your favour on the Day of Resurrection). If a man who is employed can put up with bad treatment from a boss, and bears his anger and insults with patience for the sake of earning a living and keeping his job, then you should certainly be able to put up with your father’s bad treatment and insults for the sake of pleasing Allaah and earning His reward. If he dies after you have been patient with him, you will not regret it, but if he dies when you are opposing him and shunning him, you might blame yourself and say, “If only I had been patient, if only I had put up with him…” I hope that you will convey my salaams to your father and tell him that whoever strives against his own nafs (self) and does not get angry will attain Paradise, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us. Tell him that destroying furniture is a waste of money and is something which is haraam. According to a saheeh hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to waste money. And tell him that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to restrain his tongue, so let him follow his example, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow” [al-Ahzaab 33:21] If your father gets angry, do not try to advise him when he is in the heat of his anger, for he might persist and get carried away. Offer him advice when his anger has ceased and he has calmed down, for then he will be more likely to respond. Make the person with whom your father isangry go away quietly so as not to make matters worse. There is nothing wrong with you defending your mother, in fact this is required of you, but not by means of you physically fighting with your father. Rather you should take your mother quietly away from the scene after reminding your father of Allaah and advising him to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan. May Allaah help you and may He help us and you to do all that is good. |
| NS |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| Kashif |
| 09/24/00 at 19:33:52 |
| assalaamu alaikum I think that sometimes a husband can become abusive.. or perhaps.... inconsiderate towards his wife due to his friends. Let me explain. Among the brothers, (or perhaps all men) there is a well-known quip that you make at (newly) married men which goes something like: "Brother, are you coming to play football tonight?" "No, i can't make it." "Why, you're wife's got you wrapped round her thumb has she?" Sure, when this happens the brothers all laugh it off, but when it happens again and again, perhaps it unconsciously starts to affect the brother. Perhaps it gets to the point when his wife asks him to do something for her, he thinks "well, why should i do it for her? after all i'm not wrapped round her thumb now am i?" and refuses to help her. And i guess if it gets to that stage, its the start of a downwards spiral with regards to kind treatment of his wife, unless Allah saves him, and he is given some healing advice which sets him straight. "Anybody can get a woman. But not anyone can look after that woman." - Malcolm X Kashif Wa Salaam |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| Moe |
| 09/24/00 at 20:54:09 |
| i just think its totaly sad that a brother would do this to his wife or kids! its not acceptable i wouldnt even think of doing some thing like that! |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| widad |
| 09/25/00 at 12:29:26 |
| slm FIRST Reason: Abuse is not only from muslim men(therefore it is important to note this as a universal problem), I think that the reasons are as mentioned in the answers from everybody,there is a remedy when it comes to muslims, if we were to follow the prophet's hadeeths concerning the treatment of a muslim towards a muslim,then the hadeeth towards the treatment of the wives. 1)Hadeeths of treatment of a muslim towards another muslim: Prophet Muhammad sala Allahu alyhi wasallam said: “A muslim is a muslim’s brother ,he does not wrong him,or let him down.If anyone cares for his brother’s needs,Allah will take care of his need.If anyone removes his brother’s anxiety,Allah will remove from him one of the anxieties of the Day of Resurrection..If anyone coceals a muslim’s secrets,Allah will conceal his secrets on the day of resurrection.”(Bukhary and Muslim). -Prophet Muhammad sala Allahu alyhi wasalam said:”A muslim is a muslim’s brother:he does not wrong, abandon ,or disdain him .Piety is found here(pointing to his breast thrice).Despising his brother muslim is enough evil for a man to do .Every muslim’s blood ,property and honour are sacred to a muslim.”(Muslim). |
| NS |
| Re: Abusive Husbands |
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| widad |
| 09/29/00 at 14:36:04 |
| slm 2)Hadeeths about the treatment of women: Prophet Muhammad(peace be upon him) said: "The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family." "The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and the best fo you are those who are best to their wives.(Ibn Hanbal). "Behold, many women came to Muhammad's wives complaining against their husbands(because they beat them)......"those husbands are not the best of you." "It is the generous in character who is good to women,and it is the wicked who insults them." **Saleema: **If you read "The status of Women in Islam ",by Dr.Jamal Badawi you will find a lot about the rights of women. The problem as always is not in Islam itself,it is the way people go by it and choosing what they like only,or what is in their interest only. **We as women have an advantage,by giving our husbands their rights(even if they don't)we pave our own way to Jannah,and that is the ultimate dream of every Muslim. |
| NS |
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