Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/25/00 at 00:53:44 |
| slm How many of you have tried to have a discussion with some "uncle" (desi preferably) and tried to explain something to him, but he is so set in his ways that he won't change? Is it true that we become set in our ways as we become older? Do we ignore people younger then us? Do you see any changes in yourselves? |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| widad |
| 09/25/00 at 12:16:29 |
| slm Yes definitely,I see it in myself when my kids(23,21,18 years old) discuss something with me and I say:"we used to respect time",.....or : "you of the new generation are very disrespectful"....or: "you have no respect for elders"...or "I have more experience than you ,so you should listen to me..." |
| NS |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| Arsalan |
| 09/25/00 at 12:20:37 |
| Assalamu alaikum, Well, at least widad is honest about it!! Most "uncles" and "aunties" I know will never even admit it! |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/25/00 at 12:41:24 |
| slm That's true Arsalan. Am I wrong to think that this is not a good thing? Shouldn't there be mutual respect between the different age groups? |
| NS |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| widad |
| 09/25/00 at 15:25:02 |
| slm Yes there should be respect between age groups,but you know what?I think (from my experience...oldies huh?)that it takes two.That is if the younger ones respect the elders,and if the young ones have a way to express themselves,they themselves being tolerant and knowing that old age makes you become less tolerant,then there could be a bridge. My oldest son ,mashallah,can make me believe and understand his thoughts,we do have a lot of clashes(if he catches me at a bad time)but in the end he kind of weaves his thoughts into mine and I end up doing what he says. |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| Sheikha |
| 09/25/00 at 16:45:53 |
| It takes a great deal of effort to gain respect from the youth these days. I find that if you try and understand them and their level of thinking, in time they will respect you because you have made an effort to understand them. Unfortunately, this can go the other way too. They will think that you are like them and forget to treat you as an adult, so you have to remind them every once in a while. bhaloo, I have become set in my ways. You may not be able to change yourself, but you can always try to understand others. I don't give in to new ideas easily, but I will certainly think about them, and if I think the claims are correct, then I will try to change. I have many uncles who are set in their ways, and no matter how much you talk to them, they will never change. My advice: give up on them. I believe you waste time and energy on these people, when you could be directing all energy elsewhere. |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 09/26/00 at 11:41:02 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, hehe, you know what they say... old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places! Wassalam-u-Alaikum |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| bhaloo |
| 09/26/00 at 12:25:47 |
| slm Sheikha I completely agree with what you said, but what about the case where the "uncles" or in some cases one/both parents are not Muslim, or not practicing? I do know quite a few people like that, that don't have Muslim parents. What should they do? It can be very frustrating for them at times. The Prophet (SAW) didn't give up on his uncle, Abu Talib, even when he was dying. Shouldn't we always continue to try? (I do realize perhaps you were only talking about things in general with regards to uncles and aunts, and I believe you are absoultely right about that). Widad- yes, you are right there needs to be this mutual respect to have effective communication. |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| Sheikha |
| 09/26/00 at 22:35:37 |
| Example. This is my answer for those who do not listen. Rather than speak to them, I would try to show them the good of Islam through action. My dads brother married a french woman. She converted to Islam, but as you can imagine, her mother and grandmother did not take to this kindly. Everytime she goes to visit they pester her about her hijaab. Its very difficult for these converts, I know, but if the non-muslim members of their families do not hear, we cannot speak. For the attackers of faith I would suggest reciting surat 'al-kafiroon'. 'To you your religion, and to me mine' (my translation). We cannot choose who we want to be muslim, only Allah can do this. We do not give up, but we must also accept that this maybe the case, and not to get caught up in trying to teach them. Do you recall the story of the blind man and the prophet? The blind man was interested in Islam and went to the prophet for information. However, a member of Quraysh came to talk to the Prophet (saw), at which point he turned his back to the blind man (I don't remember the details, but I am sure you recall the story). We should use all our efforts for those who are genuinly interested in Islam. bhaloo, I just re-read my post, and I wonder if it makes any sense. It is 3:30 am here and my mind is not very active at this minute. I hope you understood my point. :) |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| Arsalan |
| 09/26/00 at 23:34:20 |
| Assalamu alaikum, There's two sides to this argument, really. One that can be put forward using this ayah (or others similar to it): "It is equal for them whether you warn them or not, they will not believe. Allah has put a seal on their hearts, hearing and on their vision..." (Surah al-Baqarah - rough tr.) The other can be put forward using this ayah: "Will you (O Muhammad) destroy yourself if they do not believe in this message?" (Surah al-Kahf - rough tr.) It is evident from the second ayah, and also from our reading of the Seerah, that the Prophet (pbuh) used to be extremely keen in convincing people of the Truth. He would often weep because his people were not listening to him, and pray for them. He was constantly worried about them leading themselves to the Fire. This is what the ayah in Surah al-Kahf talks about. And if the Prophet's example is to be followed, then our attitude should undoubtedly be the same. However, the first ayah tells us that there are people out there that just won't believe. There is a seal on their hearts, put by Allah, because of their arrogance and consistent rejection of the Truth even after manifest Signs. So what is a Muslim to do? Preach for a while, and then if they still don't heed, give up? Because surely there's a seal on their hearts!?! I don't think so, and this is just my opinion. I think there is no way for us humans to tell a sealed heart apart from one which is struggling, because we cannot look into people's hearts. Only Allah can do that. Allah tells us what he does in Surah al-Baqarah simply to make a point that there are people out there whose hearts are sealed, but there is no way for us to know who's who. Our job is to give the message, again and again, changing strategies if need be, but without giving up, and with the hope that one day it will penetrate the people's hearts. And leave the results to Allah! But giving up is not part of the equation. Wallahu a'lam. Wassalamu alaikum. |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 09/27/00 at 06:28:42 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, Sheikha, the story that you mention about the blind man is narrated in Surah Abbasa. When the Prophet (SAW) turned away the blind man (who was 'Abdullah ibn Umm' Makhtum), the surah was revealed. Please do read it, it is relevant to the discussion here. The Prophet (SAW) had made a mistake in turning the blind man away due to his zeal in converting the Quraysh to Islam, but as soon as the surah was revealed he held him in high honor... and he later became governor of Madinah. Wassalam-u-Alaikum |
| Re: Do we become less tolerant as we becom older? |
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| Kathy |
| 09/29/00 at 18:38:38 |
| slm I was formulating my reply to this topic's question. I was prepared to say that as I get older I have become more tolerant. I think my life experiences, mistakes, and trials have made me a lot more compassionate. Meanwhile, in Sound Visions message board, some one asked a really stupid question and uncharacteristicly I answered it with- "Grow up..." Apparently- I have become less tolerant.... |
| NS |
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