Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/06/00 at 07:36:05 |
| you have to picture this one. A man walks into a butchers and says to the butcher: "is that a sheeps head" And the butchers replies: "No it's just a tight perm" Boom boom! tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/06/00 at 16:24:23 |
| Salam, bhaloo, Arsalan, could you please explain this joke? Man, you people must think I am really dumb. I am not dumb. In fact, I am cery smart, yes, I am very smart!! My teachers tell me and that is how I know. :D Wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| se7en |
| 10/06/00 at 20:29:52 |
wasalaam, Saleema I'm not laughing at you, I just think this is really interesting. Man, you memorize poems by ibn sara about turtles and christians which I can't even comprehend the meaning of, but the humor in jokes like this escape you. It's really fascinating. It adds to your charm :) |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/07/00 at 01:47:39 |
| Assalamoalykum, Ummmmm......thank you? Lol. Maybe there *is* something wrong with me, perhaps my brother is right. Dua # 1 on my list today for Isha: "O Allah, help me get jokes please." Lol Ok, so who's going to explain this joke to me? I have thought about it hard and my head is hurting now. :) Wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| lightningatnite |
| 10/07/00 at 23:25:35 |
| Salam, Haha :) Saleema I have the same problem, I never get the slogans on advertisements and my sis has to explain them to me. You know, I figured out what the problem is, we are just TOO smart, that we see beyond the dumb humor into the deeper philosophical implications of the things we hear and see :) Cool, I'm not the only one :D Wassalam. |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/08/00 at 16:12:39 |
| Assalamoalykum, hello lightning... :) hehe. i think you are right. its not us, its them. I get the joke now, sorry but that's really not funny. Wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/09/00 at 11:55:23 |
| slm The reason I didn't try to explain this joke is cause it wasn't funny. ;) Tree has to make up for this poor joke with something that's actually funny. :) |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/09/00 at 12:41:21 |
| Aslaaamu alaikum sorry...I guess u had to be there when it was told to me! (honestly, then it was funny :)) So how about this one.... A penguin walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "have you seen my brother?" and the bartender replies: "what does he look like?" And if that doesn't make you laugh (or at least smile!), then I'm afraid i can't offer any more, caused i've not heard a good joke in ages. Unless you want to hear politically incorrect Scottishman, Englishman, Irishman jokes? tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/09/00 at 12:44:55 |
| tree, i work near Harley Street. You want me to book you in? |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/09/00 at 12:57:01 |
| Kashif - if they'll tell me more penguin jokes...then book me an appointment today! |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| haaris |
| 10/09/00 at 13:29:55 |
| A cheese and tomato sandwich walks into a hardware store and asks for a hammer. The guy behind the desk says "Sorry mate, we don't serve food here". LOL? Perhaps dodgy jokes are a British thing? Salaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/09/00 at 19:54:13 |
| Assalamaolykum, tree, i get ur second joke,(score!!), but that wasnt funny either. Now I don't get Harris's joke. Someone care to explain? PLLLEEEEESSSSSSSSEEEEEEE? I do like a good laugh, you know and i feel sad when i don't get a joke that everyone else is laughting at. Wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Arsalan |
| 10/09/00 at 20:28:55 |
| I think Saleema's outcries of not understanding the jokes are funnier than most jokes themselves :) Don't worry tree! I thought your joke was funny. Don't let these people with a thick sense of humor get to you ;) Saleema, Haaris' joke is more like a pun I guess. Usually when you say "we don't serve food here", you mean to say that you don't serve food to people at this place. Here it means "we don't extend our services to food items like you [becaue he's talking to a tomato sandwich - a food item]." Get it?? Hmm, the joke loses its humor once it is explained! Wassalamu alaikum. |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/09/00 at 20:32:30 |
| slm Its really funny to see how HARD the UK guys are trying to come up with something funny, LOL. :D Saleema, in Haaris's joke the food ("tomato and cheese sandwhich") wanted to buy something from the store. The store clerk said NO, we don't serve FOOD here, giving a double meaning: 1). the store doesn't ALLOW food to buy items from the store. 2). the store doesn't sell food to customers. |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/09/00 at 21:02:56 |
| Assalamoalykum, First of all, let me tell you something Arsalan. I don't have a thick sense of humor. And that joke was not funny. bhaloo, thank you for being nice, its hard to find people like that out there these days. In the future, only you are allowed to explain jokes to me. Arsalan, you are fired! How do you like that? wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/10/00 at 04:36:16 |
| assalaamu alaikum If i wasn't such a gloomy person i'd tell you guys a good joke. I don't know why people think i'm always gloomy or looking angry, because i think i'm quite a cheerful person really. But work colleagues and customers keep saying to me "Cheer up Kash!" OK check this one out: *Luke and Vader are sparring* Vader: "Luke" Luke: "What?" Vader: "Luke. I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke: "How do you know?" Vader: "I've felt your presents." tadaaaaa!!! |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/10/00 at 07:48:22 |
| Asalaamu alaikum I think there must be a difference with the US and British sense of humour, cause Arshad, i didn't find your joke about the IRS calling funny (maybe slightly amusing), and the one about the dog competition...what was that all about???!! well, haaris' joke wasn't particularly funny, but i did start laughing as soon as i read "a cheese and tomato sandwich"....simple, i know! and i'm glad that at least ONE person liked my penguin joke...thankyou Arsalan, you must have a crackin' sense of humour! Now c'mon, someone out there must know a reaaaaaally funny joke. Not one that makes you think to yourself "oh that's funny" or one one that makes you think "oh, that's funny" and brings a small smile to you face, but somthing that makes you laugh, or at least chuckle a bit! So, c'mon...... tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Learner |
| 10/10/00 at 11:06:52 |
| Assalaamu alaikum So you want something to make you laugh huh? OK how about the following real life incident? Sheikh Adam from Leicester walked out of the Jame Masjid and proceeded towards his house. A fascist on the other side of the road happened to spot him and finding the sheikh's appearance somewhat strange and foreign (as the sheikh was wearing a jubbah and turban) he started to shout and hail racial abuse at him. Waving his hands in the air and clutching his fists, wanting to provoke the sheikh he shouted "C'mon then!! c'mon you PACKI!!!" The sheikh responded vehemently with an equal uproar "ha ha meh paki hu...lekin tu na paki he!!!" Confusion dawned upon the facial expression of the fascist. The sheikh then realising that the other guy couldn't understand him, started to say in desi broken English "Yes me paki, you na paki! YOU NA PAKI!!!" and then resumed towards his house. The fascist was left there stranded with utter confusion and embezzlement not being able to figure out what just happened. Hope you guys are in tears because I was when I first learnt of the incident. Sorry - if you're not desi then you'll need to ask someone who is in order to see the humour. Or just ask and I'll get back to you. Wassalaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/10/00 at 11:39:37 |
| slm Ok, Lerner that was funny. :) Alright tree, you want funny? I'll post one of my funniest ones as soon as I can find it here, in a new thread. Your right, I forgot my target audience is not just the US, but the World, so I have to come up with something funny you guys understand. ;) |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Learner |
| 10/10/00 at 13:14:09 |
| Assalaamu alaikum >Invasion of the British now in the Bebzi stand!! Ha ha ha! I luv the way you've phrased it Arshad. Incidentally did you hear about the strange event that took place in the Paris meeting between Yasser Arafat and Ehud Barak with Madeline Albright as the mediator. Allegedly Yasser Arafat became very angry and stormed out of the meeting room. Madeline Albright ran after him to calm him down and bring him back to the meeting room. By the time Madeline Albright could do anything Yasser Arafat had already boarded his car ready to leave, heading for the exit. Madeline Albright had to shout out to the gatekeeper "Close the gates! Close the gates!" until it was closed. Not being able to get out Yasser Arafat paused for a while and after calming down decided to come back to the negotiating table. So finally Madeline Albright convinced Yasser Arafat to come back, and side by side they walked back to the meeting room. As the doors opened...Yasser Arafat was shocked and gob'smacked at what he saw. Of course you can well imagine what had happened in the meantime - Ehud Barak had occupied Yasser Arafat's seat claiming to have Biblical right's over it!!! LOL. Wassalaam. |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/10/00 at 13:39:58 |
| Assalamoalykum, Learner, You have the best jokes on here and I must say, I think we have the same type of humor. The best of its kind, i must say. So you see, I am capable of getting jokes as long as they are good and not just good, very good. The "paki" joke was hilarious, It made me laugh out loud! Brother Arsalan--I forgive you and you can put your smile back on now. :) Wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| haaris |
| 10/11/00 at 04:50:02 |
| Salaam, Okay, not being a "desi" (to the extent that I don't even know what one is, although I presume it's what we Brits would call an "Asian")I didn't get Learner's joke. Perhaps Sister Saleema could explain it. Capitalise on your triumph sister! Haaris |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/11/00 at 06:57:27 |
| Asalaamu alaikum Ok, I can see now that some of us have a completely different sense of humour! And while Learner's story about Sheikh Adam was amusing it definately did not make me lol. I found Kashif's joke funnier even though i'd heard it before! But I've got a real life story for you as well (maybe only the brits will get this). One lazy Sunday afternoon, I was sitting with my brothers watching a Newcastle game. Shearer was playing pretty well, but after a while i realised i couldn't remember his first name and it started to bug me. So I asked them: "What's Shearer's first name? Paul, John or something like that?" And my older brother said: "No, it's sheep". hahaha! (maybe you had to be there) :) tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/11/00 at 10:52:33 |
| tree thats ok, but check this out: (btw you have to know who's who in footie to understand this & this is a true story). One day my cousin sees Vialli at the cinema, so he starts calling to him "Gianluigi!! Gianluigi!!" LOL LOL LOL! Its no surprise that he got blanked! |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/11/00 at 12:21:17 |
| haha! that's just stupid really! :) funny, but stupid. tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Learner |
| 10/11/00 at 18:17:42 |
| Assalaamu alaikum Saleema: I think everybody wants an explanation to the desi joke. Would you care to have the honours? Wassalaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/12/00 at 09:14:30 |
| Salam, "Paki" means...what's a good word? Not clean, but,... clean from the 'inside;... ummm... I am not good at translating words wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Learner |
| 10/12/00 at 11:01:02 |
| [quote]"Paki" means...what's a good word? Not clean, but,... clean from the 'inside;... ummm... I am not good at translating words[/quote] How about...pure? Wassalaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Arsalan |
| 10/12/00 at 11:17:39 |
| paki = purity |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| jannah |
| 10/12/00 at 17:18:29 |
Posted by: se7en Posted on: 10/12/00 at 15:38:48 as salaamu alaykum wrt, Kashif, [quote] who's who in footie [/quote][quote] sees Vialli at the cinema, so he starts calling to him "Gianluigi!! Gianluigi!!" [/quote][quote] Its no surprise that he got blanked! [/quote] Huh?! You English people man...speak English!!! |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/12/00 at 20:26:48 |
| slm when I saw that footie post by Kashif I was wondering what language was he speaking? ??? |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/13/00 at 10:43:28 |
| aslaamu alaikum makes perfect sense to me! I think some *american* people on this board need to go back to school and learn how to speak english properly. Ye ken?? tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| haaris |
| 10/13/00 at 12:49:13 |
| Aye. Salaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Learner |
| 10/16/00 at 06:44:37 |
| Assalaamu alaikum Ok, here's something that the Brits will find funny, something that [i]even[/i] the Americans should be able to understand. ;D A local charity office realised that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least £500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the rep mumbled, "Um...no." "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless withthree children?!" The humiliated rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "My name is George Goldstein! And if I don't give them a penny, why should I give any to you?!!" Notice that his surname is Goldstein...tells you anything? Wassalaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/16/00 at 09:08:10 |
| hmmm.. ok i'll be the odd one out and say that that wasn't funny - i think it was counter-productive. This is a da'wah board, and we have a number of non-muslims visiting it. If they see 'jokes' like this, i don't think that they'll be impressed and most likely won't visit again. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/16/00 at 12:20:54 |
| yeah, i don't find these kind of jokes funny either. Guys at my uni used to tell these kinds of jokes all the time, which i don't think helped non-Muslims' views about Islam and Muslims. And haaris - D'u want'ae go doon the shoaps an get us a boatle a'ginger?! salaam tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| haaris |
| 10/16/00 at 14:52:32 |
| Aye, ah'd love tae. Tha missus us goen' tae peck us up now an' we're gan tae Tescos. Ah'll send it yer in t'post. |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Asim |
| 10/16/00 at 15:59:38 |
Aye, ah'd love tae. Tha missus us goen' tae peck us up now an' we're gan tae Tescos. Ah'll send it yer in t'post. hmmm...the Brits have started speaking in a foreign language ;) Doesn't this break rule # 7 ??? 7. No cursing. (Also posts in languages not understood will be deleted b/c who knows what they're saying!) :) |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| kiwi25 |
| 10/16/00 at 19:48:42 |
| assalalmu alaikum everybody, im not here to post a joke but here to explain what a "desi" is or "paki" , i live near those "albanyians" and also live near alot of "paki" and "desi" people (but not one myself) anyway a paki is someone from "paki"stan and a desi is one thats hmmmmm from like pakistan, afghanistan, bangledesh (i think bangledesh) anyways, indian u noe those kinda poeple and places, chicken buriyani eaters (actually theyre very good), so i hope i explained everything inshallah if i didnt im sorry i confused u even more :) salam nouha |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| MuSLiMa |
| 10/16/00 at 20:19:28 |
| OK, SO I JUST READ THIS ENTIRE POST TODAY WONDERING HOW ONE SIMPLE JOKE COULD EXPAND INTO 3 PAGES AND I'VE ONLY ONE THING TO SAY: FORGET ABOUT THE BRITISH AND AMERICANS, [B]ALL[/B] JOKES MUST BE AIMED TO HUMOUR THE AUSTRALIAN MEMBERS SUCH AS I :p |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| MuSLiMa |
| 10/16/00 at 20:22:31 |
| TWO CLOWNS WERE SITTING SIDE BY SIDE HAVING LUNCH ... ONE CLOWN NOTICED A STRANGE LOOK ON HIS FRIENDS FACE AFTER HAVING TAKEN A BITE FROM HIS SANDWICH AND ASKED: "WHAT'S THE MATTER?" TO WHICH HIS FRIEND REPLIED: "THAT TASTED FUNNY." |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| jannah |
| 10/16/00 at 23:11:42 |
| Oh lor' don't tell me we had to read that upside down or something to understand a joke from down under :))) :)) |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/17/00 at 00:07:44 |
| Assalamoalykum, I don't get that clown joke? Can someone explain? Or should i just shutup and not ask to explain jokes anymore???????????? wassalam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| MuSLiMa |
| 10/17/00 at 01:15:05 |
| Sis Saleema, may I suggest you just let any joke which you do not comprehend to pass you by and not worry over it ... as u said earlier, you are just too mature and sophisticated to understand our low grade humourous jokes :) |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| tree |
| 10/17/00 at 07:03:02 |
| salaam Haaris - Ta! that's pure ded brilliant, pal. a boatle o'the Bru'll dae me fine. Ah couldnae stoap laughin when ah read yer post...brings back a loata mem'ries. So d'u rilly toak like this, oar does yer missus? Oar ur ye just rilly good at imita'in? Oh, and the clown joke wasn't funny! :) tree |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| haaris |
| 10/17/00 at 09:35:07 |
| Salaam, Tree: Nah, sorry sis'. I'm actually an Essix boy meself. So I talk kinda Cockney-ish. Perhaps we should add a post to the "What languages do you all speak?" thread! The rest of you: as George Bernard Shaw once said "... two great nations divided by a common language". Wa Salaam. |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| saifullah |
| 10/17/00 at 10:57:44 |
| As-salaamu alaikum. my 5 year old cousin came back from pakistan (he went for 2 weeks) and he had the thickest accent imaginable. He told me this joke: There was a sardarjee sitting on the beach, and some young kid came to him and said, "Are you relaxing?". The sardarjee gets up and says "No! I am Kartar Singh." if you people dont laugh at that, then i dont know what to say.... |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| saifullah |
| 10/17/00 at 11:13:39 |
| This is my 2nd post. |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/17/00 at 11:19:15 |
| Assalamoalykum, Hahaha... I got that sardarje joke. *Now* that was funny. But not funny as in lol. wassalm |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| saifullah |
| 10/17/00 at 11:29:29 |
| oh . Isnt Saleema the one who never gets jokes? what does that mean about my joke...? |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/17/00 at 11:50:04 |
| My previous criticism of the joke about Jews likewise applies to the above joke about Sikhs. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| saifullah |
| 10/17/00 at 11:54:00 |
| This joke in no way made fun of sikhs... so i dont know if you are just trying to be cool, or funny. |
| NS |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/17/00 at 16:41:16 |
| Assalamoalykum, kashif isn't being funny or cool. He's serious I said that your joke was funny but not the kind of funny that makes you laugh out loud. Hmmm... I didn't see it as a racil joke at all. I can see it now i guess. I didn't know all singhs were sikhs. I was thinking more along the line of singhs and Sindh? I don't know. Do I have a thick head or what? From now on, I am not coming to this post. :) wassalm |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Kashif |
| 10/17/00 at 16:53:29 |
| assalaamu alaikum No akhee, i was serious. Subhanallah, what if a bad joke or a bad word from a muslim is the excuse which a person uses to reject Islam? Of course this is not reason to reject Allah & His Messenger, but imagine how tough it will be to explain ourselves in front of Allah for that. Specifically that joke, yes it is insulting to Sikhs, and the litmus test i guess would be to tell that joke to a group of sikhs. Singh as a surname has some special significance to Sikh men, just as Kaur as a surname has importane to the women. We live and learn. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Learner |
| 10/18/00 at 09:46:57 |
| Assalaamu alaikum Kashif: Jazakallah khair for teaching me a lesson that Insha'Allah I wont forget. To all those persons who were offended or disgusted by my previous posting, I would like to say that when it was forwarded to me I personally found it funny at the time (maybe becase of my sick mind) and without thinking twice I posted it on the board, however I would like to apoligise deeply for causing any inconvenience to anyone and ask everyone to forgive me. To err is human but to forgive is divine. Wassalaam |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| MuSLiMa |
| 10/20/00 at 06:35:17 |
| Ok, so do u brits all know Jim Owen [not sure how to spell his name sorry] ? well we got these RACV [home, car and boat insurance company] doing ads on television and they use Jim to do the voice over skit ... he's really quite funny i find ... here's a recent one: Isn't it funny that when a house burns down the only thing left standing is the chimney? It's a cold reminder of where the fire should have been. It should have been INSIDE the chimney, not all around it. So call 13 19 19 and get your house insured. They'll even insure the chimney for you [not that you need it]. *ta-daa* |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 10/21/00 at 05:56:56 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum Methinks youse all are gion just plain daffy! I dunno, i just love that phrase in cockney accent... And here's a joke methinks anybody will get... There were two plumbers sitting at a restaraunt one day. They ordered their meals and drinks and sat at the bar for a while. Suddenly, they both stood up, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" The manager who happened to be there was pretty confused but just decided to ignore them since the restaurant didn't have too many diners. About five or ten minutes later, they both stood up again, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" Again the manager just decided to ignore them. Ten minutes later they followed the same routine. By now the manager was getting pretty annoyed, so he went over and asked, "Why do you guys keep standing up and yelling fifty-five?" One of the plumbers said, "Well, we stopped at Toys R Us on the way here and got a puzzle. On the side of the box it said 2 to 4 years, but we got it done in fifty-five minutes!" Wassalam-u-Alaikum Uzer P.S. the clowns are supposed to be funny, so when they eat and think there's something funny... its supposed to be funny... capice? thought not... |
| Re: The one with the sheeps head.... |
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| Saleema |
| 10/20/00 at 14:08:21 |
| Assalamoalykum, LOl. I liked that joke, Proudtobemuslim. wassalm |
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