Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Anonymous |
| 10/18/00 at 20:26:21 |
| The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men. He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times. Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her. One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!" Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold. He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated. Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !" Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives ....... The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll never leave with us when we die. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave. BOTTOMLINE! "The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. Guess what ? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our death-bed to lament." |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Anonymous |
| 10/19/00 at 22:47:35 |
| Anonymous, I admire you for posting that story, because the moral was really powerful, and you're not afraid to be politically incorrect(we'll see how long this will last :). As someone once taught me, there are some 'trigger words', that no matter how they are used, set off female land mines. If you can delicately walk around these, you can safely say what you're trying to say. Let me illustrate: Male:"I saw a show on polygamy today" Sister: *slap* *slap* *slap* The error here was mentioning the word polygamy. The Multinational Association of Internet Muslimahs(MAIM) has declared that this word be stripped from the American lexicon. Male:"It is necessary for a wife to be obedient to her husband" Sister: *slap* *slap* *slap* Here, the unknowing male used a derivative of the word obedience. American Muslimahs love their independence as much as they do cheesecake. Male:"Females are... Sister: *slap* *slap* *slap* The use of the category "Females" denotes the chauvenism of the speaker by virtue of the fact that he implies women are an alternate species. This is a crime punishable by death, according to the MAIM handbook*. So, my dear brother, navigate the sea of gender issues with caution, and Godspeed. *Free copies available for download at http://www.jannah.org/sisters Wassalam Brother 5 |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| MuSLiMa |
| 10/18/00 at 22:57:08 |
| Anonymous ... ROFL!!!!!!!!! |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/18/00 at 23:08:09 |
| slm I had sent this to my maillist the other day and I received some pretty harsh reactions. I know who the above anonymous poster is because he sent me that reply personally. :) Here are what 2 sisters said and 1 brother (and no, the brother is not Kashif, so far he hasn't said a thing about the story). Here are what some sisters said: sister #1: hmmm i didn't quite like this metaphor with the wives... maybe he could use cats or something sister #2: dear Arshad, this is a good story for men and not women, because cannot be wives to themselves, and if you condone polygamy , I do not, because no man can treat his wives equally ,and Quran states that one is preferred. I am sorry but this is an insult to me as a woman and also as a muslima I will not tolerate it nor agree with it either in this modern era to satisfy a man's carnal desires putting it mildly "take it and sit on it" in the vernacular of today's language. I thought you'd have more insight and sensitivity about women mulsimas. Well so much for that...I am totally upset with you and this stupid choice of an example and not withstanding consideration for good muslimas. Aleykum selam. A brother's perspective: Wow, that was a nice one man :) |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Saleema |
| 10/19/00 at 11:20:20 |
| Assalamoalykum, Arshad, did you get my response via email? Why don't you post it on here? So it won't seem like *only* the brothers were supporting you on this. :) wassalam |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/19/00 at 12:01:55 |
| slm Sorry Saleema, I should have posted your response as well. Here it is. Assalamoalykum, I don't know why the women didnt' like it Arshad. I see nothing offending by it. If a man has four wives, he will of course love or neglect them to different degrees because he is human and is can't love everyone the same. This story doesn't mean that you are advocating having more than 1 wife, and lets just say even if you were, so what? As long as you were advocating it for the right reasons. If Allah has given permission for the men to marry up to 4 wives then it is not for us to look down on that. And yes, it is also written in the Quran that men will be better off with one wife. Allah has kept the option open to prevent harm and fitnah from this dunyia. I don't kow why the women # 2 got so angry. I must admit that the analogy from the literary perspective wasn't good however. :) But other than that it was all right. I guess women feel threatened because being Muslims their husbands can take a second wife and when they see stuff like that it makes them angry because of their insecurity. Women whose husbands have had hinted at wishing to take a second wife, or couples who have marriage problems, see stuff like this and get angry. I have seen this happen a few times. I guess when women think about their husband's loving someone else more than them, they feel angry and jelous and threatened that there is an option available to men that they can choose to practice anytime. Its only natural to feel like that. wassalam |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| widad |
| 10/19/00 at 12:48:48 |
| slm I think the moral of the story is clear and true,jazakallahu khayran fo reminding us ,it is true we all seem to care about wordly things and seem to neglect our a'amal which we take with us. |
| NS |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Arsalan |
| 10/19/00 at 14:59:24 |
| Assalamu alaikum, [quote]sister #2: and if you condone polygamy , I do not, because no man can treat his wives equally ,and Quran states that one is preferred.[/quote]Where is the preference for one??? I think this is a gross simplification of the verse [hr]If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.[hr] What is [i]preferred[/i] is the way of the Prophet (pbuh) and the Sahabah. Abu Bakr had more than one wife. Umar had more than one as well. Uthman had at least two. So did Ali! SubhanAllah, why did they not take the "preferred" way? "No man can treat his wives equally". If this was the case, Allah would have known it and would have told us not to marry more than once! What's the point of putting a condition when it's known to be impossible?!? Moreover, we KNOW that it's possible because people have done it before. Again, the example of the Prophet and the Sahaabah is there. And yes, they were [i]men[/i] - not some supernatural creatures! I think part of the problem is the ambiguity in people's mind about the definition of justice and equality. I would advise to consult a tafseer for more details, but in summary, justice means equal treatment with your actions - not feelings. You cannot love all wives the same. That is impossible, because you don't have any control over your feelings. Some parents love one child more than the other (ex. Ya'qub loved Yusuf more than the rest, my parents love my younger bro more than me :)) The same can happen between husband and wives ... and we know that Rasulullah loved Aishah more than the other wives. But equal [i]treatment[/i] is not impossible. And if a man can fulfill this criterion, it is his right to marry more than once. Don't take that right away from him! Don't discourage it either. Because Allah didn't discourage it in His Book. On the contrary, some may even say that the tone of the verses actually suggest an encouragement to marry more than once, if at all possible. The verses didn't say "Marry one. But if you can do justice with more, then marry two, or three, or four." The verses said "Marry two, or three, or four, but IF ..." Wallahu a'lam. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Khathija |
| 10/19/00 at 15:46:31 |
| slm i thought the story was really good, but i liked the story about the two sisters. i really think you should post that arshad. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| se7en |
| 10/19/00 at 17:18:10 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, From my experience with other women and even from my own reaction, I know there are certain "trigger" words that set certain alarms screaming. Polygamy is one of these terms. It's a sensitive topic, and one which we should be careful with. The word itself connotes certain things, and attached with it are many presuppositions people have. I myself didn't like this story very much, because I couldn't focus on the lesson that was being taught over the analogy that was being used. wasalaam. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Ikrima |
| 10/20/00 at 01:22:59 |
| Assalaamu alaikum. I completely agree with Arsalan. What's happened is that many of us find the concept of polygamy incomprehensible, because almost everyone else in America feels that way. Sadly, many ideas of this secular nation are slowly creeping into our Muslims. For example, some Muslims feel that the violence that is going on in the Middle East is the result of Palestinian actions. This is one of many examples. I hate to use this adage, but "what is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular". Wassalaam. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| widad |
| 10/20/00 at 06:41:10 |
| slm Really this polygamy thing is as Arsalan and Ikrima said "it is secularisation". Polygamy is the real way men were made to be,if you look at the prophet Sulaiman and see how many wives he had and others and others,you will find that man is poligamous,Allah has instilled that in him.When men who are polygamous were held back from that as in christianity,they resorted to having secret relations and also in all other cultures and countries if you access the way men are carefully,you will find a lot who have secret lovers. Now Islam came and said:"Four is the maximum number you can marry...but you must becareful to treat them equally." Because ALLAH knows the nature of men and knows the nature of women. So we the slaves of Allah do not come and make a big deak about something we don't like as women or as individuals,and say oh but it is not right or it is not fair.Allah is Just,He knows His creatures better than they know themselves.So when Allah says that polygamy is halal,then I as a woman (who hates to have a partner)come and say no,it is not fair,no there has to be a reason....or how come women cannot marry more than one man. **I don't say that I would like my husband to marry but once there was a neighbpor of mine who was deep in problems and there was no other solution except to find her a husband and I did.....,my own.I told him that a sister was in need and in order to save her sanity,daughters and deen she needed some good person to marry her and take care of her. But Allah subhanahu watala sent her another unmarried young man and her daughters are married now and she is happy with her husband. |
| NS |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Kathy |
| 10/20/00 at 08:27:25 |
| slm :o There are those days... I wish my husband would find another wife!! |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Malika |
| 10/20/00 at 11:21:39 |
| AsSalaam Alaikum I think the moral of the story is a good one and although Allah (swt) has enjoined on man to be just in his treatment of all of his wives I can see this happening. I also knew who would be the one who would agree to follow him. Anyway, Prior to my Shahada I could not imagine a husband of mine having another (i.e. girlfriend secret lover, wife) but you know now sometimes I say to myself if my husband had another wife I could get some quiet time. I would prefer him to have another wife I know about than for him to get caught out there doing things against Allah's (swt) wishes. There are many women out here who would love to have a family or be a part of one. Suppose you and your husband were married and you loved each other dearly. You couldn't have children and knew he really wanted to have some. this would make him very happy and Allah (swt) has provided him the means. Would you women deny him that happiness? Why? |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| bhaloo |
| 10/20/00 at 12:57:41 |
| slm Sister Khathija, insha'Allah I'll put that story up in another thread. [quote] Se7en: I myself didn't like this story very much, because I couldn't focus on the lesson that was being taught over the analogy that was being used. [/quote] Se7en I'm sort of surprised you would say that. If I told a story here with an important lesson and it mentioned a man and his girlfriend, I wonder how many people would object to this? I doubt I would receive many if any objections, because apparently this seems to be the norm, unfortunately in the society that we live in, even though that is a completely haraam (forbidden) situation. However, when a story is told of a man with 4 wives it creates an uproar, even though his situation is completely permitted under Islam. What thoughts go through a non-Muslim's mind when they hear the words "a Muslim woman" ? Oppressed? Not free? Abused? Terrorist? etc. There are so many misconceptions about Muslim women out there. What thoughts go through a non-Muslim's mind when polygamy is mentioned? Are these the same thoughts that go through a Muslim's mind? The same misconceptions? Its something to think about. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Arsalan |
| 10/20/00 at 13:04:38 |
| Words of Wisdom from Arshad! Think about what he's saying here folks.... Wassalamu alaikum |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Saleema |
| 10/20/00 at 13:53:02 |
| Assalamoalykum, I would just like to point out something. But first let me make my position clear on Polygamy. I am not against it because Allah doesn't give me the right to be against it. If my husband took a second wife ever, It would hurt me if he came to love her more than me. So, I don't know what would happen from there, I would be extremly sad. Let's not forget though, you have to be able to afford a second wife. What you have to provide one with, you have to proved the other witht the same thing. PLUS you have to give them equal time, something which will be very difficult to manage in today's society. And if your wives feel like that you are not giving all of them equal time then you will be held accountable for it. So its not easy to take care of more than one wife. Well, here's the story. I was reading somewhere, (i can't remember where), that Ali (r) expressed the wish to take another wife. Fatimah (r) was hurt and went and complained to Prophet Muhammad (S) and he said something like, Fatimah is a part of me and if she is hurt I get hurt too. (Not word for word, as you can see!) So Ali (r) heard about what the Prophet Muhammad (S) said and didn't marry anyone. He didn't take another more than one wife after the death of Fatimah (r). wassalam |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 10/21/00 at 12:30:29 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum I would like to have the references for that hadith if possible. Thanks Wassalam-u-Alaikum Uzer |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Harisa |
| 11/09/00 at 23:51:26 |
| where did Love go??? and what happened to having one person and spending your life with them??? If your husband loves you how can he even think of taking another woman as his wife???? Excuse me for being wierd but i believe in "True Love" ... one love...one person u were meant to be with and one person you spend the rest of your life with..... I think my parents are an example...they fell inlove when they were young..they got married even though my mom's family didnt approve of it...and they had 6 children and have spent 31 happy years together..... **my mom's family didnt approve of it...but my mom went off and got married anywayz and then her family was fine with it!! so why should i want anything less.... i want one man and i want to be the only woman for him as well POLYGAMY DISGUSTS ME---i dont care if its the word of Allah.... I am trying to become Muslim but i just dont see how its possible when i cant in any way shape or form agree with a lot of stuff that you guys ssay is "Word of Allah" How can i be Muslim if im gonna go against Allah so much....i might as well not even believe in Allah then....if im gonna go to hell anywayz..why waste my time Wooofff i donno im confused anyone care to comment i might forget to come back into this and read your comments so it would be probably better to send them to me by mail Harisa82@hotmail.com thanxxxx toodddleezzzzz |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| jannah |
| 11/10/00 at 12:04:07 |
| salam harisa, sister first i don't think you should say that Allah's words disgust you. As our Creator we should love Him and know He loves us. You can say that personally you would like not to enter into a polygamous relationship and there's nothing wrong with that. islam is so wide and merciful and you have so many choices in your life to try to be a good muslim. there ARE times when polygamy is needed, and how merciful is God that he made this available for us. so while you may not wish it as a personal choice, consider that others may WANT it as their personal choice. and since God gave them that choice it is not for us to say it is disgusting or anything else, just like they shouldn't say anything when for personal preference we decide not to. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| se7en |
| 11/10/00 at 12:30:46 |
| Harisa, You think you're the only one who's had a difficult time understanding some things? I have, I've had a lot of trouble with things. You just have to think things out. This polygamy thing, I know a lot of women have difficulty with. What you have to think about is the big picture. I totally understand what you're saying about one woman and one man.. that's what we understand as love being shared, that's the way love is in the society and times we live in. And you know what? It's all good to not want that for yourself. You put that in your marriage contract, it's not something you're gonna have to worry about. But think about it in the big picture. Islam is built for *all* people, for *all* times. Think about a land after a war, when a majority of the young men are dead. So there's like, twenty women to one man. What should happen then? One man and one woman should get together, and the rest of the women just have to be alone the rest of their lives? Does that seem fair to you? And look at the world population today, the percentage of female to male is like 52 to 48 and rising. That means there are soon going to be a lot more women than men. I know Allah is just. I know Allah is fair. There's a reason this is allowed. Another example. Violence is mentioned in the Qur'an. Does that mean we should practice violence? No. But Islam is REAL. And it gives us REAL solutions to our problems. War is something that happens, so Allah gave us rules for it. Same with marriage. Let me tell you something. Being Muslims doesn't just mean that you take the Word of Allah as true. You have to live it, and that's something that's so hard to do. You're not the only one who's had problems with certain concepts. I know I have, but that doesn't mean I'm not Muslim. I know, as a fact, as sure as I can feel my heart beating, that Allah exists, that He is my Creator, and it is our duty to worship Him. I may have trouble with certain parts of Islam, but that doesn't make Him any less real. Let me say this also. I'm going to be honest with you. You can walk away from this, but it will not leave you alone. You won't be able to shut this out, because you know a little and you need to learn more. Your soul is screaming for you to figure this stuff out. If you just try to shut it off, I am certain somewhere down the line it will haunt you. The least, the absolute *least* you can do for yourself is learn what this faith is really about. As Muslims, we see this life as a struggle. You think jihad just means going out on the battle field? No. We fight in jihad everyday. We battle our selves, our prejudices, our weaknesses. We struggle to crawl our way to the truth. We're all fighting here. Why do you think we come here, to this madina? It's sanctary for me, a place where I can breathe, and learn and be at ease. It allows me to re-equip for my next battle out there. :) Harisa, e-mail me. You're older than me, but you're going through a lot of things I've gone through. I remember those times too well, how much it hurt me, how deeply lost I felt, because nothing made sense to me. Don't give up learning about this faith because you dislike a concept or you're confused about something. Don't cop out Harisa. Think for yourself, figure things out, ask questions. Aiite? :) wasalaam. |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| Saleema |
| 11/10/00 at 14:42:56 |
| Assalamoalykum, Well, good advise from the sisters. I went through the same stage as you Harisa, with the polygamny thing, but I never said that I didn't want to be a Muslim anymore. Or that not agreeing with this made me a non-Muslim. It just showed that I didn't possess the knowledge to understand it, but of course I never thought that way back then, I thought I had all this figured out. I know so much better now. I don't have anything figured out yet either, except that I don't know anything. I need to learn more about Islam and practice upon that. I don't try to do everything all at once. I take a thing that I don't understand and I ask Allah to give me the wisdom to understand it and the strength to accept it. I understood why polygamy was allowed but I didnt accept it. Even if you don't accept it for yourself, you shoult accept it for the Muslims in general....do you see what I'm trying to say? Harisa, there are a lot of things that I have trouble with too and it hurts so much that I can't understand the wisdom behind it, that I am too arrogant and ignorant to accept and understand what Allah wants from us and why. Right now, I am sitting with tears in my eyes because I don't let people know usually what's going on inside of me and I am embarrased that people will now know that I am such a weak person. That I don't love Allah enough as much as His right is and as much as He probably loves me. How can I say that I don't care if I go to hell or that I don't want to be a Muslim anymore?Howcan I? Knowing that there is only one God, Allah and that Allah is the All-Wise, The Just, The Merciful. Knowing that Islam is perfect, it is the only true religion. How can I deny Him because of my lack of understanding? May Allah help us all in our struggles and help us to become better Muslims, and to increase our iman. Ameen. Wassalam |
| Re: The Rich Merchant With 4 Wives |
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| h_m_r00 |
| 11/22/00 at 10:41:12 |
| Salaam I personally would not be able to stand it if I had a husband and he took another wife...It would hurt me to know that.It's just not in me to share 'everything'...There are women who can though,they even help the husband find his second wife;) Hiyam |
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