Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Saleema |
| 11/01/00 at 01:27:01 |
| Assalamoalykum, Now that I got you to open this up: Ok, first let me say that if you are too shy to post with your original name, you can always post ananymously. :) keep on reading to see what I'm talking about. I want to know what all you unmarried, engaged sisters think about the following issues. 1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? 2.What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? 3.What would you do if a guy, muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this. :) 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? 6.Actually, this is the last one, :) , those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? wassalam |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! Wet Bhurka Contest! |
|---|
| Sara |
| 10/30/00 at 20:02:34 |
[quote] 1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? Personally for me,a good age would be 18. After high school. I didn't want to go to college,but my parents made me go.I have to many girl cousins who got married at 16 and that's too young. 2.What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? The Palestinians usually have a Hinna (engagement party) first,one day. And the bride-to-be still has to stay at her parent's house. Then the next day (or a different day,they decide on)is the wedding. Personally, I would like to be engaged for about 6 months to a year,then have the hinna and wedding. I would like to get to know my husband-to-be a little better before I rush into marrigae. 3.What would you do if a guy, muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this. :) I wouldn't like it. I like the old-fashion way, where the guy asks the girl's parents first. 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? Yes. Very much. 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? Do you mean:Palestinian marrying a Pakistan? If so,I wouldn't mind. As long as you're Muslim I see no harm. If you mean Muslim marrying non-Muslim. That,I do not like because they're too many problems into the marriage.Ex.-what religion to raise the kids. 6.Actually, this is the last one, :) , those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? I like to get to know the person as long as it's supervised by his parents or mine. Or another adult. [/quote] |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! Wet Bhurka Contest! |
|---|
| Sara |
| 10/30/00 at 20:03:56 |
| OOPS! I MESSED UP MY POST WITH THE QUOTE STUFF! I HOPE IT IS EASY TO READ!!!!! |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! Wet Bhurka Contest! |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 10/30/00 at 23:35:14 |
| Assalamu Alikum wa Rahmat Allahu wa Baraktuhu ya muslimeen. I'm a newbie, I've been wanting to post but for some odd reason I can't! I guess this is the only way I can post :o) Let me give you a bit of a background of myself before I answer the questions! I'm in college (early on in my college education). I just recently got married in August :o) So I'll give you my inputs. 1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? I really believe each individual girl knows when is hte best time to get married. I don't think there is one age that I think all girls should get married. I got married when entering college, and to tell you the truth I wasn't looking to get married- neither were my parents. But that was my naseeb alhamdullah. So we really don't control WHEN we get married!! It's all with Allah (swt). Right now, although people say I'm too young, but you know what, I think that was one of my best decisions I ever made in my life. I don't regret anything. 2.What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? I believe having your nikah done and having the wedding few months later is the best way. I don't think havine your nikah done few yrs before your wedding is a good idea. I had my nikah done in March, and had my wedding in August. In that time I got to spend more time with my husband alone (like dating). In that time, it also allows you to get comfortable with your fiance, so when you do start living with each other- it's not so ackward! I know several of ppl who had nikah, wedding and everything all at once- when it came to honeymoon and living together it was really ackward for them. 3.What would you do if a guy, muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this. Alhamds it hadn't happened to me, thats all I have to comment on this :o) 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? My husband, and his parents actually came to my parents house- which was the best way to catch my parents interest. I know where my parents come from its expected for the guy a lot of the time his parents to come visit the girl at her house. 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? 6.Actually, this is the last one, , those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? Yes, it is real important. Talking on the phone (with permission of both parents) is one way of getting to know the other person. I know b4 i had decided to get married my husband came and visited me at my parents house by himself- Which was nice. Luckily I had brothers, which was nice when we all went out- so my third way of getting to know the person is going out with he/she with a mehram. I was in a rush, I may be unclear on things. wasalam |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Khathija |
| 11/01/00 at 17:01:44 |
| slm 1) age....? hmm after college 22, 23. that's me personally. if someone gets married earlier and its good for them then its all good. 2)we(us albany sisters (can't say albanians any more)) discussed this and i don't think that's a good idea. its kinda like testing the waters b4 stickin ur feet in. there are circumstances where this could work but if you are ready for marriage do if not don't...don't be in the middle 3)if a guy gave me a poem i think i would be freaked out, flattered, but definetly freaked out! 4)my parents would definetly be impressed if a guy went directly to them instead of coming to me first. 5)im all for interracial marriage....but my parents don't feel the same... 6)i think the getting to know someone is very important. if you ask around you always dont find the truth so its better to get to know the person with a maharam and according to the rules of hayaah i just have to say these are only my OPINIONS and i feel there could be exceptions that will make me change them |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Learner |
| 11/01/00 at 18:48:56 |
| What ever happened to the wet bhurka competition? ;D |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Arsalan |
| 11/01/00 at 18:57:05 |
| Learner, that's a private program for the sisters! No brothers allowed!!! :) |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Kathy |
| 11/01/00 at 19:04:55 |
| There is always one in the crowd... |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Amatullah |
| 11/05/00 at 02:43:29 |
| [quote] 1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? [/quote] This is my first time I'm trying the quote part, so if it doesn't come up right, sorry, anyways I think during or after uni. [quote] 2.What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? [/quote] I think being engaged for a while first then later on after the wedding I you'd appreciate more, i don't know... [quote] 3.What would you do if a guy, muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this. :) [/quote] umm. i'd first panick then avoid this guy until i can think of some practical action or reply, i'd spend lots of time trying to think back to where this guy migt've seen me [quote] 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? [/quote] yea, that's a sign of respect isn't it? [quote] 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? [/quote] I was talking to my dad bout this...he says that as long as his Islam's good, it should be okay. Anyways I don't know any iraqi traditional customs or iraqi food, I've never even been there:) [quote] 6.Actually, this is the last one, :) , those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? [/quote] Well as long as his Islam is Good, then there shouldn't be a problem with anything else cos proper Islam covers all aspects of everything, including personality etc... Maybe in a public gathering or meeting with my parents present...i still have time before this:) Well I hope this quote thing turned out right, Wasalam Amatullah |
| Re:my .02 dirhams |
|---|
| jannah |
| 11/06/00 at 16:41:06 |
| walaikum salaam wrt, saleema that 'wet bhurka competition' was hysterical too bad u took it down :) i've enjoyed reading all the posts by the sisters, esp the married sisters seems like they know all the secrets and mysteries!!! ;) you must share more of your wisdoms!! ahh so here are my opinions and Allah knows best. 1. I think that the best age to get married probably in this country is after college. That is the time after you've grown up a little, you've tried alot of things out in college, you've become your own person and can share with someone else. I don't think you're ready for this after high school...you're still in that young mentality and the responsibilities of marriage are heavy indeed. 2. I've seen alot of girls have their nikah and wait awhile until the walima. I think this could be a good thing. It might solve alot of problems.. ie getting to know each other and still being alone..not as awkward as jumping into living with each other the day after you get married!! but one thing that should be clear here is that the nikah IS the marriage.. that's it you're married.. it shouldn't be looked at as a temporary dating type of thing... This might be good if you're both still in school or living long distance... 3. honestly it depends on how its written, if it's sincere maybe the guy couldn't figure out how else to express interest and thought hey if it worked for cyrano why not me?? 4. My parents would be impressed. I would be kind of surprised about it. Ideally they would contact the girl themself and ask if it was ok to contact her parents or how to go about it or if he should anyway...ie do i have a chance:) 5. I think it's great as long as they have similar 'culture' ie thoughts and ideas.. for example let's say a desi person and an arab person both raised here...they have the same culture... but two arabs.. one raised here and one raised differently might not have the same 'culture' 6. I think you can learn alot about a person over time, especially if you live in the same community, have the same friends etc. But if the person lives somewhere else it is very important to use more than one source.. ie the unmarried girls in his community (they always know the dirt!) and others |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| mahsou411 |
| 11/06/00 at 22:26:52 |
| Salaam, I hear a lot of people talkin about marrying after collge and it really depends. I am 23 and will only be a junior in January but I don;t think I need the other two years to learn stuff. As mush as I have been through working and living on my own, college with all these "youngsters":) is probably not going to teach me much that I need in my marriage...well, what I mean is that colege will teach me a lot insha'Allah but since I am older than many students I have allready learned many life lessons and feel prepared for marriage. So basically it depends on your age and experience and upbringing. Ok that's all:) Salaam |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| se7en |
| 11/07/00 at 13:17:09 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, ok here we go... [quote] 1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? [/quote] At whatever age you are physically, intellectually, financially, emotionally, spiritually capable of handling marriage. :) It's different for different people. Me personally? No brothers are up to the challenge ;) [quote] 2.What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? [/quote] It depends on the situation. If there is a specific reason for doing this, ie need to complete school, live apart, etc, then sure. I guess I don't understand what the problem is with completing the marriage. Or just waiting until both parties can live together. [quote] 3.What would you do if a guy, muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this. [/quote] Hmm. Depends on what the poem says. And how good the poem is :) [quote] 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? [/quote] It would be kinda weird if I had no idea the brother was interested. It seems to me that approaching the parents is one of the last steps, not the first. How do you even know that you are interested in this person if you've never communicated with them at all? As long as there's haya, it's all good. [quote] 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? [/quote] Absolutely awesome. Your loyalties should be to Islam first, Islam second, and Islam third, your country and your ethnicity should be on the bottom of that list, along with annual income and physical beauty. Really. Maybe it's because I'm an ABCD... It hurts to see parents refusing good people because they don't match their criterion of homeland or skin color. Alhamdulillah my parents aren't like that. [quote] 6.Actually, this is the last one, those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? [/quote] See, if you don't let the sister know you're interested in her, then she'll think you're just a creep trying to mack. That's why you should let her know. But as a good friend of mine once said, "the brother should make up his mind before he starts to mess with yours." Heheh :) If you're too scared to talk to her, talk to her friends, those that she's close with. Trust that the word will get back to her, heh. Email's good. Speaking to the person at a respectful distance (watch that personal bubble!) and in an appropriate place (ie public). It's all about haya. Can't emphasize that enough. Detachment, distance. You can communicate with someone, interact with them, but be within the limits of The Law. And Allah knows best what is good for us and what is not. Aiite? If you have any other questions about me, you can refer to khathija and dhikr as resources :) Insaaf, betul, dhikr, kiwi25, where are your responses ??? wasalaam. |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Mona |
| 11/07/00 at 20:53:07 |
| assalamu alaikum, Okay, I cave in and agree to this. Saleema, you'd better respond as well since you roped us all in! :-) 1. Best age is when Allah has decreed for me to marry. That's it. No amount of looking back or forward will affect the timing. 2. Doing nikah before the wedding ceremony (walima) is the norm in most middle eastern cultures. I would prefer it this way given that there was an adequate effort spent on knowing the general traits of the other person. 3. Likely, my ego would be inflated few folds initially. Then I would think about it and probably start worrying about this man's personality and general mental stability! 4. Probably. Most guys these days (the ones I've encoutered anyways) are the dodgy type and are just lacking focus. Sigh! 5. Inter-racial marriages are great. Could be seen as an educational opportunity to another culture, language and cuisine! 6. By "conversing" in the presence of the woman's mahram if both are in the same region. E-mail might help initially but there have to be some standards and reasonable effort at excersicing mature behaviour! Good I am finally done. Anything I said here [color=Blue]CANNOT[/color] be used against me later.. wassalam |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Saleema |
| 11/07/00 at 22:19:31 |
| Assalamoalykum, I will reply last, after eveyone else has done so. :) wassalam |
| what i think |
|---|
| Anonymous |
| 11/09/00 at 18:50:16 |
| I can't post for some reason..Tell me why? any way... I think that the age part in a marriage depends on the person. I think that we should be able to marry when we understand what loving some one is all about* Getting over infatuation of actors and such *. I also think that if we marry early..before finishing college, we will lose our chances of getting a degree, because we would want to rasie our kids our selves. And me personally I want to get my degree. No one is worth not having it. And my parents will be impressed A LOT if the guy went directly to them. It has not happened yet, but I am hoping ip will. Getting to know a person is so important. My parents tried it, and guess what? they are still in love. Well... almost.Of course I want that person to love me, but what era the chances without knowing them? I have to go now...I will finish it later |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| jannah |
| 11/09/00 at 22:47:36 |
| email the moderators, their email is in the "help" link |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| h_m_r00 |
| 11/27/00 at 14:21:48 |
| Salaam Saleema: when are you going to reply?;) It's ok...really you can tell us. :) Hiyam |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Jenna |
| 12/07/00 at 17:20:31 |
| Asalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu 1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? Well I got Married at a very young age. I believe that it depens on the the person. No one can really tell her when she will be ready.(I still kept up with my education as well. I was homeschooled all my life and thats how I am finshing my education).... 2. What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? Well being engaged. hmm I think it depends on the reason why they want to be engaged. Is it for the fact that they want to knw one another before they get married? If that is that is the case then you would have to remember. You never know someone untill you live with them. You may know what color they like, but you really dont know there personality (most of the time) untill you live with them. As far as living with your husband after the ceremony? I would and did!! loool....... 3.What would you do if a guy, muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this Well I think that even though it may not have anything perverted, you should always stay from anything like that. Because remember Shayton is always there!! And he wants to play with us and we should not give him any opening..... I think maybe for this subject maybe you should ask a Sheikh..........beacause I could be wrong....... 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? Well I think it would be better to go through whomever is her Gaurdian..... 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? Well Subhan'Allah nothing wrong with them...I am in one myself........Its as long as your happy with whomever your with even if they are black wite yellow blue or orange looool.............. 6. Actually, this is the last one, , those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? Well like I said the before you may know what color the person likes but (most of the time) you will never know there personality untill you marry them!! Jenna |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| zakk |
| 12/07/00 at 19:22:56 |
| It must be duly noted that even though I am married I never keep my big mouth shut when it comes to these criteria/timing/what if stuff. I got nikkaed at age 20 whilst still a junior in college, not wanting to take on all the responsibilities of married life. But my husband needed to be here for his job so we just had a nikkah and then he lived at my parents house, just down the hall. Oh and "halaal dating" is fun :) Then we had the ruksathi a year later after I graduated. By that time we knew each other well enough to feel comfortable to begin a real life together. Alhumdulillah, I felt it was a great thing to do; it worked out well for me and suited my nature. And it gave my poor husband some time to adjust to such a wife before being subjected to her whims 24/7 :) Anyway, I'm 23 now with a beautiful 6 month old daughter mashaAllah and a husband who I know well enough to speak my mind to. It's all good, alhumdulillah. |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Arsalan |
| 12/07/00 at 21:36:07 |
| Halal dating??? Hah! What an oxymoron! |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| mahsou411 |
| 12/07/00 at 23:32:04 |
| slm You know after reading this thread when it first came out and talking to a few sisters I know, I have decided to stay on campus for the next semester which will be the first few months of my marriage. I think this will insha'Allah benefit us becuase we will have time to adjust to the married life and spend halal time together really talkin privately. For me, I would feel awkward just livin with a virtual stranger, a man at that, right away. Since our "courtship" has been very traditional (no talking without my wakil or family present, no casual relationship at all) we are not totally comfortable around eachother. In fact I keep thinking about those first couple of hours together after the wedding and I freak out. I have never been alone with him, have barely looked him in the eyes! So, I wonder what are we gonna talk about? How will we relate to eachoher? It will be SOOO weird. For all you guys who have been through something similar can you tell me, if you don't mind, what it was like when you were first alone. How did you even start a converstaion? I think I will be so nervous I will just clam up and hide in the bathroom!!!!! slm |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Saleema |
| 12/08/00 at 14:00:48 |
1. What age would you personally want to get married at? What do you think is a good age? I think a person shouldn't marry until they are mature enough. Personally, I don't care when I get married. Whenever my fiancé decides that he's ready to get married then we will. I don't know, it doesn't really matter to me. I think I could have gotten married at 16 and I would have been able to handle marriage. 2.What about being engaged or getting married, just the nikah ceremony, but not living with your husband? and having the wedding later, like a walima and all the other rituals that different cultures have? That is ok with me too. 3.What would you do if a guy, Muslim guy, gave you a love poem asking you to marry? Nothing perverted or anything like that? Someone I know, wants to do this. :) If it was a *clean* poem asking me to marry him then I wouldn't reject his proposal right away. I would give it a thought. But the poem should not have any ambiguity though. I don't know... It has to be clean like I said before and not to long. No unnecessary flowery language, straight to the point. Nothing like “I admire the way you walk” or “You have lovely eyes.” Know what I mean? If the poem has stuff like that, then I would throw it away and next time I see him, I will give him a piece of my mind. 4. Will you and your parents be impressed with a guy who came directly to the parents instead of turning towards the girl? Yes very impressed. 5. And last, but not least, what do you think about interacil marriages? No problem. 6.Actually, this is the last one, :) , those who think that "getting to know" the other person is important, how do you think that can be done within the limits of haya? I don't know. Tough question. :) Sister Aminah, :) Everything will be fine inshallah. I think every girl has that fear. Who knows maybe the guys have it too. :) I would probably do the same thing as you, but I would go the closed and take some food with me so I won't get bored. :) wassalam |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| kiwi25 |
| 12/08/00 at 14:13:31 |
| assalamu alkaikum everybody, ok here goes: 1.)age?......i would say after college of even the late year sof college 2.)niqa?.....hmm i think id want to do everythign all at once 3.)love peom?.... thanks u brother but i dont get down like that 4.)asking parents/impressed? ...... oh yea im sure this goes with all parents, i would be impressed too 5.)interacial marriage? ....fine with me 6.)getting to noe one another under limits of haya?..... i think the best way this will work out is with a wali wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: sisters! take a look at this! |
|---|
| Khathija |
| 12/08/00 at 16:07:15 |
| [quote] 3.)love peom?.... thanks u brother but i dont get down like that [/quote] noon ur sooo cute :) |
Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.The rest © Jannah.Org |