[MADRASA] A lost friend...advice needed!

Madina Archives


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

[MADRASA] A lost friend...advice needed!
Magableh
07/14/01 at 12:39:28
Assalamu Alaikum

I am a recent convert to Islam. I was "introduced" to this religion by a male, muslim, friend of mine. He taught me the basics of being a muslim, and I learned a lot on my own, reading books and visiting a local mosque.
To make a very long story short...my friend is married to a Korean Baptist woman. He does not pray or fast, and he sells alcohol in a store that he owns. The only thing that he does do is pay zakat. He says that he thanks Allah(saw) everyday for his blessings and by doing that he is "practicing" Islam. I read Quran daily and have read over 20 books about our religion. I do all prayers, fast and pay zakat. He says that I am too fanatical in the things that I do and that half of the muslims don't even pray!
Before I embraced Islam I felt very empty inside...lost. Since Allah(saw) guided me I feel like it is my duty to guide my friend to do the right thing in his life.
One day I was sitting talking to him and I don't remember the exact conversation, but when I mentioned Allah's(saw) name, he said, very sarcastically, "Islam, Islam, Islam...that's all you ever talk about. Don't you have anything better to do?" :( I was very hurt.
I don't really know how to explain my feelings, but when I was guided by Allah(saw), I felt like I wanted to tell everyone about Islam, Allah (saw) and Prophet Muhammad. (pbuh)
And with my friend being Muslim, I felt like I was even more obligated to help him.
Now, I don't know what to do :( Should I talk to him? If so, what should I say?
Please, any advice!
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
assing
01/29/01 at 10:21:04
Wa alaykum as salaam, Alhamdulillah, the One who guided you the haqq through the hands of one of his weak servants, for indeed the rasul {saw} said "Allah will give aid to this deen by the weak ones", and may Allah reward the brother for conveying this dawah in light of his many appearant sins. However, you should be depressed from what you see the brother doing or says to you, inspite of him teaching you about islam. This is why when you read the Quran, almost in every surah Allah talks about the prophets and what they had to endure from their people, as reminders for us to be firm upon this haqq regardless of the great number of people that may differ with us. This why the rasul {saw} informed us that "there will always be a group from my ummah appearant on the haqq, those who go against them and those who abandon them, will not hurt them, (and it will be like this) until Allah establishes the hour" {may Allah make us from among them.....amen}. And likewise the hadeeth of Khabaab, where one day the companions complained to the messenger {saw} about how oppressed and subjugated they were, he {saw} replied "a man from amongst those before you would be sawn in half, and that would not cause him to abandon his deen" {AL- Bukhari}   so what about us in these time of ease?
  Hence, i say peolpe like these should be avoided until they repent, lest you become like them, Allah says in surah An Nisa' verse 140 "And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Qur'ân) that when you hear the Verses of Allâh being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them. Surely, Allâh will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all together in Hell", and also in surah Al Anam, verse 68 "And when you see those who engage in a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur'ân) by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn to another topic. And if Shaitân (Satan) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zâliműn (polytheists and wrong­doers".
  As for his saying saying "Islam, Islam, Islam...that's all you ever talk about. Don't you have anything better to do?", this is the reaction of the mushrikoon whenever Allahs' name is mentioned or anything about his deen, Allah say in surah Az Zumar, verse 45 " And when Allâh Alone is mentioned, the hearts of those who believe not in the Hereafter are filled with disgust, and when other than Him are mentioned, behold, they rejoice!", I am not saying he is a mushrik, {don't misunderstand me now}, but he possess one of the evil traits in this aspect.  
  So i say try your best and learn about your deen and don't kill yourself over weak muslims like these who like in a world of self deception, for on the day of judgement you will have to account for you sins and not theirs. As Allah says in surah Al- Anam, verse 70."And leave alone those who take their religion as play and amusement, and are deceived by the life of this world. But remind (them) with it (the Qur'ân) lest a person be given up to destruction for that which he has earned, when he will find for himself no protector or intercessor besides Allâh, and even if he offers every ransom, it will not be accepted from him. Such are they who are given up to destruction because of that which they have earned. For them will be a drink of boiling water and a painful torment because they used to disbelieve."
And Allah knows best.
NS
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
Saleema
01/29/01 at 11:32:11
Assalam ualykum,

I'm sorry sister.  :(  I don't know what to tell you, I have friends like that too and worse and I feel the same way as you do, very sad and helpless.

wassalam,
Saleema
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
Zahra
01/29/01 at 12:42:10
slm

Dear sister,

My advice is that you let this "friend" go.  Being around people like him will only make you weak and cause you pain.  I know that you feel it is your duty to guide him to the straight path but we must remember that Allah guides whom He wills.  I think you could exert your efforts elsewhere and have more influential and positive effects on people-people who are more openminded. If his heart is diseased and closed and he doesn't even *want* to listen to you, then I think that you shouldn't waste your time.  SoubhanAllah-it is through this person that you came to Islam.  Allah is the Best of Planners.  
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
se7en
01/29/01 at 13:55:58
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah,

You are following Islam the best way you know how, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I think that the reason your friend is acting this way is because he thinks that when you talk about Islam, you're criticizing his behavior.  I know that's kind of difficult to understand, but I think it's true.  I think that he feels guilty for some of his actions, he resents you for making him feel guilty, and he's being defensive.  So whenever you talk about Islam, "Islam says do this", to him it's like you saying "you should be doing this"

It's very easy to get offended when someone tries to correct your behavior or tells you that you are wrong (trust me, I would know :))  And I think in this case that's made even worse by the fact that he's the one that introduced you to Islam, and you are the one trying to help him.  That can build even more resentment in a person, and only fuel that feeling of "who is she to tell me what to do??!"

Sister you're in a situation many of us have stumbled through. Have patience, and please be gentle with him and his sense of self when you're correcting him or trying to help him out.

That feeling is awesome, that feeling of wanting to let everyone know about this amazing thing that's helped you so much in life.   Don't hesitate to speak about Islam or what it's done for you.  But just remember, people respond to different things, and some people just aren't ready to hear it.  It's Allah alone who guides and who allows people to go astray.  All we're supposed to do is let people know.

May Allah guide you and reward you for your efforts. :)

wasalaam.
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
BrKhalid
01/29/01 at 16:24:43
Asalaamu Alaikum :)

Sister if all else fails, still keep asking du’aa for him and ask Allah [swt] to guide him.

As has been said already Allah [swt] guides whom He wills, *when* He wills for He is the most Wise

May Allah [swt] grant you patience and perseverance and may he allow you to see your friend return to the straight path.
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
Asim
01/29/01 at 17:50:20
Assalaamu alaikum,

To add to what others have said, I would suggest that you ask a brother to talk to him, someone who is a good Muslim and close to him. Inshallah this will be a better approach instead of you talking to him especially when he is defensive and arrogant.

Wasalaam.
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
Magableh
01/29/01 at 21:37:29
Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters

Thank you for all of your advice and suggestions. They were very helpful!

Se7en, you are very right! He does resent the fact that I am trying to help him improve his deen, when he was the one that introduced me to Islam. And yes, he feels very guilty for not practicing. That is why I want to help him. If I felt like he didn't care about being a muslim, then I would give up and Inshallah, he would return to his deen. But I know he cares about being a muslim. Although that might sound like a contradiction. He is married with 3 beautiful children. He did not raise them as muslims. He is now 51 years old, not practicing Islam for over 25 years, except for thanking Allah for his blessings. He feels now that it is too late to repent and he does not know how to start over being a good muslim. I do not constantly talk about Allah (saw) and Islam to him, I just try to guide him when I know that he is doing something wrong! He says that when he sells his store, he will go to Hajj and repent and then he will practice Islam. I don't think that this would be the right way to do it. Maybe I am wrong, but I feel like he should repent now, and do what he has to do because we don't know what Allah (saw) has in store for us tomorrow. And I feel like no matter what sins he has committed, he can sincerely repent to Allah, and Inshallah, he will forgive him. Am I right or wrong?
Asim, my friend is the only brother that I know, and I do not know many sisters. How would I go about having a brother contact him? He does have many muslim friends, but unfortunately, they are not practicing, and I don't think that they would be good examples :(

By the way, my name is Serena and I am a 28 yr. old sister from California. Alhamdulillah, this is a great board and you are all very helpful!!

Wassalam
Re: A lost friend...advice needed!
chachi
01/31/01 at 19:25:49

I think akhi he feels that you are now his teacher and he resents it.

Ask him about himself and advise him according to qu'ran and sunna but don't hit him over the head with it eg don't quote verses at him etc

Don't totally leave his company but don't visit him everyday either really when he's being aggressive with you it's because he hates himself for being weak


Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © Jannah.Org