Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| seeking advice |
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| Anonymous |
| 02/24/01 at 20:23:31 |
I've come to the conclusion that the person who I've considered my best friend no longer sees me as such. We have always been very close, sharing everything with each other. She's truly someone that knows me and my heart well. Recently this friend of mine had undergone some difficulty, not something I would consider a great trial, but perhaps to her it was. She started to question a lot of things about herself, her depression and her anger. Ramadhan began, and she wholeheartedly worked to improve herself, really striving to change herself for the better. Since then, alhamdulillah, she's been very happy, and very serious in improving herself as a Muslim. And I'm glad that she is. But she's also distanced herself from me. I thought this was because I was responsible for a lot of the difficulty she had gone through before, and wrote her this long heartfelt email about it, apologizing. She wrote back saying that I'm not responsible for anything and there's no reason I should feel that way. So, I want to ask her, why have you consistently distanced yourself from me if that is not the reason? Are you just sick and tired of me? She keeps drawing back from me, adding distance between us. We converse, joke around, but that intimacy we once had is missing. We no longer confide in each other, seek each other's advice. I'm thinking it's because she has improved herself and I haven't. She's changed and I have not. She's grown out of me. And she has every right to pull away from me if she considers me a danger to her and her relationship with Allah and with Islam. If I am holding her back, she needs to push me away so she can achieve her full potential as an 'abd. I understand that. But it hurts. It hurts a lot. I feel like I've lost someone that once held such an intimate place in my life. Every time I see her now, I can't even look her in the eyes. She is content, and I feel guilty because I *should* feel happy for her, but instead all I feel is this selfish hurt and anger about why she pulled away from me. I understand intellectually why things have turned out this way. She is striving to improve herself, and it's good to make a clean break. She needs time and space to figure out her own self before she can return to the way things were before. She has the right to move on to new people and this doesn't mean she's abandoning me. But when it's someone who once knew everything that was a part of your life.. and she doesn't anymore.. and she doesn't want to. Like she just doesn't care anymore. It hurts me. It doesn't make sense for me to feel this way because she is not doing it intentionally, she loves me so sincerely, and she's truly a good person with a good heart. I would go to her with this, tell her this, but I don't want to guilt trip her into returning to the way we were, and I don't want us to return to that if that's not what's best for her. I want to be able to smile at her and let her live her life happily as a good Muslim without harboring these feelings. I don't know how to change this.. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. |
| Re: seeking advice |
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| PacificBreeze |
| 02/24/01 at 21:33:17 |
| assalaamu alaikum, well...i don't want this to sound harsh and am in no way addressing it as such...but what if you too moved along with your life? started bettering yourself if that's what you feel..(we all need to better ourselves..and that will bring us great satisfaction when we're being true mu'mins)...start getting involved with other activities...don't take it very personally although i understand you have this gaping vaccum that needs to be fulfilled...or that's missing after your friendship grew apart etc... the best advice at this moment..is to find solace with Allah..do alot of dhikr..be among others who make you feel important such as being a peer role model..the youngsters who look up and are hungry to bond with others..or do alot of various good community deeds or even around the house good family deeds etc..if you busy yourself as well, you'll no longer feel sad or empty or left alone etc...and you too will have something that'll fulfill you and will no longer feel hurt...? it's always awful when friendships end..or are no longer what they used to be...but it's something we have to overlook and move on..it's just a reminder that things are temporary in this world..and taht Allah swt gives us different friends during different times..to fulfill us for that moment...so try not to take it personally....and just make it into a "passage of rite" stage..as a diff stage of your life...where you too can contemplate and better yourself insha'allah..? great time to better one's self and submit wholeheartedly to the one who is true and always there for us, Allah azza wa jallah...submerse yourself with doing dhikr and good deeds etc...it'll replace that satisfaction...and eventually, time is the healer...and be positive..there will be other wonderful friends...and atleast you have some cherished memories...let her go on and live her life..atleast you two still have some contact...and make your life for the better as well... :) and remem after hardship comes ease...and innallaha ma'asabiroon...verily, Allah is with those who are patient...so just be grateful and make hamd for the good things in your life..be positive about them..and think of this as an opportunity to make some new changes in your own life and new friends..etc.. ? may Allah comfort you...and replace your sorrows with joy.... :) and hey.....lookie here...i just met you right now right today... :) hello, how are you? :) wa salaamu alaikum, your sis in islam... (not sure if this got thru right?) |
| Re: seeking advice |
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| Safiya |
| 02/25/01 at 18:52:20 |
| [slm] i dont think theres much u can do 'bout it me if a close friend did that i would treat her on the same level she was treating me. 2 b honest i would just get on with things inshalah ur hurt will seize and u'll move on i thought i had a few friends that hurt me but alhamdulillah i have made better friends it truely is not the end of the world :) i dont know what else to say- remember Allah MUCH [slm] |
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