Need Help with Marriage Problem

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Need Help with Marriage Problem
Kiwaku
03/03/01 at 12:30:03
I have asked a young lady in Saudi Arabia to marry me. She has accepted my offer and is looking forward to spending a lifetime with me. However, her mother and father disapprove of me, for several reasons. 1) I am an American; 2) I have been married before and have two children; 3) I currently manage a McDonalds {though this is changing very soon}; 4) and finally that we have been talking over the internet.

What should I do? I pray daily that Allah guide me in this. But I am still confused, I would appreciate any help brothers and sisters would be able to give me in this problem

Thank you very much

Wassalam
Kiwaku
Re: Need Help with Marriage Problem
Arsalan
03/03/01 at 15:29:13
[slm]

Kiwaku, how do you know this sister well enough that you have decided to marry her?  Internet, in my humble opinion, is not a proper medium.  It may tell you a few things about a person, but it doesn't tell you everything.  

I can sympathize with any parent who rejects a suitor for their daughter who has been in contact with her over the internet.  It's only natural.

I think if you truly think this sister is good for you, then you will have to make a little bit of financial sacrifice and travel to Saudi Arabia to

1. find out more information about her, her background, her family etc.

2. talk with her parents to ask for her hand (either you yourself, or some third party).

The case would have been different if she was independent (i.e. divorced), but it seems that she is not.

Of course, if you have some contacts in Saudi Arabia who can do this for you, that would be great!  You would save yourself a lot of hassle and expenditure.

That's my two cents.

Wallahu a'lam.

Wassalamu alaikum.
Re: Need Help with Marriage Problem
Zahra
03/03/01 at 15:39:19
Well, personally, I don't really blame her parents not for any other reason other than you met over the internet.  I wouldn't let my daughter marrry someone she met over the internet just because there are so many people on-line and you don't know whose out there.  I am not directing this towards you but just put yourself in their shoes and think like a parent would.  Also, it is her parents right that they first approve of a possible husband for their daughter.  Even if their reasons to you seem unjustified, they are still her parents and they have that right(although they do not have the right to force her into marriage with anyone)  If she is patient with them, she will insha'Allah earn a great reward in the hereafter.  Whatever you do, don't go against her parents wishes-that will only cause a lot of problems for her and can possibly destroy her relationship with her family.    
Re: Need Help with Marriage Problem
PacificBreeze
03/03/01 at 19:45:26
exactly what i was thinking, akh arsalan
Re: Need Help with Marriage Problem
Kiwaku
03/04/01 at 11:35:52 AM
*sighs*

Thank you for your candid and insightful approach to this problem. I have been to Saudi Arabia once, 10 years ago with the military. I became quite enamored with their customs. Of course you are all right, I would not look forward to approving a marriage for my own daughters from someone they met over the internet.

I suspose I should just give up on the whole mess and let her know that I dont want to cause problems between her and her family. I know what it is like to be rejected by ones family because of the spouse you marry (ie. My ex-wife).

Now, how should I break it to her? She has stated that she is willing to wait and be patient about the situation untill we can convince her parents that I am worthy of her hand. I am afraid that she is quite infatuated with me at this point (it doesnt help that I am feeling the same way about her).

Thank you again for your sound advice and logical thinking.

Sincerely
Steven/Kiwaku
Re: Need Help with Marriage Problem
jannah
03/04/01 at 4:48:27 PM
Kiwaku bro ! I don't think anyone was suggesting you totally give it up, just that there are issues that you have to figure out how to address. Maybe going there in person and meeting the family would help.
Re: Need Help with Marriage Problem
Kiwaku
03/05/01 at 09:24:32
Thank you Jannah.

After having a conversation (e-mail) with the young lady in question, she has told me that no matter how long it takes, she would never give up on being my future wife. Thus, we decided that next year I would take a trip to Saudi for two things.... one for the pilgramage, and the other to meet her father.
I will not rush this, they want her to wait to finish her education before she gets married, I respect that. Therefore I will wait. Insha' Allah her father will find that I am honorable and trustworthy enough to approve our descision to marry. It would appear that Allah is working within me, a wonderful feeling. Al-hamdu lillah.
Thank you all again for your sound advice and for a wonderful web-site.

Sincerely,
Steven/Kiwaku


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