Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How do I handle this? |
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| Magableh |
| 03/08/01 at 00:41:26 |
| Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu Dear Brothers and Sisters, When I converted to Islam 10 months ago, my family completely shunned me...and to this day they treat me very, very badly! I am cursed at, and degraded in the worst possible ways. They are basically putting me in the position where I have to choose between Islam, or them. :( I have basically been "shut out". I'm wondering if any of the converts on here had a similar situation and how they handled it. For me, not having them around hurts deeply...and any advice on how to approach them would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to give up on them...I love and respect them...I just want the same in return, Insha'Allah. Wa'assalam, Serena |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Kathy |
| 03/08/01 at 08:35:37 |
| {slm} It is pretty tough isn't it? I went thru the same thing- and 14 years later still have to endure family gatherings and the suttle and sometimes not so subtle comments. After the first couple of years of trying to explain Islam and why I made the choice it seemed futile- So I put some distance between them and I. It was easy at first because usually we all got together on major Christian Holidays and they wanted me there, if for the only reason, to cook and uphold the family traditions. I wouldn't and that was the beginning of the split. This made me very sad. It wasn't because I missed celebrating the holiday- but because I missed being with my family. I thought about it alot. I tried to see it from their point of view. Their daughter, aunt, sister had forsaken their religion. I had denounced their god. I had thrown away my salvation. I had just gone bonkers- dressing wierd, hanging out with foreigners, and stopped being the life of the party. I was no longer celebrating Christmas and Easter with them. It would be pretty hard for me if my son denounced Islam, shaved his beard, started hanging out with non muslims and began celebrating christmas and easter. ( May Allah swt never let go of the rope that binds him to Islam) Once I understood what they were going thru- it helped me. I started to be with them more- as hard as it was- and dealt head on- with thier comments. (In the most respectful way) It was a form of dawah and a trial. I was so angry when they dissed Islam infront of my young son- I want him to grow up being Proud to be Muslim. I would watch his eyes watch me as they made some idiotic comment. At first I wanted to sheild him from the comments. However, my son will most probably live in the US, {Allahwo Allam} He will need to learn how to "defend" his religion. So I now I let him watch me respond to my siblings. Humdil Allah it is getting easier- Sometimes you just have to cut the ties. However- I was probably the first Muslim my family met- other than the wild eyed terrorists the media portrays. I want them to hear about Islam from me- No easy task but my responsibility. Sure I would love to have them love and respect me too. I think they do and just won't admit it. Here is an example. I have a large family. All of us have kids. Which home is the one they all take their most precious children to? Do they take their children to each other? Nope- they bring them to me. My youngest brother and his wife are pretty critical of my lifestyle- Guess who they called first when they needed someone for their first born. They may not show me the respect and love. I do not need it from them. I would like the respect from those who know better, act better, from the Muslims. Because that is true respect and true love. |
| NS |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Daud |
| 03/08/01 at 08:48:19 |
| AAwRwB, Perhaps you can ask them exactly what it is about Islam that causes them to get so angry? Usually people are so ignorant, mis-informed and hardheaded about Islam that it is typically very easy to refute or allay their fears and predjudices. And as a "newbie" certainly the Alimuun on this board could assist you in refuting anything they tell you. Additionally I think it is helpful to ease into a transition and not to show up at their house in full Islam regalia and start tossing all the booze bottles out the door. A very wise and astute person on this board once told me, it took the Prophet 23 years to receive and implement the entire revelation. Us newbies make it very hard on ourselves by trying to do it overnight. Of course the best course of action is to pray to Allah to remove or lesson the obstacles on your Way. Trust me, S/He will not deny you if you are sincere. Your brother in Islam, Daud. |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Kiwaku |
| 03/08/01 at 09:23:09 |
| Asalamu Alaikum, I want to begin by telling you a little about my family. My mother and father have been very important people in thier religion, my father is a deacon of his church and both my parents teach very in depth bible study classes in thier church. My Middle brother is a Baptist Preacher! and is very active in his church, his wife is considered a "good" christian woman in that she is silent and behind the scenes only, she does teach a bible study class in thier church as well. My youngest brother is also a deacon in his church and his fiance is also a bible study teacher. From the time I was born untill I married my ex-wife I was very active within the christian community as well. I said my Shahada on my birthday Feburary 1 this very year. Needless to say this has caused quite an uproar within my family. I am receiving a lot of the same treatment that you have described, with a twist. My family has taken it upon themselves to "save" me from my descision to turn away "christ". Needless to say I am deluged with booklets and teachings about how the "evil" muslim religion is destroying everything the christians are setting out to do. They have even been trying to set me up with a "proper" christian woman for possible marriage. There is not a day, or hardly an hour that my family does not call me, or harass me about my descision. To make matters worse they are attempting to get to me through my children. I have two daughters from my ex-wife, my parents have custody of them currently (long story that I will explain upon request) and are constantly filling thier heads with christian retoric. It is a sad thing to have to talk with your own 6 and 4 year old daughters and explain to her that daddy is not "evil" and that I am not going to heaven because I do not believe in a "christ". I can feel your pain. I am learning as much as I can about the Muslim religion, I do not go anywhere without my Qur'an. I have tried to get my family to read it, but they will not read something that is not what they consider "of the bible". They refuse to listen to me as to why the Muslim religion is not the evil religion that they have been brainwashed into thinking. Yet, they constantly hit me with their own teachings. Of course I politely tell them that is not what I follow, and I do listen to whatthey have to say. I choose to be patient with them, as is how we are directed to act in accordance with the Qur'an. I am with you on standing behind being Muslim. I have felt no peace or love from Allah to the degree I feel since my conversion. I am going to raise my daughters to be proper Muslim women, I am even planning on taking a Muslim woman as my wife. This I have not told my family as of yet, I am waiting for the proper time. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one out there going through this same thing. Stay strong and stay faithful, insha' Allah. Wassalam Steven |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Magableh |
| 03/08/01 at 11:39:59 |
| Bismillah Al-Rahman Al-Raheem Dear Brothers and Sisters, Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Wow, it's good (and not so good) to know that I am not all alone in this situation. My circumstances are somewhat different. I was not raised according to any religion. My family celebrated all of the Christian holidays, but, I never really *celebrated* with them. Even at a young age I couldn't *understand* the reasoning behind celebrating Easter, Christmas, Fourth of July, etc. So, in that respect, it's not much of a change for them since I did not celebrate their holidays in the first place. For me, the family that I speak of is my mother and my 2 biological sisters. My father has not been in my life since my birth (28 years ago). I have one uncle who does not *reject* my faith, he just chooses not to acknowledge it. His suggestion is that when I *get together* with them, I put my faith aside, don't mention it, don't dress according to Allah's (swt) command, and so forth...this is unaccpetable to me! My family hears all of the *distorted* images of Muslims on TV, from friends that say they should protect me from this *evil* that I am submitting to. They feel that I am going to marry a *Natural born terrorist*, have kids and then they will be kidnapped and taken to the Middle East where I will never see them again....*sigh* :( How do I change their views? Is it possible? Is their anything I can show them, read to them, anything that might possibly give me an opening to explain Islam to them....to possibly get them to see that I am very happy with being a Muslim...(A quote sent from a Brother, to me, explains it perfectly)..."You are like the one who lost her sight only to have it return again, unexpectedly." Sine converting to Islam, my faith has been tested over and over again...with my family and my health. But Alhamdulillah, I have not faultered. And Insha'Allah I won't...it is just so depressing sometimes. The hardest part...I have 6 nieces and nephews. My Brother-in-laws accept my religion and stand by me 100%, my Sisters will not let me see their kids because they feel that I will put *garbage* in their heads! :( But, when they need something, like money, who do they come to? Me! And can I refuse them...no! I can't...I love them, and regardless of the harsh words they say to me, I will not turn away from them. Kathy, I totally agree with you when you say that you want the love and respect from the Muslims, because that is the true love and respect. But, unfortuntaley, I have not experienced that yet. I don't have a network of Sisters in my area to talk to. Not even one, yet, but I'm working on it, Insha'Allah. I truly sympathize with all of you for the troubles you are going through. May Allah (swt) guide you, reward you, and bless you for all of your efforts! You are in my du'as :) Wa'assalam Serena |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| UmmZaid |
| 03/08/01 at 21:19:05 |
| Salaam 'Alaikum I wish I could say I've been there with all y'all, but actually, I've been blessed to have an extremely tolerant family. My mother and my father's father (g'fater) are very devout Catholics, and I've never heard a cruel word from them. A few comments once or twice from my mom about the Middle East, but really, she knows better, since my dad's best friend was from Iran and she works with people from Palestine and Egypt. The most I've ever had to endure is some sidelong stares at the first family function I showed up in hijab at, and once I caught a cousin saying, "You know... that scarf thing she wears?" LOL I think it's because most of my family grew up in an area where there is a lot of Lebanese (mostly Christian, but still), and because there are two thriving Muslim communities (one Sunni, one Shi'a) in that area (which is surprising, b/c it's kinda country). So, I'm with you all in spirit, even if not in experience. :) |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| proudtobemuslim |
| 03/13/01 at 08:01:21 |
| Assalam-u-Alaikum, Bro Steven (Kiwaku), your story reminds me of that of a revert in a family similar to yours. His name is Yusuf Estes... why not read his story at www.islam-today.com. Maybe you guys could email him. Just trying to help... Al-Hamdulillah I've been Muslim all my life. Wassalam-u-Alaikum Uzer |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Kathy |
| 03/13/01 at 08:23:12 |
| slm I just recently saw a tape on Y.Estes- he does have a way with words! |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Kiwaku |
| 03/13/01 at 14:54:38 |
| Thank you brothers and sisters for your kind words and helpful ideas. I got onto the site www.islam-today.com but was rather disappointed to see that it was all in the german language. I am not as versed as some in the various languages of the world, I know enough to get into trouble in about 8 different countries.... unfortunately Germany is not one of them. Is there an english translation of this site available? Thank you Wassalam Steven |
| Re: How do I handle this? |
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| Mona |
| 03/13/01 at 15:33:28 |
| Assalamu Alaikum :-) Br. Kiwaku, Try [url]http://www.islamtoday.com[/url], it should be in English wassalam |
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