Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Question for the sisters ... |
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| Arsalan |
| 03/11/01 at 16:16:44 |
| [slm] To all the sisters who wear the hijaab: What would you do if your husband, after marriage, showed a desire - a wish - that his wife would cover her face and hands also (without ever imposing it on you)? |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| Magableh |
| 03/11/01 at 17:53:34 |
| Dear Brother Arsalan, Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Well, personally, if that was my husbands wish/desire than I would do it, if it would make him happy. I'd have no problem with it. Although, where I live it would be quite hot :) Wa'assalam Serena |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/11/01 at 20:49:51 |
| as salaamu alaikum, Personally, I'd be happy beyond belief, it would be a blessing to have such a husband. But, this is not true for all sisters, so it would probably be best to find out what type of sister you are about to marry, make sure her passion for the Deen is similar if not greater than yours. was salaamu alaikum |
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| mwhaider |
| 03/11/01 at 20:59:27 |
| AOA, anonymous, very well said wassalam waseem |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| savannah |
| 03/12/01 at 06:08:16 |
| slm, If it was what he wished i would wear it too as long as i didn't have to wear black (i have a hard enough time with hijab in summer). |
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| Kathy |
| 03/12/01 at 09:27:30 |
| slm I have thought about this alot since you posted the question. At first I thought no way- but then I realized how my scarf and clothes looked 10 years ago and how they look now. The scarf keeps getting bigger and the jilbabs more loose. Then I thought - would I be doing it to please Allah swt or to please my husband? Because if this would truely please Allah swt- why am I not wearing one now? At this time in my deen- I have not accepted that it is obligatory. So would it please my husband? Sure we should do whatever we can to make each other happy. What are his intentions? Is it because his buddies wife does it and he wants me to do it? Is it because I am ugly and he wants to cover me? It will surely draw alot more attention from people on the street- how will he feel about that? Also I would be interested in his reaction if I decide to stop wearing it. I am very active in our city- how would this affect dawah? If he really wants me to do it- I would just like him to wear a kufi and thob for one month (he has a beard)- everywhere- work, school, dinners, shopping. And let his beard grow out. Good topic starter Arsalan! I love the ones that make me think and ponder! |
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| se7en |
| 03/12/01 at 14:33:23 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, I would ask him why. Did he stumble upon an ayah or hadeeth or text that convinces him it is a requirement? Is he growing more and more disenchanted with the society he and I live in and wants me to be protected even more so from the diseased hearts of men (and women)? Is it because he wants more control of my actions, and thinks that if I wear niqaab I would not engage in activities he does not approve of? Is it because he is an extremely jealous person? I think it depends on the reasoning behind this desire. And if he just thinks it's cool, I like sister Kathy's suggestion about making him wear a thobe and an imamah. :) I think something important he should realize is that if I did it, it would be to please him, not to please Allah. And really, how good is that? I know of a lot of cases in which a sister who gets engaged/married begins to wear hijab because her husband wants her to. And what happens is, they're not doing this for Allah, they're doing it for their husband. I don't know how comfortable I am with that. I don't know, I have to think about it more. wAllahu 'alam wasalaam. |
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| Zahra |
| 03/12/01 at 22:44:09 |
| slm I would thank Allah for giving me such a husband! Of course, this is assuming that my husband is enjoining me towards good and trying to protect me. Certainly, such a step would be hard. I though, believe that niqab is the most excellent form of hijab and a means towards erasing a lot of fitna within our Ummah. |
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| PacificBreeze |
| 03/13/01 at 02:46:21 |
| he should inquire about her stance on the matter before he marries her...this way he'll know if she's open to it or not (if it really matters to him)...b/c otherwise it wouldn't be fair to demand/request her to start niqabing if she hadnt' planned on it or wasn't open to the idea..(niqabing can't be pushed on anyone without them realizing the issue behind it or accepting it etc..esp if they're not a hijabi or a jilbabi etc..) and as for the issue of her complying: it depends on who she is...and what her beliefs are..lots do or are open to niqab, masha'allah...and some have a personal problem with it...and some still have some ways before they can get to that level.. my view: niqabis are awesome masha'allah and deserve utter respect! :) bros should be just as islamically identifiable by their dress and behavior as their wives..and i don't think some of them appreciate the idea that he would want it enforced if it isn't something that came from her herself..or wasn't something she was interested in..or even if she's interested in it..he shouldn't be so concerned with the matter except to support her.. :) i don't know if this makes sense..my mind's somewhere else...EXAMS WEEK! ws. |
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| Arsalan |
| 03/13/01 at 03:06:24 |
| [slm] So far the answers have been very intriguing. More please! To those who showed a little confusion over what I had really meant, perhaps a little rewording of my original question would help. Again, this question is to all the sisters out there who wear the hijaab (and only the hijaab): What would YOU do if YOUR husband, whom you loved dearly (because of his upright character, piety, wisdom, kindness, gentleness, etc), AFTER marriage, showed a desire - a subtle wish, without ever even *speaking* about it to you directly - that his beloved wife would cover her face and hands also? And although he never verbally asked you to do so, it had become obvious to you that this desire was constantly present in his heart. |
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| PacificBreeze |
| 03/13/01 at 03:08:52 |
| side comment in parenthesis regarding a comment made: (on close inspection of niqabis, i haven't found it as a deterrent to doing dawah..rather it's a walking, live, instant form of dawah! ;) seeing her as she is.."normal"..etc...and being able to ask her qs..if someone's really curious, they still would approach her and ask qs..and if they're shy or hesitant in asking her, atleast it'll make them think about islam :P and ask another person...besides..it erases all "submissive, oppressed" stereotypes..and if you see something often, you're no longer afraid of it..viva les niqabis :P um, ok, i think i need to get back to my uni studying. ;) wa salaams) |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| Kathy |
| 03/13/01 at 08:46:31 |
[quote] What would YOU do if YOUR husband, whom you loved dearly (because of his upright character, piety, wisdom, kindness, gentleness, etc), [/quote] If this were true- I would do it. |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| halwa |
| 03/13/01 at 09:42:46 |
| salam alaikum actually im not really sure about wut i would do.. the way that arsalan asked the question the second time, makes me think about it even more. I am not a big fan of niqab (when talking about myself) but i respect others who choose to wear it as fellow sisters in islam. However, if my husband were to indirectly ask me to cover, i would question his motives, and ask him why he didnt mention it to me before we got married. Not that it would have been an issue, but if it was very important to him, he should have told me about it before..I think i agree with se7en, id have to really kno wut his motives are, and where he all of a sudden learned it was a good idea..u kno?,,id have to kno why he'd want me to do it, etc. i duno wut i just said..but i think i confused myself even more..heh GREAT take care everyone wasalams seeba |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| Saleema |
| 03/14/01 at 02:22:06 |
| Asalam ualykum, My response is not intriguing. I will be very honest. I'd simply ingnore his wish/desire no matter how pious a muslims he is. There is no way in the world that I would cover my face. There's no way in the world that anyone could convince me that it's required. When I go to Pakistan, I cover my face as much as I can when I'm in Sarhad. Practically everyone covers their face and if you don't cover then you stand out and people stare at you and give you mean looks. I find it to be irritating in hot weather, but ok when the weather is good. One day, out shopping on a very hot day, I could not stand it and so I went to the ladies restroom, made my chadar into a scarf and wore that for the rest of the day. May aunts have been covering most of their lives and so whether hot or cold it doesn't irritate them. The first time that I did it, I must admit that I was very excited but then the excitement died down eventually. wassalam |
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| jannah |
| 03/14/01 at 02:42:56 |
| [wlm], when we visit india we wear niqab...but mostly because it is tradition there and if you don't, you get stared at and harassed. i mean men will literally stop there in the streets blocking traffic and stare at you up and down if you don't. here i rather think it's the opposite and men would stop in the streets and look at you up and down if you were wearing niqab :) but anyway... saleema i don't think you can (or should?) say unilaterally that you would never do it. when you're married things become different and it is unfair of you to say that because marriage is supposed to be a compromise and the niqab issue if we consider it to be a sunnah shouldn't be something that you would unconditionally refuse and would let it become such an issue that would hurt your relationship or even let break up your marriage. i guess there are some issues that are personally our breaking points so this might be one of yours, but otherwise i can't say that if i was married, had a boatload of kids, loved my husband and marriage that i would refuse point blank. so that brings us back to Arsalan's question... so why exactly does our husband want us to wear niqab? :) i think that is the major issue and would decide the answer for us... |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| Saleema |
| 03/14/01 at 03:42:56 |
| Assalam ualykum, If my husband ever wished to have a second wife, I would not be irritated. But he better not tell me to do niqab. wassalam |
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| se7en |
| 03/14/01 at 14:12:21 |
| [quote]when you're married things become different and it is unfair of you to say that because marriage is supposed to be a compromise and the niqab issue if we consider it to be a sunnah shouldn't be something that you would unconditionally refuse and would let it become such an issue that would hurt your relationship or even let break up your marriage. [/quote] dang girl, put some punctuation in there! |
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| jannah |
| 03/14/01 at 17:28:21 |
| i put a period in there just for you !! :) |
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| Arsalan |
| 03/14/01 at 17:32:53 |
| [slm] [quote]My response is not intriguing. [/quote]I think it has been one of the most intriguing ones so far! :) |
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| muhannad |
| 03/14/01 at 18:15:14 |
| While it is true that our scholars have differed regarding the position of the Niqab (i.e. whether it is obligatory or not), neither camp should chastise the other. Remember this was the practice of the prophets wives |
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| salaam |
| 03/14/01 at 18:54:58 |
| as-Salaamu 'Alaikum, Sis Saleema, out of curiousity (you don't have to answer if you don't feel like sharing :) ), but why would you be so dead set against wearing niqaab? salaam, your sister in Islaam. |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| Saleema |
| 03/14/01 at 19:12:46 |
| Asalam ualykum, uhhh.... just because..... I don't like people ordering me around on religious matters that are up for debate. I don't know. I found the niqab to be annoying during hot whether time. ok so that's not the whole story. When I went to Pakistan I did niqab out of respect for the predominant culture there and I was so excited. But then I noticed that people started treating me differently, with a lot more respect, (some relatives included), and that made me angry! Whether I am wearing the niqab or not, I'm still the same person. It didn't make me better or worse. Just because you do niqab doesn't mean you are a houri sent down from heaven. You can be the worst person on earth and do niqab. |
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| Zahra |
| 03/14/01 at 19:42:49 |
| slm Sister Saleema. I thought your comments were interesting and I hope to let you know what went through my mind as I was reading your post w/out offending you. [quote]I noticed that people started treating me differently, with a lot more respect[/quote] And that's a bad thing? I think it's nice that people respect you because they see you as one who is striving to please Allah. I don't think anyone is trying to judge you or read your heart-they just see a niqabi and are probably thinking that they would like to be at your level of iman one day. [quote]Whether I am wearing the niqab or not, I'm still the same person. It didn't make me better or worse. Just because you do niqab doesn't mean you are a houri sent down from heaven. You can be the worst person on earth and do niqab.[/quote] I think your reading too much into it. Like I said, I don't think anyone was trying to judge you. Also, maybe you wouldn't be the same person w/niqab. Every experience we go through has some effect on us and changes us in some way, no matter how insignificant it may seem to be. [quote]I did niqab out of respect for the predominant culture there[/quote] Maybe that's the problem! Surely, anything that is done for any other reason than for the sake of Allah will not be fulfilling. |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| mwhaider |
| 03/14/01 at 20:00:03 |
| AOA, Zahra, MashaAllah, very mature. wassalam waseem |
| Re: Question for the sisters ... |
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| Saleema |
| 03/14/01 at 21:02:38 |
| Assalam ualykum, Dear sister Zahra, I did niqab because otherwise i would be stared at and possbily people would have made very inappropriate remarks against me and my family. My family has a very high position in the area that they live in and I did not want to be a cause of slander for them. But I didn't know that people would start treating me like a saint when i did niqab. What I'm saying is, why can't they treat me like a saint without me doing niqab? ;-D wassalam |
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| Mona |
| 03/14/01 at 21:58:50 |
| Assalamu alaikum, I am joining late,I know. Yet I have been keenly observing other sisters' responses. Their worries and concerns echo my own. In terms of interesting responses, I find sis Jannah's to be one. [quote]...but otherwise i can't say that if i was married, had a boatload of kids, loved my husband and marriage that i would refuse point blank[/quote] Such a qualified response! :-) I agree it is probably *much easier* to start wearing niqaab at that point. Granted, it still takes a lot of courage to put it on at any stage. But I suspect that Arsalan meant it that way. So this is what *I* think. While I do *see* why a pious and loving husband would desire niqaab for his wife's protection and overall benefit, I would challenge him to come up with means of me wearing niqaab *here in western society* and still serve the purpose of wearing a niqaab; i.e. be less conspicuous. If -one day insha'Allah- I come at a decision to wear niqaab out of my own volition, I would not care about other people staring, since I would only be doing this to please Allah. Yet, if I were to fulfill my role as a good wife, pleasing Allah would entail pleasing & obeying my (pious)husband. Ahhh, this is tough! You know what, if this issue ever were to come up when I get married, I will just pray istikharah and go with what my heart tells me! Allah knows best. Wassalam |
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| jannah |
| 03/14/01 at 22:30:00 |
| [wlm] interesting all around... i just think nothing can be dismissed out of hand. like ppl can say well when i'm married my husband is going to have to ....and i'll ... and i'll never...you just never know. anyway as for niqabiness in general, i believe it to be not required but mustahabb in some situations. and currently living where i do and doing what i do and with the goals of my life in mind it is something that would go against all of those, so he better be some husband!!! :-) btw i think we have discussed this niqab issue many times in the past, so i hope this thread doesn't develop into another hijab vs niqab vs..etc. fight with fiqh going back and forth again. |
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| Al-Basha |
| 03/14/01 at 22:31:06 |
| [slm] [quote] Just because you do niqab doesn't mean you are a houri sent down from heaven. [/quote] sis thats so true, you know incidentally some of the brothers i know seem to believe that the niqaab wearing sister is 100x better than the sister who is wearing proper hijab. Allahu A3laam, but I do not think that niqab is a wise thing to do in the West. I was reading this CAIR incident about some niqabi sisters being stopped by police at the mall because they thought they were going to rob the place. Yeah "ignorant" policemen but what happens if you have a trigger happy policeman? Wa Allahu A3laam |
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| Noura |
| 03/15/01 at 12:45:58 |
| assalaamu alaikum warhmatullahi wa barakatuh, it was my understanding that at a time, niqab was worn by sisters 4 who (whom is being eliminated btw) hijab just wasn't enuf a concealment of beauty... i'd be flattered. i would make duaa that Allah reward him 4 his piety and guide him 2 always practice the deen moderatly. i'd want 2 discuss it 1st and think about it privately 2 sort out the reasons y i would be wearing it if i did. if i agreed, i'd ask him 2 look in2 relocating 2 saudi. sr nur |
| it's all chunga in the gunga.. |
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| princess |
| 03/15/01 at 20:14:27 |
| walikumas'salaam warahmatullah :) i'm down..i don't have a problem with my husband asking me..i think i'd wear it now even if it wasn't such a dawah stopper..:) ma'salaam ;-D |
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| Learner |
| 03/16/01 at 19:58:12 |
| slm [quote]when we visit india we wear niqab...but mostly because it is tradition there and if you don't, you get stared at and harassed.[/quote] Really? I thought that the vast majority of the women from India would be hindus and hence not covered at all. A lot of the muslims (men and women) in India (as in all other parts of the world) have become very 'westernised'. In the end you're only left with a handful of muslims who are trying to stick to the Qur'an and the Sunnah. And only a small minority out of them are women who wear niqaab because not all muslim women consider it to be fardh. Am I right? [quote]so why exactly does our husband want us to wear niqab?[/quote] We know that there are scholars that say niqaab is compulsory and we also know that there are scholars who say that it is only mustahab. There is ikhtilaaf in this matter. So what if the brother takes the lenient view and believes (from all the evidence shown to him) that it is a mustahab (recommended) practice of the sahabiyat and he wants to encourage his wife to carry out that mustahab? This is just like encouraging your spouse to wake up for tahajjud though you do not impose it upon him/her. The more optional acts we do (providing that we do not neglect the compulsory ones) the nearer to Allah (swt) we will get. Therefore the brother should encourage his wife and vice versa the sister should encourage her husband with regards to the issue of the beard and all the other sunnah pertaining to the physical appearence of Rasoolullah (saw). Yes? Someone mentioned something about attracting alot of attention when wearing the niqaab in the west. But is not true that you attract attention anyway the way you are dressed at the moment without your niqaab (with just your hijab). I've seen the attention sister's get just by covering their hair only and walking through town centre. People just stare at them with their mouths wide open as if aliens have landed on earth - they've obviously never been in contact with muslims before. There are others who are just curious and are intrigued. Then there are those who have seen it so often that they just ignore it. The point I'm trying to make is that in the west you'll always have people staring at you for one reason or another, so is it really a strong enough excuse to use when you say that you don't want to wear niqaab because the niqaab will only attract more attention? If so, what do we do with the headscarf?...because the headscarf also attracts a lot of attention. I think what others think or say should really be of no concern to us. What we do should only be done for the pleasure of Allah (swt) under the wisdom of the Ulama. With regards to the hindrance of the da'wah activities due to the niqaab - how and why should the niqaab hinder you from carrying out your da'wah activities which you are thriving at currently? I really do not understand. I would've thought on the contrary. I wouldv'e thought that a niqaabi sister doing da'wah would have a greater impact than a non niqabi sister carrying out da'wah. Why?...Because people have the stereotype that Muslim women (specially the ones in niqaab) are oppressed and have their rights violated by the male members of their family. Now if the sisters giving da'wah towards Islam are themselves niqaabi this would smash the stereotypes and prejudices they have about islam and muslim women 'behind the veil' instantly. They would automatically stop to think and say to themselves that "hang on, here is a muslim women who is covered up completely 'behind the veil' and yet she is educated, possesses a degree, has a job, is happy, claims that her life has been enhanced by Islam and actively invites other men and women towards Islam". This totally shatters their ignorant views about Islam and women, and furthermore makes them even more curious about Islam and seeking the truth. Ok got to go now. Just thought I'd give my two cents. wlm |
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| Adi28 |
| 03/17/01 at 00:12:12 |
As salaamu Alaikum I agree with saleema on this i would not wear niqab for my husband because that dosen't even sound right doing it to please your husband? uh no. your supposed to do it because for allah not your husband. but i would also make my views on issues like this known before the marriage so their no conflict later on. salaam adi |
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| princess |
| 03/17/01 at 14:22:28 |
| walikumas'salaam warahmatullah :) [quote]Really? I thought that the vast majority of the women from India would be hindus and hence not covered at all.[/quote] i'm from india..(rather my entire family is..) and there's still LOADS of muslims there, alhamdulillah :) [quote]only a small minority out of them are women who wear niqaab because not all muslim women consider it to be fardh. Am I right?[/quote] u answered ur own question with the following: We know that there are scholars that say niqaab is compulsory and we also know that there are scholars who say that it is only mustahab. There is ikhtilaaf in this matter. i think it's a personal preference..but i don't really have anything to "back that up.." so no 1 jump down my throat ;) ma'salaam ;-D |
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| Learner |
| 03/17/01 at 17:57:34 |
| [slm] :D [quote]i'm from india..(rather my entire family is..) and there's still LOADS of muslims there, alhamdulillah [/quote] If I'm not mistaken, India has the largest population of muslims in the world after Indonesia. :) But my initial point in question was that majority of people in India are hindus and hence do not really cover themselves up properly. Any of you guys seen the scenes from Khumb Mela? Man, that was totally GROSS ):( Even remembering it makes me puke up! [wlm] |
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| Saleema |
| 03/17/01 at 20:12:53 |
| Assalam ualykum, What's Kumba Mela? |
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| PacificBreeze |
| 03/18/01 at 04:52:51 |
| hey learner, cool post...some of what i was bringing up as well.. btw..if you're in saudi, you'd want to niqab there as well..or atleast try it temp...since you wouldn't want to be the foreign outsider...or very conservative places like lol this one hikmatyar afghani town in pakiland ;) or at places where there are alot of slimmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyy weird and/or obnoxious guys around...you wouldn't want them to have access to you or be able to see you...they're so unworthy!!!! that's the most common reason ppl would wear it when going overseas (if they're not doing it b/c of madhab obligations/beliefs or sunnah etc)...'hiding' from the outside men world...and where sleaze balls exist :P saleema...well......maybe they just thought u deserved alot of respect..and were just totally honoring u.....and so....you know...that's kinda flattering..and maybe they thought you 'grew up' and were 'mature' and sorta saintish u know? like you're a better person or an admirable person is what i wanted to say...like...for instance..when we see this lil kid act so admirably, we ooh and aww over the kiddo right? until we start seeing the kiddo's just a kiddo...with clean clothes and good manners or without! lol so maybe....if you wanted them to stop praising you so much..show your silly side..and that you're still human! :P i don't know? so.....what am i doing here? i don't know... i'm out. wa salaams. |
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| momineqbal |
| 03/19/01 at 21:06:32 |
| [slm], Sister Saleema, Kumbh mela is a gathering of large no of Hindus which is held every 12 years in 3/4 cities in India. Hoards of people gather beside the rivers and worship sun or something like that and take a dip in the "holy" rivers. Well don't ask me what all filth those people put up with in the name of holy, its too disgusting to even describe let alone look at it! Also men and women bath in the river, many in a very unabashing manner. Many so called "renouncers of the world" also renounce their clothes! I don't think I need to describe more. One more thing that came to my notice from an email I got through a mailing list was that many hindus use this mela to disown their elderly people. What they do is to bring their old parents/grandparents to the mela in the name of pilgrimmage and then disappear through the crowd and those poor souls are left hoping that they are just "lost" in the mela and their dear ones must be frantically searching for them, but as you can see they end up in the shelter homes with almost nobody to care for them. Anyways that was what I knew of the kumbh mela. Of course , there have been numerous hindi movies on this too, with the usual plot of two brothers getting separated while young in the kumbh mela and then a climactic meeting when they are grown up! Wassalam |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/02/01 at 14:21:34 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, It was really interesting to see everyone's speculations so far. I was in your shoes. I did think that when I got married, I would do all that I can to obey my husband's wishes as long as they are not against Islam. Well, I was quite shocked after marriage when I realized how much really changes in your life. Tell me sisters...if you did listen to your husbands from the start: no non-muslim friends anymore, no driving, no tv, no music, no going out for air or grocery or excercise, or anything alone yet he is so busy most of the time to take you, living in a small community where there does not exist a muslimas social/educational life, you are not allowed to talk to your neighbors...(get the picture? none of these things are a huge thing to ask of your wife...but they sure do add up and make a huge difference in my life!) so tell me now sisters, if the only mental and social stimulation you are getting is from a part time job. Would you give it up to wear niqab? It is all good to dream and hope to do all things to please your husband and Allah but after so many years, I can't help but feel that to some degree this life matters too (to some degree)and most people do not really discuss reality of marriage until they are in it. My husband means well, and treats me very nicely and tries as much as he can to make time for me, but c'est la vie! hemdulillah So far it seems to me people have ignored this aspect of it if you live in the states you are not likely to get a job while wearing niqab. The irony is each month he is glad i have that little bit of extra money. I love to help because i know how hard he is working. But then why be selfish and ask her to wear niqab when it will make her more isolated here and is helping you both financially? I find myself getting quite angry at this discussion with my husband. I know Allah is the bestwoer of all good and blessings and money, that rizq is already written...Perhaps you can tell me your opinions if you were in my shoes... |
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| jannah |
| 04/02/01 at 17:06:05 |
[quote]no non-muslim friends anymore, no driving, no tv, no music, no going out for air or grocery or excercise, or anything alone yet he is so busy most of the time to take you, living in a small community where there does not exist a muslimas social/educational life, you are not allowed to talk to your neighbors... [/quote] that's scary.. did he mention that stuff b4 you got married? |
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| Saleema |
| 04/03/01 at 11:37:53 |
| Assalam ualykum, A good friend of mine got married two years ago and I haven't been able to talk to her ever since because her husband doesn't want her to talk to anyone. She called me just once and said not to call her or else she would get in trouble. She said that she will ask her husband if she could give me their number, I guess he said no since she never called back. :( Her husband said to her that she could go to college but I guess he went back on his words after they got married. :( I was hoping I could at least see her at college. Wassalam |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/03/01 at 23:59:19 |
| Assalamu alaikum Jannah, why is that scary? That is marriage of people who love Allah. Astaghfiru Allah if I misrepresented my husband or shed him in a bad light. He truly is a wonderful person masha'Allah. I am a strong willed person hemdulilah, one of many competing for Ferdous. He may have had the privilige of suggesting those things, but I am not forced into anything. That is unislamic. We chose this lifestyle because when you get married you want to get used to a certain environment that is more appropriate for raising children. Most of these things we had discussed before marriage like knowing music breeds hypocricy and tv's brain wash and it was easy because I was already well on my way to banning them from my life. But later as situations came up your life changes further...my neighbors do zina and drink, my ex-friends don't suit our lifestyle; it is enough they don't remind me when it is time for salat so now i keep in touch only with two by email. Afterall he has the right to ask me not to talk to bad women. What I was originally trying to do is explain why work is necessary in some situations, because I figured alot of the answers will be as simplified as if it makes him happy and it is not against Allah's shari'a then why not do it. Perhaps I did end up venting a bit because he is so busy lately. It is hard not to feel alienated or strange even within a muslim community if you are practicing nowadays. Just to give you an example, we were torn whether to go to the eid gathering and help build a community, but it is hard after spending the whole month in worship to go to a gathering which is mixed men and women and children! This is why I feel you have to find a balance, to me work is human useful human interaction. By the way reality is alot different after marriage no matter how much you have talked anyway. I guess I am still hanging on to some donia. I want my work and I think I will lose it if I wear niqab even though I know the best of friends of our prophet saws, who were the best of believers did that. And I also do know that nothing goes uncounted with Allah. I know that the way to Jannah is filled with things makroohi that I will find hard to do or dislike at times, just as the way to Jahannam is filled with temptations and temporary pleasures. May Allah reward us Jannah and all that brings us close to it and I seek refugee in him from Jahannam and all that brings us close to it. Amin The question remains, would you wear niqab if it means you lose a job that meant alot to you for whatever reason? |
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| jannah |
| 04/04/01 at 10:12:21 |
| [slm] [quote] Jannah, why is that scary? That is marriage of people who love Allah. [/quote] umm not the giving up music/tv but the "no driving"? the " no going out for air or grocery or excercise, or anything" and you're "alone yet he is so busy most of the time to take you", and the "living in a small community where there does not exist a muslimas social/educational life" and that you aren't even "allowed to talk to your neighbors..." how do u make dawah if u can't? what if you need to buy your kids something or buy groceries? i know some sisters who literally stay at home period and anything they need has to go through the approval of the husband and if he doesn't think the kids need something they don't get it. now i believe in consultation, but that... i don't understand how all that is a "marriage of people who love Allah" Does that mean that a marriage of those who love Allah means not doing ANYTHING except sitting at home until your husband might deign to take you somewhere? or that you are not allowed to do *anything* including trying to fulfill your obligations to Allah by learning or visiting other sisters? That just doesn't sound like *any* of the marriages of rasulullah [saw] and i think that he and his wives did love Allah. The sahabiyat went out to learn, in fact the prophet [saw] gave them a whole day just for their questions and education, they even went out to the jihad battlefield to help! [quote] Just to give you an example, we were torn whether to go to the eid gathering and help build a community, but it is hard after spending the whole month in worship to go to a gathering which is mixed men and women and children! [/quote] Is it just that you were so intense during Ramadan that its difficult to be with other ppl again? or that people should not go to mixed gatherings? [quote] May Allah reward us Jannah and all that brings us close to it and I seek refugee in him from Jahannam and all that brings us close to it. Amin [/quote] ameen ;) |
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| humble_muslim |
| 04/04/01 at 12:45:45 |
| AA OK, now for a practical example about how to get it WRONG. When I got married, my wife and I were at different levels of Iman. Being young, foolish and ignorant, and not realizing how sensitive women are, I pressured my wife into wearing hijab. That was almost 10 years ago. For the rest of my marriage, I am going to regret it, since it has left a VERY sour taste in wife's mouth which can NEVER be taken away. Alhamdolillah, she is very practicing, but at the back of both our minds is whether she got there because of Iman, or because of her husband. I'm not saying don't give dawah to your wife if she needs it, but do it the right way. One more rant while we're on this subject. Almost ALL the articles I've read/heard about marriage stress the obligation of the man to educate his wife in Islam. In Pakistan at least, and amongst Paki families living in the west, the last thing that parents look at when deciding on a future hsuband for their daughter is how pious the husband is. So we have many, many marriages where the women at least pray, but the men don't even do that. It's strange that you don't hear about that case when marriage is being discussed, even amongst the scholars. Another example of how most people, CONTRARY TO THE QURAN AND SUNNAH, only seem to look at deen from a male point of view. Actually, I should not generalize. I did read a shiekh once saying that the husband and wife should correct EACH OTHER when they get married. But I still feel that too many scholars look at things purely from a man's point of view. |
| NS |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/04/01 at 17:05:45 |
| as salaamu alaykum, [quote]my ex-friends don't suit our lifestyle; it is enough they don't remind me when it is time for salat so now i keep in touch only with two by email. [/quote] huh??? sorry to say this sister but NO ONE needs to remind you when it's time to pray but yourself. U can't really depend on anyone for that. In fact, you can/should set an example for them. DA'WAH! [quote]Afterall he has the right to ask me not to talk to bad women.[/quote] bad women? No one can know the hearts except Allah swt. Yes we should be picky with our friends BUT you don't need to completely isolate yourself. And you can't be looking at/for people's faults all the time. Remember that the worst Muslim is still better than any disbeliever. |
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| jannah |
| 04/05/01 at 01:00:01 |
| [slm] Just to add a clarification. I don't want to be accused of breaking up anyone's marriage! :) If the sister is happy with her marriage alhamdulillah. The only reason I posted is that if many non-muslims and younger girls read this thread they might think that is what an islamic marriage is all about ie --following whatever your husband says period. [Again for a better explanation of what 'obey your husband' means pls read br abdulbasir's post.] I think what our ideal should be is what the prophet [saw]'s marriage was with khadija and his other wives. It's amazing I can just think of one example which just is the epitome of this beautiful relationship--- even after khadija had died, rasululllah [saw] would continue to send gifts and food to his wife's FRIENDS!!!! just because they were her friends during her lifetime... now that is true love and respect mashallah |
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| Traveller |
| 04/20/01 at 09:09:07 |
| Asslamu alaikum [quote]But is not true that you attract attention anyway the way you are dressed at the moment without your niqaab (with just your hijab). [/quote] [quote]People just stare at them with their mouths wide open as if aliens have landed on earth [/quote] That is so true! [quote]I wouldv'e thought that a niqaabi sister doing da'wah would have a greater impact than a non niqabi sister carrying out da'wah.[/quote] [quote]Now if the sisters giving da'wah towards Islam are themselves niqaabi this would smash the stereotypes and prejudices they have about islam and muslim women 'behind the veil' instantly. They would automatically stop to think and say to themselves that "hang on, here is a muslim women who is covered up completely 'behind the veil' and yet she is educated, possesses a degree, has a job, is happy, claims that her life has been enhanced by Islam and actively invites other men and women towards Islam". This totally shatters their ignorant views about Islam and women, and furthermore makes them even more curious about Islam and seeking the truth.[/quote] Very interesting I have to admit! To tell you the truth, it never occured to me to look at the niqaab from that angle. I always thought that the niqaab would stop me from doing many of the everyday activities, but now thinking about it, why should it stop me from these activities I do anyway? Jazakallah sister Learner for that insight. I see the niqaab from a different perspective now. Wassalam. |
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| youngmuslima |
| 04/21/01 at 14:08:55 |
| Assalmualikom dear sisters, how's every one doing?? It's really nice of your husbend that tells you to wear niqab..I know a girl she my best friend we grew up together and every thing i do she does it too every thing she does i do it too..so i weared niqab then she did too..than she got married after that her husben really liked her niqab..than he told her you have to take it off..and now she doesn't know what do!!! so sister arsalan say alhmdulilah about what your husben tod you to do!! wa assalmualikom young girl!!:) |
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| Arsalan |
| 04/22/01 at 02:25:22 |
| [slm] [quote]so sister arsalan say alhmdulilah about what your husben tod you to do!! [/quote]Errr .... I'm a BROTHER hawa! Make nooooo mistake about it :) Wassalamu alaikum. |
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| eleanor |
| 04/22/01 at 05:04:48 |
[quote].so i weared niqab then she did too..than she got married after that her husben really liked her niqab..than he told her you have to take it off..[/quote] why can't she decide for herself whether to wear niqab or not? wasalaam eleanor |
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| jannah |
| 04/22/01 at 10:20:59 |
| salam youngmuslima, how old are you by the way? welcome to the board :) |
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