Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/15/01 at 15:21:21 |
| salam alaykum to all.. i'm a 15 yr old boy, and i just wanna ask. i'm inlove with this girl, and she is too, but we don't do anything bad, we both come from respectful muslim famil;ies, and don't go out or do wat allah has prohibited us to do, i wanna know is its haram to tell her the way i feel about her, or she tells me,\ this has been bothering us bery much and i owuld really appreciate if any of u replied to this, thank you very much... wa salam...... |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| Anwar |
| 03/15/01 at 19:36:07 |
| Aslamu alaykum wa rahmatullah Well you can only take matters further if you wanna marry her and are willing to provide and care for her. Otherwise it is not really permissable for you to take matters any further, since being alone with her is not permitted nor is sociallizing with her. If you feel that you are ready for the responsibility of marraige and everything that comes along with it then you may ask her parents or whoever is her guardian for her hand in marraige. wa salam. |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| ABD |
| 03/16/01 at 11:43:56 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, I agree with Anwar. If you feel you will be able to give her financial security and really care for her, then you should ask her parents for her hand in marriage. It's good that you two are not doing anything that is prohibited by Allah. As you said that both of you come from respectable Muslim families and you should act in the respectable Muslim way of asking her hand in marriage from her parents if you believe it is the right thing to do. But as Anwar said, the choice is up to you. Salam |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/16/01 at 11:51:48 |
| Asalaamu alikum Dear Brother I think you should that if you really love her for the sake of allah then you should tell her how you feel Keyword being their "i think" its not haram to tell someone how your feelings as long as your not alone with her and do it in a proper respectfull way. thats what i have to say salaam |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| zubaid |
| 03/16/01 at 12:15:18 |
| as-Salaamu 'Alaykum, When we, as Muslims, make aware to someone our feelings for them we automatically take the relationship to a new level, from which there is no turning back (i.e. - you can't take back what you say to this person). This new level comes with responsibilities and a need for an increased level of adab (manner), hayaa (humility) and iman (faith). And even more so if the feeling is mutual. So like the brothers before said, part of the responsibilites that become attached to your declaration of 'love' for this individual is the idea that you are ready, willing and able to follow up on that proclamation. And in Islam, of course, the only proper way to act upon that 'love' is through marriage, since prior to marriage we are restricted from talking to members of the opposite sex not only in private, but also the content of our conversations (i.e. frivilous conversations are not recommended and should be avoided). This is of course my opinion. My suggestion to you my dear brother is to ask yourself a couple of questions: 1. Do you 'love' this person, like this person or lust for this person. 2. If you do 'love' or like this person, what is it based upon? 3. Do you 'love' or like this person for the sake of Allah? (important) 4. Do you understand that when/if you tell this individual of your feelings openly, and if she feels the same about you, and you are not ready to commit to this individual in the near future (engagement, marriage, and/or making it known to each of your parents) that you will be placing an unnecessary burden not only on yourself but on this girl? The burden will be that if you both will still not be engaged or married, your interaction between each other will still have the same restrictions as before, and you will both be aware of your mutual feelings for each other. 5. Have you made istikhara on this? Things change bro, once you tell a sister of your feelings. You may think you are ready and will be able to handle the changes, and I'm not saying you won't be, but if you truly 'love' or like this girl and you have any doubt of your readiness, then trust in Allah, make du'aa that whatever happens happens for the best for both of you inshaa Allah, and wait until you are ready to step up to the plate and ask this sister's parents for her hand in marriage. I realize I do not know you, so if I offended you in anyway, I apologize, for that was not my intention. Just some advice that I thought I could offer. Take care and I hope everything works out for the best for you inshaa Allah. Zubaid Kazmi |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| se7en |
| 03/16/01 at 12:16:11 |
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, I'm not too much older than you, there's only about two years difference between us, so I think I know what you're talking about. I actually know a brother who is 15 who is going through something very similar to this. Think about what you were like at the beginning of last year. You've changed a lot since then huh? Matured, grown, learned a lot about life... Imagine what you'll be like next year. The year after that. Or when you're in college.. you're going to change so much in the next few years bro, and so are your emotions. That's why I wouldn't recommend you marrying this sis at your age now. This brother that I know, his intention is to marry this sister when he's old enough to provide for her, if she is willing. But he makes absolutely certain that his actions are halal and pure.. he controls himself. That's very difficult, but he does it, he keeps himself and his emotions in check because he truly cares for the sister and wants what they have between them to be pure and good. I'm not going to question your feeling towards this girl. but you have to realize that it's not healthy to be pining over someone, to have such strong feelings for someone when nothing can come of it, at least not for a few years. I think it would be best to put some distance between you two. This other guy that I know, that's in the same situation, it's hard because the person he's interested in goes to the same school he does, attends the same classes etc.. the best thing you can do for yourself is to just distance yourself from her... from any unnecessary contact.. like "bumping" into her in the hall, instant messenger/email... finding out things about her... those little things you do to get closer to her.. and don't watch her.. I think it's true that the gaze is linked directly to the heart, and I think what'll help control your feelings is to lower your gaze when you see her. And try not to think about her all the time.. that's seriously the hardest thing to do.. but something that might help is everytime you think about her, everytime she comes to mind, right then and there make a dua that Allah rewards her, guides her to what is right, and that He gives her what is best for her. Then make a dua for the same for yourself. If you do this *everytime* you think of her, it'll keep you in check, seriously. Just allow yourself some time to think about things. You can even consider this a blessing maybe, that you found someone you care for and you have the time to think things over thoroughly and make sure you come to the right conclusions/decisions before you act. wAllahu 'alam I hope that's helped bro wasalaam. |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| JustMe |
| 03/17/01 at 02:03:14 |
| Okay little brother (I'm 31), get a hold of yourself!!!!!! you're fifteen (i think sixteen is the average age americans lose their virginity) and you got a lot of power underneath that belt but wait a second you're getting intimate and you don't know what to do with your feelings now. How did you let yourself do this? Now I know well your feelings are only natural but if you wanna go on the islamic path then you have to secede from this mutual bond you have with your friend. Did you know holding hands is not permissible even though it doesn't 'seem' bad. or the biggie being in the same room alone with the other. I think you'll have to really check out how you wanna approach girls period since the subtle hints in communication can seem awkward at times. Now can you talk to your parents about this since their respect can be of noteworthiness? It seems that you really care about her and especially when you can share the ups and downs with someone in a way that you can't with normal people they stick out as being very special in a person's life and you feel like you wanna do everything and anything for them. BUT believe me that's not what your libido will tell you. Your libido in islam is valid with life commitment to the person. Its a truly special phenomenon which is all too perverted in the west. And one of my close friend said that his male friends in high school told him that man when you stayed away from the girls you were right cause of so and so much reasons. I think pre-marital relations are one of the biggest reasons for divorce in America. First of all, I think the right attitude MUST be there. You have to want to please Allah(S). and you have to define for yourself what limits and boundaries you want to set for yourself in the future. Se7en is right about thinking ahead about what your life will be like five years down the line. Personally for me it was a great struggle in high school and all the way up until my third year in college did i meet someone from the opposite sex. Tell her that she'll always be someone important to you but now you have to be with your male friends and find companionship with them. It'll be more like comradery and you won't have to deal with the stickiness of a so called "Innocent" relationship. But i do think its healthy to interact and be sociable with girls and resist that temptation from them that gets at and into your inner circle. and also one thing at fifteen you're not a boy. You're a man. Furthermore, P E A C E |
| Re: what do i do with my feelings?????? |
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| chachi |
| 03/25/01 at 16:02:29 |
Write a letter now and if you feel the same way when your sixteen hand it to your parents saying you wish to marry this girl wasalaam |
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