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i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 07:52:51
Assalaamu-Alaikum I thought this section was only for the sisters? so come the brothers are coming here??????? Or is this a section for sisters issues, to which brothers can reply? Abu Khaled, put your hijab back on! Sheesh!!!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Kathy
03/22/01 at 08:35:46
slm Sometimes we just have to make a comment. Sometimes I think the brothers tease us and post a topic just to see if we will "bite" Sometimes we just ignore the post. Most of the time- we do read your posts. Clear?
NS

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 08:55:57
Yes Miss, clear as muddy water! OK, so your name's Kathy? Strange name for a muslim. I hear your a revert? And dont worry about me, i wont say anything to tease or make you bite.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Kathy
03/22/01 at 09:43:12
slm Why is the name strange? It means pure. I am an American Muslim.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 09:38:05
Sorry! I dint mean strange in a strange way, i meant i dont know any other muslim called Kathy!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Kathy
03/22/01 at 09:44:34
wlm Insha Allah- you will meet many more! Islam is the fastest growing religion in America!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 09:56:49
Inshallah i hope i will meet many many more! So whats the USA like towards muslims? I've read a few of thier websites, and they seem to be intent on labelling muslims as terrorists, or fanatics. Have you come across this kind of attitude?

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/22/01 at 10:21:33
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Brother Nazir, Far too many times I have come across that attitude. I'm a convert also (1 year) and my family *totally* has that attitude. In fact, since I converted, they stopped talking to me, and when they do, it's with so much "hate"....but, maybe one day they will realize that they're wrong, Insha'Allah. As far as the rest of the US, I don't know :) Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 10:41:42
Assalaamu-alaikum Magableh, or is it Serena? I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Do yoiu still live with your family? Is your whole family like this or do you have anyone who has accepted you converting to islaam? Its sad to hear of this attitude converts(reverts) face from thier families. I think the best thing to do is sit tight, just go with the flow, dont let them get to you. And whatever you do, dont have an "in your face" attitude(not aying you do) towards them, as that is gona make them rebel against you even more, and push you away. Inshallah your family will one day accept your deen, and who knows, they may also convert!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/22/01 at 10:50:07
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Brother Nazir, Alhamdulillah I do not still live with my family. In fact, they live 2 hours away from me. My whole family is like that. I used to be very close with them, then when I converted *wham*, nothing. But it's okay. I don't confront them. I just sit back and listen to what they have to say. And then, Insha'Allah, one day I will find a way to talk with them and maybe repair our relationships. And yes, it would be WONDERFUL if atleast one of my family members would convert. I have one uncle, who hasn't *accepted* Islam, but he doesn't flat out be rude to me either. His suggestion is that I *put Islam aside* when I go and visit them, Astaghfirullah. Not! Wa'assalam, Serena :)

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
UmmZaid
03/22/01 at 10:54:28
My family's been quite accepting of me.  My mother even gives me suggestions on which hijab to wear with which outfit.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 13:04:02
Magableh good to see you've moved away from a volatile environment. I have a few questions for you. I hope you dont do an "Abu Khaled" with them! Lol! How Old are you? After how long did you become muslim(after finding about out about Islaam) What race are you? I know this might seem a bit strange to ask, but certain races react differently! How big is your family? Are they religious? Are you married?

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/22/01 at 13:53:17
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Brother Nazir, I don't think anyone can pull an "Abu Khaled"...lol. :) Hmmm...where do I begin? I'm 28 years old. My name is Serena :) I'm not married, although I was. (That story is in a different post under Madrasatul Ilm(All advice needed)). I'm Caucasian. Born and raised in California. Currently living in Sacramento. My family consists of my Mom, 2 sisters, 2 brother-in-laws, an uncle, 6 nieces and nephews, and my daughter (10 years old). I have distant cousins, that unfortunately, I have not seen in years! My father left while my mom was pregnant with me. He has had no contact with me since then. I don't know where he is. The oddity is that my family is not very religious. I can't understand why they won't accept my choice to embrace Islam. I was *introduced* to this religion by a male friend of mine (who since abandoned me saying that I am too fanatical...lol. I live according to the Quran and Sunnah. Does that make me a fanatic? Geez!!). It took me only 2 months to realize that this was the way of life that I wanted. I took the Shahadah without wasting time. And I haven't been happier since. Feel free to ask anything you want... Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 14:10:44
This might sound stupid, but whats Caucasian? This word really confuses me! Sometimes i think its an Indian, then i think its native ameriacn indian, then i think spanish, then again maybe just white american!!!!! You did say ask anything! And as for your friend who said your fanatical LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!!! That was funny! I bet he wasnt expecting you to become like that! But if your following the Quran and Sunna than i dont see what the problem is! After all, that is the way to Junnah, so why take any other way(which is gona take you to the fire of JAHANNAM.)

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/22/01 at 14:15:18
Assalamu Alaikum Brother Nazir, I guess you can just say that I am a "white American"....LOL :) As well as this *friend* knew me, he must have known that I was going to follow Islam 100%. I don't know why he was surprised! Yes, you can ask anything. :) Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 14:42:14
Assalaamu Alaikum my sister! So now let me see, your a white american muslim girl who becomes a Muslim and lives according to islaam. And her family reject her for this. How do you feel towards your family? Angry, sad, bit of both, or dont it bother you anymore? I'm surprised your sisters have rejected you. They are normally quite understanding, and often stick together. I take it you obviously wanna get back on talking terms with them? have you tried that? Or do they just get abusive and dont wanna know? I dont understand, what is it they have against Islaam? Is it the dress, the praying? I have another question. What if instead of becoming a muslim, you became a lesbian. How would your family have reacted to this? I know it sounds a silly question, but i'm trying to work out your families tolerance levels!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/22/01 at 14:58:42
Wheres that post about your marrige dilemma? I went to that other page, but i could find it. Whats the title?

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/22/01 at 15:08:00
Assalamu Alaikum Brother Nazir, It is under the title of "All advice welcome", in the Madrasatul Ilm. I'll respond to the other questions in a little while. (I have to go somewhere real quick) Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/22/01 at 16:34:34
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu! Dear Brother Nazir, Want to be really confused? The brother that introduced me to Islam....who thinks I am a *fanatic*...talks to MY Mom every other week. She loves him! But....he's not practicing! Maybe that's the difference? He talks to her about me, but she says that I abandoned them. How? I don't know. In fact, I think that being a Muslimah made me feel *closer* to them. My sisters, although we used to be VERY close, now won't even let me see their kids. Both of their husbands except me being a Muslim. They feel that whatever will make me happy, they are all for it. I feel like one sister will come around very soon. In fact, she called me just the other day to ask me how I was doing. She heard from Ali (my friend) that I was sick. Although she only talked to me for about 3 minutes, and she sounded very harsh, atleast she called, Alhamdulillah :) I'm not angry at my family. I love them very much, and would, Insha'Allah, move mountains to help them in anyway that I can, even if they aren't speaking with me. I get frustrated sometimes though. And I cry, all the time. When I go to see them, they are always, always very rude. They talk bad about Muslims, about me, about my daughter (because she is practicing). They don't know any Muslims. They only here what is on TV, the distorted images of us. It's very sad. I will continue to try to talk with them. But for right now, I just keep my distance. I have too many other things to do. (Is that bad?) My sisters absolutely do not like the hijab at all :( I don't think that they care about the praying. (That's not a problem for them) I wish they would just pick up a book and read it, giving Islam the benefit of the doubt. Insha'Allah, one day. lol - It's funny that you ask about whether they would have felt the same way if I had become a lesbian. Umm, well, I doubt that they would care. I would still be *part of the family*. Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Mona
03/22/01 at 19:11:29
Assalamu alaikum, Sister Serena, you are very generous indeed in entertaining the questions put forward by brother Nazir.  However, I would like to point out that you should be cautious about posting such information on here. I trust that brother Nazir is a good muslim and meant well. But brother if you are reading this, may I remind you that the purpose of this board is for us to help each other regardless of age, marital status and ethnic background? Respecting one's limits and keeping out of matters that don't directly concern him is a sign of good eeman insha'Allah.  So let's stick to the purposes of this board and respect other member's privacy. Jazak Allah Khair Wassalam

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/23/01 at 06:31:39
Assalaamu-Alaikum Mona I felt i had to ask those questions, as i cannnot give advice without it. It may seem personnal, but my intention was not to intrude into her personnal life. But you must realise, that giving advice depends on a lot of things. People react differently to diffrent situations, and this depends a lot on the people, thier culture and thier background. I hope you undertstand Mono that my intention is to help the sister. Jazaakuallak kahir.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/23/01 at 06:43:55
Assalaamu-alaikum Sister. What you said in your last post is VERY helpful! Now you said that your family regularly talk to the brother who introduced you to Islaam. This is a sign that they wanna keep in contact with you, even though its an indirect way! I read on the other topic, that you've only become a muslim less than a year ago. This is good news! Your family are obviously still shocked at your decision, and are probably still upset about it. But i think deep down, they may be starting to soften to you! You said your sister called you, after she heard you were ill? Thats another sign that they care about you! Why else would she call? She called to check if her sister was ok, the sister she still loves even though you've angred her. Just hang in thier , and remember that one day, inshallah they will accept you as you are, and not hate you for it. I've come across a sitiation where a Sikh girl became muslim a few years back. At first her family completely broke contact with her, never wanted to speak to her again. It was like this for about two years! Than all of a sudden i heard that her mother had made contact with her daughter again, and were on speaking terms. That was a year ago. Now i often see this sister walking around with her mother! The sister is in Hijab, but her mother non-muslim mother doesnt seem to be botherd by this. Now sikhs are amongst the most volatile towards muslims, and so if this women accepted her daughter as a muslim, than you two have hope. Just remeber your family are still in touch with you, so thier will always be hope. They will come round, i'm pretty sure of it, it will just take time, Inshallah!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Kathy
03/23/01 at 10:22:44
As salaamu alaykum. Sister Mona- I found your comments very insightful. I think it is wonderful that you want to protect your fellow Muslim sister. The beauty of Madinat Al-Muslimeen is our anonynimity (sp?). I have shared many personal experiences with the Muslims on this forum as a means to educate, inform or even warn them- using my life experiences. Chances of meeting anyone are slim- unless I initiate it. I, however do use my real name- which prevents me from posting anything I should later regret. Most of the people use alias names. When I need to be not known- I use the anonymous log in. It reminds me of the way hadith are set up. When ever Prophet Muhammad pbuh related a judgement to a person regarding a sin, the person's name was used. But few if any details are given about this person so we will never know who they are- in effect they remain anonymous and their families are protected. If I ask someones advice- I would want them to know much of the details in my life. You are right, the advice should be the same. Advice given may have a different flavor in regard to a young single revert vs a married old born Muslim. Humdil Allah many have had their secret questions answered on this board- those that they are afraid to ask in their community. I post many concerns about my son, my reversion, and married life in order to gain a different perspective, look for advice, or just to warn others about pitfalls. Yet, none of these Muslims know me. I have kept my family private and resolved whatever conflicts I may be experiencing. I could be the sister you pray next to at Jummah...

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/23/01 at 10:34:47
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Dear Sisters Kathy and Mona, You are right. I should be more *discreet* with the information that I give out. Next time I will, Insha'Allah. If only I can go back and erase all the *personal* info without disrupting the posts themselves :( Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
bhaloo
03/23/01 at 11:50:00
slm You can always go back to the messages and modify them and delete personal information. Also, as a reminder once people have registered and are allowed to post they can go back to their profile and remove their email address, and they don't have to use last names and any other information they don't want to disclose.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Mona
03/23/01 at 16:03:56
Assalamu alaikum, Sister Kathy, thank you for your remarks.  I do see your point quite clearly.  However, if I may, I would like to point out that there is quite a difference between someone sharing their porsonal information out of their own initiative and  being asked by someonte else to provide your name, age, marital status, family information and even ethinicity so that they may help you with your dilemma. It evades me how these are all relevant.   Sister Serena, I am honoured to be one among whom you trust to share your woes with.   Wassalam

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/23/01 at 16:23:22
Sister Mona, I asked her, i did not hold a gun to her head and force her to tell me. If she said she didnt wanna tell me then fine. I would not have pestered her over it. Mona you may not think these things matter but to me they do. A Black inner city ghetto american does not hold the same views as a White middleclass american. A 19 year old unmarried Girl will not think in the same ways as an divorced 30 year old mother. When some people answer questions they can answer on the problem itself, whereas others need to find out about the person in question before they can give an answer. Now you may not agree with me on this, and thats your choice. But what i dont like is the way you've all reacted, like its something really bad. I asked simple questions, and Serena gave me simple answers. She was prepared to give me the answers! So where was the problem? Why did everyone else have to jump in and start waving their hands around like something really bad had just happned? Why have you all made such a big deal out of it? Why not address the problem at hand, instead of creating other problems? OK, so if i asked you those question, you would not have answerd. But that dont give you the right to go and tell others they have done something wrong. I may came across harsh, but i'm just like that. Its a style that i've learnt the hard way from certain brothers who feel getting abusive and deogotary is a good way of correcting people's errors.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/23/01 at 16:35:07
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Brother Nazir, You're right. You did not hold a gun to my head to get me to answer those questions. Unfortunately for me, I am honest to a fault. If someone asks a question, I answer it. Simple as that. And the points you make about the differences in culture, race, etc. are very true. Everyones situation is different. I did not have to answer the questions, but I did. I feel like if you have a problem, and there is someone out there who can maybe *help* you in some way, then great. No hard feelings, ok? I tend to be very open with my feelings. I guess I go *too far* in my posts, and I apologize for that. May Allah (swt) forgive me if I have offended, upset or annoyed any of you! Next time I will be more careful as to what I write, when , where and how. Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Nazir_Ismail
03/23/01 at 16:42:01
Assalaamu-alaikum Serena. I'm sorry if i came across like i was having a go at you! I wasnt! It was the others i was having a go at (but dont tell them)! I feel you have done nothing wrong in being the way you are. If your an open person by nature then thiers no harm in it. I'm sure there's others who will feel otherwise. But then everyone is different! If we were all the same what a boring world this would be! If someone asked me those questions i would happily reply to them! I dont see the harm in it! I think everyone should stand back and allow people to respond to question the way they would naturally, rather then everyone pulling and tugging them, this way and that! Lol! Just imagine that!

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Mona
03/23/01 at 17:13:18
Assalamu alaikum [quote]I may came across harsh, but i'm just like that. Its a style that i've learnt the hard way from certain brothers who feel getting abusive and deogotary is a good way of correcting people's errors.[/quote] I suggest that you change your 'harsh' style, brother. I find it unacceptable. I also recommend that you go and re-read my posts in this thread. You won't find any derogatory remarks, I assure you.

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
Magableh
03/23/01 at 17:17:39
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Sister Mona, I agree, none of your posts were derogatory. I think it is just two very different points of view. I thank you very much for your comments/suggestions to me. I will take them to heart and remember them for future reference. But like I said to Brother Nazir, I am at fault for being so open and honest with my *affairs*. I had the choice not to answer, but I did. I don't wish to cause conflict between anyone on this board. You are ALL very helpful, and great brothers and sisters. My two cents, again :) Wa'assalam, Serena

Re: i THOGUHT THIS WAS 4 SISTERS?
bhaloo
03/23/01 at 17:35:25
slm I'm going to close this thread now, as there is no benifit in continuing this.  Let's all remember to use kind and gentle words with one another and remember that we do have many people (as Jannah calls them, "lurkers") that read the posts here not just the registered users. May Allah (SWT) guide us.
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