Mahr ...

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Mahr ...
Arsalan
03/22/01 at 12:21:59
[slm]

Last weekend I said adieu to the last of my unmarried friends.  He too, like the rest of my original homies, at last stepped outside the precincts of bachelorhood.

He got married!

Guess how much mahr him and the bride decided upon?

One dollar!

Qadee (after the nikaah): "Want to say anything yaa 'arees (groom)?"
Arees (smiles): "Allahu Akbar!"
Re: Mahr ...
jannah
03/22/01 at 12:35:24
ma'shallah br arsalan i think that's so beautiful that they have so much trust in each other.. like you, i think i don't have any unmarried friends anymore :)

but what i wanted to say for any sisters who see this (esp the younger ones) is that mahr is a protection for you if anything happens.. ie you divorce and now have to support yourself and kids and need to rent an apt and feed them and yourself -- not every divorce ends amicably and with the husband happy to pay child support! this is what the mahr is for. so if you ask for a nominal amount remember that if anything happens and you're devastated emotionally and financially you should have money in the bank or ppl to support you inshallah

so while it's a nice gesture to ask for nothing etc. Allah gave women the right to mahr for a reason and unless you have other vehicles you should take what Allah gives you for your own protection.

btw of course this doesn't mean ask for a cool mil and a house in the bahamas... moderation is the key!! :)
Re: Mahr ...
Noura
03/22/01 at 12:48:11
"like you, i think i don't have any unmarried friends anymore"

jannah- either i'm not ur friend :( or u found me some1 :)

j/k

nur,
Re: Mahr ...
momineqbal
03/22/01 at 13:21:50
[slm]

Its just not divorce sister jannah, what if the husband dies unexpectedly or suffers some disability, the mahr then can come in handy. Also for the brothers I think when they get married they should also think about this, that if Allah decided the time is up for them, then at least he can leave behind some provision for his family until the sister can find another man who can support her. Although nowadays since sisters are able to work it might not be an issue.

So as for me I would like to give a decent mahr to whichever sister I marry inshaAllah.

Wassalam
Eqbal
Re: Mahr ...
jannah
03/22/01 at 13:30:30

[quote]
jannah- either i'm not ur friend :( or u found me some1 :)

j/k

nur,[/quote]

[slm]

good points brother eqbal.

nuri, hmmm of course we're friends! thats why you left me like all my married friends and moved 3 hours away right :(
Re: Mahr ...
AbdulBasir
03/22/01 at 15:31:00
[slm] subhanallah, wonderful story Br. Arsalan!

I would also strongly agree, that we shouldn't forget the potential of the mahr, that is, let's not forget how important it is to the sister's autonomy and protection both within the marriage and after the marriage (if it unfortunately ended). Like the marriage contract its potential for the sister's empowerment and protection can scarcely be exagerrated...which can be forgotten sometimes in the atmosphere of idealism and (in some cases) romanticism around the time of marriage...

Indeed there is an extreme, that should be avoided, we are moderate nation after all, aren't we? I recall in Amman talking to some brothers in their 30's who spoke of how hard it is to get married there because the mahr requests, which include a certain standard of apartment and what not, are so high that few can afford it. They were pretty down in the dumps :(

In a way its sort of funny cuz don't you notice that lots of times when the issue of mahr comes up us brothers often make an effort to point out the examples of the mahr being very little money or being able to teach Qur'an as in one incident during the time of the Prophet[saw]. :)

i'm just being redundant, cuz ppl already said it...but yep moderation is definitely the key...

but by the same token, you can't be shy about it, it is for your autonomy and protection, its gotta be enough in case you have no other financial options...and I would venture to say that for a lot of brothers they are able to give a more higher mahr than even they realize, and if they only knew (or if it was pointed out to them) they would cheerfully give more...it is a religious duty and privelege, a symbol of their commitment and affection after all, so they'd be more than happy to...
[slm]

Re: Mahr ...
Al-Basha
03/22/01 at 15:21:27
[slm]

speaking of mahr, what is the going rate nowadays here in the US?
Re: Mahr ...
se7en
03/22/01 at 15:43:27

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

We talked about mahr before in the Akhwat Cafe, check out the discussion [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=1308&start=0]here[/url].

Al-basha, I don't know.  I think it depends on how much ya got :)

wasalaam.
Re: Mahr ...
princess
03/22/01 at 16:27:28
[quote]speaking of mahr, what is the going rate nowadays here in the US? [/quote]

as'salaamualikum :)

hahahahahahah..;-D man..[clears throat] :) "going rate" yikes..that's bad :) pretty sad too..:)it's anywhere from $15 grand to $80 grand :) i think that's totally ridiculous :) the amount, (in my personal opinion..) should be sufficient for a yrs time :) that's all :) later langur ;-D


Re: Mahr ...
Asim
03/22/01 at 16:59:39
Assalaamu alaikum,

May Allah bless their marriage and create love and understanding between them.
[quote]
speaking of mahr, what is the going rate nowadays here in the US? [/quote]
There are no "going rates" for mahr! It is not like the price of a commodity, like a car, where one pays more if the car has, for example, A/C and less if not. Thinking of mahr in this way leads to the big problem: how do we quantify the worth of a sister :) We should stay away from that!

Also, the "going rate" mahr is not something a brother should have in his pocket before he can get married (like one has to have x amount of money before one can buy a car of type y). *First* find a sister who is worth marrying and *then* decide what the mahr should be. It should be an amount the sister is comfortable with and which the brother can afford - an amount that is agreed upon mutually. It can be one dollar also. Mahr is supposed to be a gift but as we don't live in an Islamic society issues of security also have to considered.

Wasalaam.
Re: Mahr ...
BrKhalid
03/22/01 at 18:36:03
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-)

Br Arsalan I guess you can't use the "I'm waiting for you" excuse any more huh? ;-)

I agree 100% with moderation so won't talk about that. But can someone answer me this:

In an Islamic environment, who has rights over divorced children. Mother or father?
Re: Mahr ...
Noura
03/22/01 at 18:46:41
princess- :) plz use the faces in moderation. it's hard 2 read ur posts sometimes
Re: Mahr ...
Arsalan
03/23/01 at 01:02:24
[slm]
[quote]Br Arsalan I guess you can't use the "I'm waiting for you" excuse any more huh? ;-)[/quote]Haha!  I'm the master of excuses :)

I've got a couple of cousins who are two years older than me.  So right now, they're my crutch ;)

But you're right, I'm running out of excuses pretty fast!

Wassalam.
Re: Mahr ...
jannah
03/23/01 at 01:16:46

[quote]In an Islamic environment, who has rights over divorced children. Mother or father?[/quote]

BrKhalid from what I remember it depends on the age of the children, if they are young the mother has precedence.. but older the father does as a general rule but of course they go to court and if there are extenuating circumstances it's all brought out there and decided on.

[wlm]
Re: Mahr ...
Al-Basha
03/23/01 at 01:47:06
[slm]

So there is no "going rate"? I didn't really mean it like you are going out to buy a car or anything, and yes I suppose it does depend on the sister, but what i meant was, what is the average asked for?

Someone said $15K - $80K, that upper range is kind of crazy, but the lower range sounds reasonable.

If my wife said $1 for the mahr, I think I'd be worried about her understanding of the whole concept of mahr, or then again maybe that shows how much she trusts me? Allahu A3laam, too confusing if you ask me :)
Re: Mahr ...
Noura
03/23/01 at 03:54:47
assalaamu alaikum warhmatullah,

al basha- i'd recommend u have the mahr discussion b4 she becomes ur wife.

nur,
Re: Mahr ...
Anonymous
03/23/01 at 23:01:33
Dear brothers and sisters, salaamu alaiukum! I have a
question, I hope you can help me with. I have a Muslimah convert friend which
married an Arab brother. She did not receive any Mahr but ih the
marriadge contract he wrote two ammounts for Mahr - one for the time og
wedlock and the other if, Allah forbid they divorce in the future. He told
her that in his country man usualy does not pay any money Mahr in the
time of marriadge but if they divorce she will going to get the full
amount, as they wrote in the contract. But what if he die before her? I
want to know if any from you hear about this culture arrangments of giving
Mahr in some Arab-Muslim countries. Please,some info would be
appreciated as the sister worry if she was treated in the proper mannier! wa
salamu alaikum wa rahmatallah wa barakahtuhi!
Re: Mahr ...
Mona
03/24/01 at 10:55:21
Assalamu alaikum,

I came across two hadeeths and an excerpt from a book on marriage which are relevant to the discussion here and to anonymous’ question. Please note, mahr= sadaaq.

----
‘Uqbah bin Amir, radiya Allaha 3anhu, reported that Allah’s Messenger [saw] said:
[i]“Khairu an-nikah (aw as-sadaq) aysaruhu” [/i]or
“The best marriages or dowries are the easiest. " 
Recorded by Abu-Dawud, Ibn Majah and others. Verified to be authentic by Al-Albanee (Sahih ul-Jami no 3279, 3300, as-Sahiha no. 1842 & Irwa ul-Ghalil no. 1924)

Aslo, Aysha, radiya Allahu 3anha, reported that Allah’s Messenger [saw] said:
[i]“Inna min yumni al-mar’ah tayseeru khutbatiha, wa tayseeru sadaaqiha, wa tyaseeru rahemiha” [/i]or
“Verily, a sign of blessing for a woman is that her engagement, sadaaq and womb (i.e. giving birth), are all made easy"

Recorded by Ahmad, Al-Hakim and others. Verified to be hasan by Al-Albanee ( Shahih ul-Jami no 2235 & Irwa ul-Ghalil no 1928)
----
From The Quest for Love & Mercy. Regulation for Marriage & Wedding in Islam. Muhammed Al-Jibaly. Al-Kitaab & As-Sunnah Publishing. Beirut, Lebanon. 2000. pp82

POSTPONED MAHR

It is recommended to give the bride her mahr immediately after execution of the marriage contract. As we saw in the above examples, the Prophet [slw] only asked the husband for what he could offer at the time of marriage, and not what he could pledge for a future date.
  Yet, it is a very common practice to divide the mahr in two portions, an advance portion paid at the execution of the marriage contract , and  postponed portion to be paid when divorce or death takes place between the spouses.
  Postponing the mahr is, in general, an innovated inconvenience that departs from the normal practice in the Sunnah. It defeats the very purpose of mahr, which is to a gift given to the bride prior to having any intimacy with her.  It also burdens the husband with a large amount of money that he must pledge as postponed debt to an indefinite term.
---

Dear anonymous, it is my understanding of your friend’s situation that

a. the marriage has already taken place
b. the contract specified an advanced [muqaddam] and a postoponed [mu’akh-khar] portion of mahr
c. she hasn’t received the amount of mahr specified as the advanced portion

I would recommend that the sister’s walee talk to an imam and ask him about what should be done, and hopefully remind the husband of his obligation to own up to what was written in the contract.

Also, from the above passage of Al-Jibaly’s book, the postponed portion is payable upon either death of the husband or divorce.

Allah knows best.
Wassalam
Re: Mahr ...
Arsalan
03/24/01 at 17:21:22
[slm]

Jazaak Allahu Khairan Sr. Mona for the excerpt.  I think this explains why we were all (the guys in my town) in such a state of admiration for the sister when we heard $1.00 as the agreed mahr amount!  Because the guy who got married could not afford to pay too much mahr right away (he's in the middle of changing jobs), and he was anxious to marry asap!  

Anyway, linking this post to one of the previous posts, if my wife were to ask me for $15K as mahr, I think I would be overburdened.  Like the excerpt says, I would like to pay the wholesome amount of mahr to the bride right after the nikaah.  And I think 15K is too much to ask!

What do the other brothers think?

Wassalamu alaikum.

P.S. Maybe I'm still thinking in the student mode (?)
Re: Mahr ...
Al-Basha
03/24/01 at 22:12:52
slm
[quote]
Anyway, linking this post to one of the previous posts, if my wife were to ask me for $15K as mahr, I think I would be overburdened.  Like the excerpt says, I would like to pay the wholesome amount of mahr to the bride right after the nikaah.  And I think 15K is too much to ask!

What do the other brothers think?

Wassalamu alaikum.

P.S. Maybe I'm still thinking in the student mode (?)[/quote]

Well I think that it depends on the person you are marrying, because correct me if I am wrong, but don't you have to meet or do better than her current standard of living?

$15K might seem like a lot, but remember it might not be one lump sum, it could be $15K of combined items, rings, jewlery etc.
Re: Mahr ...
Asim
03/25/01 at 00:26:24
Assalaamu alaikum,

Ahh, some comments from a grad student who earns a meager amount... :)

To be perfectly honest I was shocked to hear that $15K is the LOWER limit for mahr! It is sad and disappointing too if this really is the minimum "going rate" for mahr. Come on, marriage is not a financial agreement; it is a union of souls that helps each strive to achieve the ultimate goal of life. Mahr is supposed to be a gift to the wife by the husband for the benefits he will get from her. Now, because we don't live in an Islamic society and Islamic family laws do not apply sisters have a valid concern for future security (this is further complicated in this country where often little is known of family backgrounds before marriage to build some trust). Such concerns may or may not be addressed in the mahr itself. This has to be decided mutually. I will err on the side of not including it, but what do I know... Usually after marriage appropriate financial arrangements like joint accounts, etc are made. But then I guess the sister can say 'how do I know he will do that'. But won't this start off the whole marriage thing on mistrust? hmm, okay I am going in circles here :)
[quote]correct me if I am wrong, but don't you have to meet or do better than her current standard of living? [/quote]
hmm, I don't understand. Wouldn't she be living according to the means of the husband? Mahr is a gift to her that she can use as she pleases. But to support her standard of living? And if she demands a large sum as mahr then she will be reducing the standard of living that the husband can support and provide to her?!
[quote]that seem like a lot, but remember it might not be one lump sum, it could be $15K of combined items, rings, jewlery etc. [/quote]
Like $15K for the whole marriage deal? It is still too much! As Arsalan said, I will prefer to give the amount immediately. Otherwise, it becomes a debt on me and I would like to avoid that. Al-Jibaly's book says this is an innovated but I believe others have said it is permissible. And I have seen some marriage contracts of this type. hmm...

Ah well, no big deal, don't despair guys :) If you find someone worth marrying Allah ta'ala will provide the means inshallah. And who knows, she may ask for just one buck!

Wasalaam.
Re: Mahr ...
PacificBreeze
03/25/01 at 05:25:24

[quote]slm


Well I think that it depends on the person you are marrying, because correct me if I am wrong, but don't you have to meet or do better than her current standard of living?
[/quote]

yeppers..

and to anon, it should be written in the marriage contract (the deferred amount).
Re: Mahr ...
BrKhalid
03/26/01 at 05:19:10
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-)

[quote]Anyway, linking this post to one of the previous posts, if my wife were to ask me for $15K as mahr, I think I would be overburdened.  Like the excerpt says, I would like to pay the wholesome amount of mahr to the bride right after the nikaah.  And I think 15K is too much to ask!

What do the other brothers think?[/quote]

Seems a lot to me too but I guess everything is in proportion.

I mean if 15k represents 1% of your excess wealth, then maybe its too little? If 50%, maybe too much?

I wonder what a reasonable percentage should be?

let's REALLY think about this..
princess
03/28/01 at 14:40:38
walikumas'salaam warahmatullah :)

[quote]I wonder what a reasonable percentage should be?[/quote]

on a total serious note..if anyone here lives alone, think of how much $$$ it takes for u to live for a month..(rent, food, clothes, etc..)? whatever amount u get, is the amount u should consider giving per month..and i again say, it should be for a yr :) of course it looks like a lot when u put it in 1 big lump sum :) tha's all :) and yes, the less u ask for in this life, the more u will be rewarded with, inshAllah, in the next life..but a right is a right :) [sigh] :) later langur ;-D
Re: Mahr ...
Anonymous
03/28/01 at 16:04:26
As-salamu alaikum!
Thank you so far for your answers to my letter. Yes, they had written
in the contract that she did not receive either of the two amounts and
if they divorce he is responsible to pay both of them. But she want to
know if that is right, because she thinks she has the right to get the
first amount. And after all, not that she does not trust her husband but
I think you agree that any man if he want to divorce his wife he can
make her life difficult that she will be ready to leave all the money
just to free herself. Please, give me more advices! Jazak Allah!
Re: Mahr ...
Kiwaku
03/29/01 at 09:43:27
Brothers and Sisters,

I have recently become engaged with a Saudi Arabian woman. I have been doing research on the Mahr, and I have come up with some very interesting things.

True, there is usually a cash amount sent to the bride prior to the execution of the wedding contract. However I have found in my reasearch (most of it done here in the Jannah.org) that the Mahr does not need to always be in material things. For example, if the bride wishes to learn english and the groom agrees to teach her the language then this could be considered as the Mahr.

I know personally, when hearing the ammounts of the Mahr in Saudi, and the ammounts discussed here (the 15k +) I go into cardiac arrest. I manage a McDonalds, 15k is an entire years worth of salary for me. Being that I am a single father of two lovely young Muslimah (ages 6 and 4) the probability of me comming up with that kind of money for a Mahr is down right impossible.

I can understand that it is there for the womans protection in the unlikely demise of the husband. But on the same token, is that not what life insurance is for... Personally I have a life insurance plan that would make my spouse and children very wealthy in the event of my death. And at a rate I can afford... could this not be considered part of the Mahr?

As for the divorce possibilities. I can agree that the woman will need to be taken care of during that time. Living in the United States, and having to get married under the legal system here, there is such a thing as a pre-numptual agreement. Now I personally dont agree with this, but it is there if it is a concern for the woman to be taken care of in the event of a divorce.

These two things could be used and implimented to help keep the actual Mahr down to a reasonable ammount. After all, the Mahr is a good thing, but what should be focused on more than anything is the sacral bond between the two. If thing are done properly from the beginning, then there would be no burden in the Mahr in the first place.

From my own personal experience, my fiance has taken into account that I am not a wealthy man, and that I desperately need help in raising my daughters to be good Muslimah (my parents and family are christian and will not help me with this). She has kept her Mahr to a minimum out of respect for that. However I have promised her that I would always take care of her, even in the event of a divorce. And if my word is not good enough I would happily sign any documents necessary.

I like the idea of the Mahr, but sisters, keep in mind that often times a good Brother may not be a doctor, or engineer, or some other wealthy individual. After all, does ones wealth determine if one will be a good spouse? Food for thought.

Thank you all for your time

May Allah Bless you all and all of your families

Sincerely
Usamah/Kiwaku
Re: Mahr ...
jannah
03/29/01 at 09:56:27
[slm] Brother Usamah/Kiwaku,

I like the name Usamah you chose!  I think the most famous Usamah I can think of was Usamah bin Zaid, the son of Zaid-- the adopted son and servant of the prophet [saw]. At such a young age (16) Usamah was put in charge of armies and did an excellent job! May Allah be pleased with him.

Anyway I just wanted to say I agree with you on keeping the mahr to the level of one's income. It would be crazy to be toiling away the rest of your life for something that was meant to be protection :)

It's true there are many stories of Mahr being just teaching someone 1 surah or  even becoming Muslim!

As for pre-nuptual agreements I think there isn't any need to have one in an Islamic marriage because the Islamic marriage itself is a contract and you can put any requirements/conditions in that.

May Allah bless you in your marriage and bring you together in goodness!! :)


Re: Mahr ...
Kiwaku
03/29/01 at 12:07:54
Thank you very much for those encouraging words Jannah.

My name was actually given to me by the young Muslimah that I am going to marry. I was very pleased to take it for her.

Though we have yet to settle on a Mahr, in fact we have not discussed it much, she has assured me that she will keep it down as to not burden me too much. She does not want me in debt when we get married.  I found this to be very comforting.

Make no mistake, I am going to take care of her properly. I will make sure that she wants for nothing... all within my means of course. I dont think that I could ever provide the anemities that her father has been able to provide for her, but I can do my best to provide everything that a woman needs.... especially in the area of worshiping Allah, and in being a good, providing, supportive husband.

May Allah bless you all

Sincerely
Usamah
Re: Mahr ...
Arsalan
03/29/01 at 14:06:08
[slm]

Kiwaku, when is the Big Day? :)
Re: Mahr ...
Mona
03/29/01 at 14:34:35
Assalamu alaikum,

Going back to anonymous' last message/question.  Dear sister, it is the woman's right to be given the advanced amount of mahr -as written in the contract- before or at the time of nikaah.  Writing in the marriage contract that there was an amount was designated as an advanced portion of Mahr obligates the husband to pay it up.  Talk to a local imam and try to resolve it amicably, since your friend would not make her husband feel that she doesn't trust him.  Preferrably, the wife's walee should handle this, and talk man to man with the husband.

Wassalam
Re: Mahr ...
Kiwaku
03/30/01 at 09:53:16
Arsalan,

We do not have a date as of yet.... there are many things to do before we can get to that point.

We have a problem with her father not wanting to give permission. But recent events over in her neck of the woods are pointing to a definate sign of Allah working within our relationship. I cannot go into it in detail right now, as I do not have all of the facts, but as soon as I know I will tell you.

I received word just today 3/30/01... that all of her friends and their mothers and fathers are going to be trying to convince her father that this will be a good union.... I feel so blessed.

Al-hamdu lillah!!

May Allah bless you all

Sincerely
Usamah
Re: Mahr ...
meraj
03/31/01 at 02:24:44
slm,

inshallah, i hope it works out for ya bro :) and dont worry, if Allah wants it to happen, it will. period. end of discussion :) may ya have a happy and blessed marriage :)
Re: Mahr ...
Saleema
03/31/01 at 23:07:53
Assalam ualykum,

A woman came to my father once crying because she said that her ex-husband, (whom my dad knew), would not support her and she was in need of money. My dad called up the guy and invited him over and asked him why he was being a jerk. He said I gave her mahr, my dad looks over to the woman and asks if it's true and she says yes, but I had asked for only 1 dollar as my mahr and that's not enouhg to live on.

And the guy refused to give her any money. But eventually the guy caved in and helped her get back on her feet. My dad told the lady that next time she marries she better ask for more than  dollar.

My parents would never marry me off if I asked for only a dollar. :)  They'd be scared. Or if they did they'd make sure I left their home loaded with money from them.

Inshallah Arsalan's friend's marriage will be a happy one.  :)  

wassalam
Re: Mahr ...
jehad
04/26/01 at 12:01:08
ASalm walakum
In syria they have two mahers. they call it mut awal and muta aker.
the mutawal is given at marriage and it is usally about $300 the muta aker is given in the event of divorce and is about $700.  That way younger men can offord the muhr, so you dont have to give your daughter away to a old man with big savings. And at the same time in the event of divorce the girl has enough to last her a couple of years. it also has the effect of redusing men devorcing their wives without good reason, $700 is a lot there.
Re: Mahr ...
Rashid
04/26/01 at 14:29:52
[slm]

Br. Jehad that sounds reasonable.  One of my close friends got married last year and now he's in the hole big time, not just the mahr but the wedding expenses.  But in a way it's his fault cuz he went for the traditional lavish Desi wedding.  He says it's gonna take him years to get out of debt.

You can put me down in the "I'm waiting for you brother" category as well ;-)
Re: Mahr ...
Laboogie
04/28/01 at 09:48:36
yo, jannah
Im not married, what the heck, last time I checked !
Re: Mahr ...
jannah
04/28/01 at 11:31:55
aiite so that racks it up to 2 unmarried friends woohoo! ;)
Re: Mahr ...
eleanor
04/28/01 at 14:47:16
slm

this is an interesting topic which I haven't read up on or seen discussed here.

when I got married (as some of you know), I was really in over my head and didn't know what I was doing. Anyway we went to this mosque and when the Nikkah was over the Imam asked us how much the Mahr should be and gave us a choice of 3.000, 5.000 and 7.000 DM. We hadn't discussed this at all and I didn't have a clue what it was all about so we just chose the middle one.

I didn't get it though. My husband said to me at the time that it was money that he had to pay to me if we got divorced.
Anyway..glad to be out of that ignorant period of my life

wasalaam
eleanor
Re: Mahr ...
jehad
04/30/01 at 10:27:49
asalm walakum elinor ? after divorce?
what usally happens is that the women gets her muhr when they get married, but if the man divorces her then she keeps the money, if she wants to divorce him and he is unwilling to divorce her and she goes to a judge to obtain divorce with shria reason then she must give him back the money.
Is he from the indian sub continant? they do a lot of weared bidha like that there.
Re: Mahr ...
eleanor
05/01/01 at 05:51:54

[quote] weared bidha [/quote]

what kind of bidha???

brother you really need to take a few spelling classes...

Anyway, no worries as far as the money is concerned. I have a savings account from my husband now which is worth *far* more than the original mahr.
I don't think I'm in a situation where there's cause for financial stress. Divorced or not divorced.

wasalaam
eleanor
Re: Mahr ...
jehad
05/09/01 at 12:52:44
to put the other side of the story, i think some women ask for to much muhr, thats why no one wants to marry them. no one can offord to. this happens a lot in the arab world.
so you get young girls marrying old men, cause only old men can offord to pay them what they are asking for.
my friend got married for £10, his wife was the one who proposed to him though. his good looking, does that make a difference to what girls ask for?
another friend got married for a few verses of the quran, his wife was from a rich familly though, so what ever money he would have offerd would have been nothing to her.
say wha..
princess
05/09/01 at 11:39:21
as'salaamualikum :)

[quote]my friend got married for £10, his wife was the one who proposed to him though. his good looking, does not make a difference to what girls ask for?[/quote]

maybe i'm not understanding this properly, but r u saying that if the guy is good looking, so the girl really doesn't have to ask for too much..cuz she's going on his looks? ??? plz, explain that :) later langur ;-D
Re: Mahr ...
jehad
05/09/01 at 12:55:13
thats cause it was a typing mistake. i have changed it now. it was a question. i was asking does looks make a difference to what a girl askes for?
[phew]
princess
05/10/01 at 09:55:34
as'salaamualikum :)

[quote]thats cause it was a typing mistake. i have changed it now. it was a question. i was asking does looks make a difference to what a girl askes for?[/quote]

i was gonna get ugly here :) thanks for clearing it up :) i [i]personally[/i] don't think that looks has ANYTHING to do with how much a girl asks for..why would it? just because a guy is "good looking" doesn't/shouldn't mean he can cop out of paying more mah'r..:)

his looks aren't gonna help her if he passes away, or they get a divorce :) but i'm not a fatwa giver..and if this is a situation u're in, i would suggest u ask someone more knowledgable :) later langur ;-D
Re: Mahr ...
Arsalan
06/04/01 at 16:22:26
[slm]

[Note: the original post of Br. Jehad to which this was a reply has disappeared.]

Brother Jehad, I find it amazing that you can tie *everything* that we talk about on the board (relating to marriage) to the "looks" or "prettiness" of the sister!  

What do looks have to do with how much mahr one should ask for/give??  Am I missing something here?
Re: Mahr ...
jehad
06/04/01 at 14:37:36
asalm walakum
brother Lion.
Relating to good looking sisters. Lodes of people are willing to marry them. so they can ask for a lot.  
I think it should go the other way as well.
else that would be sexism.
Re: Mahr ...
BrKhalid
06/04/01 at 14:45:09
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-)

[quote]Relating to good looking sisters. Lodes of people are willing to marry them. so they can ask for a lot. [/quote]


I see we have this Br jehad in our midst today ;-)
Re: Mahr ...
jehad
06/05/01 at 13:41:52
you know in Pakistan and bangladesh there are bidahi people where the lady's family give muhr to the man. they call it another name though.
I had a argument with some one about this, he was saying it is just a gift.
have any of you lot heard about this?


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