Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
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| Magableh |
| 03/22/01 at 15:04:37 |
| Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Dear Brothers and Sisters, I just received an email from a Sister and it brought up an interesting question. Let me know how you feel and then I'll respond to her. Sisters - Would you ever consider marrying a brother younger than you? If so, how much younger? If not, why? Brothers - Would you ever consider marrying a sister older than you? If so, how much older? If not, why? Any other input, questions, that I didn't ask? Wa'assalam, Serena :-) |
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| Nazir_Ismail |
| 03/22/01 at 16:20:09 |
| I personally would not marry a sister older than me. Dont know why, i just wouldnt! I guess its a "she aint my type" thing! My Ideal wife would have to be younger then me, at least by a day! But seriously i dont know many brothers who are married to older women, although their are some i know of. |
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| Asim |
| 03/22/01 at 17:04:18 |
| x = my age y = sisters age z = the set [0, 5] I have no problems with the following equations: y = x +- z with certainty factor of 0.99 if z > 5, then y = x + z with a certainty factor of 0.67 :) Okay, that's too much math. To summarize, I don't have a problem. It depends from case to case :) Wasalaam. |
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| Arsalan |
| 03/22/01 at 16:59:54 |
| [slm] Huh? Asim, I think you messed up in your formulations! |
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| Asim |
| 03/22/01 at 17:05:57 |
[quote] Asim, I think you messed up in your formulations![/quote] Really? How? Dang! Math is too precise that is why I tried to use fuzzy (or imprecise) logic. |
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| Arsalan |
| 03/22/01 at 17:13:04 |
| Very funny :) You already made the correction! (I actually just spent a whole 5 minutes trying to figure out what the heck happened to the mistake that I had noticed earlier). |
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| SA |
| 03/22/01 at 18:08:39 |
| Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah I don't have much to say about this topic, except I had never previously thought I would consider a younger bro, but so far, I've been approached by more younger bros than older/same age. Not sure why. So I've since changed my mind. In the end, it's a much more insignificant factor than one thinks (when keeping his deen, maturity level in mind)...maybe there are more specific examples out there, that's just mine from a very "preliminary" angle. This reminds me a lot of Jannah/Se7en's question on whether or not you bros would consider a sister who approached you first...Khadija and the Rasul (sAw) ring a bell? :) |
| NS |
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| meraj |
| 03/22/01 at 18:40:51 |
| slm, really, makes no difference to me... but what do i know... im just a kid ;-D and yeah what SA said... the prophet [saw] and khadija is a good example :) |
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| BrKhalid |
| 03/22/01 at 19:22:05 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) I may be generalising here but I think most brothers tend to have an ideal sister in their mind. At the same time, being realistic, how many of us can say that we will get exactly what we desire when we consider potential spouses? Therefore, I think its one of those things you have to weigh up. For example I personally would choose to marry a sister younger than myself but that has to be weighed up against other factors such as her strength in deen, her character and her money ( ;-) j/k) As a rough guide: 1-4 years older : Not a problem 5-8 : Serious thinking required 9+ : She’d have to be out of this world!!! Okay I know the above was said tongue in cheek but I think its important for brothers not to dismiss the idea outright. I think each case needs to be judged on its merits. So what’s my answer I hear you say? Hmm…it depends |
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| Al-Basha |
| 03/23/01 at 02:08:45 |
| [slm] [quote] Brothers - Would you ever consider marrying a sister older than you? If so, how much older? If not, why?[/quote] Well a family member of mine's wife is 12 years older than him, so yes it definatly can occur. As far as whether or not I'd be willing, id have to say it depends on the person. I believe it depends on the maturity of both parties. An older sister might be good because she is mature, has a lot more life experience then some of the "young" sisters out there, but it might also be nice to "grow up" with a young sister. Like I said it depends on the individual. |
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| Kathy |
| 03/23/01 at 09:27:08 |
| As salaamu alaykum. I am eight years older... |
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| Barr |
| 03/24/01 at 10:13:01 |
| I've never really considered anyone younger... (but then again... noone younger have asked!)Also, in my family, I am the eldest and I have a brother who is just 1 year younger. Hence, all brothers (in Islam) who is younger then me... well, can't help but feel like they're like my 'lil brothers... just can't think of marrying anyone younger. So... I do prefer someone older (erm, a lot older)... here are some of my selfish reasons ;) 1) U can get away with a lot of things coz, you're supposed to be the young and reckless one, and he, the older and wiser one ;) 2) It's easier to impress him, coz, he won't expect a lot from you... hence, back to the first point ;) 3) He'll pamper you a lot more... hence back to the first point! But seriously, Although my mom is older than my dad, and I have seen a lot of successful marriages, in which the wife is older, and I'm sure there are a lot of mature young lads, out there (though I rarely, rarely ever so rarely meet them!) I think it's just personal preference... I do feel that someone older would have gone through a lot of experiences... hence, a lot wiser, and mature, hence, I feel that inshaALlah, we'd probably, be able to grow with each other, and he'd probably, be able to fill in the void spaces in my life, and I, to him as well, inshaAllah. Hope I don't sound arrogant... it's not like I'm some mature matron, but even my friends say that I am "motherly" and I've always been the eldest, the one that always have to be sensible, responsible, tough etc... so, it'll be nice to have an older husband, inshaALlah (Ameen!)... but if ALlah so wills that I have a younger husband... then alhamdulillah.... Allah knows best :-) |
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| se7en |
| 03/31/01 at 13:40:02 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh, [quote] Sisters - Would you ever consider marrying a brother younger than you? If so, how much younger? If not, why? [/quote] What would he be, like 12? :) My initial reaction was negative. Ideally I (and all sisters I think) would like someone who would be able to provide for them and their subsequent family. Which no guys under the age of seventeen are.. unless they're independently wealthy or are trafficking something they shouldn't be :P Also guys mature later in life (if ever :P) so an older brother would generally be more serious, with his priorities straight, and be disciplined in his practice of Islam. And he'd have had more years to study, so ideally he would be more knowledgeable than I am and therefore able to teach me somethin :) I don't think I could marry a bro that's more than 10 years older than me though.. we'd just be from different worlds. So all this, along with the fact that I've been told I'm 17 going on 40, most likely means someone a couple years older than me would probably work out best. BUT... being able to provide is only really necessary when there are kids in the picture.. I know a couple who just recently got married and are both students and dirt poor... they're so extremely happy together, it makes you smile just to see them :) One time she said, yeah I wish I had a kitchen that was bigger than my bathroom.. but I don't need it.. I have all that I need. I was like, subhanAllah, talk about contentment and marrying the right person!! And there are a lot of young brothers who are knowledgeable and passionate about Islam and have their priorities straight. I gotta give props to those teenage brothers who are so disciplined in their practice of Islam when *everything* around them is telling them not to be. That takes a lot of strength and courage, it's a true jihad that produces real men. So... I guess it seriously depends on the individual, if an "out of this world" brother was actually interested in me, no matter what the age, how could I say no? say it with me now.. We plan and Allah plans, and Allah is the best of planners. :) wasalaamu alaykum. ps- I'm really eager to read other ppls responses.. |
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| Laboogie |
| 04/01/01 at 21:56:51 |
| As-salaamu alakium As human beings we tend to have preferences, and my preference is to marry a brother who is either my age or older (no more then 10yrs). But this is only a preference, so I guess I would consider it if the brother who presented himself is mature enough to MY standards. I have to agree with what se7en had to say, what can I say we think alike :)(hey Ma). She couldn't have put any better: [quote] So... I guess it seriously depends on the individual, if an "out of this world" brother was actually interested in me, no matter what the age, how could I say no?[/quote] And how can you say no to an "out of this world brother"? uhmmm...u just cant :) |
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