A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....

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A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
Zara
05/02/01 at 13:42:49
Assalaamu alaikum :-)

[B]I picked this up from a message board....[/B]

For sisters who want to get married, read this!!!
***************

Here is some practical advice for sisters thinking to get married in the near future insh’Allah. This advice is not meant as ‘scholarly, Islamic, fatwa-like’ advice but just simply some tips from a sister who has been-there-done-that. This is entirely my own personal point of view.

[B](1)[/B] Get practicing: memorise as much Quran and learn as much about the Deen as you can while you have the health and independence to do it. If you have loving, trusting, understanding parents who allow you your freedom, then go on Islamic courses in England and abroad whenever you can (your husband may not be as thrilled at the idea of you going abroad to study Arabic for 4 months as your Mum and Dad!).

[B](2)[/B] Get educated: If you are the intellectual sort get your degree(s) before marriage. If you don’t you will always rue the fact that you didn’t – but if you have a choice between an M.A and a good husband choose the husband!!! Don’t even think of doing a degree if you are planning to start a family right away – you are bound to neglect either your husband, your kids or both as a result and that is not fair on them (and the guilt is terrible!)

[B](3)[/B] Get mobile: get a driving licence and (if you can afford it) a car. It makes life a lot easier when you have kids (which may be as soon as nine months after you are married!) and it gives your ever-supportive but ever-tired and over-worked husband a breather from ferrying you and the kids to and fro from your parents’ house/shops/lectures/picnics etc.

[B](4)[/B] Get skilled: if you are the capable sort. Invest in your skills and the independence of being single and try and acquire skills that will be of practical benefit inside the home and for your future role as ‘wife’ and ‘mother’ insh’Allah. For
instance (this may seem obvious) learn how to cook (and I don’t mean the beans-on-toast stuff that you survived on as a student!) preferably nutritious, quick, tasty meals. Learn first aid- for obvious reasons (such as how to revive your husband when he is overcome by the splendour of your beauty when it is first revealed to him or alternatively, when he discovers that he is not the only one in the relationship that has a moustache!). Learn how to sew. It can save you money in the long run; give you something to do in your spare time (don’t worry you won’t have much of that!) and it can even earn you money too (making trendy skirts, scarves, abiyahs etc .). Learn hair-dressing/make-up application skills. Good Muslim stylists/ beauticians are very hard to come by - especially if you are a practising sister in hijab- God knows we need them! Sisters, Please, please, please learn these skills if you have the time and can do it. I am sure you will get a lot of Baraka and make a lot of husbands very happy! Seriously, we are living in a society where sex and sex-appeal is literally everywhere: in the office, in schools, on T.V., in advertising, on the streets etc. And it is our moral duty I think at least try and be as sexy/beautiful in our own homes for our husbands as what they see of the haram else-where.

[B](5)[/B] Finally, get fit: As I said in the point above, try and please your husband and if that means losing weight and toning up your muscles, DO IT!!! Allah will reward you not only for trying to please your husband but also for maintaining a healthy body (remember, how you treat your body is one of the questions you will be asked about in the grave). Also, you will
need a healthy body to keep up with the demands placed upon it. Lets face it, being a wife, although enjoyable, is a tiring business, pregnancy is a nightmare, giving birth is a killer and looking after small children is some kind of [B]jihad!!![/B] But, believe me, I have never experienced anything quite as rewarding! Anyway sisters, I hope insh’Allah that this advice has been of some benefit to you and that Allah (swt) grants you husbands and blessed families insh’Allah, Ameen.
[name withheld]

[B](6)[/B] Must Check this link out *lol*

http://members.nbci.com/201Nikah/

Wasalaam

Zara

ps tick off items from the list that you have done or are still pending...

pps What do ya all think does the list need more 2do items?? Or do some items need 2B removed?? ;-D





Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
muhannad
03/29/01 at 12:58:32
A couple of comments:

If a sister wants to travel then she must go with a MALE mahram.

The last point:  This modern trend of wafer like bodies is unnatural and unrealistic.  Allah's has created women a certain way, and males should not find fault with sisters who are within normal variations.  Frankly, I think modern fashions & vogues are SICK.  Men are different, our bodies have less fat comparitively and more muscle.  People should eat moderately and just chill out.  You should eat according to your daily requirements; so if you spend most of your day sitting in front of a computer then eat less (but 3 times daily).  When brothers get married they are not just looking for a piece of meat that weighs x pounds and has y % of fat.

p.s. We all know how modern films and magazines are manipulated with the world-famous "air brush"
and computer graphics.

we are Bani Adam !!
Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
Noura
03/29/01 at 13:19:00
assalaamu alaikum warhmatullahi wa barakatuh,

i agree w/ the brother.  i'd scratch that off the list b/c if ur fulfilling ur obligation 2 Allah, ur not overeating. if u married the rt bro, perfecting ur deen will gain his love and respect.  if u married the wrg bro, perfecting ur deen or ur body won't gain his love or respect.  

wasalamu alaikum,
noura
Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
Barr
03/29/01 at 23:05:54
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh
Jazakallah ukhti for starting the thread :-)

Just some additions...

1) Get active: Be more active with the society and other da'wah work. When U are still single, and especially if U are still studying, U have a lot more "free" time with you if compared than when U are married. So, make full use of our time.

When we get married, we have added responsibilities... we gotta take care of our husbands and children, and manage the house. So, the time to truly optimise our development is when we are still single, inshaALlah.

2) Take care of what we eat: We gotta know that our body is not just for our own. Our backs are gonna carry the future, our womb is gonna be a home for nine months for our children. With that in mind, we really need to take care of what we eat. We gotta make sure that we not only eat halal food, but good food as well (halalan wa tayyiban, as mentioned in the Qur'an)

3) Purify ourselves: We must be certain of ALlah's promise that a good man is for a good woman. And if we would like to have that saleh brother that we want, then, let us begin with ourselves, that we draw ourselves closer to Allah and feel His presence. InshaAllah, we would be also focused in the work and our roles as Muslims living in the society that we are in, and still, inshaALlah, may ALlah bless us with partners that would complement us to get closer to Allah. But we gotta start from ourselves... and all things would follow through, inshaAllah.

3) Widen our horizons: Read books, go to places, travel, build our confidence and character... optimise this time. We are going to be mothers, and we would also want to pass our knwoledge of life that we have gained by experiences. A mother with a big mind and heart is diffrent from a mother that doesn't.

4) Take care of your body: Yes, eventhough this may seem to be less "spiritual", but we would also like to please our husbands, such that we would be the coolness in his eye physically as well, and that is ibadah as well. Make time to moisturise your body with creams... especially if you live in cold and dry regions, plus, take care of your complexion as well. Most importantly, we gotta know that our body is an amanah from Allah, and that we take care of what Allah has entrusted upon us. Of course, there is no need to go overboard with beauty stuff.. but also, there's nothing wrong to spare a bit more time as well, to accentuate its beauty.

In reply to Br Muhannad & Sis Noura, yes, at the end of the day, the thing that will gain and RETAIN respect and love from our husbands are not how our body look like, and also, it is not about having wafer like bodies and have our minds be controlled with the ever-volatile fashion trends. But we should also take care of our body, and try to shed those extra pounds that do render us to be on the overweight side (by body mass index).  

But, of course, things would be more meaningful if we do these becoz of Allah FIRST, inshaALlah.

Just my thoughts.... :-)
ukhtukum fillah
Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
Zara
04/23/01 at 10:19:39
Salaams :)

[quote]
If a sister wants to travel then she must go with a MALE mahram.
[/quote]

Masha'allah Br. Muhannad so you noticed the mistake regarding travel...Yes a woman needs a mahram with her when she travels.  It is not allowed for a woman to travel without a mahram for longer than three days.

[quote]
i agree w/ the brother.  i'd scratch that off the list b/c if ur fulfilling ur obligation 2 Allah, ur not overeating. if u married the rt bro, perfecting ur deen will gain his love and respect.  if u married the wrg bro, perfecting ur deen or ur body won't gain his love or respect.  
[/quote]

I agree too Sr.Noura. Insha'allah I shall edit them once I receive more input.  I shall try  Also fulfilling your obligations to Allah e.g offering your 5 prayers decreases your hunger for food and you attain a balance whereby you are getting food for the soul and prayers give you routine which regulates your eating habits to three meals.

As for keeping fit, I think that women should not aspire to be like the:

[quote]"toothpick models"
sheikh Riyad Nadwi - aspirations   muslims in todays society
available on cassette[/quote]

Although doing some form of exercise to keep fit should be encouraged.  It is similar to keeping the mind active through seeking knowledge.  You need to use all the faculties you have been blessed with.  

Wasalaam

Zara


hello..?
princess
03/30/01 at 14:38:13
as'salaamualikum :)

[quote]When brothers get married they are not just looking for a piece of meat that weighs x pounds and has y % of fat.[/quote]

i don't agree with that @ all..there's very few boys who can/will look past the physical appearance of a girl..i'm not saying that they can't do that, but majority of the time, boys all want the supermodel that's been airbrushed..:) i agree that it shouldn't be like that, but it doesn't mean that it's not like that :) just my thoughts :) later langur ;-D
Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
Noura
03/30/01 at 17:42:29
assalaamu alaikum warhmatullahi wa barakatuh,

a superb model of a muslimah maybe.  i think ur being 2 hard on the bros sr princess.  not all bros r superficial.  all bros want 2 find their wife attractive which is their right as it is ours.  if a sister passes, she's fine. they look 2 her other qualities. what constitues a pass u ask.  beauty is relative. some bros, the minority i would say want and think they will marry supermodel, others r happy w/ a average sister.  some bros like overweight sisters btw.  some like the emaciated looking type.  

overeating is unhealthy and immoderate deenwise, so don't eat 5+ meals/day, but don't live on a head a lettuce either.

wasalamau alaikum,
ur sis.
nur
Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
muhannad
03/31/01 at 06:25:26
[quote] i don't agree with that @ all..there's very few boys who can/will look past the physical appearance of a girl..i'm not saying that they can't do that, but majority of the time, boys all want the supermodel that's been airbrushed.. i agree that it shouldn't be like that, but it doesn't mean that it's not like that  just my thoughts  later langur [/quote]

I am not so sure about this.  I'm talking here about brothers who are on Qur'an & Sunnah.  Who shouldn't thus be looking at these sort of things.  Remember once childbirth sets in all sorts of things start to "balloon out" but laa ba'sa.

I am a male and have had extensive contact with brothers looking to get married.  Males generally accept a wide variety of women within their individual preferences. Nowadays brothers are looking at other things like knowledege of the Quran, understanding of Islam, Arabic language, raise family, good cook !  Cases of Mr & Mrs Right are really myths.

I'm not sure though how the new generation will come through.  because in my time late 80s-early 90s, I saw women dressed in long skirts with full figures, long hair (majority) - yes, and I am talking about london.  So this is what I have grown up being used to.  This is why seeing modern mutililations is quite odd.

In the past (pre 50's) the Kuffar did raise their girls with manners, ettiquettes (e.g. take a look at Kashif's post about the Good Wives guide).  
In short, modern women just have NO CLASS

Re: A list of 2do's b4 marriage.....
Zara
04/05/01 at 15:27:05
Salaams

[quote]
I am not so sure about this.  I'm talking here about brothers who are on Qur'an & Sunnah.  Who shouldn't thus be looking at these sort of things.  Remember once childbirth sets in all sorts of things start to "balloon out" but laa ba'sa.
[/quote]

That's fine but the truth is that many people do still think that appearances take precedence over other criteria for a wife.

[quote]
I am a male and have had extensive contact with brothers looking to get married.  Males generally accept a wide variety of women within their individual preferences. Nowadays brothers are looking at other things like knowledege of the Quran, understanding of Islam, Arabic language, raise family, good cook !  Cases of Mr & Mrs Right are really myths.  I'm not sure though how the new generation will come through.  because in my time late 80s-early 90s, I saw women dressed in long skirts with full figures, long hair (majority) - yes, and I am talking about london.  So this is what I have grown up being used to.  This is why seeing modern mutililations is quite odd.[/quote]

These days cultural practices have blurred the lines of demarcation between culture and Islam. Although Alhumdulillah things are changing and people are going back to Islam.  In time I would like to think that people marry in accordance to the reasoning given through sunnah:

Sahih Al Bukhari
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.


[quote]
In the past (pre 50's) the Kuffar did raise their girls with manners, ettiquettes (e.g. take a look at Kashif's post about the Good Wives guide).  
In short, modern women just have NO CLASS[/quote]

It's rather unfortunate that the kufaar have let go of their traditional values which leads to the decline in good manners of their youngsters.  It has affected muslims too who spend time in their company.  

Wasalaam

Zara


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