Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Intercultural Marriages |
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| Anonymous |
| 03/29/01 at 13:34:32 |
| Assalaamu Alaykum Any naseeha on the subject is welcome. The benefits, issues to be aware of, how to get the families together, raising children, etc. Jazak Allahu Khairun. Wasalaam. |
| Re: Intercultural Marriages |
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| UmmZaid |
| 03/30/01 at 00:12:00 |
| Salaam 'Alaikum Depends on what two cultures the individuals are from and whether or not they are more into their cultures than they are into Islam. Yahoo! Groups has some lists for western women (Muslim and not) married to Arab Muslim men, and Muslim men in general (sub continent, arabs, etc). My husband and I are not from the same culture. There are a few sticking points. However, my husband is Muslim who happens to be Arab, not an Arab who happens to be Muslim, so that is our first common ground. |
| Re: Intercultural Marriages |
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| eleanor |
| 04/01/01 at 04:30:19 |
| slm What I have to say is this. Never ever forget that the person you are married to has been brought up very differently, with a whole different set of principles. What might seem perfectly normal to you is way beyond the limit for him and vice versa. I can't really think of any good examples to back this up at the moment but as soon as I can I'll post it up here. Eleanor |
| Re: Intercultural Marriages |
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| Barr |
| 04/04/01 at 11:29:25 |
| Salam, everyone :) InshaAllah, I'm sure there are lots of benefits... but here's just an outline of real issues that U would have to consider, inshaALlah. If there are others who would like to add, pls do so... 1) Nationality issues If your spouse is of a different nationality, then what nationality would your children take up? Is it posible to have dual nationalities? If not, then issues of citizenship and PR (permanant residence) would arise. Which would your child take? What are the pros and cons of each. Weigh them. This is important, especially if your children are not able to take dual citizenships. 'coz, if something happens to you or your spouse (eg. death), then, there might be some migration legalities/issues that U/ your spouse would need to handle, and this can be quite... straining! 2. Future plans a) Place of residence Where do you plan to stay for good? Would U be willing to relocate to your spouse's area/ region/ country or vice versa? What are your short term and long term plans? Where do U want your children to grow? Or r U going to migrate to a totally different country? Would U be living with the in-laws? r U comfortable with living with in-laws who has a different culture than you? Is he/she expected to live with and take care of his parents? or would they be put in homes when they're elderly? If both of you are working, who would take care of your children? Would staying with the in-laws help in the upbringing of your children? If not, then, what are your alternatives? b)Other plans be sure that U discuss what BOTH of you want and BOTH of your future plans, so that inshaAllah, these would complement each other. What can happen sometimes is that only ONE of you might dominate THE PLAN. And becoz, you may come from different cultures/countries/ nationalities, this would add more strain in the relationship, if compared to those who share the same culture/nationalities. 'Coz, a LOT of things would be very different from what you have been brought up with. If not, a lot of frustrations can build up. 3) Changes How adaptable are both of you to changes? If one of you is a (new) convert, would you be able to handle the changes of i) embracing a new faith ii) marital status from being single to married with someone of a different culture, & bringing up children iii) migration and other changes simultaneously? Or would you prefer to give yourself time to develop for each of those factors? If one of you is marrying a (new) convert, would you be able to grow together? be patient with his/her self-development and self discoveries? or r U a "do this or else..." and a "haram, haram, haram" kind of a person? If U are, would your spouse be able to adjust to that, or would you be able to be "flexible"? 4) Both of your cultures a) celebrations What is the stand of BOTH you with regards to celebrations or family gatherings eg. Christmas, Chinese New Year, Thanksgiving, Grandparents Anniverseries... How would you relate this to your extended families as well as your children. How do you educate your children about different celebrations and what position you and your family would take. Children would be very attracted to celebrations especially, since, they'll get to meet their cousins, receive gifts, presence of colours and sounds etc how would you want your family to adjust/accept eg. how do you deal with issues like alcohol? b)Education How would you want to teach and inculcate the good things from both of your cultures? Food, dressing, mannerisms, languages etc. c)how willing are U to learn from each other's cultures? 5) DO NOT ASSUME, BE HONEST... FIND OUT! Sometimes marriage is overly romanticised, and yes, there r a lot of benefits of marriage, but seriously, you would need to put a lot of hard work in the marriage and "fight" everyday FOR the marriage. That's all I can remember and think of right now. Hope this helps! Take care :) wassalam (But of course, things would be much easier if both of you know what you want in life and how both of you want your life to fit with Islam and how marriage can help you with that. But there are other issues that need to be thought abt... coz, we can't just live with love and air alone....) |
| just a side encouraging remark |
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| PacificBreeze |
| 04/04/01 at 15:20:37 |
| if he's for it, and ur for it, and ur fam's for it..or if ur fam's for it, he's for it and ur for it or if ur fam's for it, ur for it, he's for it..or ur for it, he's for it, ur fam's for it lol etc.. then GO FOR IT! :) esp if culture's never been an issue or if ur a washed out person or globalized then it shouldn't be a biggie..however, if you're particular about certain cultural habits or likes or whatever, then it should definitely be discussed etc..n see if u can compromise or not, whether u'd like to pursue it or not..sometimes ppl feel coming from the same bkgd makes one more compatible..sometimes it's not from a particular ethnic bkgd but same having been raised bkgd ex the west etc..or sometmes it is the similar traits deal.. one thing which i realized is such a big issue for ppl, is the LANG issue...are you really interested in teaching n learning ur spouse's lang etc? or vice versa etc.. oh and another important issue sis barr hit on, is the whole how would u deal with the in laws issue..the complete cultural slant to it..live with them? obey every whim? have a mind of ur two own but will listen to advices..or implement whatever the in laws say etc etc.. ne how..the others'll give u better advices n share their learned experiences etc ;) |
| Re: Intercultural Marriages |
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| jannah |
| 04/05/01 at 01:30:22 |
| [slm] barr great practical advice mashallah. i also have to add that for alot of us that were born/raised in the united states.. our culture is ..."muslim americana something". so i see alot of happy marriages of ppl from different ethnicities because they really end up having the same "culture" and have alot in common from both being muslims in the US--ie our myna/isna marriages. one caveat here is parents... i've seen alot of sisters/brothers find an excellent person they want to marry but the parents are totally against their children marrying anyone outside their ethnicity.. so do yourselves all a favor and avoid alot of heartache, if ur interested in someone find out first if the parents of both parties are likely to go for it! |
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