Seeking advice

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Seeking advice
Anonymous
04/08/01 at 21:17:09
As-Salaamu Alakium
      I am seeking your advice on a personal issue. I am interested in
a young brother and he is interested in me as well. We have talked
about marriage before and we would like one day to get married (inshallah).
At this moment he is going through some personal issues, so we have
decide to it is best if we are not in each other’s company.
  I was planning on waiting for him; wait until he gets better or over
whatever he is going through. I was thinking about waiting until next
year around May (that’s when I graduate) and if nothing happens, then go
on with my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I'm not sitting around for a
phone call or thinking about him.  I have gone on with my life but there is
something that tells me to wait, to be patient. I don’t think its fair
if I decide to just forget about him and not wait for him b/c I know he
has strong feelings for me but at this moment he is going through some
personal issues.
  So, I haven’t told him literally that I'm going to wait for him or
that I put a deadline on how long I would wait. I just thought that I
would keep it to myself, but then I was discussing this issue to a couple
of sisters and they suggested for me to tell him (about my waiting for
him). So I'm writing to you all to request more feedback/advice on what
I should do.

Thank you

Re: Seeking advice
destined
04/08/01 at 22:52:16
[slm]

HOLD on a minute here.  

You didn't state whether the parents (on either side) knew or not.  But I think that's a very important factor b4 you do *anything*.  

Before you go and wait a year or do anything of that matter.  The parents need to know the situation.  

#1 Have your parents/guardian met the guy, do they approve of him?

#2 Vice versa for his parents, do they approve of him finding a girl and trusting his judgement just like that?

What if you wait a whole year, (turn down other proposals just for him) then when you finally tell your parents bout him, what if they say NO? Then what...???  

I know many people that were in your shoes and the outcomes of their situations were extremely devastating.

Soo, if you're willing to wait for him (insha'Allah) I suggest you tell ur folks bout him and tell him bout ur plans (of waiting for him).   

Good luck to you sis, and sorry if I sounded harsh or anything

[sub] [This post was modified by destined on 04/08/01 at 22:52:16]
Re: Seeking advice
se7en
04/09/01 at 13:38:31
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah,

I gotta agree with those sisters.  Though I don't know the whole situation, I think they're worried that he may not know how serious your intentions are towards him, or even know that this is something you want to pursue.  

Brothers back me up here, isn't it often times difficult for you to know what a sisters is thinking, what she wants from you, if she's interested in you?

Even though you're not waiting around for his phone call, you are waiting for him...you have some sort of emotional attachment to this bro and you have certain expectations of him.  Because of that you should make sure that the intentions on both sides are clear.  Otherwise you may be expecting more from him than he knows or is willing to give.  

You'll only be protecting yourself from getting hurt by asking him to make his intentions towards you clear.  What's difficult is figuring out how and when to do that.

wAllahu 'alam
wasalaam.
Re: Seeking advice
Arsalan
04/09/01 at 13:40:53
[slm]
[quote]Brothers back me up here, isn't it often times difficult for you to know what a sisters is thinking, what she wants from you, if she's interested in you?[/quote]Spot on se7en!

And definitely get your parents involved in this if they are not already involved.
Re: Seeking advice
JustMe
04/12/01 at 09:17:59
That might not be a bad idea to wait till your graduation.  That way you won't have to worry about too much time lost or too little.  and since you do have feelings for each other then you can wait that whole year before you move on if his issues don't settle.  And an excellent point Destined brought was Communicating with the parents. No matter how awkward it may feel is always a good idea. the sooner the better and the more open the better.  


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