Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Questions for reverts |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/11/01 at 15:19:03 |
| As-salaamu alaikum, i know how sometimes can be very difficult for reverts,i am revert also. I ask the brosandsisters onisboard to help solve some of my worries. All answers from reverts and born muslims are wellcome. 1. How do you deal with your non-muslim relatives invitations when there always is mixing of the sexes, most of the time drinking of alcochol and sometimes speaking about haraam issues? 2. How did you tell your parents about your decision to enter in the religion of Islam? You know, my husband is an Arab and from the beginning they was against me marrieng him and they do not like him much because he is a muslim and i afraid they will think he push me into his religion. I live far from them now, in another country so in which way you think is better to tell them - in letter, by phone or to wait till i back to my land? 3. I know that in Islam thewoman has to wear hijab in front of the people mentioned in Quran. So, what if her father, brother, uncle, mother, grandmother, sister,etc.(i mean people in front of which is OK to take of the hijab) are non-muslims? Can she remove the hijab in front of them or she must keep it on? 4. After you start to wear hijab did you change your passport and photo? May Allah bless you all! Jazak Allahu Khairun! As-salaamu alaikum! |
| Re: Questions for reverts |
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| Laboogie |
| 04/11/01 at 20:48:49 |
| Salaams, 1. How do you deal with your non-Muslim relatives invitations when There always is mixing of the sexes, most of the time drinking of alcohol and sometimes speaking about haraam issues? The majority of the time my families "get-togethers" tend to have alcohol, dancing, smoking, etc. It depends on the family relative who is making throwing the "get-together"; they usually make accommodations for me, like non-pork eating dishes, seafood dishes (since they don’t know where to get halal meats). When I go to these events I tend to isolate myself, either by going outside (play w/the children) or locking myself in my cousins rooms and watching TV and eating. I like to go to this family events b/c I get to see my family and its a great way to give dawah, they allllllllwaaays ask me about Islam, especially since my latina, and most Latinos are catholic they cant understand why I chose this religion. Plus the young children are exposed to Islam. 2. How did you tell your parents about your decision to enter in the Religion of Islam? I really didn’t tell them, they just saw that I was interested, and I was studying it. I remember my mom, telling me "you look nice in the scarf (hijab)". I was practicing to be a Muslim before I actually took shahada, like wearing the hijab, etc. I’ve been blessed to have supporting parents. I would recommend that u tell them face-to-face; when I finally took shahada I told them, they had no problem. I have my father some Islamic literature in Spanish, so he could have an Idea of what I done, and what I believed in it. I Know that in Islam the woman has to wear hijab in front of the People mentioned in Quran. So, what if her father, brother, uncle, mother, grandmother, sister,etc.(I mean people in front of which is OK to take of the hijab) are non-Muslims? Can she remove the hijab in front of them or she must keep it on? I take don’t wear my hijab in front of my brother, father, grandfather, mother, etc.; when I’m in the house. Before I wouldn’t wear it around my cousins, but until recently (year ago) I started to wear it around them. And I usually wear it around my uncles. Can anyone help on the ruling on uncles, im not sure about that. After you start to wear hijab did you change your passport and photo? Inshallah Im going to change it soon, very soon since I might travel overseas, woooohoooo (make dua for me). I don’t show my passport to anyone, since I have a driver's license and I’m pictured w/hijab, so I use my driver's license (actually its my permit). I think the best thing to do is to change your passport picture. What do you mean by changing your passport?what would u change? (your name, citizenship). Well I hope this was helpful, anymore questions, just let me know. Peace |
| Re: Questions for reverts |
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| Kathy |
| 04/12/01 at 08:10:12 |
| wlm I am an American revert, any questions feel free to e-mail me. [quote] 1. How do you deal with your non-muslim relatives invitations when there always is mixing of the sexes, most of the time drinking of alcochol and sometimes speaking about haraam issues? [/quote] Yep- this is a tough one. (I bet those born in Islam don't understand) This is our only family and for sure every gathering is filled with drinking, smoking and mingling. Yet we all know the hadith if you are with them you are like them. The ties of kinship are pretty powerful- even Ibrahim (as)had troubles in the beginning. This is what I do (however the best thing to do is not go at all.) Regarding mingling- Muslim or not- has anyone ever noticed that women and men just naturally seperate? Women just seem to end up in the kitchen... Men- in the TV room or den. If the topic of coversation turns for the worse- I'll say a couple of words to bring the conversation back to an acceptable level- and leave the room if it doesn't. Sometimes ya just gotta say- enough is enough. I noticed my tolerance level changed a great deal once I had a child. I surely did not want him to be part of this kind of socializing. Humdil Allah, he has seemed to learn from times we have gone. I took the opportunity to point out what was wrong with Uncle Chuck's drinking, Aunt Beth's boyfriends, and his cousins way of acting. [quote]2. How did you tell your parents about your decision to enter in the religion of Islam?[/quote] I made this mistake- I did not tell my father until about a year later- just before I married! My poor dad had to deal with his sorrow over my reversion and it shadowed the happiness of my wedding. My advice is to tell them immediately by phone, send some dawah material by mail and wait for the deprogrammers to show at your door! [quote] 3. I know that in Islam thewoman has to wear hijab in front of the people mentioned in Quran. So, what if her father, brother, uncle, mother, grandmother, sister,etc.(i mean people in front of which is OK to take of the hijab) are non-muslims? Can she remove the hijab in front of them or she must keep it on? [/quote] I am not a scholar- my understanding is you use the rules of hijjab for men, whether they are muslim or not.- as a side note- I read "somewhere" that it would be preferrable to always where the scarf around non- muslims because they do not have the understanding that we have and may describe your beauty to others. [quote]4. After you start to wear hijab did you change your passport and photo? [/quote] yep! |
| Re: Questions for reverts |
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| Arsalan |
| 04/12/01 at 08:47:06 |
| [slm] [quote]Can anyone help on the ruling on uncles, im not sure about that.[/quote]You don't have to wear the hijaab in front of your mother's brother (maternal uncle) or your father's brother (paternal uncle). |
| Re: Questions for reverts |
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| UmmZaid |
| 04/19/01 at 15:15:33 |
| [quote] 1. How do you deal with your non-muslim relatives invitations when there always is mixing of the sexes, most of the time drinking of alcochol and sometimes speaking about haraam issues? [/quote] I personally do not feel that women need to be in purdah, that is, completely segregated and kept away from even the view of a man. That is why we have hijab. So when I am invited to family gatherings where male cousins and what not are present, I go. As for dancing and what not, I don't do it. You have to realize that in the Muslim world, or specifically the Arab world, men and women these days do mix oftentimes, they dance together etc. I'm not saying it's right for them to do this, but what I am trying to point out is that the practicing Muslim relatives at these gatherings simply don't participate in the dancing or whatever. [quote]2. How did you tell your parents about your decision to enter in the religion of Islam? You know, my husband is an Arab and from the beginning they was against me marrieng him and they do not like him much because he is a muslim and i afraid they will think he push me into his religion. I live far from them now, in another country so in which way you think is better to tell them - in letter, by phone or to wait till i back to my land?[/quote] Just FYI, there are groups on Yahoo! (go to http://groups.yahoo.com) for Western Women (Muslim and non Muslim) married to Arab Muslim men, Egyptian men, North African Arab men, and there WAS one for wives of Jordanians, but that seems to have disappeared. So you might want to check it out and find other women in a similar situation to yours. You'll find me there. :) As for you telling your parents, since you are living abroad, I would tell them by letter. Perhaps you can enclose some books or pamphlets about Islam. Telling them through a letter allows them time to cool off, to set it down and come back to it, and protects all of you from saying things in the heat of the moment, such as you might in person or over the phone. [quote]3. I know that in Islam the woman has to wear hijab in front of the people mentioned in Quran. So, what if her father, brother, uncle, mother, grandmother, sister,etc.(i mean people in front of which is OK to take of the hijab) are non-muslims? Can she remove the hijab in front of them or she must keep it on?[/quote] It depends on your family and your relationship with them. Ideally, you can remove it in front of Mom, Dad, sis, bro, uncle, and small children (pre-pubescent). (You can not remove it in front of male cousins, though you can in front of females). HOWEVER, some converts deal with parents and relatives who *hate* the hijab, who hate Islam, and who do not respect the concept of hijab or the concept of privacy. I have friends who wear the hijab in front of their parents, b/c their parents will blab to anyone who listens what her hair or body looks like. Or they will let non mahrem males into the home without warning the sister and he comes into the room and she's without hijab. {BTW, LaBoogie, you don't have to wear hijab in front of your uncles, since you are not eligible to marry them... unless it is a step uncle.} [quote]4. After you start to wear hijab did you change your passport and photo?[/quote] I didn't have a passport b4 I wore hijab, so... N/A. But you might want to, as people trying to go to Saudi Arabia and Iran have had problems in the past b/c their passport pictures show them uncovered. Sometimes this "issue" can be remedied by a photo on the visa of the woman in hijab. I have the feeling that the discretion lies with the embassy worker that you encounter on that particular day. :) |
| Re: Questions for reverts |
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| Anik |
| 04/19/01 at 15:54:05 |
| asalaamu alaikum, As for invitations to places where haraam activity is taking place such as drinking, I would suggest making brief apppearances. Show up for a small amount of time, that way, you can meet your family, let them be aware that you attended, and then leave without idling for too long. I think that makes a statement that sets an example for others; to completely isolating yourself, in my opinion, is just creating bad vibes. When an unacceptable topic of discussion unfolds, take leave of the conversation, or try to change the topic. Estranging yourself from relatives and completely avoiding interaction, I think, gives a good example to muslims, but non-musloims may be left feeling insulted when they don''t understand your reasons. When they see you there and then when you leave, it shows your love for your family but at the same time sends a message that could stir up some thought in people's hearts and consciences. But I may be wrong in my outlook, if anyone feels othrwise, we all grow when we learn other points of view, so tlk to me. wasalaam. anik,. |
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