Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| B-Calm |
| 04/12/01 at 15:51:07 |
| [slm] wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH ;-) I was having this discussion with some brothers i know, and wanted to get a sisterly perspective on the matter... ;-) Say a brother has the opportunity to go to hajj. However people close to the bro suggest that he get married first. One of the reasons they suggest this is because they think it would be hurtful to his eventual wife (as in the man should wait until he gets married so that he can take his wife as well). If he decides to get married first, he will likely have to postpone hajj for at least one year. So, what's your take? Would you be hurt...hmmmm? jazakum Allahu khair [wlm] wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| Teacup |
| 04/12/01 at 16:52:27 |
| Assalamu Alaikum This is my first posting so I am a bit nervuos. I as just thinking of a siser I know here in my community and her husband went on hajj before they were married. Once she was maried the sister really wanted to go to hajj so this year after being married for 10 years they went to hajj. He completed it for the second time and he for the first. I also know that we are not always guaranteed once we are married that we will have the same oppurtunities as after we are married. I also have a friend who's husabnd went to hajj this year but due to their three children she stayed behind to take care of them. Just some random thoughts from me. :) Jazakallah Khairn Sr. Teacup |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| MuslimaKanadiyya |
| 04/12/01 at 17:40:15 |
| [slm] I was going to reply to this when the power went out! It's back on, so I will now throw my two cents in. Personally, I think that if he can go on hajj, he should, but only if he isn't already engaged or has enough money to make sure that he will be able to support his future family (if he is engaged). If he's to be married soon, I think his resources should be used on his family first, and on hajj second. He should also make his decision remembering that his wife will not be able to go alone. Can he afford to go twice so that she may go? or by going now, will he be denying her the chance to go later? This is especially pertinent for female reverts, because oftentimes, the only male relatives that we have who could accompany us on hajj are our husbands or other members of his family. [wlm] |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/12/01 at 18:01:26 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Really interesting question! Some thoughts: The "obligation" of Hajj on an individual versus the "obligation" of Marriage. Which should take precedence? If the prospective wife has insufficient wealth of her own to make performing Hajj complulsory, is it obligatory for her to go? If a husband has sufficient wealth and his wife doesn't, does he need to take his wife or is the obligation only on him? If a wife has the wealth to go, does it become compulsory on the husband to act as her mahram? PS Sr Teacup, I hope you feel better now;-) Welcome to the Board |
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| se7en |
| 04/12/01 at 18:18:58 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah, [quote]The "obligation" of Hajj on an individual versus the "obligation" of Marriage. Which should take precedence? [/quote] this is exactly what I was thinking! It depends on which obligation weighs more heavily on the individual in his situation. Man, things like this give you such an appreciation of faqihs and the amount of knowledge and analytic thinking it takes to figure stuff like this out, subhanAllah... MuslimKanadiyya had a great point that the brother should take into consideration as well: [quote]He should also make his decision remembering that his wife will not be able to go alone. Can he afford to go twice so that she may go? or by going now, will he be denying her the chance to go later? [/quote] b-calm I think her reaction would depend on a lot of things, like whether he made a commitment to marry her at/within a certain time, if he mentioned that he was considering doing this, if performing hajj would make him financially ill-equipped for marriage, etc wasalaamu alaykum. ps - sister teacup, welcome to the board :) introduce yourself in the bebzi stand! |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| AbdulBasir |
| 04/12/01 at 18:36:37 |
| [slm]...Ah, a discussion about Hajj, my favorite kind, and as usual my brother ;-) is in the thick of it :) The following is my limited understanding, if I am wrong, may Allah guide me and give me the proper understanding... [quote] If the prospective wife has insufficient wealth of her own to make performing Hajj complulsory, is it obligatory for her to go? [/quote] A bit confused with this question. If she doesn't have enough wealth on her own to pay for Hajj, then by definition she does not meet one of the fiqh prerequisites for the Hajj obligation and therefore it would not be mandatory. Right? [quote]If a husband has sufficient wealth and his wife doesn't, does he need to take his wife or is the obligation only on him?[/quote] I looked this up on islam-qa.com and it said that the husband does not have an obligation on this point. [quote]If a wife has the wealth to go, does it become compulsory on the husband to act as her mahram?[/quote] A man stood up and asked: 'O Prophet of Allah! My wife has gone for Hajj while I am enlisted for such and such a battle, what should I do?" The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied, 'Go and join your wife in Hajj." (Reported by Bukhari and Muslim). Apparently on the basis of this hadith, it has been said in the sources I looked at that it is something desirable, but not obligatory on him. Interesting questions ;-). And I think it would be prudent for anyone in this situation to not look at the aforementioned in a vacuum and consider the contextual features of the marriage/marriage to be, some of which MuslimKanadiyya alluded to. And Allah knows best.. [slm] |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/12/01 at 18:51:20 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Br Abdul Basir, just try and keep me away from a Hajj thread!! ;-) [quote]A bit confused with this question. If she doesn't have enough wealth on her own to pay for Hajj, then by definition she does not meet one of the fiqh prerequisites for the Hajj obligation and therefore it would not be mandatory. Right?[/quote] Right. (Aren't we allowed to ask easy non trick questions?) ;-) Going back to B-Calm's original question, it'd be interesting to see how a sister would deal with all of the above and how she would feel if confronted with the situation. |
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| meraj |
| 04/12/01 at 19:06:08 |
| slm, about the wife stayin behind to care for the kids... when my parents went for hajj 10 years ago, they left myself and my 2 sisters with our realitives in another state... we stayed with them for a whole month... but if that not possible for someone to go out of state for their kids, then im sure its quite possible one could find someone who would be willing to care for a couples children when thyey go for hajj, especially since its for a good reason... or if the kids are up to it, take them with you! :) oh and welcome aboard sr teacup (heh.. that cracks me up everytime i see that ;-D )... enjoy your stay inshallah :) |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| B-Calm |
| 04/13/01 at 11:35:53 |
| [slm] wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH First, insha-Allah, I would just like to iterate that this is not necessarily actually happening to anyone I know (people from my town need not speculate ;-). It was a discussion I was having with some brothers. This question is kinda of head-scratcher. I totaly agree with se7en...alhamduliLah for His blessing us with faqihs and people of knowledge...it's kinda scary to think where we'd be without them. A lot of really good points were brought up and interesting scenarios...the brothers and I didn't go that deep ;-) The thing that would scare me though is that if this brother has the means and the time to go, and he dies before getting married (which is totally possible), then how will he answer for this missing pillar in front of Allah. I realize that he will be judged according to his intentions, but he did have the means to go. If I find anything out, insha-Allah I'll let you know. Anyways jazkum Allahu khair [wlm] wa rahamt-ullahi wa barakatuH |
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| Kathy |
| 04/13/01 at 21:40:03 |
| slm Mathmatically- marriage is half our religion.... |
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| Saleema |
| 04/13/01 at 22:32:55 |
| Assalam ualykum, Marriage is half of our religion and cleanliness is too. So that means you are following your religion a 100%? :) wassalam |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| eleanor |
| 04/15/01 at 12:36:18 |
| [quote] wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH The thing that would scare me though is that if this brother has the means and the time to go, and he dies before getting married (which is totally possible), then how will he answer for this missing pillar in front of Allah. I realize that he will be judged according to his intentions, but he did have the means to go. [/quote] this is why it totally depends on the situation. If the (hypothetical) brother was engaged and resolved to wait until after marriage for Hajj, then I'm sure Allah wouldn't hold it against him, since his niyyah was noble. If not engaged and no wife in sight then he should go for Hajj. Isn't it only when you have no financial responsibilities elsewhere that you should go for Hajj? I think it's difficult to get an answer to this because the right answer will differ from situation to situation. wasalaam eleanor I almost forgot..you asked what would we think if it happened to us.. If my fiancé told me he wanted to go on Hajj, I'd ask him to wait and take me with him. If my husband told me he already made Hajj before I ever knew him I would be mildly disappointed but would hold nothing against him. And I'd trust in Allah that my chance would come too. |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| Barr |
| 04/18/01 at 02:00:02 |
| Assalamu'alaikum.. [quote]The thing that would scare me though is that if this brother has the means and the time to go, and he dies before getting married (which is totally possible), then how will he answer for this missing pillar in front of Allah. I realize that he will be judged according to his intentions, but he did have the means to go.[/quote] Just my thoughts... At the end of the day, time belongs to Allah, and those who do manage to go , are the guests of Allah.... though he might have the means to go, but accountability is also subjected to context of the situation. However, I won't answer which should be done first, as highlighted by otehr brothers and sisters, things do need to be contextualised, and priorities need to be made clear. But just a thought to ponder... about the priorities in our life eg. how marriage/ hajj fit in our life... and the thing with ijtihad (in our personal life decisions and other communal decisions), is not about making the choice between a good and evil thing, but about making choices on which is better amongst the good, and which is better amongst the evil, that we sometimes, cannot escape from, that has to happen in our life. Just as jihad (in all sense of the word)... smt is not called a jihad, if it's just about spending $1 or 5 minutes in the path of Islam by the average income earner.. but for example, to feel the struggle of praying.. for those who have so many barriers put forth to pray, to give up $1 when U only have $10 to spend for the rest of the month. Hence, ijtihad, is when we have to crack our brains, thinking ... and not just making a mere simple choice... of whether one should go to the pub or the mosque (just an extreme example). And... I don't know.. sometimes, I feel that Muslims haven't been thinking hard... we're still subscribing to a stagnant/ slow moving mental mode... still thinking within the box.... whereas the current situation needs alternatives and new, creative and effective ways of dealing with things. I apologise if this is not relevant to the thread... just thoughts that came to mind... I hope I'm not downplaying the issue, afwan... That's not my intention.... |
| Re: Hajj or Marriage??? |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/18/01 at 05:02:35 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote] But just a thought to ponder... about the priorities in our life eg. how marriage/ hajj fit in our life... and the thing with ijtihad (in our personal life decisions and other communal decisions), is not about making the choice between a good and evil thing, but about making choices on which is better amongst the good, and which is better amongst the evil, that we sometimes, cannot escape from, that has to happen in our life. [/quote] [quote]Hence, ijtihad, is when we have to crack our brains, thinking[/quote] If I've read what your trying to say correctly, I would say the above involves knowing a lot about your own self and being able to analyse your own strengths and weaknesses objectively. Sometimes, however, your just too involved to be able to do that which is why keeping good company and seeking knowledge is so important. |
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