sister needs help

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sister needs help
bhaloo
04/14/01 at 00:16:48
slm

I am going through my emails now, and got this one in just now, can someone help her?

Selamu Alaikum

Dear brother;
I should have sent this question to the section "scholars answering"  but
mine is a little urgent situation and I don't know whom to ask.  Please try
to understand me on the following matter and give me the best advice you have
according to the knowledge you might have on the sunna.

The situation is this:
After about two-hour walk with our six months old son, my husband left for
mesgid with a friend of his.  He told me he would be late.  He also called me
at around 10 o'clock to let me know that he had met some other guys --all
muslim Elhamdulilah-- and that he would come back shortly.  At about 11:30 he
comes back home to ask me, if it was okay for me, if he left and spent the
night at his frend's house with all the other guys. This is something he'd
never done befoer.
I disagreed and explained 'why', about 3 times.  He diden't want to see
it(the reasons) and left.  I was very upset, and still am,as this only
happened about one hour ago.  I was shaking and crying.
We both love each-other very much, and I know this, but his behavior !!!???
Anyway, I intend not to talk to him until he realizes how much this hurts and
how wrong it is in Islam
( I hope)to act this childish and irresponsibly.  

Could you please give me your oppinion, based on the sunna, about his
behavior. And how about my reaction, is it okay not to talk to him?(and this
would not be the first time)

Please send me an answer as soon as you can.  Don't let me be wrong out of my
ignorance.
NS
Re: sister needs help
BroHanif
04/14/01 at 17:38:00
You've done nothing wrong by questioning him, in fact it is your right to question him, that just goes to show how much you care for him.

However, you need to ask him why he was out for so late, is there a reason for it...??? Perhaps one of his friends is in dire need of his help and your husband is the best person for that task  and who are these people are they married, single, a person is known by the quality of his friends . I've seen it many a times that sometimes when guys hang out with each other late in the evening,  conversation starts out Islamic and if they are not mindeful it can lead to sinful talk.

Ask some of the other bros and sisters on the board about the habit of the last prophet when it came to sharing time with his family. As far as I know the beloved prophet WOULD make time for his family and help them with their needs. I haven't got my books at hand that why I'm afriad to quote anything.

But when I find something I'll let you know.

In the meantime be patient and make dua that your husband understands your situation.

Ameen.

Re: sister needs help
eleanor
04/15/01 at 12:11:34
slm
What did you have against him staying out all night? If he was staying with a brother then what's the big deal? I've been married 5 years and this has happened twice. I know my husband loves to sit up all night talking and they usually cook something in the middle of the night. I trust my husband that he's not somewhere other than he said he would be. If he asks me in advance and leaves a telephone number where I can call him and I know the brother where he's staying then I have no problems with this. Enjoy the peace and quiet on your own. You have the whole bed to yourself. You can watch TV/read/surf the net all night if you want or better still call a sister and have her stay too! Make the most of it!  And if you didn't enjoy it, or if you worried all night, then tell your husband the next day and ask him not to go again.

In this case he wanted to stay with "all the other guys". When you said no, maybe he felt left out or felt he would be missing something.

Anyway, in short, if this is not a regular occurrence and if otherwise he spends enough time with you and your family, then let him go for it.

I hope this hasn't been a terrible reply and not what you wanted to hear. I'm also interested to know if this is Islamic or not. But I answered from my personal experience.

May Allah help you to know what's right.
wasalaam
eleanor
Re: sister needs help
Arsalan
04/15/01 at 16:39:28
[slm]

Ditto everything eleanor said!
Re: sister needs help
eleanor
04/16/01 at 03:31:47
I forgot one thing...you definitely have to talk to him. If you think that his behaviour is childish then it's not going to accomplish much by being childish yourself.
In this case (after a fight), I usually act as though nothing has happened. Then he (my husband) feels really guilty and apologises.

wasalaam
eleanor


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