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Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
Learner
04/18/01 at 19:13:31
slm :) The followings is an article which must be read by everyone. wlm :) ************************************************************************************* Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home? Keeping the Spirit Alive by Yahiya Emerick I just read a very interesting story. A teacher gave her students the following assignment: Ask a parent what their dream life was when they were a teenager, and then write an essay comparing it to your own dreams for your future right now. Accordingly, a teenager asked her mom about her aspirations when she was young, and the mother replied, (reflecting her Sixties hippie roots,) "I wished for a simple life, living on a farm commune, growing my own vegetables and being happy." The daughter paused for a moment and stopped writing down her mother’s words. "What’s wrong?" Her mother asked. "It’s sort of embarrassing," the teenager replied, "because all I want is to drive a Lexus and get a good job." In the first place, this may seem to be a harmless little story to elicit a chuckle. But it got me thinking. How many Muslim "activists" have I met, who spent all their free time doing Dawah and promoting Muslim causes, only to lose their own children and spouses to the kufr lifestyle? It’s pretty amazing that that would ever be the case. But I’ve seen it first hand and it isn’t pretty. Of the activist who is never home, we have no doubt about why he or she may lose their families. After all, THEY WERE NEVER HOME. We all know at least one person like this. Is it because it’s easier to be in the Masjid all day, surrounded by things that are easy to control, at least easier than an unruly child? Or has the activist become so filled with Islamic romaticism they live in a dreamland of khalifah, movements and spiritual battles? Only Allah knows for sure. But what about the other kind of activist? The one who is so skilled and full of energy that they can tear through any Dawah task outside the home and still have plenty of juice left over to "do Dawah" in the home. I’ve met quite a few of this category also. I’ve even taught the children of such "Super Da’ees" myself in the various Islamic schools I found myself in. Here are some interesting observations, but first, an introducing to the topic of giving Dawah in the home. Your hear a lot from people, from conventions, speeches, khutbas, etc…about the family being the number one priority for Dawah. Few speakers, however, give any realistic ways of doing it. It seems to me that the only method of "doing Dawah" that most people are familiar with is the challenge them/give a lecture format. In this format, one person assumes another is completely wrong. Then he or she proceeds to lecture them endlessly to bring the other person into enlightenment. Almost every Muslim activist I’ve ever met does this type of Dawah. Does it work? I’m usually the only convert at most gatherings I attend (male, at least). You decide. How does the super Da’ee relate Islam in his or her home? I will describe for you examples I’ve seen with my own eyes. A father and son come to my book table. The son is, by all standards, an Americanized teen. The father is an immigrant, middle-aged, Masjid-going and reasonably well-off financially. As the son is looking at the videos, the father endlessly lectures the son about why he should pray. It looks like a well-rehearsed script. The son’s face darkens in annoyance and he whispers, "You don’t understand." But the father, who is too busy lecturing on the merits of the prayer, didn’t hear him. I suspect he has probably never really heard his own son - ever. A mother with a loose, see-through head-scarf, precariously, (andobviously temporarily) perched on her permed hair, wearing the typical colorful get-up replete with nail polish and Gucci bag, is walking near the entrance to a Masjid during social gathering. Her teenage daughter is standing near her, wearing nail polish, make-up, tight, tight jeans, a short sleeve shirt and no head-covering at all. (Talk about dressed to attract!) A group of teenage "Muslim" boys walk by shouting and talking about sports and girls. This girl flirts with them and is about to follow them when the mother calls her daughter back and gives her a long lecture about why "Muslim girls shouldn’t hang out with boys alone. Here’s a favorite of mine: I know of a father who literally terrorizes his family with endless talk of Islam. To the point where pouring a cup of water in the home is to invite a lecture on the merits of water in Islam. Obviously, his children can’t stand Islam because they equate it with their father’s droning, boring and endlessly running voice. Each of the three examples has one common denominator: a parent who is forceful about giving some Islamic teaching, but who then goes about it the wrong way. The first parent never listened to his son, and instead, was totally unaware that his son was complete won over by modern, popular teen culture. If he would have developed a good relationship wit his son, and been a consistent role-model for him form his earliest memories, his son would have been praying all along. Lecturing a fifteen year old about prayer isn’t likely to make him want to start. The second parent didn’t follow Islamic requirements herself (and who knows what other Islamic deficiencies there were) and therefore didn’t encourage any sense of an Islamic identity in her daughter, at least as far as dress is concerned. Instead, she allowed her daughter to develop a completely non-Muslim style of fashion that apes the modern "liberated" woman who dresses only to be seen of men. Most probably her daughter hangs out with boys in her public high school everyday as well. If the mother allowed these un-Islamic habits to develop, then what good would all the forceful lectures do? Her daughter imagines herself to be a scantily clad beauty in a Madonna music video while her mother envisions her to be an Muslim princess ready for her marriage after eight years of college. And finally, one parent took Dawah to the extreme and made his family tired of Islam by his constant nagging. This is against Islam protocols of giving Dawah as even the prophet, himself, used to scold those who made people tired of too much "religious talk." Check out this topic and you’ll find many examples. So what’s the best way to give Dawah to your family? The wrong approaches, as highlighted before, include: not being open to your family members as individual people with thoughts and feelings, being insincere or a hypocrite and finally, going overboard. The right way to do Dawah in you home is to start with yourself first. You could literally spend your whole life working on your own faith and actions without even talking to anyone else! You are the first priority in Dawah. Are you sincere? Are you being true to yourself. Do you know something is bad but then do it anyway? What do you know about Islam? Is it possible that you may harbor feelings of racism, hypocrisy or un-Islamic cultural traditions from your upbringing? People know who is real. A popular American novel entitled, ‘The Catcher in the Rye," has, as its main theme, a disillusioned young boy in a world full of hypocrites. All he wants is to meet someone who is "genuine" and not a "phony". Your own children know if you’re real or not. And it’s sad to say, but it’s almost always true: the manners and attitudes of the child are an uncamouflaged reflection of what is in the deepest heart of the parents. Whatever is hidden in the core of your heart will come out loud and clear in their demeanor and attitudes. If your kids are not so good Islamically, be afraid of your own soul. If you’re living as a true Muslim, not a perfect one, but a trying one, then everyone sees it in your manners, speech and behavior. You’re not yet saying a word to anyone, but you’re giving Dawah. The best Dawah is not words- it’s actions, it’s attitude, it’s genuine. Knowledge of Islam is not to be measured in how many du’as a person knows or surahs memorized. Even parrots can be taught to say surahs but no one puts kufis or hijabs on their feathered heads. Islamic knowledge is displayed in what no spoken word can say. If you’re around a good-hearted person, you can feel it. You want to be around that person more and to do what they do and to be like them. Have you ever wondered why everyone wanted to be so close to the blessed Prophet? Iman, goodness and wisdom emanated from him. Think of people in your life who had these qualities about them. One student told me his grandfather was the sweetest Muslim ever. A girl told me her mother was her Islamic role model. A bunch of kids in a class named the local Arabic expert as their favorite teacher to be around. What were the qualities in all three of these individuals? None f them ever lectured anybody. (I’ve met and known all three.) One was a hafiz, one a homemaker/Islamic activist and the other a scholar. But when you met them, they often said very little about Islam directly and they certainly didn’t lecture or come off as arrogant. What united all of them was that they were real sincere believers. So it’s not how many "study-circles" you hold with your family, it’s not how many surahs you make your children memorize. It’s not even sending your children to a Sunday school or an Islamic school that is the key. Rather, the key is you. If you’re trying, sincere Musilm, you don’t talk too much- about anything- and you perform good deeds as secretly as possible and you try to be as peaceful and helpful to others as you can without asking anything in return. (You also take your pleasure in simple things, not expensive vacations and lavish living.) You prefer others over yourself and you don’t display your wealth or worldly success by accumulating the finest cars, homes and clothes. Anything else is folly and you’ll pay for it one day. A good guidebook to Islamic humilty is called, "God-Oriented Life" by Wahiduddin Khan. It contains the most beautiful hadith/Sahaba advice I’ve ever seen. Don’t be a Muslim "activist" if all your activity is going to be outside the home. And don’t be an Islamic "terror" to your family: coming in like a whirlwind, from time-to-time, upsetting the normal schedule of everyone, even if you’re enraged by what you see your family doing. Because if your family is doing things that are not good Islamically, then where were you all those years when those things were being built up in their minds and habits. A series of lectures or thrashings on your part won’t change their attitudes. Only when others see Islam make a meaningful change in your life will they be willing to try the same. That is the real Dawah to the family, that is the only message that they will listen to and the only way to make Islam survive in your family tree. Think about it.

Re: Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
Asim
04/18/01 at 23:15:38
Assalaamu alaikum, I love Br. Yahya Emerick's writings! They are so insightful, simple, and full of wisdom, mashallah. Man, what he said in this article is exactly my thoughts and sentiments, could never have said it any better! [quote]How many Muslim "activists" have I met, who spent all their free time doing Dawah and promoting Muslim causes, only to lose their own children and spouses to the kufr lifestyle? [/quote] I have also seen this way too often. [quote] If he would have developed a good relationship wit his son, and been a consistent role-model for him form his earliest memories, his son would have been praying all along. Lecturing a fifteen year old about prayer isn't likely to make him want to start. [/quote] Parents forget that children start to learn from the day they are born. Often parents assume that "oh he/she is just a child, when he starts school he will come around." It usually doesn't work that way. [quote]The right way to do Dawah in you home is to start with yourself first. You could literally spend your whole life working on your own faith and actions without even talking to anyone else! You are the first priority in Dawah. [/quote] Priorities are so important. Otherwise people lose focus. [quote]People know who is real. Your own children know if you're real or not. If your kids are not so good Islamically, be afraid of your own soul. [/quote] So true. I will also add that parents shouldn't assume that kids who can hardly crawl won't notice. Kids are like a sponge. They absorb everything including subtle patterns and behaviors. So if the parents spent too much time watching tv (etc) and not with the kid in some constructive activity when she is 0.5 then don't expect her to listen to you when she spends hours watching cartoons when she is 4. [quote] If you're trying, sincere Musilm, you don't talk too much- about anything- and you perform good deeds as secretly as possible and you try to be as peaceful and helpful to others as you can without asking anything in return. (You also take your pleasure in simple things, not expensive vacations and lavish living.) You prefer others over yourself and you don't display your wealth or worldly success by accumulating the finest cars, homes and clothes. Anything else is folly and you'll pay for it one day. [/quote] May Allah swt make us sincere in our deen and help and guide us in our journey through this life. I seek refuge in Allah that I remind you of Him and forget Him my ownself. It is really scary because raising children is hard and I have seen people who were committed to this before marriage lose it after marriage. From my observations of several marriages, I think it is necessary to choose a spouse who is *at least* serious about increasing their eeman, someone who at least realizes the gravity of the afterlife. It doesn't matter what level of emman or knowledge they are at the moment as long as they have a desire to increase it. If this is the case then both partners increase in eeman after marriage. If one does not have this desire then eventually the other also comes down to that lower level. I call this the HCF (highest common factor) and the LCD (lowest common denominator) theory of marriage :) Of course this is a broad generalization and may not be correct always. But still it is food for thought. Wasalaam.

Re: Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
se7en
04/19/01 at 11:00:10
[quote]I seek refuge in Allah that I remind you of Him and forget Him my ownself. [/quote] :)

Re: Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
Zahra
04/20/01 at 15:37:26
slm Masha Allah, that was a very intriguing article.  Does anyone know where I can read more works by Yahya Emerick?

Re: Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
Fatoosh
04/21/01 at 00:25:41
SalaamAlaikum Zahra, you can read a lot of Brother Yahya Emerick's articles over here: http://www.islamicedfoundation.com/articles/articles.htm You can also find his books in many online bookstores.

Re: Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
Fatoosh
04/21/01 at 00:27:12
eeeks! I posted twice.

Re: Super-Muslim: In or Out of Home?
BrKhalid
04/23/01 at 10:00:30
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]From my observations of several marriages, I think it is necessary to choose a spouse who is *at least* serious about increasing their eeman, someone who at least realizes the gravity of the afterlife. It doesn't matter what level of emman or knowledge they are at the moment as long as they have a desire to increase it. If this is the case then both partners increase in eeman after marriage. If one does not have this desire then eventually the other also comes down to that lower level. I call this the HCF (highest common factor) and the LCD (lowest common denominator) theory of marriage   Of course this is a broad generalization and may not be correct always. But still it is food for thought.[/quote] Yeah I've been pondering over this for a few days. Talking mathematically for a second (and I apologise if this sounds double dutch for some) but if we plot a function whereby the solution is the ability to increase in eeman after marriage, what variables would the function have? Are we saying that it’s the *desire* to increase in knowledge that increases eeman after marriage and not knowledge in itself? Taking an extreme example, if two very knowledgeable Muslims married but who were both lacking in their desire to improve themselves due to complacency, would their eeman decrease? Or maybe it wouldn't rise as much as it could if they had an earnest desire to increase their eeman. Again sorry for all the math but I thought it was a good way of looking at it. Interesting stuff Br Asim
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