Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Re: Living away from parents |
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| eleanor |
| 04/19/01 at 03:30:53 |
| wlm I live very far away from my family. I live in Germany and they live in Ireland. I don't have one family member here in Germany. My family always described me as a "home bird". One who was happiest sitting at home with the family, or visiting relatives. I didn't conciously decide to move to Germany. I met my husband, fell head over heels in love with him and knew I had to be where he was. Even if it meant moving far away from my family. It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. Five years later it's still hard. My mother comes here to visit in the summer and I go home in the winter. But I still have periods where I'm really homesick and all I want to do is go home. But then there's the phone. There's email. We do keep in touch and very regularly at that. I know everything that's going on at home and my mother knows everything that's going on here. It's still a dream of mine that one day we'll go to live in Ireland. I'm not sure if it'll ever come true. Sister, my advice to you is to find out if there's any way that you and your potential husband could live closer to the family. If not, and if you feel you can live without this man then maybe you should look for someone closer to home. I hope this hasn't been negative advice but if I could change things in my situation I would. wasalaam eleanor |
| Re: Living away from parents |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/19/01 at 11:56:38 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) For a brother I think this would be more of an issue since the responsibility falls on sons to look after their parents as they enter old age. For a sister its still important to maintain the ties of kinship with her parents after marriage but does that mean she can't live some distance away from them? I guess sometimes you have to look at particular circumstances. Just my tuppence worth |
| Re: Living away from parents |
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| haaris |
| 04/20/01 at 11:10:39 |
| [quote] For a brother I think this would be more of an issue since the responsibility falls on sons to look after their parents as they enter old age.[/quote] Is this sunnah or is it a cultural thing? Salaam |
| Re: Living away from parents |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/20/01 at 18:55:52 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote] Is this sunnah or is it a cultural thing? [/quote] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Israa’ 17:23] Br Haaris I implicitly assumed when I made my comment that sons would be in a better position than daughters to look after their parents. Obviously this may not be the case and will depend on the relative status of the sons and daughters. One interesting point came to mind though as I was thinking about this. If the parents have only one daughter (who herself is reliant on her husband for her upkeep), what obligations fall on the son in law? |
| Re: Living away from parents |
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| Anonymous |
| 04/21/01 at 13:31:15 |
| Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatoh, Br.Khalid, what if the parents have only 1 child and that child is a daughter? what if she marries and her husband decides to move to a place far from where her parents reside. what should or can she do in that situation? I know in Islam that a woman is supposed to be obedient to her husband.But I also know that children should be kind and take care of their parents. So what happens if a situation comes where she has to choose between her husband and her parents.. Who has the most right on the woman? Personally i could never do anything that could possibly displease or hurt my parents since they nurtured me and took care of me at the expence of their own wants and needs...Can a husband ever compare to that? This is only my opinion and Allah knows best |
| Re: Living away from parents |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/22/01 at 09:27:12 |
| wlm ;-) [quote]Br.Khalid, what if the parents have only 1 child and that child is a daughter? what if she marries and her husband decides to move to a place far from where her parents reside. what should or can she do in that situation? [/quote] [quote]Personally i could never do anything that could possibly displease or hurt my parents since they nurtured me and took care of me at the expence of their own wants and needs...Can a husband ever compare to that?[/quote] Very good questions Anonymous. This is what I found from Islam Q&A [hr] my sisters husband does not like my sister coming to her parents house and her sister and brothers going to her house, he now wants to move far away but my sister is not willing because he does not treat her properly, and the situation is coming down to the divorse stage , what advice is there in the quran and hadith [color=Blue]Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Basically the righteous wife should be obedient to her Lord and not disobedient to her husband. There is no better deed than a woman obeying her husband as Allaah has commanded, at the time when he is disobeying Him with regard to her. The husband has the right to stop his wife from visiting her family – if he thinks that doing so will serve some shar’i purpose, for example, if she is rebellious towards him every time she comes back from visiting them. But if he is doing them wrong and they are not disobedient towards Allaah and they do not try to turn his wife against him, then the husband is a sinner if he cuts their daughter off from them. She also has to obey him with regard to not going out. The husband has the right to relocate his family wherever he thinks will be good for them, and his wife does not have the right to disobey him with regard to that, unless it was made a condition in the marriage contract that he would not make her move. If this condition was not stipulated, then she has no right to object. Good treatment of wives is a duty enjoined upon husbands by Allaah, when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “… and live with them honourably…” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. The husband does not have the right to treat his wife badly. If he sees her doing something that goes against the sharee’ah, he should follow the steps laid down by sharee’ah to put the matter right. Firstly, he should exhort her in a good manner, and if that does not work, he should adopt the method of forsaking her (i.e., not having marital relations with her). If that does not work, then he may strike her, in a manner that does not cause pain or injury. If the husband does treat his wife badly, that does not mean that she should disobey him or go against what Allaah has commanded her to do with regard to him. We advise the sister to do the following: strive hard to do things that will please her husband such as speaking nicely and treating him well. To deal with him not on the basis that she is his opponent and his equal with regard to commanding and forbidding, but on the basis that she is obedient to him and is at his beck and call, because this will make a decent man feel shy, and will make matters easier for her and help her to convince him. But he is the one who is in charge of her (he is qawwaam over her), not the other way round. She should offer lots of du’aa’ for her husband to be reformed and for things to be made easy for her. She should put things right between herself and her Lord so that Allaah will put things right between her and other people. There is nothing wrong with asking someone whose religious commitment she trusts and who is wise to intervene between her and her husband, to convince him to change his mind about moving, if she thinks that this would have a bad effect on her religious commitment or that it would make matters between them worse. Otherwise, she should accept what Allaah has decreed for her. We ask Allaah to make things easy for her and to choose for her whatever is better for her spiritual and worldly interests. And Allaah knows best.[/color] [url]http://216.205.122.233/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=6990[/url] |
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