Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Advice needed |
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| Magableh |
| 04/29/01 at 00:03:49 |
| Dear Brothers and Sisters, Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. Any advice good or bad would be greatly appreciated, JazakAllah Khair. I would like to know what the *etiquette* of visitation is when a person is ill? Do I have the right to say that I am not feeling up to visitors at this time? Can I delay until a later date? This is a very complicated issue for me, and I don't mean any offense to anyone, believe me, but it is extremely hard for me to sit and socialize with someone, anyone, when I am in such pain. It's hard for me to just *get up* and bathe. It would be virtually impossible to clean up my living space, bathe, and greet guests the *proper* way when I can hardly get out of bed. I don't want to put anybody out or deny them the right to visit me when I am ill, it's just that I don't feel up to it. :( I cry 24 hours a day. I don't like being in the situation that I am in, but I have accepted it and now I am trying to deal with it. But it's hard...so very, very hard! I feel guilty, guilty because I feel like I am being a burden on those around me. I don't want anyone to feel that they *must* help me because I am in the predicament that I am in. I have received many phone calls from sisters that are insisting that they come and see me, and it's hard for me to say no, so I have just let the machine pick up. Please if you can, inform me of what I can do or say. I just don't know, maybe it's ignorance. I love my Brothers and Sisters...I just can't handle it. :( Please forgive me if this post is taken out of context, no offense at all was intended. And please forgive me for not responding to the other posts or private messages yet....I'm just overwhelmed. Wa'assalam, Serena |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| Arsalan |
| 04/29/01 at 01:06:29 |
| [slm] Serena, as far as I know, there is no obligation on you to host a guest if you are sick. Remember the hadith which talks about the etiquette of visiting someone? The etiquette is to knock 3 times and leave if nobody answers. This shows that one may choose not to answer the door if there is a reason. I don't see anything wrong with it. But it would be better if someone explains to people, on your behalf, why you don't want any visitors. Just because you are too ill to be disturbed. I'm sure people will understand. May Allah help you yaa ukhti. Wassalamu alaikum. |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| BrKhalid |
| 04/29/01 at 14:05:38 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) To further reiterate what Br Arsalan said: "The Messenger of Allah [saw] said: 'Seek permission to enter three times, then if permission is given to you, enter, otherwise go back.' " [Bukhari & Muslim] |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| Mona |
| 04/29/01 at 14:27:29 |
| Assalamu alaikum, Sr. Serena, you have the right to your privacy. As brs Arsalan and Khalid already mentioned there is nothing wrong with not receiving guests when you are not ready to receive them. But these sisters who are calling are not guests who'd expect you to host them-- they are trying to let you that they care about you. They may be able to help with cleaning the house and cooking and taking care of things that you cannot attend to at the moment. If they are truly your close friends and sisters, I doubt that they'd feel anything but pleasure to help their beloved sister. No burden at all. Please don't isolate yourself from the ones who love you. It will be very beneficial insha'Allah for you right now to be surrounded by others who care you. Subhanah Allah, but it is during these times that sister-hood bonds are strengthened. If you can bear to do that, please try. Unless you are in too much pain, then let these sisters know that you do need your rest, and I am sure they will get the message and cut the visit short. Wassalam |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| jehad |
| 04/30/01 at 07:41:27 |
| asalm walakum, serena, just be honest and specific with people, they will understand when you tell them clearly. a lot of people are bothered with people irritating them when they are ill. People like me want to visit ill people cause the dua of the ill person is excepted, so we do so in the hope they will make dua for us. nicer pekple do so to try and cheer you up. if their visits are making things worse for you just tell them. the reason why people will insist on visiting you is that they might think you want people to visit you but you don’t want to put them out of their way. so just be really clear about how things are. also people might want to visit you to offer help, they insist on coming even when you say "no" cause they think you are too proud to except. often this is done when no help is needed. so just tell them "I don’t need help at the moment, but when I do I will ask you". Also when you want help with a specific problem, such as bathing, cleaning and cooking ask one of your sisters to come around. It is very important that you tell the sisters that you will ask for help when needed, else may be you will have hundreds of them coming in one day to help you, and none when you need it. I shale tell you lot this cause none of you know me, so no one will get offended. Some one in my family is just getting over cancer right now, while ill, lodes of people were sending food and stuff, we hate Indian and Pakistani food. to us it tastes completely flavourless and bland. And my mum is a good cook. so it was unwanted help that we could not even use. it went in the bin. even the food we could eat often went in the bin, cause too many people sent cooked food at the same time, so our fridges got filled, and the food went bad before we could eat it. Lodes of people wanted to come visit, at times when rest was most needed, we just said “no”, it works! all that happened was they delayed the visit to a more appropriate time. |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| Kathy |
| 04/30/01 at 07:50:46 |
| slm Serena, I surely understand you! The hadith posted by Arsalan and Khalid are correct- it is a wonderful mercy from Allah swt. What Mona said is true too. Her words reminded me of a happening in my life. I am very conscience about my homes appearance and myself when guests come. Infact I really did not like for people to "just stop over." I had an operation and was feeling pretty grubby- with a grubby house and grubby baby. There was a knock- I looked out the door and it was one of my favorite Muslim sisters. I panicked and just could not open the door. Masha Allah, after knocking awhile she left. She died in a car accident days later- I never saw her again... |
| NS |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| Magableh |
| 04/30/01 at 13:53:17 |
| Sister Kathy, Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Subhan'Allah, what a post. I'm sorry to hear that. Like you, I am incredibly conscience about my appearance/my homes appearance and it bothers me that I am unable to care for it right now. Insha'Allah in the coming days or so I will be up to having Sister's come over. Wa'assalam, Serena |
| Re: Advice needed |
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| chachi |
| 04/30/01 at 18:37:00 |
Somedays i just wish for silence and to be alone and then unless my friends leave a text message for me as a emergency i don't reply Wishing to be alone for a while so you can relax and meditate isn't something you should feel guilty about.. Most of my friends seem to understand if when i answer the door i tell them i'm busy and i do likewise maybe you should have a talk with your friends |
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