Christian man, wants to become Muslim, needs help

Madina Archives


Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

Christian man, wants to become Muslim, needs help
bhaloo
05/16/01 at 01:41:41
slm

I received this email a few days ago from a man searching for answers.  I'll see if I can get him to join our board here, he seems sincere.


Hello ... I'd like to share my story with you.  I live Nashville, Tennessee
and have had limited real contact with Islam.

I keep turning to Islam again and again.  At first I thought it was because
it was exotic and unknown, but now?  I sense the truth ... that I am
closing in on it.  Fear keeps me from committing.

A little background first.  My name is XXXXX YYYYYY, I am married and
live in Nashville, Tennessee.  My wife has 3 grown children by her first
marriage and we have (and will have) no children of our own (she's 12 years
older than my 37 years).  I was raised episcopalian and was very religious
as a child.  When I was 10 years old my parents divorced and as the rector
of our church disapproved and my mom was/is more or less agnostic, she left
church.  I lived with her and we children soon stopped going as well.

For years I was disinterested in religion.  During college I felt a need
for spirituality but disliked the limitations and restrictions that I saw
in Christianity.  So toyed with wicca and the pagan earth-based religions.
As it turns out I wasn't interested in dedicating myself (yet) to any
spirituality.  So I lived life on my own terms.  I became practically
addicted to sex, smoking and drinking.  I had difficulty with anger and
depression and couldn't find what I wanted to do with my life.

In 1989 I started working in a large independent bookstore in Nashville.
That's where I met my wife Cynthia.  She is a very very devoted Christian
woman.  We started dating while she was divorcing her husband (though it's
too long a story to tell here, I will say that her first marriage had been
over (for all intents and purposes) for years and years).  The silent
witness of her life ... the peace and controla and joy of her relationship
with God (and Christ) brought me "home".  

I wanted that relationship and the confidence it apparently brings with
God.  I never could get a handle on Jesus and was told by Cynthia and the
various pastors/priests I've had that this is the nature of faith.  We are
to accept even what we don't understand.  This is a blessing and a curse.
You see I come from a family of scientists and need PROOF.  The more I
search Christianity the less I find.  And the advice to quit questioning
and have faith is frustrating.  It requires me to ignore my doubts as
groundless ... or even sin!  Although not quite a jettisoning of the
intellect, it does seem close to it.

My marriage has hit some bad spots due to sin in my life but has never
broken.  My wife credits this to her relationship with God.  I'd agree.
I've wandered into buddhism, an online witches coven, back into buddhism
and now a questioning truce of sorts with Christianity.  My wife was
appalled when I started investigating Islam and has said it's very
important to her to that I am a christian as it is God that brought us
together.

I am troubled by researches into historical christianity. That's where my
faith is really rocked.  And yet my wife says that's why she doesn't read
those things ... besides, she says, she KNOWS the bible is true and Jesus
is the Son of God.  Why?  She was raised that way, amongst the Mennonites
and the way they lived their faith has had a profound impact on her life.
Why can't I KNOW the way she does?

The more I investigate Islam, the more I doubt everything.  I can see all
sides of the arguments.  I've been to nearly every denomination of
Christianity in town.  Have struggled with the nature of God in the Oneness
camps as well as the Trinitarians.  Intellectually I can agree with any
view point it seems.

What's funny is I cannot doubt the existence of God.  I KNOW He exists.  I
KNOW it.  Beyond the shadow of a doubt.  It's Jesus who gives me trouble.
Did he exist as portrayed in the bible?  I doubt it. Especially in light of
the evidence and researches that show the Gospels were written to specific
audiences and with a specific agenda in mind.  It seems things Christ said
and did were rearranged or shown in different lights.  Apparently what
really happened was less important than the TRUTH in what he said.  

That's one of my big problems.  What DID Jesus really say and do?  In light
of the history of the early church and numerous problems in translating the
bible I have trouble not doubting that the bible has been corrupted or at
least translated with political agendas in mind.  And yet I've read books
attesting to the large number of "pieces" of more or less original
manuscripts extant and the like that go on to say that the bible, in all
its various translations, does more or less say the same thing.

And yet I find myself thinking, SO WHAT?!  What does that prove?  Nothing
except that it says the same thing it always has.  There's no proof that
anything in it is true.  Look at the persecutions of groups with
alternative gospels!! It was a political situation.  The gospels were
written (maybe) by eyewitnesses and there seems to be some evidence that a
man named Jesus was crucified.  BUT.....

We still don't know what really happened do we?  And even if everything is
as the Bible says, why do I have trouble knowing how I feel about him?  Why
can't I have the same conviction that Jesus is the Son of God ... is
divine?  I just can't seem to set aside my doubts.  So I jump from
denomination to denomination.  From liberal to conservative, etc.

I don't want to do the same with Islam, but am afraid I've begun to.  A few
months ago I even pronounced the shahada online.  But it made no
difference.  My heart was not in it.

I am afraid to committ... that's one thing.  I don't want to make a mistake
... this IS my soul we're talking about after all!

I'm afraid of ridicule at work.  Of finding a private place to pray there
(impossible!) ... Of ridicule in my family ... and of (potentially) losing
my wife.  I don't know what to do and would like to hear your thoughts.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.  

A sincere seeker after truth....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

XXXXXXX
NS
Re: Christian man, wants to become Muslim, needs help
chachi
05/16/01 at 16:28:28
Salaam

   Ask him what he means by commit
  Does he mean he feels he will be betraying Jesus by saying that Jesus is not god but a man?

  Another way to explain is this, what you say to people in this world is for the people of this world what you BELIEVE in your heart is known to god..so if he dosn't believe something and denies it in his heart what possible use is that to god?

   I believe God made the world intelligible to a degree because he wanted us to use our rationality and question it's purpose
Re: Christian man, wants to become Muslim, needs help
se7en
05/23/01 at 18:30:34
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

my bro a couple weeks back was telling me about this book he read by iqbal.. in the first couple pages of the book it talked about human beings: what it is that makes us human, our function, our nature, and the things that are characterestic of all of us, the things that are an inherent part of our makeup.  

so one thing that is an inherent part of being human is this desire to worship.  All people in all societies in all times have sought a religion, a form of worshipping.  there is something within us that calls us to find our purpose, to look to the heavens and contemplate our reason for being, to find our place in the vast expanse of the universe, and to seek out the Creator our souls are screaming for us to acknowledge.

and another aspect of being human that is an inherent part of all of us is this desire to understand.. to analyze, to think, to contemplate, to use our intellects to understand and grasp the mechanics of the world around us.

And the thing is, Islam allows these two natural, inherent things to exist together.  Other faiths, other sciences, repress or strive to deny one or the other... but Islam allows both these things in the human being to live and to be cultivated, because they are both naturally a part of being human.  I think that's what it means when people say that Islam allows us to be fully human, to fulfill our true potential.. because Islam is the only thing in the world that allows all of these aspects of being human that are built within ourselves to co-exist and be in harmony..

so this guy, Islam makes sense to him on some level.  but he's worried that like Christianity, when he studies islam from another perspective it will no longer be as convincing.  it seems to me that he needs to understand that being Muslim is with your heart *and* your mind.  Sometimes a person can be Muslim with his/her heart, but doubt it's veracity because he/she takes science and our limited understanding of the universe over divine knowledge that has been revealed to us whose truth will be uncovered over time.  And sometimes a person can be Muslim with his/her intellect, and know intellectually that this deen is true and right and pure, but with his/her heart reject it due to desires or passion or things that pull us away from the call of Allah.. but a true Muslim is one who accepts Islam with both heart and mind... and that is a jihad, but that's what life is about eh :)

what i think this person need to see is that to be Muslim you *have* to grapple with Islam intellectually... a true Muslim is not one who hides from something they don't understand... when there is something that doesn't make any sense to you, or you are uncomfortable with, you don't just turn away from it or ignore it or reject it...a true Muslim is one who studies, and continues to study, and thinks and reflects...

so the point of that whole Iqbal thing is that, yeah our knowledge and our intellects are limited, but Allah doesn't ask us to *turn them off*.  There are so many places in the Qur'an where Allah asks us to reflect and contemplate and think... so tell this guy he has the right to study Islam.. to scrutinize it.. to ask questions about things that don't make any sense to him.. to look at it historically or scientifically or however... but he needs to give Islam a fair shot before he rejects it.

but check this... Allah, in His mercy, has granted us this amazingly awesome capacity to increase in eman the more we learn about the world around us... subhanAllah... this is truly a rahma.. can you imagine what it would be like to deal with a faith that makes no sense to you intellectually?  

say alhamdulillah for being blessed with Islam in all it's beauty...

anyway.. yeah, say something like that arshad :P

sorry, got off on some tangents there...

wAllahu 'alam.
wasalaamu alaykum
Re: Christian man, wants to become Muslim, needs help
bhaloo
05/23/01 at 18:11:01
slm

Jazak Allah khairen.  I will tell him, insha'Allah.


Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.
The rest © Jannah.Org