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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

Student marraiages
proudtobemuslim
05/16/01 at 07:30:47
Assalam-u-Alaikum, What do you think about students who get married before or during college?  How would you apply the saying of the Prophet (SAW) regarding early marriage in this day and age?   I think that the main problems with students marrying is that just imagine what would happen if the couple have kids... I mean how possible would it be for the husband and husband and wife to study, arrange the finances, get the food, etc. etc. etc. and still run a stable family??? But then you see all the fitna that is caused by delaying the marriage...mindless dating game and people even turning to homosexuality. Love to hear from you all. Wassalam-u-Alaikum, Uzer

Re: Student marraiages
jehad
05/16/01 at 09:49:35
asalm walakum lodes of students are married with kids, muslims and kaffars. some of them work and study. the amount they work is dependent on how much money they need.

Re: Student marriages
BrKhalid
05/17/01 at 11:40:48
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote] What do you think about students who get married before or during college? How would you apply the saying of the Prophet (SAW) regarding early marriage in this day and age? [/quote] If both parties are willing to get married I don't see the problem. You have to ask though whether the brother has the means to give his wife her rights and, if not, would the sister be prepared to temporarily forgo her rights? I think its one of those questions where you really do have to look at specific circumstances

Re: Student marraiages
Barr
05/18/01 at 06:37:45
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah :) I think we have to be clear on where we place marriage in our life... coz, like what Br Khalid says... there are multiple reasons/ situations with regards to your question. I think, we should start on the footing that education is for life... whether we're married or not. As much as there are many merits in getting married, of which some of them is that marriage is a process of tazkiyyah (purifying the soul), as well as protection and stability (spiritually, physically etc), we must also bear in mind that marriage comes with responsibilities as well. Hence, the hadith also comes with the clause "if U can afford it". I don't know, sometimes, brothers say, they do not want to sin etc etc etc..., which I think, to a certain extent, is a .. noble reason... that they wanna get closer to Allah...but are they prepared to give nafkah? And I don't only mean financial nafkah, but in terms of spiritual and emotional ones as well? How mature (in all sense of the word) are we to give such a support to our wives? But upon saying that, I think, marrying while in college/ uni doesn't mean that it will affect our grades. I've seen loads of examples, brothers and sisters who did very well, after they got married as well... coz, mariage is a khair (good) thing and the blessings are just tremendous. But there are also others whose grades are affected as well. But, I have also seen, those whose marriage do not work out so well... due to immaturity and financial problems. Being realistic here, sometimes marriage can be overly romantisiced... and seriously, money CAN be a BIG problem, and can strain relationships. If both of them get full scholarships or student grants, then, alhamdulillah.. but if not, would the brother be willing that his wife will be under the financial protection of his parents or her parents? or will his/ her parents be willing to take responsibility of their financial needs? And what if there's a baby? How do we manage finances? And how would the sister continue her studies? Would they be willing to get jobs and work extra hours? But upon saying that, Allah is the one that gives rizq... and there are plenty of them, who alhamdulillah, manage to live happily, and survive, even if their means are very very small... All of thsoe things can be solved... just don't expect to have a rosy life.. coz it won't. Lots of sacrifices have to be made, strict time management must be practised and one must have a good support system as well (eg. friends, families etc) Bottomline... I'd say go for it but ONLY if one is TRULY PREPARED... prepared for the changes to come, and have thought thoroughly the plans and contingency plans... Being Muslim is about being prepared as well... and if you are, in ALL sense of the word and wanna get marrid... I'd say - don't procrastinate.... (assuming your parents are cool abt it too, inshaALlah) Also, due to our very own unique state, that's why getting married can be wajib, sunnah, makruh or even haraam... and not a fixed rule. [quote]But then you see all the fitna that is caused by delaying the marriage...mindless dating game and people even turning to homosexuality [/quote] Delaying marriage is not the sole cause of the above. The cause for the above is IMAN or lack of it, rather. And as for homosexuality...  that's a whole complicated mess of issues that needs to be settled! Sometimes, the heart takes over the mind... and that's why, for me, the process to choose one's spouse must be done meticulously... I know some brothers and sisters.. alhamdulillah, they're practising, but they lose out when it comes to the matters of the heart... they did not do anything majorly haram... but they'll talk for long hours on the phone, and sometimes, go out together and these effect the heart and may have a not-so-desired consequences... but then again, that's the preventive measure..... I know I may sound hard, and I truly understand how difficult it is... but if marriage is not the immediate course of action... then minimise communication, or excommunication.   Anyways, those who practice mindless dating games.. well, it doesn't mean they'd wanna be married to each other, either... wallahua'lam :-)

Re: Student marriages
se7en
05/21/01 at 22:40:18
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, Barr, good post sis :) to married students out there... why did you marry at the time you did?  How do you manage to balancing school work and fulfilling your obligations as a spouse?  How do you resolve problems, especially finanical ones?  Are you able to be active in your community/MSA, do all you need to do as a spouse, and not fail out of school all at teh same time?  Do you regret getting married at the age you did?  Would you recommend doing it?  Any advice, suggestions you would give to ppl considering it? that's a lot of questions :) wasalaam.

Re: Student marraiages
Zahra
05/21/01 at 12:56:19
slm I think that marrying while in college is completely dependant on the people who are getting married.  My husband, alhamdullillah, is very understanding of the fact that I can not do everything, especially while I am studying.  I can not cook every day (pizza, anyone?), socialize every weekend, and do all the other things that comes with non-student life.  He wants me to be educated and therefore, supports me in my education. He has had to make sacrifices, some more willingly than others, but all around, he understands and is supportive.  I try my best too, not to neglect him, to at least give him the affection he needs and let him know that I am grateful to him for his support and that he *is* sacrificing a lot for me.   I hear of brothers though who do not value education in their wives and so, naturally, will not be as supportive in this venture.  Like I said, it's completely dependant on the two people who are getting married.   Kids-hmm-I don't have any but I can imagine that it must be a struggle.  I think, for the sake of children, that married couples should wait till after college to have kids-kids can not make the same sacrifices adults can and we shouldn't ask them too.  Of course, though, there are tons of people who have kids and are in college.  Masha'Allah, a lot of them have family members helping them full time.
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