Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| The Wedding Season |
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| BrKhalid |
| 05/16/01 at 10:11:37 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Oh yes its that time of year again…… ;-) Following on from a post from Sr Kathy, I was wondering what the next few months are usually like for everyone in your respective parts of the world. What's the best part of attending and what's the worst? What one thing would you absolutely have at yours and what one thing would you make sure you avoided? I know someone who's getting married in September and he's desperately trying to make it as Islamic as possible. No easy task in this day and age I tell you! |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| se7en |
| 05/16/01 at 14:07:59 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah, Can I vent here? :) One thing that irks me is this notion that all big weddings are haram or haram-conducive. Yeah, some of them are, but a halal wedding doesn't necessarily have to mean an oh-so-serious, somber as heck occasion, with an imam and only two witnesses and afterwards a meal of bread and water.. I don't mean to mock simplicity. Simplicity is beautiful. but I think we forget sometimes that Islam doesn't forbid having *fun*, celebrating, being happy.. these two people are kicking off this huuugely momentous part of their lives, that's something so beautiful and awesome... and that's something to celebrate, to *enjoy*.. One thing I love about weddings is the little "lets mock the bride/groom" segment :) I can't wait til one of my peeps gets married, heh heh heh... ;) |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Laboogie |
| 05/16/01 at 16:20:06 |
| [slm] [quote] I can't wait til one of my peeps gets married, [/quote] yeah, either can I .....;) |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Nazia |
| 05/16/01 at 22:40:39 |
| Assalamu Alaikum, My brother is getting married next month (Insha'Allah)--to one of my best friends! So, Insha'Allah that will be very exciting. I can't wait to see all my relatives, one of my aunts from Pakistan is already here. While I am of course, a firm advocate of spending within your means, I think a little controlled "Halla gulla" <as we say in Urdu> is often a good thing. <Halla gulla basically means letting loose>. Most pakistani weddings last about a week. And everyone knows, all the fun stuff happens when the brothers are absent :) Because then all the girls get to dress up and look hot ;). Se7en! Dissing the couple isn't nearly as fun as just dissing the groom! *evil grin* You get a couple of brothers up in the front acting out skits about the groom-- quite a riot. ([i]"This is zuuuuubaid kazmi..comin at you from this side of the kaaba..."[/i] Whaddya guys think? Too mean?? *evil grin*) Speaking of wedding activities, my dad wants me to think of interesting stuff to have planned for my brother's valima. We were thinking a slide show? But I think they might want to do that at the Nikah? The guys in my community are not much for skits, so thats out. I need good ideas!! Hook me up! Thanks, Take Care, Wassalam, Nazia "The Wedding Planner" |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| jannah |
| 05/17/01 at 02:32:10 |
| no no it's like this... this is zuu zuu zuu baid kazmi..............comin at ya with the biggest hits this side of da kaba... wow you must play that at your wedding ;)) how bout get a video camera for a day and go around and tape all the ppl u know and have them say something about the groom/bride.. it could be good fun to watch it later!! |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 05/17/01 at 16:48:33 |
| [slm] I agree with se7en, I think it's totally acceptable and should be encouraged to make weddings the happy and festive time of celebration that they are! All within the guidelines of Islam of course, however, this can sometimes be a little tricky. Does anyone have any stories of weddings they've been to that have done a good job of keeping it halal but having some fun too? *sigh* I love weddings :) I would also love to hear stories about "arab" weddings versus "pakistani" weddings. It's cool to see the different traditions that each have. and then the ever burning question: Do you keep it separated, males and females, or would you have both in the same room? I know that some people prefer to keep it separated so the bride can get dressed up and get her hair done which would be hard to do if it was mixed. But then what do the guys do at weddings like that? Just chill amongst themselves? :) [wlm] Ruqayyah |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| chachi |
| 05/17/01 at 17:27:47 |
Friend just got married and he was really upset because he figured everybody was making fun of him! he's a arab sri lankan welsh muslim so he didn't really know the procedure is for the bridegroom to really have the micky taken out of him by the brides sisters and relatives..so now everybody thinks he's got no sense of humour *lol* pakistani weddings are cool... Ruqayyah ...thats the guys secret! lol |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| muhannad |
| 05/17/01 at 17:43:27 |
| he's a arab sri lankan welsh muslim is that possible ?! |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| chachi |
| 05/17/01 at 18:07:58 |
hmm yes his family moved from the yemen about 500 years ago to sri lanka ..and his mother is welsh...thats not the strangest thing though..if your ever in pakistan drop by my area..man in my village itself there are people who various mixtures of pathan plus..english..irish..african..indian..turkish..tartari..chinese..french..mexican..vietnamese..arabs.... honestly you have to be real careful what jokes you tell...lol |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Nazia |
| 05/17/01 at 18:33:10 |
| [quote] how bout get a video camera for a day and go around and tape all the ppl u know and have them say something about the groom/bride.. it could be good fun to watch it later!![/quote] Awesome idea!! Maybe I could make a short 10-15 min video with shots of friends giving advice, making comments, and even footage of the first time my bro comes back home from where he lives (a few days before the wedding) and the reaction of all my relatives etc.. My dad also has some old videos in projector form (??) and he wants to convert those and show some...we'll see.. Anyways, all you MYNA folk--any ideas from all the MYNA weddings?? those are usually quite the galas from what I hear... Anyways, Take Care, Wassalam Nazia |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| kiwi25 |
| 05/18/01 at 12:30:25 |
| salaam, many of the weddings we have here include a dance called the debka, only guys dance to it, and only drum instruments are used, i would like to have that at my wedding , also i remeber a wedding where professionals formed a group and sing nasheed and all, they were REALLY good, id like that also, hm what else, i think it would be kewl to have a sisters only part of the wedding, and i would try to avoid any haram, bad music , putting guys and girls together in tables, ive seen that before! but anyways inshallah the couples getting married soon will have an easy life and benefit from each other islamically, CONGRATS! wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Ruqayyah |
| 05/20/01 at 17:57:48 |
| [slm] Here are some things that I've seen that i really liked at weddings: 1. The girls did this really pretty dance w/ candles in these glassees that they held in their hands, and the lights were off, and it was so pretty! This was at a pakistani mehndi. 2. This other pakastani wedding i went to was really big but they did a lot of personal little things that showed they put a lot of work into it. -At each table setting, each person received a little frame w/ a piece of paper inside saying the names of the bridge and groom and the date. -there was also this little paper treasure chest w/ their names and the date. -Also, they had little cloth parcels w/ some wedding candy in it. I don't know what else to call it, but i guess they were kind of like almonds?? (does anyone know what i'm talking aobut here??) -Antoher thing that they did at the table (i'm really big into table settings, hehe) that i liked was in the middle to have a candle floating in a big glass jar w/ sparkly things in the water. -the second day on the walima, at each table they had a little scroll of paper w/ their names and the date, and around the scroll were two gold rings (not real, but like foil ones) Also, instead of everyone coming up to the bridge and groom to take pictures, they went around to each of the tables and took pics and talked w/ everyone. Oh! another thing they did which i thought was really cool, was that the groom rode up on a horse in the very beginning from the parking lot up to the entrance way of the hotel. We all followed him in. And then the bride walked down the aisle to this one song that was really popular at the time ( i think it goes, aek larqee quo theka tho asa saja, btw, my urdu stinks, so maybe someone can clean that up:)). They also had ice sculptures, which was nice, but a little too extravagant for my taste. they also did the power point thing which was SO cute, i totally want that done at my wedding. Also i was looking in this big Martha Stewart Weddings book, and they had some cool simple things that you could incorporate into any kind of wedding. ok, i think that's it for now, but if i think of more, i'll let you know :) [wlm] Ruqayyah |
| Re: The Wedding Season, THE NEED FOR SIMPLE WEDDINGS |
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| BroHanif |
| 05/22/01 at 06:59:38 |
| The post below was taken from www.inter-islam.org THE NEED FOR SIMPLE WEDDINGS Selected Discourses by Shaikhul-Hadith Hazrat Maulana Yusuf Motala Sahib I was gonna post my thoughts on the wedding but then I found the Shiekhs and quite comfortably sums it up. All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him. We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions. He whom Allah guides no one can mislead, and he whom Allah misleads, no one can guide. We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah. He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger. O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings on him and on his descendants and his companions. Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an: “O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1) “O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared. And die not except in the state of Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102) “O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71) The Holy Prophet said: “Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to outnumber the nations through you.” (Abu Dawood & Nasai) “Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah) “Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari) Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen). This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet . Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet . We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage. I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet and his Companions did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered. When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted - especially when you sit to eat - then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand? In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society. In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us. I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!” Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward. I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet . This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration. I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet . Once the Holy Prophet noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.” From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him. Thus, in the time of the Prophet , whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet . For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can't understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation? Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding. Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient. On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day. The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet for a maid. The Prophet said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available. The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah's Messenger was celebrated. Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet , impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises. I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age. In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen). |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| sis |
| 05/22/01 at 11:19:08 |
| alsalamu alaykum wa rhmat Allah wa barakatuhu :-) this is probably a rhetorical question, but what would any of u sis's do if u were asked to be a bridesmaid at say ur brother's wedding? and its a mixed wedding? would u say no because u wouldn't feel right walking in with all eyes watching u?..or would u say yes as to not offend anyone? BroHanif....jazak Allah khayr for that article...masha'Allah.....i really wish that msg could get out to every muslim insha'Allah |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| BrKhalid |
| 05/22/01 at 12:01:02 |
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) I would suggest that it is possible to have the largest of weddings but yet still keep it simple. I think simplicity has two meanings in this context: 1. In terms of not complicating the occasion 2. In terms of not creating a burden on the couple or the respective families involved If the above points can be satisfied *and* if intentions are pure, then it should be possible to keep it "simple". I would contend that simple does not necessarily have to mean cheap. Each to their own means and if they live and spend according to their means, then their wedding should be reflective of their own personal situation. It’s a sunnah to invite and partake in a wedding feast. Now if some have the ability to invite 2000 guests without any difficulty whatsoever, would it be a misjudgement on their part to invite only 20 on such a joyous occasion? Alternatively if you only have the means to invite 20 guests, does inviting 200 and placing a burden on yourself a wise thing to do? As always there's a fine balance to tread and ultimately trying to avoid either extreme is probably the best thing to do Allah knows best |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| kiwi25 |
| 05/22/01 at 17:58:24 |
| salaam, i have once been a bridesmaid when i was 13, and another time a little later than that, our local imam didnt say anything about it so im assuming its ok for girls to be bridesmaids and come in front of everybody but allahu'alim ,but now that im older im not sure if i would do it because of the attention im going to get and for the sake of haya...wasalam nouha:) |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| chachi |
| 05/22/01 at 18:28:51 |
Do everything also to make your guests feel at ease ...don't do anything that is likely tk make any guest embaressed etc.. As an example most of the muslim families in my part of england swap food and after long practice we've realised that our muslim neighbours to the left of our house are not terribly fond of meat coming from a vegetable based culture... what i'm saying is that muslims from certain areas place a premium upon a nice quiet wedding where everybody is happy muslims from other areas prefer loud singing clothes etc..thus have some people ready at hand able to make sure that the people who prefer quiet are not forced to take part in karaoke! |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Barr |
| 05/25/01 at 10:13:36 |
| Assalamu'alaikum [quote]What's the best part of attending and what's the worst?[/quote] I always love the nikah part best... coz, for me, that is the MOST significant bit... then, after the groom said his vows and the dua' etc etc, he'll go to the bride (who would usually be in the bridal room... and all the girls,and womenfolk would be there too!), exchange rings, then kisses her forehead, then, she'll kiss his hand... I LOVE that bit :) So sweet :) And that would be the first physical contact for both of them, inshaAlah :) Then, sometimes, they gotta do those things more than once coz the camera didn't catch it! *L* And it's really joyous and merry and relatives and friends would tease during that bit *heh heh* The WORST is when I attended the less Islamic Weddings... then they start to do karaoke and stuff like that during the walimah/ dinner... oh please.... spare me! I mean, it'll be different if they sing nashids or smt like that. But alhamdulillah, very very few people do that now.... And if someone is to do that during my wedding... I'll cry... I'd just cry, there and then... but then again, I'd probably cry when I suddenly realised I'm married! :) wallahua'lam :-) |
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| princess |
| 05/25/01 at 10:37:28 |
| walikumas'salaam warahamtullah :) [quote]I always love the nikah part best... coz, for me, that is the MOST significant bit...[/quote] i totally agree..i don't like it when the nikkah is done earlier in the day, apart from the actually "wedding ceremony" :) [quote]then, after the groom said his vows and the dua' etc etc, he'll go to the bride, exchange rings, then kisses her forehead, then, she'll kiss his hand...[/quote] i've never seen that :) i think with indian/pakistani weddings, ANY contact between the husband and wife is like frowned upon :( which is soo lame..(since ahh, they ARE married..:)) but ppl tend to think that the couple has no hay'aa :( but i agree with u, that it's sweet :) [quote]Then, sometimes, they gotta do those things more than once coz the camera didn't catch it! *L*[/quote] i'm 1 of those ppl, that'll ask u to fake put the ring back on, cuz someone's head got in my way :) ;) i gotta get that kodak moment, na'mean? :) ;) later langur ;-D |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Barr |
| 05/25/01 at 11:23:12 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :) [quote]i've never seen that i think with indian/pakistani weddings, ANY contact between the husband and wife is like frowned upon [/quote] erm... I'm talking about Malay weddings :) I heard that some Indo-Pak brothers and sisters won't even walk holding hands, after marriage? or like sit together on the same sofa, with other relatives around? errr... I totally can't imagine that happening to me.... And, oh yes! my aunt got engaged last week... and I really like how it's done.. and frankly.. I'm pretty surprised, it actualy happened in my family! coz,it was actually an arranged marriage (my family? arranged marriages??) My aunt was introduced to the brother by the imam of a mosque. And she only knew him a month before! These kinda things just don't happen to my family... seriously! But I'm glad it did, alhamdulillah :) The brother's side came (and I was on the stairs,hidden, and peeping through the ventilation holes in the walls!), then, the elders made some agreement abt when the wedding would be.. yada yada yada... then, the dua'. The brother wasn't there. That is a total no, no... (The to-be groom is totally NOT ALLOWED to be present in Malay engagements) then, I think his mom or some senior female relative, put the ring on my aunt. Then, we had a meal... only about 20 close relatives came altogether from both sides. And that... according to my family's standards... is the most simple engagement function... and the ring is really pretty, it's really delicate... there's about 5 small diamonds on a white gold ring... and it only costs Singapore$310... that's only about US$195, and about 120 pounds sterling. And she chose that herself! Seriously, can't get that kind of ring, with the same quality for the same price in the UK...so throw that Argos book and come down to Singapore and shop for your diamond rings! :) erm.. another thing with Malay engagements is that the ring... well.. it gotta diamond ;) And another good thing for the sisters! :) After the nikah, we don't have rukhsati... usually, we stay at our parents homes... (well, till we get one of our own!) :) Here's more info, if U're interested [url=http://members.tripod.com/Noor_Luke2/ENGLISHPAGE.html]Malay Weddings[/url] |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/28/01 at 12:55:50 |
| Assalamu alaikum The way that a lot of people in our community did it was this: as soon as both people know that they want to get married (they've prayed istikhara, done their "research," talked with each other) and the parents are cool, then they just go ahead and get their nikkah done in a mosque. At this point they announce an "engagement" to their communities. Then they can finalize the details of their wedding, because this takes months to plan. Being husband and wife Islamically shortly before it is done legally tends to make it easier on everyone because you can go places together to set details for the wedding, etc. And all the lovely-dovey stuff that an earlier posting mentioned is totally halal because you're halal to each other, even if you don't live together yet. Best wishes for a marriage that will be of benefit in this life and the hereafter :) Oh yeah and if the 'rents aren't so understanding, patience is the best remedy--it shows true commitment and maturity on the part of the fiances and best of all, the Quran teaches us that 'only the patient will be given their reward in full without measure' :) |
| Re: The Wedding Season |
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| JustMe |
| 06/29/01 at 03:28:20 |
| Asssssssssssssaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaams everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a GGGGGreat Day to be ALLLLLLLLLive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):):) oh yeah back to the topic- ...I was in Pakistan last winter and it was wedding season. The colorful tents were up in neighborhood streets blocking traffic and the wedding halls were lit with megabulbs and neon signs with their distinctive names. One thing that was majorly different about weddings these days in Pakistan is that the Government has banned main course meals e.g. Biryani and the like at the weddings because basically people were spending too much of their wealth on it depleting the Gross National Product of the country. Instead they serve soups and dessert or others just bypass everything and book a large restaurant for the entire fleet of guests. That's why I love Pakistan and especially the power outages. heh heh. not fun for the people that live there. |
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