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Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Anonymous
05/20/01 at 22:13:34
Salaams all.I haven't actually been here much, but this is just the place I need right now. It's almost 11.30pm and there's almost no one to talk to, so I've decided to let off steam right here! The thing is I'm like really cheesed off....no, no, I'm like reeeeeeeeeally cheesed off with some members of my family and friends, just tell me one thing, if a girl isn't interested in marrying a certain brother ((((((SHE JUST AIN'T INTERESTED!!!!!!))))) right? Right! So why on earth is it that people just don't leave you alone when you say you're not interested? Was-salaam.......... I think I feel abit better already.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Arsalan
05/20/01 at 22:53:08
Give them a (good) reason! "I just aint interested" ... isn't good enuff. Especially if it's your parents you're talking to. Wassalamu alaikum.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
nehar
05/21/01 at 08:24:11
[slm] marriage is something you have to be ready for and u must be commited, but no one can force you.  yoU can say no, Islam has given you that right!! Parents always think they do the best, but in reality they can only want the best.  Tell them how you feel and dont keep silent cuz mariage involes 2 lives and u cant mess with sum1's life. Do istikhara prayer b4 you say no, because marriage In Islam it is treated as 'half-faith'. "When a servant of Allah marries, he has completed half of his religious obligations, and he must fear Allah in order to complete the second half" . Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has also said, "Marriage is part of my Sunnah, whoever runs away from my path is not from among us". Husbands and wives are compared as garments to each other in the Quran. Marriage gives tranquillity of mind in the spouses. Allah has prescribed marriage as the only way for conjugal relationship and family life in human society. take care [wlm] Nehar

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Zahra
05/21/01 at 12:42:16
[quote]Give them a (good) reason!  "I just aint interested" ... isn't good enuff.[/quote] slm actually.....it is a good reason.  SoubhanAllah-that was one of the rights given to Muslim women-that if they don't desire someone for marriage-for *whatever* the reason-she should not be forced, or persuaded for that matter, into marriage. It drives me crazy sometimes how marriage is approached by Muslims-no wonder why the number of divorces in Muslim marriages is increasing every day...Sister, I think  that if you have prayed Istikhara and are truly not interested in this brother for marriage, then just be consistent in your answer and your family will be more accepting of the idea in time, insha'Allah.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Arsalan
05/21/01 at 14:52:24
[slm] Zahra, sorry, but I have to disagree.  "I just aint interested" is not a good enough reason, especially for the parents. Consider the situation of the parents here.  It is their obligation to find an appropriate suitor for their daughter.  They will be responsible in front of Allah for this duty of theirs.  So after spending a lot of time, when they come and tell their daughter about a suitable candidate, only to hear "I'm not interested.  Don't ask me why", what does this do to the parents?  Don't you think it is their right to at least ask, "why?"   They would like their child to get married.  They want to help her.  They want to see her settled down and establish a family of her own.  I think it is only fair that the daughter helps them out *a little bit* by telling them why she rejected a certain candidate so that they can get an idea of what their daughter is looking for! "I just aint interested" means "leave me alone."  And that is something the parents can't do! By the way, I also think that if a man proposes to a woman, and she rejects him, he should be told *why* he was rejected!  "I just ain't interested" isn't good enough.  If you don't wanna marry at this time, then say so.  If there is something wrong with him, that you don't like, then say so.  If there's something in his family, in his income, in his education, looks, Deen, or you're already interested in someone else, whatever the case is - let the guy know why you rejected him!  I think most guys will agree with me here - we'd like to know why we were rejected, after we went with high hopes (and guts) to propose to the father of a sister.   Wallahu a'lam.

hmm..interesting..
princess
05/21/01 at 17:18:58
as'salaamualikum :) [quote]They would like their child to get married.  They want to help her.  They want to see her settled down and establish a family of her own.  I think it is only fair that the daughter helps them out *a little bit* by telling them why she rejected a certain candidate so that they can get an idea of what their daughter is looking for![/quote] another words..they want her out ;) :) [quote]By the way, I also think that if a man proposes to a woman, and she rejects him, he should be told *why* he was rejected![/quote] hahahahahah..someone once turned me down cuz i wasn't tall enough..hahahahahah :) i thought that was classic :) this could be a whole new thread ;) anyways..later langur ;-D

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Zahra
05/21/01 at 17:40:56
slm When I wrote my post, I was thinking of the incident where a woman went to the prophet, sallahoo alayhe wa salam, and told him, sallahoo alayhe wa salam, that her husband was good, devout, pious, etc. but she just did not like him.  She didn't have any specific reason, she only said that she didn't like to be married to him and the prophet, sallahoo alayhe wa salam, granted her a divorce.   If a woman simply does not have any feelings towards a specific brother or does not have any sort of connection/chemistry with the man (as anonymous said, "she just aint interested" ), that is a reason in itself for not wanting to marry him-and Islamically, it is an acceptable reason. If a woman just doesn't like someone, she shouldn't have to find another excuse to please family members.  They should be accepting that her heart is not in the marriage and seek someone else for her-that is the right of a woman-to be able to choose freely who she wants to marry.  Anonymous said that she is not interested in the guy-that is her reason.  If this was her decision after Istikhara prayer, why is that not good enough?  Of course a daughter should give her parents an idea of what she is looking for-she can't let her parents go on a wild chase for brothers.  That is the responsibility of the sister-to know what she wants and relate that to her parents. However, those who have been through that painful getting-to-know-someone-for-marriage process know it is not always as black and white as we think it is.   Finally-I don't think it is always wise to let a brother know why he was rejected by a sister (there is a difference btwn being rejected by a sisters family and being rejected by a sister). There should be, and usually are, certain standards a brother should meet before the girls' family accepts him as a potential husband for their daughter. So, things like (level of) din, education, and income should not be reasons for rejection from the girl because those things should have been worked out from the beginning by the family. I don't think a brother should know why a sister rejects him (and vice-versa) because, some feelings (and ego's)could seriously get hurt. Soubhan'Allah-people's perspectives of other people are so relative, what is really the benefit in telling a brother why he was rejected? I think the brother should just be accepting of the fact that the marriage was not written for him and not let curiosity get the best of him.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Anonymous
05/22/01 at 01:11:48
[slm] and what about the opposite? when you want to marry someone but your parents don't want to listen to you becuase she's not the same ethnicity as you?? it doesn't matter that she's a good muslim, as long as she's not arab she's off limits :(

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Arsalan
05/22/01 at 01:45:23
[slm] Zahra, if I remember that incident correctly, the Sahaabiyah wanted a divorce because she did not like the appearance, the physical features, of that Sahaabi.  She gave a reason.  If I understand the fiqh on this matter correctly, the woman cannot get a divorce for "no reason."  "Ain't interested" is not a good enough reason for a divorce!   But we weren't talking about divorce.  We were talking about marriage.  I don't know, I think people need to be extremely honest, straightforward and frank when it comes to the whole marriage issue.  The sister may reject a guy for what she perceives.  It may be that she's misunderstanding something about the brother, or that she was misinformed.  By telling the brother, she might get another perspective on the issue from him which would change her mind! What do the others think? Anonymous - the parents are wrong in this.  The girl should try to convince her parents that they shouldn't look at things this way.  Maybe get the imam to talk to them or someone in the family or friends who can talk to them about it.  But the girl should still not marry against the parents' will.  This is what Jamal Badawi gave as advice at a marriage seminar I attended.  May Allah guide the parents of today and make them realize and implement the hadith of the Prophet in which he told the people not to turn away a righteous man who comes and proposes to their daughters. Wassalamu alaikum.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
nehar
05/22/01 at 08:34:02
[slm] i think parents deserve a reason, u gotta c it from their view.  It might b a silly reason, but they should respect wateva the reason.  If u say ur not intersted without a reason they may think they havent brought u up right and u will hurt em.  ok me not making sence, take care [wlm] nehar

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
humble_muslim
05/22/01 at 13:16:09
AA For years, my parents and my cousin's parents tried to get us hooked up, even though neither of us "was interested".   It was a difficult and torrid time for me.  Sometimes parents need to be more senstiive to their kids.
NS

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Saleema
05/22/01 at 17:40:33
[slm] If she doesn't feel any "chemistry" then in my opinion she has the right to reject him. She probably doesn't *feel* any attraction at all. I have gone throught with that, and parents don't think that it's not a reason. To me it's a reason. They can have the iman and the physical apperance as well as a money, but sometimes people still don't feel attracted, even the least bit. [wlm] Saleema

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Arsalan
05/22/01 at 18:01:35
[slm] What "chemistry" are you talking about???  There's no "chemistry" before marriage.  Two Muslim of the opposite sex can never get so close to each other to feel a "chemistry" between them, unless they are married to one another!

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
kiwi25
05/22/01 at 18:16:13
salam, wow what a mess! anonymous - first of all inshallah things have worked out for you, second i agree with zahra when she says that if a muslimah just isnt interested she just isnt interested but i hope anonymous that "just aint interested" werent the exact words u gave to your parents, to me, i think the words "just aint interestd" is the same as "i have no feelings, no attraction"  which is a reason not to marry someone, so mabey this thread got a little out of hand just because of the words someone decided to choose, i also agree though with arsalan, that u shouldnt leave a brother hanging out there, so inshallah things are cleared up, wasalam nouha:)

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
amal
05/22/01 at 19:05:16
Assalamu alaykum, Br Arsalan, i think what sr. Saleema meant was the fealing of comfort (for lack of a better word) in the heart that occurs when two people are attracted to one another. You don't have to get CLOSE or INTIMATE with someone to feel attracted to them. It's one of those things that comes naturally specially if we're talking about physical attributes. Wasn't there a hadith about the prophet that someone came to him (pbuh) and said that they've asked a women in marriage and then the prophet asked the man if he had seen the woman. The man replied 'No' so the prophet ordered him to go look at her to see if something in her looks might convince him to marry her (i'm just paraphrasing here). Maybe the brothers and sisters with knowledge can correct me here or if they know the hadith to quote it for me. However, i believe that there's something in the qalb (heart) that gives the feeling of ease and comfort when we're attracted to someone of the opposite sex. And this in my opinion is not haram per se but what's haram is to get close to that person as Arsalan mentioned. Ok i'm gonna stop the lecture :) Please forgive me if i accidently offended someone and may Allah forgive me if i said something wrong as it was not my intention. Wassalam amal

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
siddiqui
05/22/01 at 20:37:13
asslam alikum hmmm an intresting predicament and we see a lot of this in India from where i belong.Well there are two sides of a coin a)A sister's/brother's right to say NO for a nikah cannot be valid unless both the parties agree wilfully b) The parent's/walis"/gaurdians anxiousness  to get their ward  married off which some times goes overboard with subtle and sometimes not so subtle coercion I think the  problesm would be solved best by the command of Allah and the guide lines of prophet Mohmmaed (peace be upon him) regarding " Husan-e-aqlaaq" good behaviour i think the sistesr response to the parents would be  palatable id the answer could be rephrased from äint  intersted  to a softer one with a proper reason to allay the anxities of  the parents(although it gets bugging sometimes) and for parents  also to realise they cant force their  ward into marrige inspite of what they think of the propsal and  also to understand there is definetly a a genaration gap and  ways of thinking do differ between the  elders and the youth and they ought to give into the youth's viewpoint as long as it does not  transgress the boundaries of shariah wasslam

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Anonymous
05/23/01 at 22:29:17
The fundamental problem with 'some' arranged marriages are the parents go off behind their kids back and get someone 'they' would like their daughter to marry rather than someone their 'daughter' would like to marry. In most situations the parents tend to be blinded by things such as how much money this potential son in law is going to make and will I be able to show him off infront of uncle Ali whose daughter married a computer engineer in amercia or dr khan whose son married a doctor etc. This lack of consultation between parent and child usually means that the daughter has no input into the type of man she would like to spend the rest of HER life with. Sometimes the daughter may feel as if she sounds childish and shallow if she stands up for herself and says shed like someone whose personality matches hers and who she finds attractive because as far as parents are usually concerened the fundamental attribute you should look for in a husband is can he provide for you financially? When parents choose a husband for the daughter there is usally limited commuication between the daughter and husband to be before the wedding. They dont even know each other! As far as the parents are concerned after they marry they can get to know each other!But as the daughters main fears build up ie - what happens after she marries this stranger and then gets to know him and then finds out their personalitites completely conflict with each? Its too late the isnt it? As far as chemistry is concerend I think it is important. If you feel nothing for the person not even the slighteset bit of 'like' towards that person then when you go into that marriage it will start as contempt. If you start the marriage liking that person just a 'bit' at least then you will put the effort into making the marriage work. And nowadays with people going to universities etc guys and girls will talk to each other and interact so you cant say chemistry is 'not supposed to exist' - you cant say youre supposed to meet your husband on the wedding day. Chemistry does exist. Anon perhaps the more your parents force you to marry the more it is driving you away from the idea of marriage. You are beginning to dislike it and wont even consider any of the potential candidates your parents show you - no matter how good they are. If anon says 'me ain't interested in marriage!' then there has to be a reason. If its her parents pushing her then if she does get forced to marry when shes not happy shell go into the marriage unhappy and there is a possiblity she'll make no effort for it to work and it will end in tears. I think we need to ask ourselves how do you stop certain parents from acting so conrolling and forcing kids to do things they dont want to do? Parents are different and some kids probably cant understand why others are so scared to talk to their parents and tell them what they want. Not all of us have parents who listen and dont scare the pants off us!

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Saleema
05/24/01 at 00:24:22
Br Arsalan, i think what sr. Saleema meant was the fealing of comfort (for lack of a better word) in the heart that occurs when two people are attracted to one another. You don't have to get CLOSE or INTIMATE with someone to feel attracted to them. It's one of those things that comes naturally specially if we're talking about physical attributes. Thank you for explaining that. Why do people always think so negatively? [wlm] Saleema

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
PacificBreeze
05/24/01 at 21:52:19
'chem' a term sometimes used for compatibility..if u feel you can relate well...a connection...etc...

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
BrKhalid
05/25/01 at 11:41:53
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) I think there can be attraction between two people before they are married but chemistry? To me "chemistry" has images of interacting and, like in science class, making a reaction happen between two elements. I'm not sure, like Br Arsalan says, you can create this feeling before marriage. Attraction on the other hand is perfectly possible. This can be caused by physical beauty, admiration of the other's deen, their manners, their good behaviour etc etc Now I think the key point is that if this attraction is mutual then there is this feeling of "chemistry" between the two parties since both like what they see in each other. I would suggest though, that this feeling is merely one of mutual attraction (which after all is a good thing if you want to get married) but not "chemistry". Like I said, chemistry to me requires interaction and creating that 1+1=3 feeling between the two parties. Just my two pennies worth Wasalaam Br Khalid PS I'm not going anywhere near trying to explain physics or any other sciences that spring to mind!! ;-)

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
nehar
05/25/01 at 20:01:08
[sli] well said br.khalid. I think there must b somne chemstry.  For a happy marriage its imporatnt that both couples work at it and both love one another.  But there must b a starting point 2 this luv, weather its phyical or an unknown attration. My friend got a propsal from a guy who liked her feet!!! lol [wlm] Nehar

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Kathy
05/25/01 at 21:57:06
Hee Hee! Advice from the old married lady... There is such a thing called "chemistry".... Insha Allah you will all experience it one day!

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
PacificBreeze
05/26/01 at 00:27:16
i think ppl sometimes use that word (wrong word maybe) to mean whether they "click" with a person or not..etc...or have a good 'vibe' btwn the two....etc...not necess whether there's a phys attraction or not..

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Anonymous
05/26/01 at 23:50:09
hey all this negative talk about marriage is getting me down. Im getting married next year and its been arranged by my parents and I would like to hear from any sisters or brothers who had an arranged marriage and are now madly truely in love!!! Anyone? Come on make an old romantic smile :)

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Mahmoodah
05/27/01 at 01:12:00
salam, sis if ur not interested in this bro, then wind ur parents up, i did that to my mum wen she was talkin abt my older sis!!! man she was sooooo winded up, that she neva brought the subject up infront of me again wa-salam

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Mahmoodah
05/27/01 at 01:14:02
[quote]hey all this negative talk about marriage is getting me down. Im getting married next year and its been arranged by my parents and I would like to hear from any sisters or brothers who had an arranged marriage and are now madly truely in love!!! Anyone? Come on make an old romantic smile :)[/quote] salam, my parents were arranged, n they r really good couples!!! But its different 4 different ppl wa-salam

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
nehar
05/27/01 at 21:00:50
[quote] sis if ur not interested in this bro, then wind ur parents up, i did that to my mum wen she was talkin abt my older sis!!! man she was sooooo winded up, that she neva brought the subject up infront of me again [/quote] [slm] man, cud u imagine wat wud happen if mum knew how 2 use the net??  man, we'd b in trouble!! [wlm] Nehar

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Mahmoodah
05/28/01 at 13:35:04
salam, sis u know me well!!! i'll wind mum up if she learns how to use da net!!! wa-salam

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Anonymous
05/28/01 at 21:15:34
Assalamualaikum To the anonymous who's getting married next year in an arranged setting, yes it can definitely work out perfectly if you are both getting married for the sake of Allah. I just got married 6 months ago to someone I had *never* seen in my life. We were engaged via our parents, we did communicate with each other via email, we had seen photos as well ofcourse but b/c of us being in different continents it was just not possible for either party to make a trip just to have a look at each other before marriage. However we both did istikhara and kept feeling positive till the very end. Alhamdulillah it has worked very well so far. Of course adjusting with your husband/wife will be tough since you ARE two different individuals  with your own ideas and ways of doing things, so like in any other case, sacrifices WILL have to be made, and yes you need TONS of patience, but insha Alllah if you both have good intentions things will definitely work out insha Allah. In my experience the best and most unforgettable moment was when I first saw my husband after the rukhsathi....I mean we had NEVER seen each other before, and this was the time we were both looking our best, both extremely happy and overwhelmed...and then to finally see each other was an experience beyond words, Subhanallah. I pray every thing works out perfectly for you as well. Wassalam.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
tq
05/29/01 at 08:13:31
Assalamo elikuim Sister I have been married alhamdullah for 7 years(almost 8 in sept) and mine was totally arranged. After the engaggement my husband did visit my parents house couple of times but it was never that we too were alone and talking to each ohter only(Actually i talked more to his mom and sisters then i did to him (so now i am making up all that time and most of the time i am the only one talking ;) )). As the sister above my post wrote it can definitely work out great if both the partners are sincere and have love and fear of Allah. As in all marriages both partners have to make compromises and adjustments/understand each other's nature. SO, arranged marriages are not bad or minus romance/love ;) as the movies/media try to show (speaking from experience!!). Sister(the one who is getting married next year), Good luck and best wishes,INshallah everything will turn out great for you and your to be, Ameen Wasalam tq

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
pakiprncess
05/29/01 at 20:08:00
asalaam alaikum friends - interesting thread...very debatable, its true... i agree with saleema and zahra...that chemistry stuff is really important. if you dont feel that initial attraction to the guy, you may be making a mistake. i know in a lot of cases, girls from my culture are willing to change n bend their own wishes for their parents, since thats what theyre used to doing all thier lives....but its really important that you voice your opinion now, since youll be the one living with him, not your parents. i know they mean well, i know they wont intentionally do you harm, but if you dont feel ready, or dont feel up to what theyre asking you to do, please DONT do it. its natural to feel nervous, all of my cousins did, but not so nervous that you are doubting yourself and you "just aint interested." please give yourself, and that other someone whos laying his life before you, some credit and do think about whether you really wanna do this. bro arsalan...i think thats a personal preference, to want to know about why you were rejected. not every guy would want to know. i know my uncle did NOT want to be told that his height was a bad thing when it came to determining between two possibilities for marriage. he was really angry, since thats not something you can control. i guess it just depends...you know what they say about the truth hurting n alla that, you know? anyways, hopefully by now everythings going smoothly with anon...inshallah youll find the guy who you "just aint gonna live without!" ;) in the meantime, enjoy these times with your parents. ive heard no kid has bonded with her parents more than between now and the wedding. may Allah (SWT) always keep you happy ;) wasalaam :)

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
humble_muslim
05/30/01 at 06:05:33
AA I was listening to tapes from Bilal Phillips about this. He says a few things based on Quran and Sunnah : * Parents CAN arrange marriage for their children * Children have right to say NO * Strong emphasis in Sunnah to see prospective spouse, and find out about them, even "backbiting" is allowed in this regard * Better to find out before if there's going to be an issue than afterwards * Most important to look for is piety * Piety is NOT the only thing, if there's no attraction, this can lead to problems * Purpose of marriage is to live in peace, tranquility and love with your spouse, so if this seems unlikely before marriage, it may lead to worse things after marriage I personally feel that the Indo-Pak way of the prospective spouses not having a say is probably based on Hindu traditions, and is NOT from the Sunnah.  Yes, many marriages may work out this way, but what about the marriages that don't work out?  A bad marriage is a SERIOUS situation not only for the spouses, but for the society in general. That's not to say that parents should not get involved, especially for sisters because of the wali issue.  But involved does not mean take complete control. Of course, we'll have to see if I stick to my own guidelines when it comes to my two daughters!!!
NS

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Anonymous
06/03/01 at 22:33:48
I have talked to my father as suggested by some sisters and told him I didn't want to marry the brother he proposed. He really shouted at me and was on the verge of hitting me but allahamdulliah he didn't. Then he let the room but despite my pleas I still have to marry this brother. I have done isthara prayer. And there is no positive feeling about marying this brother. So what do I do now? Runing away has been on my mind for so long now. ns =

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
taueeya
06/04/01 at 07:13:30
Assalam-O-Alaikum,                Looks like as if Anonymous herself is not clear what exactly doesn't she like about that brother. I mean, such an important issue, one has to find out what exactly is it that u don't like in that brother and within the limits of my knowledge, there aren't many things that u look for in a person. Different people are usually particular with different things like appearance matters for some and not for others, way of communication ( i-e presentability), level of confidence, Submissiveness, Ability to create an understanding, intelligence, control of angerness and tongue, etc. etc. but of course, all these are secondary and the primary thing is being pious and religious.              My suggestion is that, Anonymous should just grab a piece of paper and pencil, and jot down the points that u are looking for in ur to-be husband, since after Allah, only she knows better, what exactly is she looking for in her to-be-husband and then u can find out what exactly does that brother lack in himself. U  then have a choice as well. Either u tell ur parents that that brother lacks such and such thing that u are looking for and simply say no to marriage OR u convey the message to that brother, where upon coming into his knowledge, maybe he can work on it and bring about the change in himself that u are looking for and finally things work up for marriage, InshaAllah.              All I believe is that we, Muslims, simply intend to do things in the right way, and it is Almighty Allah who sets the correct paths for things to happen.              Istikhara is quite an authentic and reliable thing , Alhamdulillah. Maybe , u can make this one of the reasons to deny marriage with that brother when u make sure that u are still uncertain with what exactly is there that makes u uninterested in that brother. Jazaak Allah. Wassalam.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
*sofia*
06/04/01 at 09:17:35
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh SubhanAllah, sister, I hope Allah makes things easier for you soon.  From Him comes all good, and to Him should we turn to for help. Tauseef mentioned: "All I believe is that we, Muslims, simply intend to do things in the right way, and it is Almighty Allah who sets the correct paths for things to happen" Istikhaara is a beautiful thing, in it we ask Allah to make what's right for us easy and blessed, and what's wrong for us to be taken away from us.  With sincere trust in Allah, He will give you what's right, insha'Allah, so leave it to Him.  It may be that a thing you dislike may be good for you, or it may be that Allah will take the situation away from you, wAllahu'alim.  There is no power or might except with Allah. Do you have an Imam or shaikh/shaikha you can talk to about this who may be able to speak to your parents?  I'm not sure what your exact situation is, but may Allah make it easy for you, aameen!

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
eleanor
06/04/01 at 14:07:17
slm [quote] So what do I do now? [/quote] Say no when it's Nikkah. wasalaam eleanor

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
humble_muslim
06/05/01 at 18:56:29
AA Anaon, be brave and don't give in.  This is your right as a a muslim.
NS

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
jannah
06/05/01 at 20:18:15
Get some older brothers and sisters, aunties and uncles, imam's etc.. people your father respects on your side. he is unlikely to listen to anything you say but if kther people intervene especially close family members it might help.

Re: Me [ain't interested in marriage!]
Saleema
06/06/01 at 20:35:14
[slm] Just say no. either things will get better or things will get worst. Don't run away. Where are you going to go? Can you support yourself? Can you live away from your family, not have any contact with them? Moving out should be the last option. Keep telling him that there's no way on earth that you are going to give in. That arranging a marriage will be a waste of time. If he gets abusive, get your mom to talk to him. If she gets abusive too, then move in with a relative until someone talks to your paretns and calms them down. Don't give in. It's your right. Have patience, the reward of patience will indeed be sweet. Pray constantly. Immerse yourself in prayter and reciting the Quran. Do istikhara. Turn to Allah in repentence for all minor and major sins that you may have committed, ask for His protection and His guidance. Give yourself up to Allah. Allah loves those who admit their weakness, their helpnesses before Allah, that all things are in His power. One of His Most Beautiful Attributes of Names is that he listens to the prayers of his sincere servants. How about talking to the man that your parents want you to marry? Let him know that you are not interested in him in the politest manner and that you are being pressured into marrying him, and that you would appreciate it if he would back down. You are in my prayers. [wlm] Saleema
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