Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Another leaf ... to share.... |
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| Barr |
| 05/22/01 at 10:39:36 |
| Bismillah Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullah... Hmmm... I kept on re-writing and deleting... so inshaALlah, nothing really extra-ordinary... so here goes... I think my life is quite ordinary... I was brought up going to a class on Islam every Sunday and Qur'an reading everyday... I think I was quite inclined to the deen at that time, telling myself that I would want to become a good Muslim, a person that never misses her prayers, a person who wears the hijab... basically... an overall good Muslim. When I came of age... that was what I strived to do.... I received some negative vibes and objection from some members of my family, when I started to wear the hijab at 13 - (mom wasn't that particularly happy - but she has her reasons... but alhamdulillah, she's very inclined to the deen now :)) Then, I guess, growing up took it's toll, I had so many conflicts within myself and my family... things wasn't going very well in school either (but alhamdulillah, that didn't affect my academic performance).... I began to be tempted with going out and having fun..., and though I still keep to my daily prayers and fasts... but that was all Islam was to me; unmeaningful rituals. When I reflected back, though my weekend class helped me to increase my knowledge about Islam... I guess, I failed to grasp the spirit of it... perhaps... what I learn was just by rote, what I read in the Qur'an, I don't understand... perhaps, I'm just regurgating what I hear, and expected to believe in... bottomline... I began to drift..... It was during my teenage years, that I grappled with my identity, my self esteem, and sense of being... When I was young, I was frequently teased, everything about myself... I guess, relatives can be pretty mean... they just love pulling your leg... I was teased about my height (I was tall for my age), my skin colour (I tan easily), my hair , my nose, my weight (or lack of it!)... well... practically about everything.... So, I guess, I thought being beautiful was gonna solve practically a LOT of my problems... since, if you're pretty, you'll be popular in school, receive lots of opportunities, you're cool... bla bla bla... Nevertheless, I still had fun and I was "happy"... and when I entered college (for my 'A' levels), my relationship with Allah deteriorated, and I've longed stop my Sunday classes as well as my Qur'an reading classes... Then, one day, after my BIG exams, a friend called and needed someone to come and accompany her for an usrah... an usrah? I've never heard that word before, I thought... but... being a good friend, I accompanied her... and that step... changed my life... my journey begins.... I can still remember that day... it was an afternoon in January 1995, a few days just before Ramadhan... it was hot, and I just begun to wear my hijab back again... and we were meeting a couple of sisters that I've never met before... It was on that day, that I soon realised the promise that I made to Allah.... my kalimah shahadah... it was on that day, that I truly felt what it means to me.... It was on that day, that I know, that Islam is still in my heart... and that is what, I ultimate want and need in my life.... For it was on that day, that we discussed about Surah Al-Fatihah... The Opening chapter... but to me... it opened my heart.... As I attended more usrahs and attended 2 camps on that year...I soon realised more about the Islam that I neglected, the Prophet, who was just a stranger to me, the Qur'an, that was just a book that I put high on the shelf, the Prayers, that was just meaningless words on my lips.... Alhamdulillah, Allah opened my heart... and with Islam... I learned what my REAL identity is... I learned what REAL beauty is ... for it is not the flawless skin, the beautiful hair, the women on the cover of magazines.... I learned that real and true beauty is from within... and it comes with the heart that is with Allah, the Most Beautiful.... It is those hearts that strived and sacrificed... only with the longing to be with Allah... and hence, I learned.. about da'wah.... Life has so many surprises... though I have faltered from the path before, Allah shows in many ways that He still loves me... Everytime, I think ... what if I decided never to go for the usrah... I shudder at the thought... that I'm still the ignorant, shallow, low self- esteemed girl that I was before... for I know that life would have lost it's meaning... my life would have lost it's living.... wallahua'lam "Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate (from the truth) after You have guided us, and grant us mercy from You. Truly, You are the Bestower" Surah Ali Imran 3:8 |
| Re: Another leaf ... to share.... |
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| jannah |
| 05/22/01 at 08:41:29 |
| That was nice Barr :) |
| Re: Another leaf ... to share.... |
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| Barr |
| 05/22/01 at 10:58:49 |
| Salam... :) Thanx, ukhti... ermm... just thought of adding smt... usrah in Arabic means family.... but in this context, it is like a halaqah - like a study circle, where we discuss about Islam, the Qur'an, society etc etc etc etc... and ukhuwah is usually built, between those who are in the usrah... and a platform to offer each other support and encouragement as well... |
| Re: Another leaf ... to share.... |
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| BrKhalid |
| 05/22/01 at 11:16:52 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]I learned what my REAL identity is... I learned what REAL beauty is ... for it is not the flawless skin, the beautiful hair, the women on the cover of magazines.... I learned that real and true beauty is from within... and it comes with the heart that is with Allah, the Most Beautiful....[/quote] Jazakallah khair for sharing your leaf with us Sr Barr. I'm sure there's a few more leaves out there floating in the wind.... |
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