Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| PARENTS [Am I responsible to find them even after neglect?] |
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| Anonymous |
| 05/22/01 at 22:33:00 |
| Asalamu aleikom, I do know the importance of being kind and help our parents even they are non-muslims which is the case with my parents. But my father left my mother when she had been pregnant with me and after that he never wanted to see me or do anything with me or to me. I donīt know him even if I see him on the street I canīt recognise him. My question is: Am i responsible to find him out and to let him know I am his daughter and to see if he need anything or should I just forget about him how he forgot me all those long years? PLEASE HELP! |
| Re: PARENTS [Am I responsible to find them even after neglect?] |
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| Ahlam |
| 05/23/01 at 05:31:49 |
| Assalamu Alaikum I can sympathize with you on this in a way. My parents have been divorced since I was a small child because my father was abusive. He is on is third marriage now and is becoming a christian pastor. For the past 10 or so years he has lived in the same area as me....only 30 min. away, but does he even bother with me? No! Just the same as my grandparents, he never calls just to say hi or ask me to come over. I have always had to hold up the relationship and that is not right. I feel unloved and unwanted by him. I have given up recently and will not call him again. If he calls me I will be willing to talk to him, but I know that I will be waiting many months. My advice to you is to seek out your father and try to have a relationship with him if he wants it. If he has no interest then I suggest you don't bother with it. But a relationship with your father, no matter what he has done is a special thing if it can be had. In my case, it is an impossibility. I wish you all the best in your situation. If you wish to talk further about this just send me a note. May Allah guide you and give you strength. Salam, Aimee |
| Re: PARENTS [Am I responsible to find them even after neglect?] |
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| se7en |
| 05/23/01 at 18:43:15 |
wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah, Anonymous I can't tell you what the correct thing to do is Islamically, and about what your responsibilities are to him because I honestly don't know. Maybe you can get in touch with a local imam or discuss the situation with someone in your community. I think though, you need to figure out if getting in contact with your father is something you *want* to do. I don't have a psych degree or nothin', but it seems like there's a lot of unresolved issues between you and your father... like you still feel a lot of anger towards him and that is not something that's just going to go away. As trite as it sounds, I think you need some closure, and that *might* come with speaking to him. I don't know.. it might be a good idea to pray salatul istikhara on whether you should find him out or not.. and maybe this is something you should talk over with your Mom as well.. Aimee, I don't know the situation with you and your grandfather, but it might be a good idea for you to *tell* him that you are sick of holding up the relationship. He might just have assumed that that's the nature of your relationship, that that's just the way it is between you two.. and he doesn't know you feel so strongly about it... I seriously think you should look him in the eye and tell him straight up how much he's hurt you... you don't want to cut off the relationship because of a misunderstanding or miscommunication... May Allah guide you both and give you strength. wasalaamu alaykum. |
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