Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| Magableh |
| 05/28/01 at 12:02:21 |
| Dear Brothers and Sisters, Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. This is a tough subject for me. The mom of a very dear friend of mine has lung cancer. She is an elderly woman and the doctors don't leave her much hope. All they do is give her some medication to ease her pain. What I want to know is - Is it okay for her family to keep the fact that she has cancer away from her? They feel, and I do as well, that if they tell her than she will go downhill right away. They want to let her enjoy the rest of her life, insha'Allah. Please forgive my ignorance because I am new to this Deen and am unaware of these matters. In Islam do they *have* to tell her of her condition? Are they committing a sin by not telling her? Thank you for any guidance! Wa'assalam, Serena |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| BrKhalid |
| 05/28/01 at 15:04:43 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]In Islam do they *have* to tell her of her condition? Are they committing a sin by not telling her?[/quote] I have no idea Sr Serena! But one thing I wanted to ask is what do they mean by "they want to let her enjoy the rest of her life"? I'm a bit unclear here. Does this mean they don't want to tell her she's going to die or do they just want to keep the fact that she's going to go through a lot pain to themselves? May be if we knew what intention they had for witholding the information we may have a better idea at answering the question. Wasalaam Br Khalid PS Nice to see you posting Sr Serena |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| Magableh |
| 05/28/01 at 16:16:54 |
| Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer and they told him, and he passed away within a month. They're afraid that she will also give up and not fight. As far as pain goes, she already has alot of pain from a kidney infection and diabetes. She's not afraid to die, she's had a long, very happy life. They want it to remain that way. Atleast as much as possible. My friend is in Jordan now, seeing her, and he called me last night and said that when he was talking with her he *casually* mentioned cancer. Not saying she had it...just mentioning it in general. He said she started to panic at just hearing the word. (because of her husband) He feels like it would be in her best interest not to tell her. But he doesn't know the Islamic ruling on it. Sorry for the short responses but I'm in a rush..if you need more details just let me know...I'll be back later! :) Wa'assalam, Serena |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| MMohammad |
| 05/28/01 at 17:29:26 |
| Salaam, It depends on the persons strength and personality, but I wouldn't tell. It might just depress the person even more and as a result she might pass away earlier than expected. My friends told their mom (by mistake) and she was so depressed that she starved herself to death. She didn't mean to but it just happens. I don't think its a sin because everyone knows they will die sooner or later and it'll do no good anyways. InshaAllah I'll ask my local Imam and get some daleel (proof) for you. WS MMohammad PS: People have recovered from cancer. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| chachi |
| 05/28/01 at 20:16:12 |
if the person is able to do something about the disease eg read study and try to improve their chances then yes tell otherwise no |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 05/28/01 at 20:59:42 |
| I don't think we should answer this question with our opinions since it is such a delicate situation. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jehad |
| 05/29/01 at 12:33:31 |
| you know her better then us, so you and her family know what is best. any way, i can't see why any one will want to tell her, best to let her enjoy what little time she has left. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jehad |
| 05/29/01 at 12:41:44 |
| a friend of mine has a female relative who has canser. they have not told her, she has had both her breasts removed and the drugs mean she has no hair. we all know about placebo. What people need to think about before they tell is, the effect of the information. only the people who know the person at hand would be able to determine the effect of the information on that individual. we need to respect what the family have decided, they know the person and the circumstances better then us. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 05/29/01 at 12:49:55 |
| again, lying is a major sin in islam, whether or not this situation warrants it is a judgement for an aalim to make not us weighing the pros and cons of what we think. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jehad |
| 05/29/01 at 13:07:45 |
| I am not saying lie. I am talking about not volunteering information. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 05/29/01 at 13:37:05 |
| What's the difference? |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jehad |
| 05/29/01 at 14:16:02 |
Jannah! I cant believe you asked me that. How shale I explain, hmmmmmmmmmm. There is a big difference. There is lodes of stuff people don't tell each other. I am not telling you how old my Mum is, that does not mean I am lying about it. I am not volunteering that information. You may or may not want to know this information, it is irrelevant to me not telling you. If you know that some one is ill, you can tell them, or you might chose not to. It is up to you. Choosing not to is not lying, lying is telling some one some thing that is not true. There are certain times when it is lawful to lie, such as confusing the enemy and saying nice things to your wife(i.e. telling her she is really pretty, and she is ugly). But that is irrelevant to what I have said above, as not telling some one something is completely different to lying to them. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 05/29/01 at 14:43:46 |
| jehad, i would say not giving someone vital information is the same as lying.. there is a very fine line there. someone does not have to ask you a direct question and you completly say the opposite to be a lie. You can wander all around any question ..people in this country call these "little white lies" as if there are different kinds of lies that are "ok". so you're saying that's not lying? we're not even allowed to lie to our children to give them medicine they don't like...it doesn't make sense that there are grades of lying. exceptions like you mentioned are specified exceptions mentioned explicitly in the quran and sunnah. again to the original poster, please seek an aalim, this is not a light question. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| Spring |
| 05/30/01 at 18:31:22 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum It is definetely a very tricky situation. I can tell you what we were taught during our medical education in the UK. We were taught that it is the doctor's duty to inform the patient of their illness. If the family of the patient are reluctant to do this then they should be encouraged to. It is seen as part of the patients right to their own autonomy, to inform them. And although sometimes relatives may argue thata patient may give up, once they are told that they have a life-limiting illness, this may not be the case. We were taught that patients need to go through a sort of grieving process, and have the chance to close things in their life. A chance to say goodbye etc. One way to apprach situations like this is just to ask the person, how much would you like to know about whats going on. Do you want to know the full details. If you are seriously ill, would you like to know. Often, when patients are not informed that they have a life-limiting illness, they already know, anyway. They can tell by the way they are treated. It is obviously a dificult topic discuss, but the whole family will be going through a difficult time at present, perhaps being able to prepare for the future and pray together could help the whole family. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| chachi |
| 05/30/01 at 21:03:26 |
| jannah NO thats not a decision for an aalim to make there are certain situations where you are permitted to lie one being to reconcile 2 muslims or keep your spouse happy can we stop this tendency of confusing shariah with fiqh? remember the quran is the adab of allah swt the sunnah is the adab of the prophet pbuh the shariah is the adab of the ummah note stuff below is not related to what jannah said directly there seems to be this tendency of using the fiqh to avoid the shariah and this manifests itself in some interesting ways eg taleban bashing it seems to have appeared with people like muhammed abduh and some muslim apologists philosophy was killed by ghazzali we hear and we obey not we'll discuss it and then see whether it is 'rational' |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| Kashif |
| 05/30/01 at 21:11:48 |
| assalaamu alaikum This reminds me of a slightly similar situation a few years back. I went with a Norwegian man to London's Central mosque and he told the Imam that if he were to take the shahadah and his elderly mother found out about it, it could have an adverse effect on her health. From what i remember, the Imam told him not to tell her directly in case it had some effect on her health, but at the same time to make use of good opportunities to give her da'wah. Kashif Wa Salaam |
| NS |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| jannah |
| 05/30/01 at 22:15:58 |
[quote] jannah NO thats not a decision for an aalim to make there are certain situations where you are permitted to lie [/quote] True there are 3 known situations where it is permitted. But since the situation written above does NOT have any precedent it is not your right, nor mine, nor anyone on this board to say that it is OK. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| BroHanif |
| 05/31/01 at 19:00:56 |
| A.W.W. Hope your alright Sis and in a good condition of health and Iman. I spoke to your situation to my scholar and he said some interesting things, the first thing is that it depends upon your familys circumstances and how the individual might take it. Secondly, if it is a disease like cancer, you'll have to pop into the hospital to and fro as its not a disease that can be treated easily with Paracetamol. The problem is if you don't tell her now, she might find out from the other patients when you go to the hospital for your appointments and check ups. To me this would sound very serious and upsetting if my family members didn't tell me that I had cancer. Thirdly, when you tell a person about the Illness, sometimes it has the effect that the person does more taubah and seeks forgiveness from Allah most high. Today in class we had a talk on Surah AN-NASHR (110). When this surah was reveled to our beloved prophet saws, it meant that the misson of our prophet saws was accomplished and he was soon to pass away, people were entering into Islam at that time upon thousands, Makkah was conquered and upon this the prophet prayed much astagfar i.e. asking/dua for repentance. In short this may have an effect on an individual when they are told that they have a certain illness and only have a limited time to live, so they do more worshipping, crying and asking for forgivness from Allah. Shiekh also said that even though the doctors tell you that you have only got a limited lifeline, even then patients bypass that time and live well beyond it. Anyway these are my thoughts and above all, all diseases are curable, Surah fatihah is a great source of blessing. Give her ZamZam to drink as it is blessed and can cure disease as well. However, ask your friends mom to make dua for me, you and all the muslims in the world, your friends mom is getting her sins wiped as well. Who knows she might have done something wrong in this life so Allah most high is giving her the pain in this life, the sins are being wiped, so she won't have to clean herself by going to Hell, this sounds like a one way ticket to Jannah(insha-allah). May Allah make it easy for you, your friends family and all those people in the world who are sick. May Allah give them a quick recovery or give them the honour of a Shaheed. |
| Re: Cancer - do you tell them? |
|---|
| Magableh |
| 06/02/01 at 22:47:48 |
| Dear Brothers and Sisters, Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Please forgive me for the delay in getting back to the board. My friend and his family have opted *not* to tell her of the cancer. She is an elderly woman in her '80's. Right now she is in the hospital in critical condition and the doctors say that it doesn't look good. She spends her days and nights in prayer asking for forgiveness and she is already telling her family that *this is it*, that she's dying. Her family is trying to keep the atmosphere around her as pleasant as they can, but she has started to say her *good-byes* to everyone. Please, if you can, say a du'a for her and her family in these difficult times. :( Wa'assalam, Serena |
Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.The rest © Jannah.Org |