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love & marry non muslim man
Anonymous
06/07/01 at 12:08:47
hi, i'm a muslim girl who live in u.s.a. i have been datting an american christain guy since i was 16 years old. now i'm 23 years old and we are still toghter. we graduate toghter in college and our love grow stronger everyday. he respect me and my religion and he never does something bad to hurt my feelings. yesterday he asked me to marry him and ofcourse i was happy but i asked him which way he want us to be marry with. he said he want marry me with islam way. my dad & mom don't agree on this marriage but see i love this man so mush that really want him to be my husband. please if you reading this give me your opinion, i'm really confuse and remember this love story that migt change my world for good. thank you for your carring

Re: love & marry non muslim man
jannah
06/07/01 at 12:13:05
salam anonymous:) i am happy that you found someone to love, but i have to ask you how much do you really love him? because if you realllly love him you want the best for him right? in this world and the hereafter.... so please try to help him understand islam first, inshaAllah he'll see the beauty of islam and will become muslim.  this will help your parents to see that he is genuine and sincere. it will also help your marriage because you will have the same goals in life.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
codliveroil
06/07/01 at 12:59:33
when I read your post I decided not to reply, else every one would jump down my thrkat. but I decided to. before I talk about what you asked I need to ask you one question. why are you Muslim? Islam is not a race. every one is born Muslim, whether they have Muslim, Christian or even idol worshipping cannibal parents. what happens is as we go older we start dumping our good fitra of Islam that Allah has created us with and adopting corruption from our parents and society. that's how people become none Muslim. labelling your self Muslim is not enough to be Muslim. you have to believe it is the truth and except it as your way of life. first thing I would ask you to do before you do anything else, is learn about how we know Islam is the truth. it is clearly the truth. any one who checks it to see if it is true or not, learns that it is the truth, whether they become Muslim or not. I said except it as your way of life as well as believing in it, as every one who knows about Islam knows it is the truth. but a lot of people are to arrogant to be Muslim. Because Allah has said some things are bad and others are good, and that person thinks Allah is wrong, and he a created thing is right. Satan done this, that's why he is a kaffar. Allah told him to bow to Adam, but Satan said "why should I bow to him, you created me from fire and him from clay, I am better then him" so  Satan became a kaffar. even thought Satan still  knew Allah existed. To be a Muslim you have to believe in Islam and except Islam as your way of life. now I will answer what you asked. In this present shariah that has been revealed to the last prophet THERE IS NO MARRAGE BETWEEN A MUSLIM WOMEN AND A NON MUSLIM MAN. you asked what we think. as we are Muslims, we don't make laws up for our selves. when Allah has made some thing harram, we don't make it hallal. the religion of Moses, was Islam. but the Jews changed what they didn't like about their religion, so they are disbeliveers. except a few of them who followed Allah's prophet Jesus, and left the bidah that the Jews added to their religion. so among the Jews the only Muslims left were the Christians, and then they started changing what   Allah had said to them. Allah sent everyone the final prophet. some followed him, the ones who didn't became disbeliveers. if we regard anything that Allah has told us as being wrong, we are no different from the people before us who became disbeliveers. we will be just like the Jews and Christians, who refuse to go back to the true religion of the people they claim to follow. This is my own question to you, just curios. Didn't your parents teach you about the rules of Islam, or how we know we are Muslim. Cause from other parts of your message that I have decided not to go in to, it looks as though you have very little knowledge about this? It is very important every one learns about the religion they claim to belong to.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
bhaloo
06/07/01 at 13:05:18
slm Anonymous, Anonymous, I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not, but in Islam, a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim, and this maybe the reason why your parents have an objection to the matter.  Also, Muslims aren't supposed to be dating (going out alone with members of the opposite sex).  Since you have been going out with this person for 7 years, understandably strong feelings have developed between you two, and if you were separated it maybe difficult for you.  Islam wants to protect us from situations such as these from happening, and to me it makes sense why there are rules in place to avoid this heartbreak from happening. This man needs to learn about Islam and then accept it.  Once this happens and his intentions are sincere about this, then there should be no objection your parents have. May Allah (SWT) guide him to the truth.  Pray to Allah (SWT) and seek His mercy and forgiveness.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
chachi
06/07/01 at 14:15:21
Short answer   You CAN marry if he's muslim   You CAN'T if he's non-muslim   Full Stop / Period

Re: love & marry non muslim man
nehar
06/07/01 at 20:23:40
[quote] Short answer   You CAN marry if he's muslim   You CAN'T if he's non-muslim   Full Stop / Period[/quote] [slm] well sed chachi. Its important 2 consider ur children 2, if the father is not a practinsg muslim, the children tend 2 follow. Chiledren inherit their fathers name, not mothers.  Having a non muslim father will encourage them 2 go in his direction. I say if he understands islam and agees with it, and also revert, then do an istikhara and c if he is right 4 u.  Our emotions often are not wat we think they r, it is often the satan messing about, u have 2 b careful and think twice. [wlm] Nehar

Re: love & marry non muslim man
momineqbal
06/07/01 at 21:20:37
[slm], I have a question here. If you see someone drowning in the river, what are you supposed to do? Stand at the bank of the river and shout the loudest you can, about how someone, who doesn't know swimming should not have gone into the river? No, you don't do that. Your voice will not reach that person (sound travles very poorly inside water!) and eventually you will manage to become witness of the drowning. Thats all I had to say. Wassalam

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Nazia
06/08/01 at 02:02:20
slm, Interesting post momin.  There are many tenets that are very clear in Islam--yet the way one teaches these tenets has to vary according to the person being taught.  For example, we may tell a young boy, innocent to ways of the world, that dating is clearly haram, end of story.  However, to a person already caught up in the act, we may still say, "dating is haram, end of story", but we'd be wise to add the clause, "so here's how you take care of the situation..."  It seems like many times, Muslims associate being polite with watering down of tenets, justifications of the haram, and belittling the clear wisdom of Allah (SWT).  This is obviously a very flawed view point. Back to the original post, Sister, you made an interesting comment in your original post that really made me think. [quote]he respect me and my religion[/quote] If this is true, then your problem, Alhamdulillah, is solved :)  To respect a Muslim sister and her religion would mean that this man would want to do everything to help her to strive in the way of Allah.  He would not want her to belittle or change her beliefs simply for a worldly pleasure.  Rather true respect would mean that he would understand the rules of Islam and accept them.  You are a Muslim, so you know that we view life as a test.  Allah (SWT) makes us face both pleasure and adversity during this test.  During the pleasure part, we often overlook the blessings of Allah, losing ourselves in our happiness, and bliss.  Then when adversity hits, all the sudden the thought of Allah (SWT) comes rushing back to us, hitting us with such a force, that we are often left disillusioned.  Right now, you are being faced with a big adversity.  None of us are in your situation, so it is incredibly easy for us to say and mean, from the bottom of our hearts, that you should end it with this man as he is not Muslim.  Mind you, we would each be correct in making this assertion, because we truly do not want to lose you from this beautiful path of Islam.  However, telling you something you probably already know is not where our job ends.  You see, you say that you love this man, and for the sake of this post, I'll assume it to be true.  However, take the amount of love you have for this person and multiply it by 10, or a 100, or 1000---and this should be the amount of love we have for our religion, and our Creator--Allah, the Most Wise, the Most Beneficient.  A love so strong, that *nothing* can stop you from trying to gain His love and blessings.  If you can understand this, and he can respect your deen--your Islam, then he will know that the only option he has is to prove this so called respect he has.  He would stop dating you for your sake, and he would study Islam, he would learn of its beauty, he would learn the duties of a Muslim husband, and [i]Insha'Allah[/i] with the guidance of our Supreme Creator, he would accept Islam--not because of you, but because of the beauty he saw when he simply opened his eyes to the truth.  You see, you are a Muslima--a jewel, and only a man wise enough to accept the beauty of Islam, and humble enough to submit to our Lord deserves your love and companionship.  Remember, this life is a test, and one day, Insha'Allah, it will be graded.  You don't want to make a mistake in the beginning that causes the rest of your answers to be wrong. I sincerely hope that you make your decision based upon your duty to Allah and His religion, and that we all remain under the guidance and protection of Allah (SWT) in this life and in the hereafter. Ameen. Take Care, Wassalam, Nazia

Re: love & marry non muslim man
momineqbal
06/08/01 at 02:19:33
[slm], Jazak Allah khair Sr. Nazia. You summed it up very well mashaAllah. I hope this sister will benefit from your post inshaAllah. Wassalam

Re: love & marry non muslim man
humble_muslim
06/08/01 at 05:22:28
AA I have one question for you Sister Anonymous.  Do you avoid haram meat such as pork ?
NS

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Shakira
06/08/01 at 08:56:43
This is one of those things that men have a advantage.  If they so happen to fall in love with someone who is Catholic or Jewish they can still marry her.  As opposed to woman, who is to marry only a Muslim man. I do think that sometimes it can happen where someone falls in love with a person different from themselves. As far as dating.  We know that it is wrong.  But I think that if a couple meet at work, school or what ever and they get to know each other as co-workers or school mates, and want to get to know each other more, there is nothing wrong with doing it a appropriate fashion.  When I say that I mean, a man coming to see the girl at her parents house, having dinner with the family, go to a picnic with the family.  This way they get to know each other in family settings, they are not left alone.  Sort of like back in the day, when ladies had gentlemen callers.  It was needed to ask her parents first if he could come and "call" on the daughter. ;D

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Ahlam
06/08/01 at 09:37:38
Assalamu Aliakum Sister, I can somewhat understand what you are going through.  I was dating a man for almost 2 years and was in love with him.  He was born muslim, but didn't lead a muslim life.  He didn't object to my being muslim, but once I came to Islam I wanted nothing, but for him to accept it too.  I wanted him to love Allah as much as I do, but he just turned the other way.  If you love this man so much, wouldn't you want the best for him?  The best being a life of serving Allah.....wouldn't this feeling burn deep within you every second of the day?  This is how I felt and that is why I could no longer be with my love.  It caused me great pain to give him up, but I know that Allah will replace him with someone better.  I hope that you really think things through, but I also hope that you don't get hurt.  May Allah lead you to the right choice no matter what it is.   Fe Aman Allah, Aimee

Re: love & marry non muslim man
humble_muslim
06/08/01 at 10:03:17
AA Moderators, I thought calling someone a kaafir was not allowed on this board. Sister Ahlam, my Allah SWT bless you for your wise words and your beautiful example. As for muslim men marrying non-muslim women, this is not as open as balck and white.  For example, this is not recommedned in a place where the muslims are in a minority.
NS

Re: love & marry non muslim man
kiwi25
06/08/01 at 12:25:31
salaam, shakira, thats a good post but lets get it straight here that if ur a muslim women interested in a non muslim, it wouldnt exaclty be the wisest thing to bring him to picnics etc because he may still not become muslim and the muslim woman is just going to end up falling even more in luv and then u have a big mess, my best approach to this would be to have a muslim brother, or your father, teach him us much about islam as possible and if he excepts takbir 3x, if he doesnt then according to islam there can be no future between u, anon - inshallah things will work out between you, this man and ur parents, wasalaam nouha:)

Re: love & marry non muslim man
admin
06/08/01 at 16:47:46
Moderator's NOTE: The last few posts in this thread have been removed. This is not a fiqh board. We are not discussing who is kaffir and who is not. Period/ Full Stop.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Anonymous
06/09/01 at 23:16:38
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allah, I guess I must be really old or living too long out of the U.S.  I find it amazing that someone can graduate from college with all those English spelling and grammar mistakes.  Times have changed, I guess. Anyway, I think this is a good chance to practice da'wah.  So far, in my humble opinion, the gold medal goes to Nazia. She was kind, gentle, and did not water down the religion in the least.  May Allah reward her.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Anonymous
06/09/01 at 23:17:50
ASSALMO ALIKUM EVERYBODY, I'M THE GIRL WHO POSTED HER PROMBLEM LAST WEEK THE TITLE WAS LOVE & MARRY NON MUSLIM MAN. WELL I GOT MARRIED YESTERDAY AND YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW I KNOW THE LOVE CAN DO MIRACLES. THE DAY I WROTE THE I POSTED MY PROMBLEM HE CALLED ME AND SAID " I LOVE YOU AND I WANT BE YOUR HUSBAND AND I WANT TO BE A MUSLIM AND CAN I SPEACK TO YOUR DADY." SO THEY TALKED ON THE PHONE AND MY TOLD ME THAT HE SAID I CAN MARRY HIM. RIGHT NOW MY DAD AND ME WE'RE HELPING HIM TO LEARN ABOUT HIS NEW RELIGION. HE DIDN'T STILL CHANGE HIS NAME BUT WE HAVE TO GO TO SHEIQ TO ASK HIM IF THAT IS OK. I WANT TO THANK SOMEPEOPLE WHO WROTE A WONDERFUL POSTINGS ON MY LAST POSTING, I BELIEVE THEY WERE LADIES SO THANK YOU AND YOU CHANGE MY LIFE AND SOMEPEOPLE WHO WROTE SOMETHING THAT MAKES BE SAD BECAUSE OF THERE STUPID WORDS WELL ANYWAY I WASN'T INTERSTED IN YOUR POSTINGS. FOR THOSE WHO PRAY FOR ME WELL ALLAH ANSWER YOUR PRAYS AND THANK YOU AGAIN.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
momineqbal
06/10/01 at 00:30:09
Allahu Akbar! Congratulations sister. Indeed its a wonderful news. I am sure all of us here are very very happy for you. Wassalam

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Yusuf
06/10/01 at 14:17:15
AND SOMEPEOPLE WHO WROTE SOMETHING THAT MAKES BE SAD BECAUSE OF THERE STUPID WORDS WELL ANYWAY I WASN'T INTERSTED IN YOUR POSTINGS. ---- As salaamu alaikum, I assume you're talking about me since it was my postings that were removed. I didn't say anything "stupid," I only said it is haraam for a non-Muslim man to marry a Muslim woman. This is Islamic law, nothing stupid about this. As far as your new husband, I am happy for both of you and welcome him to this wonderful deen. Please understand I wasn't trying to sadden you, I was only telling you the Islamic ruling. All is well though now that he has embraced Islam. Sister, it is important we don't misunderstand eachother and in effect harm eachother emotionally or physically. May Allah guide us all and bless you and your husband. Amin.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Spring
06/10/01 at 15:20:43
Assalamu 'alaikum sister, Congratulations!! SubhanAllah, Allah (swt) causes the most amazing things to happen. May He bless your union and make it full of mercy and peace. May He guide you both always. And grant you a place in His Jannah. Ameen.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
codliveroil
06/10/01 at 15:25:05
Just make sure you teach him , how we know islam is the truth, and make sure he understands, and while your at it, make sure you understand too.

Re: love & marry non muslim man
Spring
06/11/01 at 08:19:39
Assalamu 'alaikum sister, Perhaps this is an opportunity for you to revive your own belief in Islam, as you teach your husband what Islam is all about.
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