Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| to love, honor, & obey? |
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| se7en |
| 06/09/01 at 15:25:18 |
| as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah, this is awesome y'all.. check it.. written by sa'dullah khan [i]Q. I am newly married and have been told that, Islamically, I must obey the will of my husband. Is that true?[/i] [color=black] Islam is a liberating religion that has uplifted the status of women and given them rights considered revolutionary 1,400 years ago. In spite of this founding spirit, Muslim practices today often oppress women and deny them the equality and human dignity granted in the Qur’an. When Allah mentions marriage or the relationship between husband and wife in the Qur’an, He describes it as one of love, mercy, and harmony between two human beings who have entered into a mutual contract. For example, "And among His wonders is that He created for you mates out of your own kind, so that you may incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you; in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think" (Q 20:21). And, "It is He who has created you out of one entity, so that one might incline [with love] towards the other" (Q 7:189). According to the Qur’an, the relationship between a husband and wife should be one of love, mercy, and mutual understanding. Allah instructs men on how to treat their wives. "And consort with your wives in a goodly manner, for if you dislike something about them, it may be well that you dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good" (Q: 4:19). The Qur’an speaks of the intimate and close relationship of the spouses in these words: "They are like garments unto you as you are like garments unto them” (Q 2:187). By using the image of garments this verse explains two basic facts. First, dress is considered one of the most fundamental needs of human beings. Second, dress covers the nakedness of human beings, hiding those parts which are to be kept hidden. Every person has his or her weakness and frailty and does not want them to be disclosed to others. The two sexes work together, therefore, not only to cover each other’s weaknesses and frailties, but to make up for each other’s deficiencies. Men are told to be generous in their treatment of women, especially when the relations between the two are strained. Surah (the chapter) al-Baqarah refers to this in these words: "And do not forget liberality between yourselves” (Q 2:237). Even in divorce, men are to be fair,Ma’ruf, to their wives. We read these words also in surah al-Bawarah: "When you divorce women, and they fulfill the terms of their waiting ('iddah), either take them back honorably on equitable terms or set them free with kindness and goodness" (Q 2:229). It is through the institution of marriage that true expression is given to what the Qur’an refers to as "love and mercy" (Q 30:21) between men and women. "Be you male or female, you are members of one another" (Q 3:195), and "men and women are protectors, one of another" (Q 9:71). The Qur’an does not order women to slavishly obey their husbands. It says good women are qanitat or have qanut (fulfill their obligations in obedience to God's commands). Qanut is used for both women and men (3:17, 3:35) and non-humans (39:9, 2:117). Qanut does not refer to the obedience of a wife to a husband or of any human to another. It refers to the spirit of humility before Allah. When the verse goes on to say "if they obey you," the Qur’an uses the term ta’a, which means for one human to follow the orders of another, referring not just to women obeying men but also men following the orders of women (4:59). Ta’a is not used here in the command form for women, rather the Qur’an places a firm admonishment on men. "If they pay you heed ," the males are commanded "not to seek a way against [the women])." "If they obey you" does not mean women have an obligation to slavishly obey men. Nor does it mean that if a woman disobeys, a husband can beat her. The focus is on the responsibility of men to treat women fairly, especially when women follow their suggestions. There is also the following from the hadith--which are the records of the saying and doings of the Prophet (pbuh) and the second source of Muslim law and practice--from the Prophet on the rights of a wife: A person asked the Messenger of Allah, "What rights does the wife of one among us have over him?" His answer was, "It is that you shall give her food, you shall not slap her on the face, nor revile her, nor leave her alone except within the house" (Ahmad, Abu Da’ud, Ibn Majah). This implies provision, residence, respect and security. The demeanor of the Messenger (pbuh) toward women, his attitude toward conflict resolution among couples, his exemplary treatment of his wives, his practice of gender-neutral consultation, his abhorrence of violence toward women, his love for all, and his persistent efforts to alleviate the human condition all bring us to the conclusion that he wanted to usher in dignity and equality. [/color] |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| Lisha |
| 06/09/01 at 15:28:49 |
| {slm} :) This is v. well written, mash'allah:-) Take care, w'salaam |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| Laboogie |
| 06/10/01 at 11:22:13 |
| [slm] Se7en I have to agree with lisha that is was well written. Its about time...you need to send this article to a few( you know what Im saying *cough, cough*). I get sick and tired when ppl (men and women) talk about what I need to do to my husband , how a husband needs to be treated, how to be the best wife...uhmm like what happened to the other half??? I thought that marriage was a bound within two ppl not one...we tend to forget about what the HUSBAND needs to do for his wife, how a WIFE needs to be treated, how to be the best husband....and let me say that being a GOOD husband is not just about being the provider, ok... Sorry if I sound a bit bitter but I'm sick and tired of hearing sisters and brothers say "yeah I want a wife(or a want to be a wife )who is obedient , who honors me, etc...brother pleeeeeeeeeaseeeeeee |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| Shakira |
| 06/10/01 at 23:43:32 |
| I too hate this "obey" thing. "I want a woman who will obey me", "I am the man so you have to obey" -- yada yada yada. I think when a couple has mutual respect for one another, then they will be happier, and prosper together. I am so thankful that my husband and I see each other no only has husband and wife, but as best friends. We rely on each other for so much. If we can not talk to each other, then who could we talk to. Of course every marriage has its ups and downs, and together a couple should work at both the good times and bad. I don't think one can be selfish in a marriage. :) |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| meraj |
| 06/10/01 at 23:46:48 |
| slm, i agree.. very well written mashallah :) this might be of some relevance: http://www.islamway.com/eng/html/article.php?sid=89&mode=thread&order=0 oh and btw.. im still looking for that artice written by Muhammad Alshareef.. the one about the relationship beteewn a husband and wife.. it was psted here a long time ago but i cant find it.. it was an aweosme article mashallah :).. if anyone has it, PLEASE POST IT!!! jazakallahu khair :) |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| jannah |
| 06/10/01 at 23:52:48 |
| wlm, meraj you seem awfully desperate to find that marriage article.. anything we should know about there??? j/k ;) if m.shareef wrote it it's gotta be on his hp check it out... his current hp is in his profile.. |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| meraj |
| 06/11/01 at 00:22:03 |
| slm, haha.. no nothing to hide.. i just though it was a good article ;-D homepage listed in his profile, eh? um.. what is his username ??? |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| se7en |
| 07/19/01 at 12:23:16 |
His user name is [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=media&action=viewprofile&username=Madani]Madani[/url]. |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| Fatoosh |
| 07/22/01 at 20:28:29 |
| Assalaamu Alaikum Se7en, where did you find this? Fatoosh |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| se7en |
| 07/23/01 at 00:18:24 |
| wa alaykum as salaam wa rahmatAllah, Hmm. It was a while back so I can't be sure, but I think I found it surfing on [url=http://beliefnet.com/]beliefnet[/url]. |
| Re: to love, honor, & obey? |
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| bhaloo |
| 07/23/01 at 08:44:23 |
| slm Sadullah Khan is the imam at the Los Angeles mosque on Vermont. He recently came out here after coming from South Africa. |
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