Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| How long should you wait? |
|---|
| BrKhalid |
| 06/20/01 at 07:11:06 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) A question for all the brothers out there, both married and unmarried. How long do you think you should wait between proposing to a sister and having the nikah performed? What factors would affect your decision? |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| humble_muslim |
| 06/20/01 at 08:48:52 |
| AA Why wait ? Once the offer is accepted, is there any Islamically valid reason to wait ? |
| NS |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| BrKhalid |
| 06/20/01 at 09:18:34 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]Why wait ? Once the offer is accepted, is there any Islamically valid reason to wait ? [/quote] Okay if that's your opinion then, how long should you wait? Gimme some numbers ;-) |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| Arsalan |
| 06/20/01 at 13:21:37 |
| [slm] It depends on situations BrKhalid. Personally, my definition of "engagement" or "proposing to the sister" includes setting the date of the nikaah! So ideally, after the acceptance from both sides about the proposal, nikaah should be just around the corner (however long it takes to prepare for the marriage ... a couple of months at max, maybe?) I should also mention here that I believe strongly in doing all the research work about the future spouse *before* the proposal, not after it. So this is why no long gap is necessary, for me, between the proposal/engagement and nikaah. Usually people want that gap to find out more about the other party. Wallahu a'lam. |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| nehar |
| 06/21/01 at 16:41:02 |
| [slm] [quote]A question for all the brothers out there, both married and unmarried.[/quote] why ask brothers?? any ways, i dont care, im still giving my views. i say if u have found the right person, done istikhara, proposed and been accepted, y wait?? get nikah done straight away cuz getting married is half your faith, get the duty out of the way and done with. i say after propsing a few weeks, maximum 6 months. i suppose factors like can i support her r important, and i cant think of any other factor, lol [wlm] Nehar |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| nehar |
| 06/21/01 at 16:37:26 |
| [slm] just thought of another factor, can Nehar come or not, cuz if i cant, i say u leave it 4 another date. [wlm] |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| Barr |
| 06/22/01 at 09:45:58 |
| Assalamu'alaikum! Yes, ukhti! let's gate-crash! :-) I was hoping some sister would start gate crashing first! :) [quote]i say after proposing a few weeks, maximum 6 months.[/quote] I'm not sure abt the few weeks... but yes.. max 6 months... But that is what we want... These, however, sometimes have minds of their own that takes a grip of that maximum 6 months and tries to change it to years!!! => parents, finance, location, cirumstances and the wedding itself! My 2 cents: It seems that the common denominator that is within our sphere of influence is *deng deng deng* The Parents. Maybe, we can start early... prepare our parents about what sort of wedding as well as our views on marriage and our future partner are, even b4 we found the right person we wanna be married to... test the ground and prepare... and when the time is right and the person comes along... STRIKE! and of course, with loads of buckets of hikmah (wisdom) and some give and take... and inshaALlah... a balanced decision... yours, your future partner's and the parents'.... And if there's any delay... than, inshaAllah, it'll be of reasons that are for the best.... This is not a fool proof plan. But it helps. Trust me. Tried and tested. InshaALlah khair. Anyone with other ideas... pls do share, inshaALlah :) Wallahua'lam P.S. Some sabr would help a lot too ;) |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| Mahmoodah |
| 06/23/01 at 19:50:24 |
[quote] why ask brothers?? any ways, i dont care, im still giving my views. [/quote] salam i hav to agree!! Y, Y, Y just bro's??? i think if u wanna marry, then don't wait at all!!! just go n get married!!! wa-salam |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| se7en |
| 06/24/01 at 20:18:15 |
[quote]I should also mention here that I believe strongly in doing all the research work about the future spouse *before* the proposal, not after it[/quote] How would you do that? A brother/sister's friends won't be open about a persons faults and weaknesses unless they know you've proposed.. |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| Arsalan |
| 06/24/01 at 20:26:42 |
| [slm] [quote]A brother/sister's friends won't be open about a persons faults and weaknesses unless they know you've proposed.. [/quote] Why? If I tell them that I am seriously considering proposing for this sister, why won't they open up? Isn't it an obligation on them, in this case, to be open and frank about her to me? Why in the world would I propose to a sister without having talked to her close acquaintances about her strengths and weaknesses?? |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| se7en |
| 06/24/01 at 20:51:41 |
| if a brother came to me and said, "yo I'm interested in this friend of yours, tell me about her weaknesses" the first thing I would do is make sure she's interested in him. if she's not, what's the point of the bro going through all this trouble to find out about her defeciencies? I dunno.. I guess you're right.. you definitely need to know some things about the brother/sister before proposing.. but I just wouldn't feel comfortable with letting him know details about her, or about specific incidences or certain things I was entrusted with.. |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| Barr |
| 06/25/01 at 07:09:04 |
| Assalamu'alaikum :-) Hmmm... how about this... I would agree with Br Arsalan on this... Investigate b4 proposal. But some period of time for engagement would be good for assurance for both sides. Hmm, actually, come to think of it. Once U've done all your investigations etc... and U know in your heart, for defo that this is the woman U wanna marry... Y else would U wanna wait? Maybe, on the sister's side... well... she does have to consider to consider this brother... then.. to consider marrying this brother... and if she already considered that this is the brother she wants to marry... hmm, yeah.. Br Arsalan's right... why wait? (well, apart from factors, I mentioned above...) yep, Y wait? unless... wallahua'lam |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| BrKhalid |
| 06/25/01 at 11:01:38 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]Usually people want that gap to find out more about the other party[/quote] I would say that was very true. Certainly doing your detailed research *after* proposing seems an odd strategy. Apologies to the sisters. Feel free to contribute ;-) |
| Re: How long should you wait? |
|---|
| amatullah |
| 06/27/01 at 13:37:48 |
| Bismillah and salam, For me personally, i think it is good to sit with each other and ask your questions (public) and then to pray istikhara. You keep going if it is bad Allah will stop it. If it is good insha'Allah go ahead and set a date. We did nikah papers and I stayed two weeks at my family's home before moving for practical reasons but to tell you the truth those two weeks were the best masha'Allah. It made me more comfortable around him and not so scared. And generaly they were days of romance, poetry and silly stuff which the marriage naturally will lacks later so take it while you can hahhaa. |
Individual posts do not necessarily reflect the views of Jannah.org, Islam, or all Muslims. All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective owners. Comments are owned by the poster and may not be used without consent of the author.The rest © Jannah.Org |