Looking for some advice

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Looking for some advice
talib
06/24/01 at 13:31:16
Yesterday was a day that I'd been sort of dreading since I became a muslim around a month ago.  It was one of my best friend's birthday and of course he wanted to go out and celebrate.  To make a long story short, we went to a club, which I was extremely uncomfortable with, but I ended up engaging in some activities (drinking, eying women dressed in next to nothing, etc.) that I'd been trying to stay away from.  My need to repent is obvious (I plan to do that as soon as possible), but my question is how do I tell my non-muslim friends that I can't do these things anymore when I'm not really a serious person around them.  My attitude has always been to keep things light, but now I don't know if I can pull this off with my usual funny style and grace.  I really hate being serious about things, but my outcome on Judgement Day is a serious matter.  Anyone have any advice to offer?  I could use it now more than ever.
NS
Re: Looking for some advice
taueeya
06/25/01 at 04:47:49
Assalamu Alaikum brother Talib,


              Welcome to the best religion of all times . Now, that u have already accepted Islam, Alhamdulillah, u'll have to understand this  for urself that Islam is above all and this all includes parents to friends to everything on this earth. U shouldn't have entered the bar seeing that ur friends were heading towards it. My suggestion is that let all ur Non-Muslim friends know that u have become a Muslim and that drinking and other such habits are strictly prohibited in Islam as they are very sinful acts. My friend, u'll have to be very blunt and straight forward in this particular matter.
          Remember that if Prophet Ibrahim (RA) could go against his father for this religion, if Prophet Nooh (RA) lost his son for this religion, and if Prophet Muhammmad [saw] had to turn against his own uncle and whole of his tribesmen, then its no big deal for us , the Muslims of today to  leave our friends who could pose danger to our eeman in any situation. Brother, u need to take this seriously and not lightly as u have written, since this is no ordinary matter, its a matter of ur day to day living as a Muslim and not only simply as a Muslim who is called a Muslim in words merely, but as a Muslim who is known a Muslim by his actions and deeds and this is where ur chance is to show urself as a Muslim by actions and deeds.
          Believe me brother, U need to forget  ur usual funny style and grace for the Grace of AlMighty Allah, who has given u this beautiful opportunity to turn towards Islam and an opportunity to repent for ur sins. So, think over it time to time, and dont lose the opportunity for it may not come again and again.
           May Allah (SWT) give us all, the power to follow Islam as HE wills and show us our weaknesses and also give us the power to accept them and work against them, InshaAllah.


Wassalam.
     
Re: Looking for some advice
Spring
06/25/01 at 08:40:39
Dearest Brother Talib

slm

Welcome to our beautiful deen. May Allah (swt) ease your path and make it clear to you always. May He send countless blessings and mercy down upon you. May your heart be full of love for Him and His beautiful messenger Prophet Muhammed (saw).

It sounds like you feel that this is quite a difficult situation. It reminds me of times when some of my sisters, who are converts to Islam, have worn Hijab in front of their parents for the first time. Its almost a very physical affirmation of their faith and something that sometimes their parents have had difficulty dealing with.

They were afraid of alienating their family. But at the end of the day they had chosen Islam above all other things. They had chosen submission to the Lord of the worlds. And there was no choice left after that really. They knew what they had to do.

I get the impression that you have accepted that you have to tell your friends. But how you can tell them is the difficulty. I would suggest whenever you feel the time is appropriate say it straight out. Don't beat about the bush. No matter what other affairs in our life we lack confidence in, we should always feel proud of our Islam. It is the one eternal truth that we have, alhamdulillah by the grace of our most merciful Lord.

You describe that your manner is usually very light-hearted. Perhaps if you are serious when explaining about your new-found faith, they will see something that they have not seen before and realise how much this means to you.

Brother Talib, Allah (swt) always helps us when we turn to Him and we want something good for this deen. So have faith in Him, because He never lets us down.

Take care of yourself,

I wish you well always. :)

PS. Its good that you recognise the need to repent and feel remorse. Just don't delay. Thats very important.

Re: Looking for some advice
BrKhalid
06/26/01 at 09:52:39
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-)

Br Talib, I think that was some good advice from Sr Spring


One thing I wanted to ask though is:

Are you always light hearted around your non muslim friends? Do they ever get to see the serious more reflective side of you?
Re: Looking for some advice
amatullah
06/26/01 at 12:11:08
Bismillah and salam,
My brother in Islam I am happy to sense from you words your sensitive nature. You seem to be a good muslim to be able to feel those things. Many people ignore their gut feelings about what is right and wrong and just keep at it until it becomes habit/second nature.

Shyness is a good trait in Islam, our prophet was a shy person. But look here there are people not shy about doing wrong they flaunt it in public. and Then there are people shy from their creator to do what displeases him. Don't be too shy to tell them you would rather align yourself with your creator. I mean what better support?
Please brother repentance in Islam (tawba) is not something you have to go somewhere and do ritual. No need to wait a minute. In your heart right now say astaghfirullah. Search tawba and see what you find...plan with the help of Allah not to do that again. And do something positive.

About your question, sorry if I rambled on, somethings and sometimse you can't take lightly. Serious matters call for serious measures. And more importantly is that change comes about mainly in serious situations. Who knows maybe they will become good muslims as well?

May Allah give you guidance and keep you steadfast on the right path.
Re: Looking for some advice
eleanor
06/27/01 at 12:23:24
slm Brother Talib!

As everyone has already said, that's a great sign that you realise that Islam is serious enough to take precedence over your friends and over your whole life. It's taken me *ages* to get to that stage and I'm not even there yet. At the moment I'm strong enough to say to my friends and family that I don't drink anymore and Insha Allah one day I'll be strong enough to say that I'm not going to anymore parties or social occasions where alcohol is being consumed.

One day at a time, just remember that. You're already repenting in your heart to Allah and remember Allah is most forgiving, most merciful. He knows *exactly* what you're going through.

wasalaam
eleanor
Re: Looking for some advice
kiwi25
06/27/01 at 12:36:24
salam,

br talib those were very good advice u were given, never fear your non muslims freinds over your deen of islam, it will be harder to manage many things this way, and remember this will take time getting use to from your old ways for it has only been a month since u converted.
heres a suggestion, why dont you go to your local masjid and hang out with the brothers there, go places with them, so that not only will u be in a less haram enviroment but also learn more about islam and muslims, inshallah,

wasalam nouha:)
Re: Looking for some advice
BroHanif
06/27/01 at 19:31:52
A.W.W.
Taken from Islam QA.com this is part of my answer, its not just for me but for everyone, I think you'd find it very hard to come across a person who does not sin, if Allah gives me strentgh I'll post some more tomorrow.

Take care,

Salaams



Question:


I have committed many sins which no one knows of except Allaah. What do I have to do so that Allaah will accept my repentance?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

A Muslim’s faith may become weak and he may be overwhelmed by his desires. The Shaytaan may make sin attractive to him, so he wrongs himself (commits sin) and falls into that which Allaah has forbidden. But Allaah is Kind to His slaves, and His mercy encompasses all things. Whoever repents after doing wrong, Allaah will accept his repentance, for Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful.  

“But whosoever repents after his crime and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then verily, Allaah will pardon him (accept his repentance). Verily, Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful [al-Maa’idah 5:39 – interpretation of the meaning]  

Allaah is Forgiving and Generous. He commands all His slaves to repent sincerely so that they may gain the mercy of Allaah and His Paradise. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)” [al-Tahreem 66:8]  

The gate of repentance is open to His slaves, until the sun rises from the west. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah spreads out His Hand at night to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the day, and He spreads out His Hand during the day to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the night. (This will continue) until the sun rises from the west.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2759)  

Sincere repentance is not merely the matter of words spoken on the tongue. Rather, the acceptance of repentance is subject to the condition that the person gives up the sin straight away, that he regrets what has happened in the past, that he resolves not to go back to the thing he has repented from, that he restores people’s rights or property if his sin involved wrongdoing towards others, and that he repents before the agony of death is upon him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Allaah accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allaah will forgive and Allaah is Ever All‑Knower, All‑Wise.

And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: ‘Now I repent;’ nor of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful torment” [al-Nisaa’ 4:17-18]  

Allaah accepts repentance and is Merciful. He calls sinners to repent, so that He might forgive them:  

“…your Lord has written (prescribed) Mercy for Himself, so that if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then surely, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-An’aam 6:54 – interpretation of the meaning]  

Allaah is Kind to His slaves and loves those who repent. He accepts their repentance, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do”[al-Shooraa 42:25]

“Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”[al-Baqarah 2:222]  

When a kaafir becomes a Muslim, Allaah turns his bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat), and forgives him all his previous sins, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven” [al-Anfaal 8:38]  

Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, and He loves the repentance of His slaves. He commands them to repent so that He might forgive them. But the devils among mankind and the jinn want to turn people away from the truth and make them incline towards falsehood, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Allaah wishes to accept your repentance, but those who follow their lusts, wish that you (believers) should deviate tremendously away (from the Right Path) [al-Nisaa’4:27]  

The mercy of Allaah encompasses all things. If a person’s sins are very great and he has wronged himself very much, but he then repents, Allaah will accept his repentance and will forgive his sins no matter how great they are. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Zumar 39:53]  

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Our Lord comes down to the lowest heaven when one-third of the night remains, and says, ‘Who will call upon Me so that I may answer him? Who will ask Me so that I may give to him? Who will seek My forgiveness so that I may forgive him?’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 758)  

Man is weak. If a person sins then he has to repent and seek forgiveness every time. Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, and He is the One Who says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allaah’s forgiveness, he will find Allaah Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Nisaa’ 4:110]  

The Muslim is vulnerable to making mistakes and sins. So he has to repent and seek forgiveness repeatedly. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By Allaah, I seek the forgiveness of Allaah and I turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times each day.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6307)  

Allaah loves the repentance of His slaves, and accept it. Indeed, He rejoices over it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a person repents, Allaah rejoices more than one of you who found his camel after he lost it in the desert.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6309)  
Re: Looking for some advice
muslimah03
06/28/01 at 19:41:17
As Salaam Alkium -
  I was looking through the boards and I saw your post and wanted to reply because I've been in your exact position. It's not been that long since I've been practicing Islam and trying to have Islam be in all parts of my life. I've always been really unserious and light about stuff - That's the way my family and friend's know me and that's how I am. But after reading up on Islam, some things changed, I mean I'm still me, I still joke about everything :) but there are times when I know that I shouldn't do something, or if I do do something and I know it's wrong now..I'll feel guilty.  
     I'm gonna be completely honest with you, at times you will probably feel odd about trying to explain to someone that you can't do something.  And maybe sometimes you probably just won't. (from my experience).  I remember when I first started learning how to do the prayers, my parent's thought that it was just a phase.  They didn't say much about it because they thought it wouldn't last long. They would joke about stuff like "you know that alcohol is haraam?"  (I use to always sip my parent's alcohol in front of them (as a joke) before learning it was haraam).  It didn't mean anything to me, it was just something I did, but after learning it was haraam, it didn't seem that funny anymore. So I stopped doing that. Then with pork...I just told them I don't eat it anymore.  So they were like okay..but I knew all along they thought it was something I would 'get over soon' since I didn't really take stuff seriously.
     But with friend's it was different because sometimes I would find myself in situations where I knew it was wrong to be doing something but I didn't know how to tell them and explain it, ya know? It's not that I'm ashamed of things that are halal/haraam -- I'm very happy that I'm a Muslim -- it's just that sometimes I feel like they won't understand.  At first I just thought I could kinda work my way around certain situations.  Such as if a friend asked me to go someplace with him/her and I knew I shouldn't go I would ask if we could go later and say I'm not really feeling like it or I would say I don't have a ride.
     Then one time I was with a friend at a concert <one of those LA persian bands :)>and we started talking to the guitarist and he was like hey you guys (there were 3 of us talking with him) wanna come dance on stage?  So my friend was like yeah let's go.  And I knew that it would be totally haraam (not only was just being there haraam cuz of the alcohol and other stuff going on) but I knew I couldn't do that so I was just like no I can't.. trying to think of a reason since I'm not shy and she knew it but I was like no just go ahead, so she did and I just went back to talk to a another friend since he was at the back and I remember thinking okay I can't do this anymore..I can't keep thinking of dumb excuses, I gotta change stuff in my life, and I shouldn't do stuff that I know I'll regret later on.  
     So since then, I've been more open about stuff I can and can't do.  Most of my friends that I hang out with (I don't have many <practicing> muslim friends cuz I never get to go to the Masjid and theres none in my classes) the non-muslims, they know that I don't drink. I just kinda told them when it came up.  Some of them know it has some religious reason and others I just told em I just don't drink.  Along with some other things. At first I didn't know how they would react, ya know but they're all cool with it.  So just tell your friends.  And if they are like why?  Then just tell them that your trying to make some changes..and u've decided to give up alcohol & going to bars or whatever else you wanna add.  With time, it's becomes a lot easier to say no without feeling unsure about it. Trust me, it does.  
     There are still a lot of stuff I gotta work on such as  I know people were talking about hand shakes on another post..I still can't stop myself from shaking someone's hand/high fives or letting go of a hug from a guy and explaining, but insha'Allah with time we will all get that strength and high imam.  Whoa I've written a lot, hey now you know my life story :) j/k. But trust me, things do get easier.  Just go with your heart and know that Allah (swt) makes things easy.
take good care and don't stress
wa salaam


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