Retreat Reflections...

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Retreat Reflections...
jannah
06/26/01 at 14:53:11
Here's one of the retreat reflections from a participant:



the retreat..



It was at the same time one of the most beautiful and
incredible experiences of my life and one of the
hardest and most painful.  We were literally cut off from
what br M calls the "intoxicants of the qalb" -
television, music, books, excessive food, sleep,
speech.  It was literally like waking up.  You were
forced to realize where you were in your relationship
with Allah and the state of your heart and nafs.
wAllahi, it was so painful.  Painful because you
realize how far you are from where you want to be…
and you realize that there is so much you have to do.

The people there were some of the most beautiful
people on the planet.  Like effulgent with noor.  It
made me grieve to be around them, and made true the
metaphor br M always uses about the caravan of good
people moving on, and you being left behind. You seeing
how far ahead of you in this journey of ubudiyyah
other people are, as you are weighed down by dhunoob.
One sister was crying for the *entire* retreat.  I think I
saw her once without her eyes filled with tears.  She
was someone who realized her defeciencies and faults,
and knew where she stood with Allah.  I envied her,
truly envied her, more than anyone else in my life
because she housed something within her that I did
not possess.  

Once I came downstairs while everyone was in salah.
Everyone was standing, their heads lowered, all in
khushoo'.. the stillness in that room, the focus, the desire for
Allah, was so great you could almost touch it.  I felt
like my heart was *screaming* to be with these people,
to be like these people.  I felt like my nafs was
screaming to me, I want to be like that, I want to
have that…

We learned about tawbaah and how it is a burst from
the qalb, and not just a physical process.  With this
burst of nadm (regret, grief, pain at doing yet another
stupid thing to veil ones qalb from Allah and to just
increase the number of sins on your shoulders) comes
the desire to fix it… to rectify your condition, seek
forgiveness from Allah, and fix what you have messed
up.  I learned so much at this retreat... three to four
hour classes during the day, khawatir
that were so much longer than khawatir, adhkaar after
fajr and isha.. more knowledge than I was able to
absorb and take into this head.. but all I felt was
from the neck up.  The most I could feel from below,
from my heart, was the desire to feel something.. the
most I could do was cry in salah because I was
*unable* to cry in salah like the beautiful
Allah-seeking people around me.. I spent the majority
of the retreat wondering what the hell was wrong with
me.. wondering how it is that I could be around people
whose noor radiates so much so that I felt like a shadow,
against the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen
in my life and not feel anything in my heart..

The camp itself.. subhanAllah.. I saw some of the most
Beautiful, awe-inspiring, makes your whole body say la
ilaha illa Allah, 3d, surround-sound, nature than I ever
encountered in my short life..  trees, birds,
mountains, earth, water.. indescribable beauty.  
One night we snuck out and went to the lake.  The sky above
held more stars than I have ever seen in my life.  A storm
was building in the distance and we could see lightning flash on the
other side of the mountains.  Sitting there, all I could think was,
this night, this very night right here, is probably
the most beautiful thing I have ever encountered in my
life.  And at the same time, I knew there was
something wrong because it didn't *move* me as I knew
it should..  

One of the things we learned was that everthing
everything around us, all of creation, is in dhikr of
Allah.  Two brothers went hiking, and they came back
with.. with this light just radiating from their
faces.  They told us how as they were in dhikr in the
forest, butterflies came and rested on their clothes.
They asked us: do we harmonize with this symphony of
dhikr around us?  Or do we add static?

I went hiking a few days later, and saw one lone
beautiful butterfly... that fluttered past me.
However foolish it may seem, it hurt.  It stung.  The
two brothers before me, effulgent with noor, attracted
this beautiful creature.  And it turned away from me.

The only thing I could think was, if being rejected by
this small creature in dhikr of Allah hurts me, how
will I feel on the Day of Judgement, when all that
were in dhikr in this life turn away from me?  When
the good Muslims who are to enter Jannah, disgusted by
what I am, turn away from me?  

When Rasulullah turns his face away from me?  

When Allah, the Most High, forgets me as I have
forgotten Him?  

La ilaha illa Allah.  

I want the mantle of those two brothers.  I want to
wear the noor they wear.  The look on their faces
haunts me.  I want that.  I want that pleasure that
comes from yearning for Allah's pleasure.  I want
those creatures to love me as they love any who are in
ubudiyyah to Allah..  It's as if before this, I've
never seen ubaad of Allah.. I've seen men but not men
like these men.

We went hiking by Augur Falls, this amazingly beautiful
place.. and I kept seeing myself in everything around
me.  There were roots everywhere, in every place we
stepped.  And then in the middle of the water we saw this
tree.. it was a beautiful tree but it's roots weren't deep
enough to keep it upright.  All I could think was
that tree was me.. the term br M uses all
the time is ‘rakhasu fil ilm’, being deeply rooted in
ilm.. and if you aren't, if you don't have roots in
ilm that are that deep, expansive, and strong, then
what you bring into fruition is not going to be
beneficial.. and if you don't have those deep roots
and you put yourself in dangerous situations, you’re going to
fall.. you're going to go under and you're going to be
taken in by an onslaught of doubt, loss of eman,
speculation etc etc

In the forest we saw this huuggee waterfall.  I
climbed up to these rocks high above it and looked
down to see all the ppl sitting, comtemplating, in
dhikr, and the rush of the whole waterfall over the
cliff.  In the middle of the waterfall was this huge
rock, jutting out.  The water was so powerful,
rushing, so loud you could't hear the person next to
you-- but that rock stood firm.  Unable to break.  I
kept willing, wanting, *hoping* for that rock to burst to
fall, because I felt like it was my qalb these past ten
days.  I felt like I was being bombarded with
everything that should make me turn to Allah in
complete and utter submission in an environment that
makes it impossible to NOT change, but I wasn't.  My
heart was still as hard as that rock even with the
power of all that water.  My dhikr was still
unfocused, my salah distracted.

We prayed on some land next to the rushing water and I
*still* couldn't focus.  My foreheard humbled to the
earth that I was made from, that I would be buried in
in Allah only know how much time, and no tears came.  I
couldn't force them.

We went canoeing a few days before we went hiking.
The waves were strong but we made it to the end of
the lake and into an inlet.  This inlet was like
jannah. It was so beautiful, so calm.  The water was still.
We saw the sun hitting  the mountains.  Flowers literally
growing up from the water.  Birds singing.  It was like
opening a door into another world.  

Then out of the inlet we went into another lake.  The winds
were building up so the water was so choppy.  We had to
keep rowing just to stay in the same place.  But we kept
rowing, we had to get to land.  We finally made it to an
island, but it was private so we had to leave.  We were
canoeing for six hours straight.  It was the most physically
challenging thing I've ever done in my life.  I
literally couldn't move my arms afterwards.

On the way back we hit the inlet again and one of the camp
leaders came to rescue us.  I was the only one who got
off the canoe and walked the rest of the way.  I was
the only one who didn't finish the mujahida, the only
one who didn't reach the finish line.  For the rest of
the retreat people discussed the canoe trip like the
mujahida of life.. that it was difficult and
challenging but it was so worth it in the end.. and I
didn't make it.  I didn't go the rest of the way, I
didn't push myself to finish it.  I failed that
mujahida and all I could think was, if I couldn't pass
the mujahida of reaching the end of water, how could I
complete the mujahida of life to return to Allah with
a qalbus saleem?

You guys probably know
more about me than any other people on the planet, but
you don't know me.  You don't know the things I've
kept from you out of shame, the things I've done or
haven't done that's just brought me closer to the
hellfire.  Things that I've been ashamed to tell you
that I will be held accountable for on the Day of
Judgement, that I will be forced to witness against
myself in front of Allah.

I came up with a list of resolutions at the retreat
and have broken some of them already. I learned a lot
of things about myself and I know what I need to work
on..

There are no words that I can use to describe the beautiful,
intense, and profound experiences I had there.  No words
can do them justice.

I don't know what this email sounds like to you but
the past ten days were some of the most beautiful days
of my life.  They hurt because waking up hurts but
it's necessary to begin your day.

Just make dua for me.




Re: Retreat Reflections...
amatullah
06/26/01 at 11:43:21
Bismillah and salam,
Sister Jannah, I read your reflections after my fajir prayer and I was in tears. I don't teach the kids or go out of my way to learn or do sites or not very much and yet here you be sad about it. You are so beautiful masha'Allah I love you billah. The beloved prophet said make du'a with a tongue you never sinned with...meaning someone else making dua for you...
May Allah swt reward you for all the good you do at its best and forgive you the wrongs. May Allah complete your nur for you and may He bless you and what you do and keep you on the right path steadfast and strong. May he give you better than what is in your intentions even, and may Allah keep you safe from kul makrooh ukhti.  
Re: Retreat Reflections...
jannah
06/26/01 at 12:52:33
walaikum salaam wrt,

jazaki allah khair but i didn't write that above reflection. may Allah reward the person who wrote it.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
sis
06/26/01 at 20:53:47
alsalamu alaykum wa rhmat Allah wa barakatuhu

masha'Allah


alhamdulillah i've already had a chance to talk with a few of the ottawans who went to the retreat........and subhan Allah,  just hearing about it put so much energy into me

i remember before everyone went i kept saying that i can't wait 'till everyone comes back so it can rub off on me....alhamdulillah for this opportunity

jannah.org :) - i recieved ur salams - wa alayki ilsalam wa rhmat Allah wa barakatuhu

hmmm honestly...when i wake up at fajr time and hear the peace of the birds and the quietness of the city..i really wish it could last all day long..i remember a sis telling me not too long ago that sometimes at fajr ur tired and feel reluctant to get up at first ..but the  sounds of the birds remind u that nature is praising Allah ta'ala and ur heart starts to yearn for the same ..alhamdulillah for the beautiful reminders Allah ta'ala has places for us in nature

pls keep the reflections coming...we can all learn from them insha'Allah

Re: Retreat Reflections...
B-Calm
06/27/01 at 17:22:12
[slm] wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH

I just read the reflection of the brother/sister that was posted by Jannah, and subhan-Allah, tears came to my eyes...I couldn't effectively verbalize how I felt about the retreat until I read that reflection...the retreat was so amazing, and at the same time, so painful.  I did however leave with some hope alhamduliLah...I asked Sheikh M if a person really wanted to make Tawba but just couldn't seem to be able to penetrate the Raan and the veil on their qalb in order to begin to feel remorce, was that a sign that the person was doomed?  I asked him if it was possible for a person to want to get closer to Allah, but that Allah would decide not to let him/her, and decides not to send a breeze of His Rahma upon their totally covered qalb, to revive it?  I asked him, and I was so scared of his response.  Then the Sheikh reminded me of the Hadith of our beloved Prophet, salla-Allahu 3laihi wa sallam, which states that if a 3abd walks towards Allah, Allah runs to them (and Allah is truely exhalted from all analogies).  I was so happy to hear those words.  This gave me hope, and it is like the driving force behind my mujahada...I want to be close to Allah...and according to this hadith, if I work hard, I can be.  Jannah, I'm not sure if the bro/sis who wrote the reflection checks this board, but if you know that they don't, could you please pass on the Sheikh's reply to my question.

jazakum Allahu khairan
Pray for me.

your brother in Islam

[wlm] wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH
Re: Retreat Reflections...
jannah
06/30/01 at 15:09:25
wlm brother b-calm :)

I've passed on the answer br M gave you. It's very beautiful and I'm sure it will help Anonymous and all of us!

Here are some of the things brother Ali mentioned at the end which we may be able to remind ourselves with:
[color=green]


Practical Steps We Learned @ the Retreat to Purify Ourselves:
[list]
[*]We need to have daily doses of Ilm.

[*]We should have sincere constant Tawbah.

[*]We need to be in Khalwah with ourselves. We should do Musharatah with the 7 keys, Muhasaba and Muraqaba.

[*]We need to perfect our Salah - perform it early and prepare for it.

[*]We need to do daily adhkaar to fight Shaitan, also reading Quran.

[*]We need to shut off negative means -- images, sounds, etc.

[*]We have to keep away from environments that lead us to disobedience.

[*]We must not keep company with those who keep us from our journey.

[*]We should sleep less, talk less and socialize less.

[*]We must immediately refrain from Haram and Makruh.

[*]We have to increase our pool of Hasanat.

[*]We should do all of these things continuously.

[*]We should do Dua for each other.

[/list]
[/color]

If anyone remembers any more please add them here!





Re: Retreat Reflections...
Asim
06/30/01 at 12:26:25
I can think of a couple more:
[list]
[*]We should eat less
[*]We should strive and struggle to purify ourselves 'coz it is hard work and should not be taken lightly.
[/list]

Wasalaam.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Anonymous
06/30/01 at 11:06:01
Assalamu alaikum,

Could you translate these terms (if possible)?

Khawlah
Musharatah
Muhasaba
Muraqaba

Re: Retreat Reflections...
Asim
06/30/01 at 12:07:01
wlm

Okay let me try to give meanings to those words.

Khawlah - to take care of ourselves, to manage and proetect oneselve.

Musharatah - make a resolution or contract. E.g. to make a resolution at fajr to pray all prayers on time and with khushoo, etc.

Muhasaba - take account of our resolutions, how well we did, did we slip, how much more we have to do, etc.

Muraqaba - be watchful, guard and observe ourselves, etc.

Wasalaam.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
se7en
07/02/01 at 01:01:39
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah,

my notes from the retreat drowned in the lake :(

but just to add to what br asim said..

[quote]Khawlah - to take care of ourselves, to manage and proetect oneselve.[/quote]
I didn't know that's what khalwah means!  I know it's the name of a great female companion, [url=http://msanews.mynet.net/Scholars/Kahf/khawlah.html]Khawlah bint al-Azwar[/url].
Hmm.  I don't remember this term from the retreat.  If you're talking about khulwah, though, khulwah means solitude, retreat, seclusion.  Remember "kaa inn ba inn" :)  

[quote]Muhasaba - take account of our resolutions, how well we did, did we slip, how much more we have to do, etc. [/quote]
doesn't muhasaba also include in it a concept of reward and punishment for your nafs?  I remember in one of the q & a's someone asked for suggestions.. and he said torturing yourself is not  allowed, but discipline is important.. and he mentioned stories about how an individual who said something bad made himself fast for an entire year.. and another person who looked at something they shouldn't have kept his head down.. etc


wAllahu 'alam..

wasalaamu alaykum
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Asim
06/30/01 at 14:58:21
wlm
[quote]I didn't know that's what khalwah means! [/quote]
Hmm, I checked my notes and I had written khulwah for the 3rd step br Ali mentioned. Maybe Jannah noted is incorrectly, as I also don't remember br Mokhtar mentioning khawlah in his lectures. But from my understanding khawlah does mean something like manage, to take control of, or to take care of something. So it fits well in step 3.

[quote]doesn't muraqaba also include in it a concept of reward and punishment for your nafs?  I remember in one of the q & a's someone asked for suggestions.. and he said torturing yourself is not  allowed, but discipline is important.. and he mentioned stories about how an individual who said something bad made himself fast for an entire year.. and another person who looked at something they shouldn't have kept his head down.. etc [/quote]
Hmm, don't remember this, maybe it was before I arrived. From the dictionary muraaqabah means: guard, watch, observation, surveillance; contemplation, deep thought. Muhaasabah is where we take account of our state and take corrective measures. Inshallah someone who knows arabic can correct us.

[quote]my notes from the retreat drowned in the lake :([/quote]
Really? Did this happen when you went for canoeing or you were trying to find a spot *really* close to the lake to review your notes and they fell in :)
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Anonymous
07/02/01 at 23:47:04
Whoever wrote that reflection really has deep understanding!
I wish I could have had a reflection like that!

I need some help!

After the retreat, I left wth a solide determination- for 6 days I was
able to hold to everything I learnt...after that...well...I sorta
returned to my old ways.

I'm going out of my mind. After you know what real happiness is-
nothing else can make u happy.

Pleez help!
Re: Retreat Reflections...
sarah
07/03/01 at 09:01:52
assalaamu 'alaikum,

i wasn't at this retreat but ... if you feel overwhelmed, it may be better to improve on one thing at a time.  its very hard to implement everything at once.  may Allah swt aid you in you're struggle ...


Re: Retreat Reflections...
jannah
07/03/01 at 11:50:56
slm,

i know what you mean. it is so hard to be in that same state when you go back to your regular life. it's hard to change environment variables as well. i think it just takes time and like br M said.. active gradualism  we can't just let ourselves slide and we can't jump into the highest step of mujahida either.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Insaaf
07/16/01 at 12:40:22
Bismillah walhamdulilah wassalatu wassalamu 'ala rasoolillah

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

SubhanaAllah, I dont know how to explain the feeling i'm experiencing right now...let alone when i read the posts about the retreat.  I feel like i'm waking up from a long sleep (literally too, i havent been on this board for a long time)

 However, the first post... the reflections, it is as if you cut open my chest and looked in upon my heart and then wrote about it.
Jazak/Jazaki Allahu khairan for that post which put me to tears.  May Allah keep you in that state of dhikr of Him, because if you stay like that, then that is a good sign.

La Hawla wala quwwata illa billah

 I felt the same thing... like why is it that i didng cry at this particular moment, when i really wanted to cry, when Sheikh M was really describing my situation, the state of MY QALB.  Because my qalb was so concealed by the raan, the veil, that i couldnt even feel the times when words were being direced towards me, when they were describing me.

 the description of the hiking trip by the two brothers really hit me, subhannAllah.  You never really know what you are missing until you see it somewhere else, and I really saw it that day.  You could literally see the purity and beauty of the state of their qulub at that moment, while they were speaking.  (Hafidhahum Allah jamee'an). I felt my qalb aching so badly that i couldnt breathe, it really hurt to see that I had a ways to go... but alhamdulilah, i wouldnt trade that moment for anything of this materialistic dunya. That reflections session had to be the most important session I have ever attended, in my life, subhanAllah.  One of the sisters talk of her experience as she was canoeing was amazing, subhanAllah, i remember it word for word.  I say i am a Abd of Allah (azza wajal) yet, how conscious am i of Him, and His creation, and that at any second, I could DIE, and will not have any more chances to utter a single tasbeeh, or to pray a single rak'a, and then what?  face Allah like this, with this stinking heart?

 I think when i fully understood what state i was in, I was able to take in every single minute of the retreat.  yes, it was extremely painful, but that is what it going to be, bittersweet... the sweetness of Ilm and the bitterness of sabr...

Alhamdulilah, as I was surrounded by some of the most amazing people i had ever met and ever will meet, I found it extremely easy to make duaa for my fellow brothers and sisters.  Even now, Wallahi, I have not forgotten any of you guys in duaa... And I ask Allah (azza wajal) to keep you in this state of dhikr and majahadah and to illuminate your qulub with His noor.

Please, Please, Please, do not forget me in your duaa as I am in great need of it.

Jazakum Allahu khairan
your sister in Islam
wasalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Insaaf
07/16/01 at 12:48:37
Assalamu alaikum

 I was reading Anonymous's post... and I just wanted to add to what Jannah had said ( jazaha Allahu khairan)

 is that when you are feeling so overwhelmed because you havent met your expectations and goals... you should never ever forget Allah's rahma (mercy) for His Ibad...its infinite.

 I feel the exact same way, that i have regressed back to my days before the retreat, but at the same time, I am happy that I have accomplished some things as well.

 You have to set small goals for yourself and if you walk towards Allah (azza wajjal) then He will run to you... but you have to keep walking, never stop for a breather.  If you keep on walking, Allah will give you more and more chances to breathe and relax.

 Just like we learned, one of the most beautiful acts of worship to Allah is to be always in a state of question and doubt concerning your actions and if they were accepted by Allah, because that will generate more hope and cause you to be more energetic in your Ibadah, and that is one of the most beautiful cycles of life, probably THE cycle of life.

Wallahu Allah (Allah knows best)

Your sister in Islam
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Re: Retreat Reflections...
halwa
07/20/01 at 02:03:32
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahamatu ALlahi wa Barakatuh

Subhanna Allah , i cannot describe the feeling inside of me. The reflections posted here are truely from deep inside the qalb. May Allah (Swt) give us the strength to become closer to him. ameen

I have been trying ,for almost a month now, to write down wut is happening inside my qalb. I start a sentence and then i cant find the correct word to verily define wut i feel. However, i feel like these reflections have helped me decide where to begin inshallah.

I havent started yet, so ill post the reflection soon inshallah, i just wanted to say that the retreat was incredible, mashallah. I have never in my life experienced 10 days as intense and as affecting as those 10 days with Sheikh M. Things happened, emotions arose that i never thought were deep inside of me. Determination came along with the remorse inside my qalb. The reassurance taht Sheikh M informed us about, reassured me taht ALlah(swt) was all forgiving and most loving. And that he (swt) longs to help his ibaad become closer to him (swt).

MAy Allah instill that assurance and that luv for him inside all of our qulub inshallah.

please keep me in ur duas, ur are definetly in mine.

Your sister in this Beautiful deen of ALLah(swt)
nusaiba

WAsalamu ALaikum wa RAhamatu ALlahi wa Baraktuh
NS
Re: Retreat Reflections...
deenb-4dunya
07/24/01 at 11:00:20
La Illaha Illa Allah.

These reflections are everything I've been thinking, feeling and trying to overcome throught the course of the retreat and for the past month.

I don't live in Awwwlbany (thus, I don't have access to Shaikh Mokhtar:( ) but...I wanted to know how y'all are doing after the retreat- how are you keeping up? How's the mujahaddah? What type of solutions have you found to your problems...etc.

I think it would be beneficial for all of us to try to help each other...maybe we won't get to have a weekly tazkiyah halaqa...but at least were trying.

P.S. Jannah- who wrote the first really long reflectiona? Can u hook me up with his/her address...we need to talk!

JZKK  
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Anonymous
07/24/01 at 17:12:10
yah. I agree with deen b4 dunya. I need help with something.
I know br. mokhtar talked about it at the retreat, but i didn't
underatnad his solution. My problem is riyaa- i.e. doing thinbgs for other
than Allah (swt).

I dont know what to do. everywhere i go in the community i do things
without Ikhlaas.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
jannah
07/24/01 at 20:22:29
[slm]

riyaa is definitely a big problem.. i think someone else brought it up on the board and we talked about some ideas on how to avoid it.  i would suggest you do things without anyone knowing it... like in your room late at night do tahajjud..., when you give $$ do it anonymously... etc

this takes out the riyaa element altogether and helps you to purify your nafs a little as well and soon you won't even care if someone sees you do something good or not...

deenb4dunya what can i tell u .. life is really hard outside the retreat.. i do feel risidual effects now and then and how would you say...when a rock hits the water and the round waves form around it and continue out...so now and then a wave comes and hits me.. but gentler nowadays...


Re: Retreat Reflections...
halwa
07/25/01 at 03:09:25
Assalamu ALaikum Wa Rahmatu ALLAhi wa BAraktuh

The problem that was brought up about doing things for only the sake of ALLAh. I think its something that always stays with a person once u hear about how it is an act of unltimate shirk. For me..when i studied the severity of the problem..i became aware. SO i think the best thing is to always stay aware. MAke sure that before u pray 2 rakka sunnah in the mesjid, that ur not doing it for the person sitting next to u or behind u. Make sure that when ur going out to class, u are not covering urself for someone else to see..but u are covering urself for the sake of ALLAh. Make sure that before u decide to do an act of good, such as visiting a fellow muslim or muslimah, that u are not doing it so that people say that u are an ideal friend.
All of these things will help you become more in control over ur nafs and the niyya (intention..dont make me break out into the MYNA Rap for u now..heh :)) behind each of ur actions. I am ofcourse not speaking as someone who has overcome this mujahada, because i havent. BUt inshallah, ALLah (swt) will help all of us become closer to him and increase our mahaba (love) for him and will help us be careful about the intention behind each of our deeds. Ameeeen.

WAsalamu ALaikum Wa Rahmatu Allahi wa Baraktu
nusaiba

ps- i think it would be great if we could generate a discussion amongst the retreat people and anyone else about our experiences during and after the retreat, so that we can keep the spirit inside our qulub (hearts) alive always.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
deenb-4dunya
07/25/01 at 08:35:35
I agree with what sister Seeba is saying. We gotta keep the spirit up. I think it'll do something to our quloub to keep communicating with our retreat hommies:)

For anonoymous, maybe what u should do is not go out in public places in your community where you know you'll be acting with riyaa, you've reached a stage of ikhlaas where you do everything for Allah, notr caring whether people see you or not.

Personally, my retreat experience was beyond words. Subhanallah... just being around Br.Mokhatr and seeing the how far, far, far ahead he is than all of us was enough. Add the rest of the God fearing people, who's faces shine with nur, and the gorgeous environment, the mujahaddah trip, little food, nearly no sleep, constant silence, motivational lectures, and stories of the righteous women who are unbelievable (i still can't believe half the stories he told us), beautiful adhthaans...all of this makes one of the most beautiful yet painful expriences of my life.

subhanallah.

After the retreat I tried to implement almost everything we had learnt/ gotten from the retreat ( ok not everything, but alot of stuff). It lasted for 6 days. I guess I did too much. I dont like gradualism very much- i wish everything would just happen.  :( anyways..after my first big fall..I kept having little stumbles after weak mujahaddahs. I don't think I had ever conscioously, whole-heartedly entered the process of tazkiyah. I dont think I have until now. It's much harder than I though it would be...but I guess I just gotta remember that the process of tawbah is all about work, work, falling, getting up, dua, work work, stumbling, getting up, dua, work......

PLease make dua for me.

P.S. Jannah, where is the old discussion posted about riyaa- i wanna take a look at it.






 
Re: Retreat Reflections...
jannah
07/25/01 at 08:37:52

[quote]
P.S. Jannah, where is the old discussion posted about riyaa- i wanna take a look at it.

[/quote]

good question i'll try to look for it inshallah
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Anonymous
07/25/01 at 14:40:11
Thank u all for the good advice... but my thingn is that I am
very active in my community..and I feel like none of the activities i
help with and the evnets I attend are not being attended for the right
reasons. It's like when I;'m around certain ppl, I am compelled to know
whether or not they're watching me, seeing what I'm doing. I';ve taken
care of the riyaa oin the level of motivation, it's just that I feel
that my actions are literallyt being contaminated- and that I am not
reaping the fruit of my actions.

My question is this...would it be beneficial for me to isolate myself
from the community until I have reached my desired state of Ikhlaas, or
would it be better to keep going to these events and being active
meanwhile doing my mujahaddah, and trying my best?

Thank u Jannah, and Seeba, and deenb- for your help, please assist me
once again

P.S. Jannah- please do find that stuff about riyaa on the message board

Wassalamu Alaikum
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Asim
07/25/01 at 23:16:06
wlm
[quote]please do find that stuff about riyaa on the message board [/quote]
Check this link: [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=madrasa&action=display&num=3731]Purifying intentions[/url]

Regarding staying steadfast, I think the key is active gradualism (or gradual activism?). If we take on too much then we tend to give up all. Alhamdulillah, there are a couple of things that I have defintely improved afer the retreat. But I had been working on them for months, the retreat provided that final push. But there are many things that I learned at the retreat that I don't follow fully :( Inshallah with time and as we progress in individual mujaahidas these will become easy also.

One other key is a regular routine. Just like at the retreat, we should set aside times for reading quran, dhikr, tawba, etc. Again, be reasonable.
Re: Retreat Reflections...
Anonymous
08/21/01 at 22:46:22
assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters,

:(

I don't know what's happening to me. I went to the tazkiyah retreat,
and I've implemented almost nothing. I've lost touch with the whole
tazkiah concept. All I want to do is indulge my bahimi nafs by eating,
drinking and sleeping, and looking @ members of the opposite gender.

Subhanallah.

I know what I ned to do, how I need to do , but I'm just like - Screw
it. To much work.. too much struggle..what's the point?

i'M GOING Back to school soon and I don't know what I'm gonna do since
its' a new school, and its' a chance for a new beginning, but i'm so
lost,. lazy, confused and I need some motivation. I'm like what's the
point of going to school 24/7 with kjaffir teachers teaching us how they
see the world. What's the point of spending almost 20 years iun school
to graduate with a degree for dunya.

And now that I'm no longer on the deen, or with tazkiyat..I see my life
going nowehere:(

PLEASE HELP


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