Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Anonymous |
| 06/28/01 at 12:58:59 |
| ok you might all think this is a real stupid question, but i need to know if its ever ok to lie. There is this guy who has fancied me for years now and i dont like him as he has slept around and doesnt pray. He saying he will start to pray and hasnt touched another girl recently. i know you shouldnt look at any ones past, but i dont like it. the prob is he knows some of my family and my family really like him. I know if they propose, my parents will accept. If i say no my parents will want to know why, but i have promised not to tell about his past. To get him off my back i told him i am seeing a guy and really love him, as this guy never took a no. He always asks about my non existing bf, and i feel really guilty for lying. do you think i should keep lying or put my self at rist by being honest??? plz respond as im very confused allah hafiz A sister who lied!!! |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Lisha |
| 06/28/01 at 13:43:35 |
| slm, ok sis i really think lyin is wrong. I think u should tell him the truth coz you can't get forced to marry him:) U may hurt him this way, but u won't b gettin his hopes high & he'll know 4 certain u dont like him;) He says he's gonna start prayin?? sorry but dat sounds a bit off, or u could just avoid him. i guess i'm not makin much sence. take care, w'salaam |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| se7en |
| 06/28/01 at 14:02:41 |
From [url=http://216.205.122.233/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=2424&dgn=2] Islam Q & A[/url]: [i]What is the importance of being truthful, both in personal and business relationships, in Islam? Is lying ever considered and "acceptable" action?[/i] [color=black] Praise be to Allaah. Being truthful means speaking the truth and also saying things that reflect reality. Being truthful is one of the necessities of a human society, one of the virtues of human behaviour, and brings great benefits, whilst lying is one of the major elements of corruption in human society, and the cause of the destruction of social structure and ties, one of the most evil features of bad conduct, and causes widespread harm. Hence Islam commanded truthfulness and forbade lying. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Be afraid of Allaah, and be with those who are true (in word and deeds).” [al-Tawbah 9:119] Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said (2/414): “It means: be truthful and adhere to truthfulness, and you will be among its people and will be saved from calamity, and this will make a way out for you from your problems.” Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… if they had been true to Allaah, it would have been better for them.” [Muhammad 47:21] ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘You must be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man will keep speaking the truth and striving to speak the truth until he will be recorded with Allaah as a siddeeq (speaker of the truth). Beware of telling lies, for lying leads to immorality and immorality leads to Hellfire. A man will keep telling lies and striving to tell lies until he is recorded with Allaah as a liar.” (Reported by Muslim, 4721) This hadeeth indicates that truthfulness leads to righteousness (al-birr), an all-embracing concept that includes all kinds of goodness and different kinds of righteous deeds. Immorality is basically an inclination towards deviation from the truth, and the immoral person (faajir) is one who is inclined to turn away from the path of guidance. Hence immorality and righteousness are diametrically opposed. Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “I memorized from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt, for truthfulness is certainty and tranquillity, whilst lying is doubt and confusion.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2520; al-Nisaa'i, 8/327; and Ahmad, 1/200) In the lengthy hadeeth of Abu Sufyaan describing his meeting with Heraclius, Abu Sufyaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “[Heraclius] said, ‘What does he [meaning the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him] command you to do?’ I said, ‘He says: worship Allaah alone and do not associate anything in worship with Him, and abandon that which your forefathers did. He commands us to pray, to be truthful, to be chaste and to uphold the ties of kinship.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 1/30 and Muslim, 1773). Hakeem ibn Hizaam (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Two parties to a deal have the option of changing their minds until they part; if they are open and honest, their deal will be blessed, and if they conceal and tell lies, the blessing of their deal will be diminished.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4/275 and Muslim, 1532.) Truthfulness includes being truthful towards Allaah by worshipping Him sincerely; being truthful towards one’s own soul by making it adhere to the laws of Allaah; and being truthful with people in one's words and by keeping one's promises, and in dealings such as buying, selling and marriage, so there should be no deceiving, cheating, falsifying or withholding of information. Thus a person should be the same on the inside and the outside. As regards lying, it is highly forbidden, and is of varying degrees of abhorrence and sin. The most obnoxious form of lying is falsely attributing things to Allaah and His Messenger, because this involves fabrication about the religion and is an act of outrage against Allaah. Hence one of the characteristics of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is that he truthfully conveyed that which Allaah commanded him to convey. So Allaah said (interpretation of the meanings): “… who does more wrong than one who invents a lie against Allaah, to lead mankind astray without knowledge. Certainly Allaah guides not the people whi are zaalimoon (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.)” [al-An’am 6:144] “And who does more wrong than he who invents a lie against Allaah? Such will be brought before their Lord, and the witnesses will say, ‘These are the ones who lied against their Lord!’ No doubt! The curse of Allaah is on the zaalimoon (polytheists, wrong-doers, oppressors, etc.).” [Hood 11:18] Equally bad is lying about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), as he is reported to have said in the mutawaatir hadeeth: “Whoever lies about me deliberately, let him take his place in Hell.” (Agreed upon). The basic rule with regard to lying is that it is not permitted, but there are certain circumstances in which Islam permits lying to serve a greater purpose or to prevent harm. One of these situations is when a person mediates between two disputing parties in order to reconcile between them, if reconciliation cannot be achieved in any other way. Um Kalthoom (may Allaah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not a liar who reconciles between people and conveys something good or says something good.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2495). Another example is a man’s speaking to his wife, or a woman speaking to her husband, with regard to matters that will strengthen the ties of love between them, even if that is accompanied by exaggeration. Asma’ bint Yazeed said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Lying is not permitted except in three cases: a man’s speaking to his wife to make her happy; lying at times of war; and lying in order to reconcile between people.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1862; he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. See also Saheeh Muslim, 4717). One of the most important forms of both being truthful and lying is in the area of promises and covenants. Being truthful in promises and covenants is one of the characteristics by which the believers are known. Both promises and covenants involve saying something about an issue to confirm that you will do it, especially with regard to one's duties towards Allaah. Allaah says, praising some of His slaves (interpretation of the meanings): “Those who are faithfully true to their amaanaat (all the duties which Allaah has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and trusts, etc.) and to their covenants.” [al-Mu’minoon 23:8] “… and who fulfil their covenant when they make it…” [al-Baqarah 2:177] “Among the believers are men who have been true to their covenant with Allaah [i.e., they have gone out for jihad (holy fighting), and showed not their backs to the disbelievers], of them some have fulfilled their obligations (i.e., have been martyred), and some of them are still waiting, but they have never changed [i.e., they never proved treacherous to their covenant which they concluded with Allaah] in the least.” [al-Ahzaab 33:23] We ask Allaah to make us sincere and truthful in word and deed. And Allaah knows best. |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/04/01 at 20:13:21 |
| salam y would a man want 2 lie 2 his wife?? isnt marriiage a pure and honest relationship?? Also i just want to say that one lie always leads 2 another, so its best 2 avouid, even if u do think its a white lie w/salam |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| se7en |
| 07/04/01 at 21:33:09 |
| I remember *exactly* how this was explained to me, by a married sister: "well.. say for example your spouse got a haircut that made them look like a small rodent of some sort.. and they ask you, 'how do I look?' Would you tell them exactly what you were thinking? No, you'd probably say, 'fine, maybe a bit short in the front...'" :) |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| kiwi25 |
| 07/04/01 at 21:41:40 |
| salam, anon, u never go for a guy whos been sleeping around! in islam, those who have committed zina are only suppsoed to marry those who have also commited zina, and obvioulsy its very hard to tell weather a person has or has not but u noe that this brother has so its better for u not to go for him. another thing is dont tell him u have a boyfreind, a boyfreind is haram in islam, and on top of that its a lie! when and if he does asks your parents to marry u, straight up tell your parents what this guy has done, its not right for u, for ur parents and he certainly doesnt deserve u = a pure virgin, right? so just quit the lying and keep your distance from this brother, wasalam nouha:) ps and i agree with what lisha said, its very hard to start praying if u havent been for a looooong time, |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| se7en |
| 07/04/01 at 22:04:49 |
| Anon 1, also.. because you told this bro you have a boyfriend he thinks that you have the same type of history/lifestyle he does.. ie that you have messed around before. I think that you should've just told him straight up that you're not interested in him because you want to marry someone with as much reverence for Allah's laws as you have.. that would have let him know that you weren't interested, and it would have prevented you from being dishonest.. |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Anik |
| 07/05/01 at 01:27:57 |
| A.A. I can understand how if the wife has a bad haircut, then maybe a lie, or lets say a stretch of truth, is fine, but isn't the rule on if it's a disput between man and wife? and how come woman can't lie to a man? A.A. abdullah,. |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| pakiprncess |
| 07/05/01 at 17:49:23 |
| also, to add on to whats been said, if he hasnt prayed for the sake of Allah (SWT) in all this time, what makes you think he would drop everything else and begin to pray for your sake? thats like when a nonmuslim marries a muslim just for the sake of the marriage: it doesnt neccessarily hold out very long... |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| imamaslam |
| 07/05/01 at 23:15:59 |
| Dear sister Just tell the brother straight I'm sorry I'm not interested. And if a proposal does come your way remember Allah has given you the right to reject or accept and that is your God given right. Always be open with your parents about topics that concern your life and your future I know we come from a society that you can't even speak about certain things and is considered shameful, but sister when it comes to your life than Hello wakeup call youre going to be married to this guy not your parent you don't have to make a spectacle of his past but just be blunt and tell only your parents just don'y broadcast it and InshaAlah knowing that parent want only the best for their children they will not put you in a difficult situation. All the best my duas are with you.And no man should do things to impress others only Lillahi-taalah. Wasalaam |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Spring |
| 07/06/01 at 06:10:20 |
[quote] those who have committed zina are only suppsoed to marry those who have also commited zina [/quote] [slm] Hope you are all well. I just want to qualify this statement a little. If a person sincerely repents and refrains from such deeds, they can be chaste individuals. And in that case they can also marry chaste people. Islam is not a deen which eternally condemns people for mistakes they have made. |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/07/01 at 00:31:54 |
| A man or a woman who have committed fornication can still marry someone pure if they repent, the ayyah should not be taken literally. -Al-Afghani |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/07/01 at 00:36:39 |
| There are white lies which you say because you don't want to hurt a persons feelings and there are big whopper lies which you say to protect yourself. Youre in a very dangerous situation. This is your future and to not tell your parents about this boy is really terrible. This boy knows he been doing wrong and his fundamental fear is being found out for all his wrong actions. So why are you protecting him? Just tell your parents you dont want to marry him and give your reasons why. What right has this boy got to make you feel uncomfortable and to make up stories about imaginary boyfriends. If he doesnt leave you alone when you tell him to then tell your parents. You're not doing anything wrong BUT the more you lie - well what happens if news gets back to yor parents that you have a boyfriend? (even if he is a lie?) |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| jannah |
| 07/07/01 at 00:49:43 |
| uh there is no such thing as white lies or black lies or purple lies or any other kind of lies in Islam. lying is lying and it is HARAM. the few SPECIFIC RARE CONDITIONAL EXCEPTIONS mentioned in this thread shouldn't mislead one into thinking that it is ok to lie depending upon how you feel or the damage that might occur. despite those times a person is allowed to lie the rule is still there. |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/07/01 at 13:53:30 |
| you can't even tell a white lie? So if someone has an awful haircut but they think its really great i'm supposed to tell them 'i think you're haircut is awful'? |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Lisha |
| 07/07/01 at 14:03:34 |
| slm, You could threaten the boy dat likes u;) Like tell him if he proposes to ur family, tell him u'll tell them y u really dont wanna marry him, dat way he's out of ur life:) ne ways god luck, insh'allah u'll do da right thin;) AND [quote]you can't even tell a white lie? So if someone has an awful haircut but they think its really great i'm supposed to tell them 'i think you're haircut is awful'?[/quote]Yes, 'coz if they find out from sum1 else they'll b more hurt;) Or alternatively, dont comment at all:) w'salaam |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| sarah |
| 07/08/01 at 10:36:26 |
| assalamu 'alaikum, if my friend had a bad haircut but she likes it... i wouldn't say anything unless i absolutely had to. then if she insists, i would just say something like 'its so short! you won't be as hot in the summer!' or just 'thats so interesting. i never would have thought to cut my hair that way. where did you get the idea for that cut?' just have to be a bit tactful. besides just cuz i think its bad, doesn't mean its bad. that just one person's opinion and everyone has different tastes. the important thing is that she likes! as for the original question, i get the feeling that you haven't told the brother why you aren't interested in him. maybe because you don't want him to think that you are holding the past against him. you know, us sisters have to learn to speak our minds honestly, especially in these types of matters! this is your going to be your husband! no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. if there is not obvious proof that he has changed and regrets his past actions, why would you risk your future just to not hurt his feelings! tell him the truth and if that's not enough for him, tell him you will then have to tell your parents. hopefully that will make him back off. hope this helps! |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Al-Afghani |
| 07/08/01 at 12:17:48 |
| There are certain conditions where lying is permitted, but most of the times a lie is a lie. |
| Re: is it ever right to lie??? |
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| Mahmoodah |
| 07/08/01 at 13:52:01 |
| neways, wats the point of lieing, coz 1 lie leads to another lies!!! then ur life will b full off lies!!! wa-salam |
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