Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Shakira |
| 07/06/01 at 09:22:57 |
| Its terrible that you feel so alone. You feel betrayed by your friend and your mother. But looking at is as a outsider, maybe the way your mother got the information to you was not the most ethical way, but if she had just told you in private, what this man told her about his feelings for you - would you have believed it? As far as his feelings for you, he is human, and I guess these things happen. But, when he felt his feelings for you growing, then he should have pulled away. But, he kept interactting with you. He is married, and he should have known that what he was feeling was wrong. And what he felt he was going to accomplish by telling your mother is beyond me. Did he really think she would be happy that a married man, is in love with her daughter? You should stay away from this man. If he does contact you, then you must remind him that he is married, and that should be his main priority. He needs to concentrate on his marriage and what he will do to make it better. You are angry with your mother, but you have to sit back and look at it from another point of view. She is your mother, and again, imagine her feelings at having a married man tell her he loves her daughter. And if she told you in person you would never believe her. I think she did the right thing by letting you know what was going on behind you back. Now what you do with this information is up to you. You will meet new friends, and one day you will meet a nice, single man who you will want to marry, and have a family with. |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| *sofia* |
| 07/06/01 at 12:38:23 |
| Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah, I am sooooo sorry to hear that Serena, moreso about your leaving the board than anything else, because I’m sure you’ve faced more than this in your life, and come out of it a better person, alhamdulillah. I can understand your reasoning, to a point. I can’t say I understand what it’s like to have such a mother/family member, but each one of us has our own tests. Trust me, some tests are not for everyone, Allah knows which we can handle. And the most interesting thing about it is, every test has a reason. I wish you had a sister in faith to help you through your tough times and may Allah grant you it, b/c the brother seemed genuine and all, and I’m sure he helped you through a lot, but know that it is Allah that helps us, and each of us has our limits. I am sure your intentions were pure, but I have seen all too many times that sisters with pure intentions have been “misunderstood” by certain men in their lives (no matter how “good” they are, it’s just human nature). I can’t really explain it, but for what it’s worth, every single instance of a sister I know who has (innocently) come to know a non-mahrem brother, has had a similar situation as yours with this brother (to a different extent). So please don’t feel like this has only happened to you. Maybe it's one of many lessons (for those reading as well) to keep our distance and guard ourselves. Any good that comes from Allah’s trials is through His mercy, our patience, trust, preserverance, and supplications/prayers to Him. In any case, I hope these ahadith/narrations of our Prophet (saws) helps you, insha’Allah. May Allah keep you and your daughter on the straight path, and grant you patience and preserverance through every adversity, aameen. If you ask for help, ask help from Allah. And this board will be here whenever you need it, insha’Allah. Hadith Qudsi 17: On the authority of Abu Dharr al-Ghifari (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (PBUH) is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord (may He be glorified) is that He said: O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you, O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it. O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him finds good praise Allah and let him who finds other that blame no one but himself. It was related by Muslim (also by at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah). Hadith Qudsi 29: On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says: My faithful servant's reward from Me, if I have taken to Me his best friend from amongst the inhabitants of the world and he has then borne it patiently for My sake, shall be nothing less than Paradise. It was related by al-Bukhari. Volume 7, Book 70, Number 545: Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." (Bukhari) Volume 7, Book 70, Number 547: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "The example of a believer is that of a fresh tender plant; from whatever direction the wind comes, it bends it, but when the wind becomes quiet, it becomes straight again. Similarly, a believer is afflicted with calamities (but he remains patient till Allah removes his difficulties.) And an impious wicked person is like a pine tree which keeps hard and straight till Allah cuts (breaks) it down when He wishes." (Bukhari) Volume 7, Book 70, Number 548: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." (Bukhari) |
| NS |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Magableh |
| 07/06/01 at 17:18:14 |
| Assalamu 'alaikum This is Cindy and I removed the above post because it is in a personal nature and Serena wrote it out of anger and frustration. I'm sure she was unaware at the time of just how many people read it. |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Saleema |
| 07/06/01 at 17:52:36 |
| Hello Cindy. Give my salams to your sister. Hope she is feeling better. and tell her to come on line sometime! :) And tell her that she is in our prayers and we are all thinking for her. Take care Saleema |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Lisha |
| 07/07/01 at 20:14:13 |
| slm, Arghhh, Serenas leavin???:( I don't hav to say ne of this, as u all know. we'll miss her. any ways Sr. cindy, giv our luv to ur sis;) take care, w'salaam |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| eleanor |
| 07/08/01 at 12:28:33 |
| slm Huh? what happened??? wasalaam eleanor |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Anonymous |
| 07/10/01 at 01:41:59 |
| Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. I'm sending this message to all of you anonymously because I have already deleted my user name. This is Serena, and this will be my last post here on the Madina. I'll keep it brief: Over the past couple of weeks I have posted some *really* personal information here. I didn't realize until a couple of days ago that I was wrong in doing this. You see, I have known most of you for almost 2 years. I consider you to be my family (i.e. My Madina family) and feel as if I can share any and everything with you. What I didn't take into consideration was that it wasn't only the *frequenters* who read my posts, it's the lurkers also. I have grown very fond of most of you. When something good happened in my life, I came to the board and shared it with all of you, and when something bad happened, I came here for comfort and solace. I am *extremely* embarrassed for some of the posts that I wrote, and I feel as if I can't show my *face* around here anymore. This is why I'm leaving the board. (of course, there are other reasons, but I'll leave it at that) If I remain a part of this board, I cannot promise you that I won't be so *forward* again, and that's why it's better to leave. I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am brutally open and honest, and that's how I get myself into trouble. I don't think twice before I act upon my feelings. :( Anyway, I will sorely miss all of you as if I'm missing a part of myself! As much as it hurts to leave, I have to. :( I sincerely apologize to all of you, including the lurkers, for my posts. If I have ever offended any of you, made you feel uncomfortable or upset, I seek your forgiveness. My intentions were pure and I never meant any *harm* to anyone. I noticed that Cindy is on board now. Please be nice with her and help her out. She's new in her studies and we are all vulnerable at that time. I can't help her out anymore, because I am lost myself. :( Insha'Allah, if the board is here in the future, I *might* be back, only Allah ta'ala knows. Wa'assalam, Serena |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| meraj |
| 07/10/01 at 12:37:33 |
| slm, sr serena, we are deeply sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time and that you are leaving the board :( rather than be sad over that, we offer you our prayers and duaas for Allah to give you patience, guidance, and strength. your posts mayhave been of a personal nature and i understand your regret for posting them in a public forum.. we are very much concerned about your safety and well being too. but i can say that your posts were not useless... i personally was touched by them and it helped me realize a lot about myslef that i did not see before you shared your perspectives and thoughts on things. you are defenitely a valuable part of the madina community that cannot be replaced and we all love you as our dear sister in islam... i cant say much more without holding back the tears but but let me just end with that again, you and your daughter are in our duaas and we hoep that inshallah, in the future when things turn out better for you, you consider joining us again :) and dont worry, we'll take good care of your sister cindy :) take care, fiamanillah, and slm, :) meraj, the welcoming wagon coodinator (yes, we also do official goodbyes too ;) ) |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Lisha |
| 07/10/01 at 15:11:53 |
| slm, :( ne ways good luck 4 da future. And u know we'll miss u lots. I really don't know wat to say, except 4 i'm speachless!!! take care, w'salaam:) |
| Re: In the blink of an eye... |
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| Sonny |
| 07/10/01 at 17:21:44 |
| Sr Serena--I truely found your posts inspirational, for me, and was glad to know that there are others who also at times don't hold anything back and are open and honest. Real candor is a precious trait in this old dishonest world. I found your posts meaningful. One or two muslim men who are married also asked me to marry them--this was quite a long time ago--and I did say no, but was assured by the moslim community that it is not nessesarily against the will of God, despite the American practice of one marriage. The Qu'ran does state a man may have up to four wives, I think. So it is sort of an agknowledgement in the Qu'ran, that it is truely possible to love and cherish more than one person. I used to be more uncomfortable with that idea than I am now. I also think that if you suddenly discovered that some person for whom you care deeply also cares for you, then you must be feeling just about every emotion under the sun! Well, there is no reason I can see to be sorry for any harm done...there was no harm done. Good luck to you as you decide what new direction your life may now take. I wish you a lot of happiness, and hope to see more posts from you in the future! Love, Sonny :) |
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