Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community

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Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
morning_mist
07/09/01 at 18:42:49
Assalaamu alaikum,

----------------------------------Forward----------------------------------

I wanted to share an incident which I think is important to remember when we talk about how Islam is the fastest growing religion.

I spoke to a sister in Montreal on Sunday, and she told me how she is no longer really interested in Islam because of the way the Muslim community has completely abandoned her. She says she still believes in Allah, but is fed up with Muslims, who act so holy and pious, but have no compassion for their fellow human beings.

She is elderly and has cancer. She converted a few years ago and lives in the West Island. It is very hard for her to get out of her house because she is weak due to the cancer treatments she had to undergo. She says that Muslim sisters she has met are all eager to help her when they first meet, but after a few meetings, they drop her and forget about her.

Muslims, of whom there are plenty in the West Island, do not visit her, or come over to console and comfort her.

She was rightfully angry, disgusted and fed up with the lack of Mulsim
compassion for her, especially as someone old and sick.

As for Muslim men, her words were no less harsh. She talked about how in Masjids she has visited, women sections are in disgusting conditions while the men's sections are beautifully carpeted, withe chandeliers hanging above. She mentioned how Muslim men are domineering with their wives and families.

None of the things she has said are untrue. They may not be true of all Muslims, but they are a reality we as Muslims really have to face.

There are converts leaving the ranks of Islam. They are leaving because they have no support, they are isolated and they feel excluded.

They are also leaving because of Muslims' often substandard treatment and attitude towards women.

It is easier for Muslim converts who have, Alhamdu lillah, developed a
network and contacts in the community, as well as for those who are blessed to be married to a Muslim spouse who can help them with the faith.

But for the single Muslim converts, especially the sick and elderly, we have lost our interest in and compassion for them.

I hope at some point, you can address this topic on your list. The sister's isolation and depression are not surprising. Nor is her disgust with Muslim behavior. I hope we can somehow, Insha Allah, wake up to our duty to her.

If, God forbid, she leaves Islam and dies a non-Muslim, won't the entire Muslim community of Montreal be to blame?

A sister
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
Ayla_A
07/09/01 at 18:50:12
[slm]

While I agree with most of your post, alhumdulillah the masjid I go to has a nice area for the ladies to pray in...

My problem with being a "canadian" revert is that because of the problem with culture/heritage being such a large part in the islamic society here that I don't "fit" anywhere.

I don't get invited to go with the "arab ladies" since I speak a very little bit of arabic..

I don't get invited to go with the "pakistani ladies" since I don't speak urdu..

etc...etc...etc...

There is only one other revert in this community, and we have sort of bonded together, because the same thing happens with her all the time..

It is a sad state of affairs and I am really dishearted with the community...Alhumdu'lillah I have a practicing muslim that helps me with the things I need plus a "internet" support group to teach me things my hubby doesn't know about ""woman stuff as he puts it"

[wlm]
Tracy
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
morning_mist
07/09/01 at 19:03:22
wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

hmmm... that was an email that was forwarded to me today, and when i read it i just felt really sad.  this a problem we all need to be more conscious of.  
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
Mona
07/09/01 at 19:09:35
Assalamu alaikum,

There is a special meeting for Muslim reverts living near Toronto, Ontario. The information is below.  I think every city should have such meetings/support groups to aid new Muslims in  forming friends and also to provide an outlet for their ideas and concerns.  

wassalam
P.S. I think this topic sounds like it should belong to Madrasatul Ilm ?

---
[color=black]
                                      All the "new" Muslims are invited to attend the New Muslims
                                      Support Group classes, held every month or every other
                                      month(in the West end). =>Place: ANATOLIA ISLAMIC CENTER
                                      [TURKISH MOSQUE] Located on Maingate Drive, one block
                                      West of Dixie on Eglinton, Mississauga => Conducted by: Br.
                                      Dawud Wharnsby Ali -The renowned Dai and singer of
                                      educational Islamic Songs (Nasheeds) => In order to maximize
                                      the participation and interaction of the new Muslims, the
                                      ADMISSION TO THIS PROGRAM IS LIMITED STRICTLY TO
                                      THE NEW MUSLIM BROTHERS AND SISTERS. => What is New
                                      Muslims Support Group? 1-It is an informal and flexible group of
                                      people who have reverted to Islam in their life time. It is a forum
                                      which provides "new" Muslims a sense of belonging and a
                                      place which they can turn to for support. 2- It brings together
                                      the experiences, challenges, and struggles of the revert
                                      Muslims. 3- It is a place where they exchange notes, learn from
                                      each other, give moral and physical support to other Muslim
                                      brothers & sisters, and socialize among themselves. 4- The
                                      personal or individual needs could also be addressed in terms
                                      of one-on-one basis learning sessions. =>If you are a "new"
                                      Muslim, please try to attend these session..... it will be of great
                                      benefit to you and to others as well, if Allah Wills. In addition, if
                                      you know any other new Muslims, please convey the message
                                      to them! For further info, please contact Br. Ali Ghayyur @
                                      (905) 270-5388 or tahag@yesic.com

Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
akbalkhan
07/10/01 at 00:39:03
As Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
Brothers and Sisters,

While I feel for the sister I really do, I cannot accept the language and tone of seemingly lashing out at many muslims for not being there for the elderly sister.

True, the situation in the American culture of the treatment of the elderly is a sad one, and I think that culture is not endemic to the Americas by meaning U.S. but the world phenomena that is the American culture.

I too have struggled with my reversion, as at first I was not alone, and then slowly I found that I secluded myself out of recognizing my differences with other muslims in my area, and I was somewhat out of the circles culturally, perhaps feeling a bit excluded, as well.

But that is where my relationship with Allah Subhannah Wa T'allah benefited, alhandulillah.  There is the time that I took the shahadah, and I was said to be muslim.  Then there was the time that I earnestly began to glorify Allah SWT, and this is when my being muslim did not depend upon the by and leave of others.

I cannot talk about the benefits of helping the elderly that are strangers yet brothers and sisters in Islam, because I myself have not taken that path.  But I know what it is like to be estranged from one's family, and to try to help take care of family, who are mushrik, and strangers, and sick- there is much benefit in this, in terms of helping to revert, and give dawah.

I believe when the hadith and Quran says, that Allah SWT guides who Allah wills, and sends astray whom Allah wills.  That does not mean we should leave our brothers and sisters, old and young, to their own devices, but it does not lay the responsibility for each of them on our shoulders.

Deen is something that waivers for all of us, and we cannot, must not blame the Ummah for our own shortcomings, insha'allah.  Do what you can to help this woman, sister, and I hope to bring away from the post that you forwarded a greater sense of responsibility in continuing the efforts I have started, insha'Allah.

Shukran for your forwarded post,alhamdulillah,

Qamar Akbal Kaan
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
Kashif
07/10/01 at 19:18:43
assalaamu alaikum

Morning_mist, this is a problem we find in our community. Unfortunately, we find that people after introducing a person to Islam leave them alone not understanding the fact that the acceptance of Islam brings with it many questions that need to be answered for the new Muslim/ah regarding the daily lifestyle of a Muslim, e.g. manner of praying, eating habits, other interactions, etc.

In London we have the Islamic Propagation Organisation which helps new Muslims in a good way, alhumdulillah, arranging classes, meetings with the new Muslims, etc.

Kashif
Wa Salaam
NS
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
Anonymous
07/10/01 at 23:19:48
Assalam'alaykum,

If there are any sisters living in Montreal on this board, please feel
free to e-mail me, I'll give you my phone number, incha'Allah.  As for
the elderly sister, could you give me her number or e-mail address?  
I'll try my best to do something for her.

wassalam
safiya26@yahoo.com
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
morning_mist
07/11/01 at 17:19:31

wa alaikum assalaam wrt wbt,
i do not know the sister from Montreal who sent the original message, but i have passed your email address to the brother who sent me this as a forward and requested him to pass it on to the sister.  jazaki allahu khair for the response.

Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
Anik
07/11/01 at 18:53:11
asalaamu alaikum,

at the same time as being supportive to new muslims ( I am a new muslim myself)

the problem I think we do is become "over-zealous" with reverts... I sort of felt that... when a revert is around, be the best, alwayts smile and greet, make them happy

it makes me feel sometimes like reverts are like shareholders


MAKE THE SHAREHOLDERS HAPPY

ANYTHING FOR THE CUSTOMER

and then, when they become "normal", they are sad... now, people don't appraoch and smile anymore... back to the social circles...

we have to emphasize i think that Islam is about Allah Subhana and YOU!

not people,

I mean sure, there should be uniformity, but it is support... too often we try to conform to a society rather than see the true fruits of a way of life and believe in them...

it isn't necessarily the fault of the people who don't visit... although it could be a reason why people leave Islam, but it's also the fault of those who vest their faith in people...

a person shouldn't be under the impression that Islam is about people, I may be wrong, Allah Subhana Wa Tala forgive me my wrongs...

I once heard my fellow muslim brother say, Islam has produced the worst people (in recent history) but the best religion...

I think Islam is and has been one of the most fundamentally misrepresented religions IN THE WORLD by it's own people...

people will let you down... Allah Subhana has made that clear... He made us with limits so to put His Will on the shoulders of His Creation is not reasonabke...

still, what we should do is, I think, not be totally unaccountable for not helping reverts, but instead, let's give them a realiztic view of things.. act realistically.

The worst is when everybody puts on "best behaviour" for the revert, and then, goes back to being themsleves... there should be one way... then, when the revert sees the real face, he/she is dismayed.. it was all an act... i can't even gather my thoughts comprehensively on how much religion and people are tied together.

Just try to emphasize Allah Subhana

someone help me out here...

God before all... asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,.
Re: Convert Abandoned by Muslim Community
Ayla_A
07/12/01 at 15:47:52
[slm]

While I agree with you, that Islam is a wonderful, beautiful religion when practiced according to the Quran and sunnah, and yes, people generally try to practice this way, but culture also plays a huge role in the "practice" of religion (all religions) this is the major issue, and though many many muslims have told me not to judge Islam on muslims, it is very hard not to (so far alhumdulillah I have been able to, but it is very hard for my parents (who are not muslim {may Allah show them the righteous path}to see past the culture.

About the community, yes I practice Islam and will stay a muslim (insha'allah) for the rest of my life, it makes it better if you have a strong community around you.  It gives you the opportunity to do Halal things with groups of people, and makes it easier to stay away from haram.

These to me are very important things when staying on the right path (of course having Allah in my heart is the most important)

[wlm]
Ayla


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