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Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
eleanor
07/11/01 at 06:41:45
slm Dear brothers and sisters.. I've been wanting to post this up here for sometime now, but a mixture of shame and apprehension stopped me. I'm slipping away from Islam again. Falling back into old habits. Not caring if I do things right or not. I'm afraid. I think I'm a hypocrite. I say I believe in Allah, I believe Muhammad was his messenger, I've learned so much about Islam in the last couple of months. But I don't pray anymore. I haven't read the Qur'an in ages. The weather has been really hot lately and only for my parents-in-law are still visiting I would have been out in shorts. But this is the worst thing. I don't feel guilty about it. I sometimes think to myself.."oh I'll go and pray now and repent to Allah and it'll be okay.." but then I remind myself that it would only be a fake kind of repenting because I don't mean it in my heart. I should be crying with repentance for slipping away but I'm more like a block of stone. I feel like it's all fading away and I couldn't be bothered to reach out and pull it back. I don't see anything worth holding onto. I've lost the feeling of excitement that I had a while ago. It's almost like the novelty has worn off. Feel free to answer any way you want. I can take criticism. Maybe it's a bit of sharp criticism I need to wake me up and get me back on the straight path. A good slap in the face. wasalaam eleanor

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
BrKhalid
07/11/01 at 07:50:29
Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) Speaking personally I would say recognising that you're slipping sometimes is actually a very big part of your Iman!!! Maybe a practical way of revitilising your faith is to remind yourself of the times when you were in distress and how Allah took you out of that particular predicament. Alternatively look at those people less fortunate than you and say to yourself I have been blessed with this deen. Sometimes we are guilty of asking of Allah all the time to fulfil all our needs. I think sometimes its nice to just thank our Lord for the countless blessings He has given us. Just a few thoughts Sr Eleanor ;-)

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
bhaloo
07/11/01 at 09:06:19
slm My suggestion to you would be to read and listen to the Quran, look at the meaning and the explanation (tafsir).  Here are some other pointers as well. Signs of weak faith and how to have stronger faith. Signs of Weak Faith: - Committing sins and not feeling any guilt. - Having a hard heart and no desire to read the Quran. - Feeling too lazy to do good deeds, e.g. being late for salat - Neglecting the Sunnah. - Having mood swings, for instance being upset about petty things and bothered and irritated most of the time. - Not feeling anything when hearing verses from the Quran, for example when Allah warns us of punishments and His promise of glad tidings. - Finding difficulty in remembering Allah and making dhikr. - Not feeling bad when things are done against the Shariah. - Desiring status and wealth. - Being mean and miserly, i.e. not wanting to part with wealth. - Ordering others to do good deeds when not practising them ourselves. - Feeling pleased when things are not progressing for others. - Being concerned with whether something is haram or halal only; and not avoiding makroo (not recommended) things. - Making fun of people who do simple good deeds, like cleaning the mosque. - Not feeling concerned about the situation of Muslims. - Not feeling the responsibility to do something to promote Islam. - Liking to argue just for the sake of arguing without any proof. - Becoming engrossed and very involved with dunya, worldly things, i.e. feeling bad only when losing something in terms of material wealth. - Becoming engrossed and obsessive about ourselves. Okay, how to increase our faith then ? -Recite and ponder on the meanings of the Quran. Tranquility then descends and our hearts become soft. To get optimum benefit, remind yourself that Allah is speaking to you. People are described in different categories in the Quran; think of which one you find yourself in. -Realize the greatness of Allah. Everything is under His control. There are signs in everything we see that points us to His greatness. Everything happens according to His permission. Allah keeps track and looks after everything, even a black ant on a black rock on a black moonless night. -Make an effort to gain knowledge, for at least the basic things in daily life e.g. how to make wudu properly. Know the meanings behind Allah's names and attributes. People who have taqwa are those who have knowledge. Attend gatherings where Allah is remembered. In such gatherings we are surrounded by angels. -We have to increase our good deeds. One good deed leads to another good deed. Allah will make the way easy for someone who gives charity and also make it easy for him or her to do good deeds. Good deeds must be done continuously, not in spurts. -We must fear the miserable end to our lives; the remembrance of death is the destroyer of pleasures. -Remember the different levels of akhirah, for instance when we are put in our graves, when we are judged, whether we will be in paradise or hell. -Make dua, realize that we need Allah. Be humble. Don't covet material things in this life. -Our love for Subhana Wa Ta'Ala must be shown in actions. We must hope Allah will accept our prayers, and be in constant fear that we do wrong. At night before going to sleep, we must think about what good we did during that day. -Realize the effects of sins and disobedience- one's faith is increased with good deeds and our faith is decreased by bad deeds. Everything that happens is because Allah wanted it. When calamity befalls us- it is also from Allah. It is a direct result of our disobedience to Allah. Contributed by: Abu Banan

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Sabr
07/11/01 at 10:20:45
Assalamu 'alaikum! [quote]I've lost the feeling of excitement that I had a while ago.  It's almost like the novelty has worn off.[/quote] Sister, that happens to all of us at one time or another.  After first embracing Islam, your life, body and soul are filled with the wonderful light that Allah (subhanna wa ta'ala) has shown to you!  Your energy is high and all you wish to do is concentrate on becoming a better Muslim and learning more about Islam! As Br. Khalid has said, your recognition of the slipping IS a sign of your faith!  All you have to do is trust in God, and pray that He strengthens your imaan! The reason why you *feel* that you are lazy about praying, reading the Qur'an etc...is actually the work of shaitan...and just keep reminding yourself about that fact....shaitan is whispering that you should be neglectful of your prayers, that you shouldn't bother with the fundamentals of Islam, AND shaitan is also hardening your heart...making you feel nothing when you do pray... My advice is for you to do activities that first reminded you of how you felt when you fully turned to Islam... - do listening to nasheeds fill your "tummy" and heart with joy? - have you tried praying Sunnah as well as obligatory prayers? - can you hold on until Ramadhaan? (your imaan will guaranteed shoot to the roof then!!) - is there an Islamic conference you can attend? - have you just quietly sat...feeling the breeze, listening to the birds, feeling the sun, and have allowed God's wonders to enter into your senses? Sister, I pray that Allah blesses you and guides you along the Straight Path.  May He guard you from the whisperings of shaitan and may He strengthen your imaan. ~Ameen. Just trust in God.  We may not know what the plan is, but when it is actualized, we can see God's influence. fee amanillah ~Sabr

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Kathy
07/11/01 at 10:48:02
slm Here is your life line: [Al-Imran 3:103.8] And hold fast, all together, by the rope which God (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude God's favour on you; for ye were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, ye became brethren; and ye were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus doth God make His Signs clear to you: That ye may be guided. As others have said- we all go thru this period at some time in our lives. I have noticed that your posts have always been so bubbly. Has something happened that has depressed you?
NS

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
NewJehad
07/11/01 at 11:36:14
Sorry Eleanor. I only speak harshly to people when they don’t want me to…. Anyhow, if we always loved all the rules of our deen and ran towards them and always hated what our deen hates, and ran away from them. This deen would be really easy for every one, no test, we will all be in Jannah. Any one can strive for the deen when we have the zeal; the test only comes when we do it out of obedience to Allah, not zeal. What I mean is, obeying Allah, when you don’t get any enjoyment out of obeying Allah. That is where the good deeds lye. I mean some of the bidahi people do methods of worship that leaves the worshiper with a very high spiritual feeling. But in reality it is only biddah. So what I am telling you is good worship is not dependent on feeling you gain from it, it is dependent on it being in accordance with the sunnah. We all lose that spiritual feeling, when we don’t have it obeying Allah becomes harder, but inshallah, we may get more reword from it. If absence of spiritual feeling has really become a problem for you, hang around with pious people for a while. That really increases my takwa. Or go to talks by good speakers, the really charismatic ones, whose talks are often empty of real content. Any way, if you miss a few farrads here and there, and then justify to your self your right to miss those farrads, it becomes very easy to use them as a excuse to miss more. There is really no real difference between not wearing hijab and walking around in shorts. So it is very easy for one to led to the other.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
amatullah
07/11/01 at 11:53:07
Bismillah and salam, sis E before I joined I always liked your posts and masha'Allah the strength it shows. I think it is fair to say that most reverts go through what you are going through, even born muslims, because as the prophet said the faith is something not static it goes up and down. I know it must be hard, he the beloved it will be hard, he said there will be a day when holding on to your religion will be like the holding to an ember (you know the burning coal). But he also gave us advice on how to make it easier for ourselves. It is in Quran as well. One of them is prayer. It is the 3ahd, the contract we made with Allah as believers. It is the thing if it is good, the rest of your work is good insha'Allah on judegment day. It is so important to make that connection with your creator several times a day, to clear your consciounce from the stuff in betweetn, to get away from this life, to remember the next, to give thanks, to ask for help, etc prayer is in fact a form of dua. If you cannot (which I believe you are strong to make your self start praying again) then do dua's alot. But the more you pray and keep at it, the more you will get from it insha'Allah.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
sarah
07/11/01 at 12:07:17
Assalaamu alaykum, Something thats helpful to me... Dua, Dua, Dua... ask Allah swt to help you to increase your iman to soften you heart to keep you on the straight path to make you among those that he forgives to help you re-establish you prayers to make you strong in times of weakness Maybe start by re-establishing one of your prayers at a time and build inshaAllah until you can do all five. Allah swt will not give up on you as long as you don't give up on yourself.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Arsalan
07/11/01 at 13:31:45
[slm] Eleanor, whatever you do, don't give up your salah! "Indeed prayer prevents from indecencies and evil deeds." Even if you pray without getting into the prayer, it's better than no prayer at all.  Sometimes we have to force things to grow from our outward to the inward.  You can hope that by performing the ritual movements of prayer 5 times a day, by reciting the prayer with your mouth, the spirit of the prayer will eventually penetrate your heart and you will eventually be praying with your heart in the prayer insha Allah.  If not now, then with time. But just because you don't pray earnestly anymore doesn't mean that you should stop the prayer.  This is a trick that Shaytaan plays, don't fall for it.   After the prayer, do some adhkaar.  Again, if you can't do them wholeheartedly, at least perform them just for the sake of them (like a machine).  Say "subhan Allah", "alhamu lillah", "allahu akbar" 33 times each.  Say "ash-hadu allaa ilaha illallah wahdahu laa shareeka lahu, wa ash-hadu anna muhammadan abduhu wa rasooluhu" once.  Send prayers on the Prophet (pbuh) as many times as you can, by saying "allahumma salli alaa sayyidinaa muhammad, wa alaa aalihi wa sahbihi wa sallim."   These words of adhkaar act like sandpaper on a rusted heart.  The more you do them, the closer you will get to the state at which you want to be insha Allah. The best form of dhikr is the Qur'an.  Make a schedule to read it regularly.  Make a commitment to yourself, that you will read at least x number of verses everyday from this time to this time, and stick to that.  Again, at first you might do it just because you are forcing yourself to do it.  Your heart may not be in it.  You may just be waiting for that half hour to end so you can put up the Qur'an and go do something else.  But trust me, sometimes you have to force these things on you at the beginning, and with time they become habitual.  With time the Qur'an will find a place in your heart and make it yearn for it so it won't be as difficult for you to find the time to read it anymore. Any time there is a halaqah or a lecture in your community, try to attend it.  Become involved in these Deen study groups.  Listening can do wonders. Lastly, surround yourself with sisters who love Allah (swt), and try to spend time with them as much as you can.  Good company will not let you go astray, insha Allah. This is a du'aa that you may want to say after every prayer: [i]"Yaa muqallib al quloob, thabbit qalbee 3alaa deenik."[/i] Rough translation: O Possessor of the hearts, make my heart firm on your Deen. Another du'aa for you: [i]"Rabbanaa laa tuzigh quloobanaa ba3da idh hadaytanaa, wa hab lanaa min ladunka raHmah, innaka anta al-wahhaab."[/i] Rough translation: O Lord don't let our hearts go astray after you have guided them, and bestow upon us your Mercy.  Indeed you are the bestower of everything. And lastly, the du'aa of Adam and Eve, when they realized their mistake of eating from the tree: [i]"Rabbanaa dhalamnaa anfusanaa wa in lam taghfir lanaa wa tarHamnaa lanakoonanna min al-khaasireen."[/i] Rough translation: O Lord we have wronged our own selves, and if you don't forgive us and have Mercy upon us, we will definitely be from the losers. May Allah help you sister, and help us all.  Ameen. Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Sonny
07/11/01 at 14:00:28
Sister;  I know how you feel. I sort of feel also that my faith isn't strong, and I am not on any kind of emotional high. Satan has sort of laid out a slippery path for me as well.  I heard a song on the radio the other day, that went..."what if I step, what if I stumble, what if I fall and embarrass us all?" I think the message being that God loves us.  I am surprised often here, that questions and answer's are alway's being posted that apply to me very well, and i take a lot of encouragement from what I read and learn here. But I struggle a lot with self-conciousness (shame) that I cannot be the more perfect muslimah I'ld like to be, then that makes me feel like avoiding muslim's--I fear that I will not make my muslim friend's happy, so I am tempted to stay away from Jummah. When I go there, I'ld like to be in accordance with Allah, and the teachings of the prophet, and since I feel I'm not, I feel I should not go. Is that strange? But when I do read information here, hadiths, and quotes from the Qu'ran, it seems right, yes? But I am trying to go easy on myself, and continue with this faith I feel is the right path. So I just try to do what I can each day, ask for forgiveness from Allah, and try to forgive myself as well.  Sr E, you could not ask for a more interesting religion, or lifestyle, or friends.  Take care, I'll think of you in my prayers.  Sonny

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Asim
07/11/01 at 14:20:03
Assalaamu alaikum, MashaAllah there is a lot of good advice in this thread. Sr. Eleanor, try to be with pious practicing muslims as much as possible (as already suggested). Alhamdulillah you are married, I would suggest that you and your husband do as much as possible together. Marriage is meant to provide companionship so look towards supporting each other in deen. Allah swt describes marriage as a garment for each other, a protection, a fence that is extended and keeps the shaytaan away. Shaytaan preys on souls that are isolated. So read the Quran together, ponder over the meanings together, discuss islamic topics in everyday conversations. And most importantly, pray together as much as possible. This will enable you to re-establish this very important practice. Doing ibadah together will also help your husband inshallah. Sometimes in the world today, even when people are married they still live individual lifes. So inshallah take advantage of this blessing as much as possible. I will also reiterate what Arsalan said: don't give up your prayers even if you feel you are not connecting. It will only be a matter of time inshallah. And keep striving to improve yourself 'coz this is not meant to be easy! Wasalaam.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
bhaloo
07/11/01 at 15:02:15
slm Jazak Allah khairen brothers, well said.  Alhumdullilah such wonderful naseeah.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
eleanor
07/11/01 at 16:31:35
slm Brothers and Sisters, Jazak Allah Khayran for the wonderful answers..I feel 99% better and surer than I did before, but the root of my problem was expressed so beautifully by Sr.Sonny.. [quote] I am tempted to stay away from Jummah. When I go there, I'ld like to be in accordance with Allah, and the teachings of the prophet, and since I feel I'm not, I feel I should not go. Is that strange? But when I do read information here, hadiths, and quotes from the Qu'ran, it seems right[/quote] This is just it. In this wonderful cushiony world of Madinat Message Board, everything seems possible, easy and within reach. Then you try to apply it all to your life and BANG! you meet Muslims who aren't as kind and receptive as my wonderful Madinat family..or you're STILL afraid to just put that hijab on and be done with it...or the Shaytan just keeps on whispering about how *good* life used to be, how much *fun* it was... I haven't gone to any meetings or seminars here. I don't even know if any exist and do you know why? I'm afraid that if I ring the Islamic centre to enquire and they invite me along, then they won't accept me coz I don't wear hijab. My husband says hijab isn't just a whimsical thing to wear one day and not the next..when you put it on, then it's for life. Maybe this is why I'm stalling. I was invited by a friend to come and work in his company a while ago. It was actually an insurance selling job. I went to all these weekend seminars where they went on and on about how the insurance was the best on the market, how no one can live without this insurance..the hows and whys and everything. I came out of those seminars on an excited high. This was it. This was my career chance. Now I could make some serious money. What happened? I tried to sell it to about 8 different people. No one bought it. They already had insurance, thank you very much or not at the moment, maybe next year.. I got disillusioned..the insurance isn't so good after all. The insurance that everyone else has is just fine..they don't need to buy from me.. Once I was on my own, in the real world, I was a failure. wasalaam eleanor

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Arsalan
07/11/01 at 17:59:49
you're not a failure till you give up...

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
jannah
07/11/01 at 23:57:20
[quote]I haven't gone to any meetings or seminars here.[/quote] eleanor..why don't u go to some of those meetings or seminars.. you can always wear hijab when you go to islamic events.. there's no rule that says you can't!!! or have to wear it all the time if you wear it just for that... and it's a good way to just start at least and get the feel of it. as for people not accepting you...if they don't that's their problem, but you haven't even gone to anything yet! as an aside, there's always people i meet here or there that say... oh i don't go to the mosque because it's so intimidating and the people are judgemental...and i'm like... which mosque did you go to? when did you go? and then they're like... oh you know i went like 8 years ago with my brother once to jumah and no one talked to me or i haven't gone yet but... blah blah etc... they're not even giving us a chance, or islam a chance or THEMSELVES a chance...! personally i just think it's shaytan talking... what kind of muslim delude themselves... if we were real muslims, wouldn't we be knocking down walls and fighting people to get into mosques.. to study.. to learn... to pray???? anyways this is all in lieu of my big peptalk... so just do it! :)

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
talib
07/12/01 at 14:50:34
Sis Eleanor, You've helped me out before, possibly even more than once, so this is my turn to return the favor.  I'll be honest, I'm probably not the best Muslim to take advice from, but then again, I think that in this particular case I have a whole lot to offer because every waking day I live in it.  Personally, I understand why you'd look for advice from the members of this board, but I've found that advice is almost always subjective and tainted with the giver's personal beliefs.  In the end, for some, that can make their situation even worse.  I say this because I've noticed that some of the replies to your post were written in what I like to call a "holier-than-thou" tone.  That's a serious pet peeve of mine.  Another is that no one should give advice if they've never been in the situation in which you speak.  Never!  Anyone who does has absolutely no idea what he/she is saying and at best can only offer you regurgitated thoughts that they read somewhere.  But like I said before, I live what you described ever waking day.  I often think that I was born defective because when I should be crying, not only do I not but I can't, so trust me, I know of what you speak.  The advice I'm giving you is the best thing that I've found to help me through my day-to-day problems, especially what you're going through.  I say, to paraphrase a quote that someone here uses as a signature for their posts, that the shortest distance between a problem and a solution is from your knees to the floor and asking Allah for guidance (I'm pretty sure it wasn't just like that, but it's pretty much what the actual quote means.).  Anyone that understands human nature can understand that quote.  It's just like what I said earlier, that almost all advice is subjective and tainted with the giver's personal beliefs.  Take it directly to Allah.  I can't stress that enough.  After that, it's gonna take patience, something which I personally don't have a whole lot of, but that's what it's gonna take.  You'll have to place your ego aside for a while(It means absolutely nothing to Allah, the Omnipotent...) and play the waiting game just like everyone else.  But trust me on this, soon you'll understand and things will be made clearer to you. Once again, if I know nothing else, I do know this.  Hopefully, this will work for you as it does for me, but whether it does or doesn't, e-mail me back and let me know how it came out. Sincerely, Charles (Talib)

The struggle of a muslim
Anonymous
07/12/01 at 15:56:03
Dear Eleanor, One of the blessings of Islam is that it makes clear what is right and what is wrong despite the fact that it is not followed. One that is deprived of truth doesn’t see this distinction. The one that is rebellious doesn’t  follow the truth once he knows it.  This is why we are to constantly say this dua;  ‘ Oh Allah Show us truth as truth and help us follow it’ Islam, to give a parable is like a seed and Iman, a plant.  If the seed is watered, and taken care of, it grows, radiant and fruitful. If neglected, it withers and dies but the seed is still in the soil, dormant. That is why the Prophet SAW likened the believers to a palm tree. It has leaves year round and it gives fruit year round and its leaves never fall off. This is essentially the characteristic of a true believer. Essentially Iman is a movement up and down. It grows and dies. Becoming a Muslim initiates this movement upwards. A weak believer has his iman maxed out during Ramadhan where he fasts, prays and avoids bad deeds. A true believer is one whose fluctuation is minimal. Thus becoming truly stable. Yes, stability is an essential characteristic of a believer. His/her sincerity and good deeds, he/She is protected from shayateena and people(evil). Evil has no access to him/her. So all is good. And doing good drives out the bad as the Quran tells us. “indeed good deeds drive out bad ones, that is a reminder for those who will remember.”  These are powerful words. That is why a sagacious muslim will always remember this fact and never stop doing good despite the burden of the evil he might be caring. In my struggle as a muslim, I have seen this work its way in a miraculous manner. I started teaching kids and new musims reading quran, and being a regular volunteer at the masjid and works of this kind. And In trying to bring change to others, I have been changed and many of the evil things I used to do disappeared with no or little struggle on my part. Alhamdulilah. Eleanor, You wrote, “I got disillusioned. the insurance isn't so good after all. The insurance that everyone else has is just fine..they don't need to buy from me.. Once I was on my own, in the real world, I was a failure.” I have been in a similar situation. And in my struggle I have found that the more you worry and try to work for this world, the more you are enslaved. And the less you worry about it the more it opens its hand for you. I was deeply affected by Ibn Hazm’s ‘Al-Akhlâq wa’l-Siyar (Morals and Behaviour)’. He wrote “I have tried to find one goal which everyone would agree to be excellent and worthy of being striven after. I have found one only: to be free from anxiety. When I reflected upon it, I realized that not only do all agree in valuing it and desiring it, but I also perceived that, despite their many different passions and aspirations and preoccupations and desires, they never make the slightest gesture unless it is designed to drive anxiety far away. One man loses his way, another comes close to going wrong, finally another is successful - but he is a rare man, and success is rare, [O, all-knowing God].” You can find the book online at http://www.angelfire.com/al/islamicpsychology/books/akhlaq/akhlaq.html

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
humble_muslim
07/13/01 at 13:39:46
AA I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.  I think you've been given some good avice, especially from Talib.  You REALLY need to get in real touch with other muslims on a regular basis. If this means moving to somewhere where this is possible, you should consider this to be an option. Try listening to the meaning of the Quran.  The whole translation in real audio can be found at : http://islamicity.com/Radio/ch152.htm My advice is to listen to parts 27, 28, 29 and 30 first. May Allah guide us all, Ameen. Wasalam
NS

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
amatullah
07/19/01 at 15:16:48
Bismillah and salam, I just wanted to say sister eleanor how are you? Please don't be sad about that job not working for you. Anything that doesn't work like we want we should be thankful because if we know what was written if it did, we would ask for it not to happen by ourselves. It is Allah's mercy.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
Abid
07/20/01 at 22:29:44
Assalamoalaikum sister One thing is for sure that you must be very happy that you have got a lot of brothers and sisters in Islam who really care for you and you can really count on them. I cannot really advise you anything because I guess to advise any one about any thing, one should be acting on it himself.... since I am also still trying to become a Muslim, I cannot really advise you but some of the advices that I saw here really made my heart weep... Please don't be disheartened and discouraged by the Shaytan's wasawis... you will inshallah overcome those, just trust in Allah SWT and yourself, and you can do it. By the way, I am also striving for Sirat-e-mustaqim, please brothers and sisters, pray for me also. Wassalam

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
bhaloo
07/21/01 at 00:10:03
slm Eleanor let us know how you are doing and how things are over there.

Re: Throw me a lifeline.. I'm slipping..
eleanor
07/21/01 at 16:28:40
Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem slm Jazak Allah Khayran to all my brothers and sisters who took the time and effort to reply to my post. Well, like someone said before it's a slippery old straight path and at the moment I'm taking the advice of Jehad and Arsalan and going through the motions of prayer. I felt something stirring in me this evening and I can feel the old excitement coming back. Insha Allah I have a good grip on things now. In the last couple of weeks a lot of things went wrong for me all at once, culminating in the death of my grandfather. (may he rest in peace). I don't want to go into too much detail here but it's been a bad time for me. Today when I came to the board I "lurked" around a bit and then re read this thread. I almost read it again for the first time. Some things made so much more sense this time around. Many many thanks again for the replies. With your help I can get through this. I'll make dua for you all. wasalaam eleanor
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