Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| ZIL |
| 07/17/01 at 13:05:43 |
| Assalaamu alaikum, I was thinking about this the other day (don't ask me why) and would like to get some feedback: In your opinion, which is easier: raising your daughter to be a good Muslimah or raising your son to be a good Muslim? (primarily in America but other countries can be included) Of course we all know that only Allah guides whom He wills and it is a blessing of Allah that He made us Muslim. Wassalaamu alaikum, Zahir. |
| keepin the discussion board a *discussion* board.. |
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| se7en |
| 07/17/01 at 13:13:02 |
| mashaAllah brother zil you always ask such thought provoking questions.. keep it up :) |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| Arsalan |
| 07/17/01 at 19:28:43 |
| [slm] You hear that Zahir? Told you, you need to be posting more on the board :) I think it's more difficult to raise good Muslim sons than good Muslim daughters (everywhere, but especially in this country). The reason is the old innate hayaa issue that has been beaten to death by me in the old hijaab threads. I believe that women are naturally more restrained, modest and shy. Men are naturally bold, unrestrained and explorative. I'm not stereotyping here. I realize that there are always exceptions, but this is the general trend that I have noticed. And there is some psychological evidence that I can use to back up these claims. Anyway. It is because of these innate qualities that girls are more attentive and obedient to the advice and demands of their parents than guys. And for that reason, it is more difficult to keep the guys in check and restrained. You cannot keep an eye on your children ALL the time, regardless of whether they are boys or girls (and you shouldnt!). This means that they can do practically whatever they want when you're not around. However, the girls have the protective shield of that innate modesty that the guys don't have. That keeps them away from many harmful things even when you're not around them. The assumption here, of course, is that the parents are doing what they are supposed to do - nurturing that modesty in their girl so that it is in full effect when she needs it most. The parents should also work on their sons, of course, but it's harder because of their explorative and independent nature. Just my two cents. Wassalamu alaikum. |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| Anik |
| 07/18/01 at 00:28:49 |
| A.A. actually, I disagree I think it's harder to raise a daughter (but that's only my opinion) also, it depends on the culture you are from... people will say no to that, but it really does, because culture often states the norms of the society you are used to... why do i say it's harder to raise daughters? because young girls and women in our society are taught (in Norht Ameica) that baring skin is okay... that acting in whichever manner is alright... I think girls have the challenge of not keeping up with the beauty and fashion thing much more than guys do... As well, the hijab for women here is a cause for question... in a time when women are asking to be equal and liberated, the hijab is the first on the knocking list of women's lib ppl. A muslimah must learn well why Islam has been set up in such a way and why Allah Subhana has told women of Islam to cover themselves. I just think there are more restrictionson womenin Islam (not negative ones mind you) but definitely more restrictions. Brother Arsalan, it may be true, that girls are more shy in nature and passive... but it is also true that sometimes when girls get caught up in viscious gossip circle, even gangs, sometimes surprising negative behaviour completely changes them... and we question their femininity. asalaamu alaikum. abdullah,. |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| BrKhalid |
| 07/18/01 at 10:50:49 |
| Asalaamu Alaikum ;-) [quote]In your opinion, which is easier: raising your daughter to be a good Muslimah or raising your son to be a good Muslim? (primarily in America but other countries can be included)[/quote] If we put environment aside for a second and ask the question: Which is easier to raise? A son or a daughter Then you can ask the question: Which is easier to raise in this type of environment? A son or a daughter If you take the Islamic education and upbringing of both as a constant (and not a variable) doesn't the question really become one of: Who does the Western society most affect? Sons or daughters Could you argue that the more one is affected by the non Islamic environment, the harder it is for their parents to raise them??? |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| Ayla_A |
| 07/18/01 at 12:53:50 |
| [s;m] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In your opinion, which is easier: raising your daughter to be a good Muslimah or raising your son to be a good Muslim? (primarily in America but other countries can be included) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Personally I think it is harder to raise boys in alot of ways, because with girls in N.American there is still the stigmatism of being a slut (though not as it once was) and girls also are more likely to stay at home to be educated (go to a local university, live at home, that sort of thing) than a boy Boys will go to a strange city, where they may or may not look for the local muslim community there to support them when they are alone. But the one thing that scares me about raising a girl, especially in a smaller community where there is not a large muslim community is the chance that they may develop crushes/fall for/sneak and date a non muslim man, where this is okay if it happens (as long as they do it islamically, not the dating part but the falling for a non-muslim woman.) So I guess raising both has there "scary" points. [wlm] Ayla |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| bhaloo |
| 07/18/01 at 13:33:56 |
| slm There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever, but I imagine it would be much more difficult to raise a girl in this society. First there is the issue of covering the awrah which is contrary to what the non-Muslims do. This must be very difficult for sisters, to have to dress differently. The second issue that comes to my mind is the issue of having to deal with non-Muslim guys [who can't seem to control their hormones] (in some cases Muslim guys) hitting on them, touching them, cat-calls, etc. Another issue is the issue of gossipping and backbiting that is so commonplace now, unfortunately. In contrast to men women need to socialize and be around others, and it is difficult to find one good practicing Muslim in any place, how will they find a group of friends? There is also the issue of travelling without a maharem that can make it difficult for sisters. There is also this pressure on sisters to get married before a certain age, otherwise they will have a difficult time finding a spouse, so it makes it difficult for them to pursue a higher education or something that requires many years of study, such as a doctor. I just think its easier being a guy, having grown up as one, and have a tremendous amount of respect for what the sisters have to go through here. Hmmm, Arsalan, Asim, didn't we already answer this question? ??? You know, the name of our little group, MOM ;) |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| Asim |
| 07/19/01 at 05:54:04 |
| Assalamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh [quote]Arsalan, Asim, didn't we already answer this question? You know, the name of our little group, MOM[/quote] hehe, the MoMs...err I mean the Men on a Mission. Arsalan and I were actually talking about that thread a few days ago. That is an example of how to discuss gender issues constructively and with a sense of humor :) For those new on the board, [url=http://www.jannah.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl/YaBB.pl?board=sisters&action=display&num=540]here is the link.[/url] I think Zahir's question can be looked at in different ways. His general question of raising children can be divided into the following questions. The goal of course is to raise good Muslims. 1. Is it more difficult to be a brother or a sister in this society? Arshad addressed this question and the above link discusses this in more detail. 2. Is it more difficult for parents to raise a girl or a boy? Like how should parents treat boys and girls, how should they protect and guide them in this society, etc? 3. Is it more difficult for boys or girls to avoid the negative influence of the society? Like how to avoid being influenced by sexual permissiveness, feminism, individualism, materialism, etc? Personally, I think raising kids in todays society is a huge huge challenge and responsibility. In some other threads people were worrying about whether they could adequately provide for kids. To me the biggest worry would be to raise them into decent and good muslims. This environment exploits children to the max and by the time they are teens they often become disrespectful, stubborn and faddish kids who dislike anything to do with religion. Really scary. So to answer the question briefly, it is hard no matter/irrespective of the gender! Wasalaam. |
| Re: Raising Muslim Children in America |
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| ZIL |
| 07/19/01 at 01:06:25 |
| Assalaamu alaikum, [quote]I think Zahir's question can be looked at in many different ways. He has to be more specific. 1. Is it more difficult to be a brother or a sister in this society? Arshad answered this question. 2. Is it more difficult for parents to raise a girl or a boy? Like how should parents impose restrictions on each gender, etc? 3. Is it more difficult for boys or girls to avoid the negative influence of the society? Like the impacts of sexual permisiveness, feminism, indepent style of living, etc?[/quote] Actually, when I posted the topic I was thinking more along the lines of a combination of #2 and #3. I'm mainly looking at it from a parent's perspective. So #2 would be the focus. I hope that clears it up. [slm] |
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