Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board
| Marriage Dilemma........ |
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| Anonymous |
| 08/02/01 at 15:09:04 |
| Asalaamalaikum Akhis and Ukths, I hope this finds everyone on this board in excellent Iman and health, Insha Allah. The following situation is a sort of a dilemma my friend is facing: My friend went to school in a little town in west Texas. While in his final year, his parents (mainly his mother) who live in Kuwait forced him to get engaged to his cousin....he excepted after a long period of pressure from his parents. This is an excerpt from a letter he wrote to me a couple of days ago: "Even during my engagement with my cousin some how my heart was always restless about her. I used to pray to Allah that he either put some love for her in my heart or find me some other way." A couple of months later he met a christian girl, she was his hair-dresser. They seemed to have taken an interest in each other and he started giving her dawah. He said that the nature of their relationship was only limited to conversations (And I tend to believe him). Then, in a few months he graduated and moved to Dallas where he is now doing his masters, while still keeping in touch with the christian girl. The girl seems to have taken a deep interest in Islam and after some research told my friend that she was willing to convert (revert) to Islam if he married her. My friend told her that if she took the Shahaadah, he was willing to talk to his parents. She took the Shahaadah a few weeks ago and now my friend is back in Kuwait. His parents are not taking this whole issue very well, as expected. His father thinks that the girl is black-mailing my friend and using that to marry him. My friend told his dad that there was nothing wrong in a woman making this condition: namely, "I'll become muslim if you marry me". Also, there is the issue of breaking the engagement with his cousin. My friend performed the Istikhara prayer and it was in the favor of the girl back in America (he said that he did the prayers with no biases). His parents are saying that the result of the Istikhara was a result of his Nafs. I think if it were upto his Nafs, he would not have bothered relating this to his parents in the first place or performing Istikhara for that matter. He is quite worried and does not want to disappoint his parents and at the same time he does not want be the cause of someone returning to Kufr. Please Advice. Jazakallah Khair. |
| Re: Marriage Dilemma........ |
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| Arsalan |
| 08/02/01 at 16:30:39 |
| [slm] What an awful situation. May Allah help the bro. Why are parents so inconsiderate sometimes? I hope our generation learns from the mistakes of our previous generations, and that we don't make the same mistakes when we become parents. I really don't know what to tell you Anon. It's a dilemma. The best thing is to get married to the American sister with the contentment of the parents. I can't say anything else ... Maybe the others can provide something more beneficial. Wassalamu alaikum. |
| Re: Marriage Dilemma........ |
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| bhaloo |
| 08/02/01 at 21:21:36 |
| slm This sounds like this situation that Sheikh Munajidd answered: Question: A very personal and difficult to explain question: I have a boy-friend who is originally from XXX, so he is a muslim. He now lives in the XXX and I live in XXX. I am a christian. He has asked me to marry him and I have agreed. The problem is .... his family. They have arranged a future wife for him, but he does notwish to marry her. But out of respect for his father he will anyway, unles I become a muslim. Then he HOPES his father will agree to our marriage. Once I knew this, I asked him, what his family would do if they found out he intends to marry a European girl. He could not really answer that question. Now my question is: Do you have any idea how the family might react, and is it likely that the father would agree if I am a muslim? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is difficult to say what their reaction will be. Most parents want their children to marry in accordance with their wishes, and in most cases they will have chosen a wife for their son from their own country, whose customs and tradition are closer to those of the society in which they live. The idea of their son marrying a western woman may be very strange for them and difficult to accept, especially if they have heard about the widespread promiscuity in the West and the freedom with which Western women enter into relationships. They may also want their son to be near them, and they may be afraid that if he marries someone overseas they will only see him rarely. They may warn him about the consequences of raising his future children in a non-Islamic environment. On the other hand, they might agree if they hear that their son is going to marry a decent, upright Muslim girl, especially if their son is going to stay on and work in the West after completing his studies, and if they give any weight to their son’s own wishes – which is a matter that differs from family to family. Whatever the case, you will not lose anything by entering Islam, whether you marry this man or not. If you become Muslim and marry this man, after you both repent from the forbidden relationship, then you will have got what you wanted. If this marriage is not destined for you, then maybe Allaah will send you another good, clean Muslim man whom you can marry and be happy with. The most important thing here is that you understand that striving to please Allaah by following His religion is more important than all other considerations. In any case, we hope that you will become Muslim and that your hopes will be realized in accordance with the laws of Allaah. Thank you for your trust and your question. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) |
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